What is polyamory, and how do people live in polygamous relationships?

Psychologists and sociologists have long been studying human nature. Family psychology deals with the psychology of relationships and marriage.

Family psychology

Since ancient times, the family has been considered the social unit of society. It is born as a result of a marital relationship between a man and a woman. Marriage and family relations of any state are regulated by legal acts. In Russia, the main documents regulating marital relations are the Constitution of the Russian Federation and the Family Code of the Russian Federation. At the same time, in different countries the attitude towards marriage is not the same: in some places polygamy and polygamy are welcomed, in others monogamous marriage and fidelity to each other are encouraged. Russia is characterized by a monogamous way of family life, while Eastern countries are characterized by polygamy.

What is the difference between monogamous and polygamous relationships

Polygamy

As follows from the previous paragraph, a polygamous person can simultaneously establish relationships with several people. Such a union can be called successful only when all its participants are completely satisfied with this state of affairs. That is, if one of the spouses starts an affair on the side without informing the other about it, then we are not talking about polygamy at all - it is simply treason.

Monogamy

It is believed that most people are still more inclined towards monogamy, and, of course, expect such an attitude towards themselves. It is worth noting that women still gravitate more towards this form of marriage, and this is not surprising, because most of the fair sex are known as homemakers. As a rule, the overwhelming number of women, even being unhappy in marriage, find it difficult to decide to cheat.

Is a person polygamous or monogamous?

The question of whether a person is polygamous is of interest to biologists and sociologists. Science does not give a definite answer; in most cases, it is believed that monogamy prevails when an individual has a desire to continue his family, but when the relationship becomes stable and the children grow up, then consistent polygamy can arise: remarriage and new offspring. Men or women who do not want to destroy their family have extramarital affairs that are carefully hidden.

Examples of monogamy in the animal world

It is generally accepted that most animals are polygamous and do not attach importance to who they mate with. Most often this happens, but not always! So, which representatives of the animal world are inclined to remain faithful to their partner?

1. Swans

The pairs that swans form can last for many years, or even until the death of one of the birds. It’s not for nothing that swans have become a kind of symbol of love for many!

2. Wolves

One of the clearest examples of devotion to your partner, which many people can only envy. If the male dies, the female usually remains alone for the rest of her life. In turn, the wolf is ready to fight with anyone for its partner and offspring.

3. Beavers

Not many people know that these small and nimble animals are amazingly faithful! While the beaver is preparing to give birth to offspring, her partner provides her with food. Subsequently, they raise the baby together for about two years, after which they release him into a free life.

4. Penguins

Penguins live in pairs for many years. After they become a couple, returning every few months to the colony, they try to find each other among the other penguins.

5. Steppe voles

When voles become mated, they produce hormones that affect certain lobes of the brain. The male is faithful to his partner and does not pay attention to other rodents.

Types of polygamy

Polygamy is an adaptive phenomenon characteristic of the animal world, and man, as a part of nature, tends to follow the manifestation of his instincts. Polygamy is divided into types:

1. Polyandry is a rare form of marriage where a woman has several husbands. Fronternal polyandry - a girl marries her brothers, such a marriage allows her to use land inheritance without dividing it. Female polygamy, as a type of relationship, is practiced by ≈ 50 nationalities and is officially legalized in the countries:

• Tibet;
• some states of India (Rajasthan, Zanskar);
• Polynesia;
• Nigeria;
• regions of the Far North.

• Polygyny is polygamy, common in eastern countries. A man is not prohibited from having up to 4 spouses; a larger number is allowed only to the ruling elite. In countries where polygyny is common, most men prefer to have one wife - this is due to economic reasons; not everyone can afford to support a “large family”.
• Group marriage - several women and men unite into a family, run a common household, and raise children together. This form of marriage was preserved in the Marquesas Islands.

Examples of female polygamy (in history, in the culture of other nations)

Female polygamy has long had a scientific definition - polyandry. According to the latest data, there are about fifty nations in the world in which this type of relationship is practiced - a woman can have more than one spouse. This phenomenon occurs among the Indian population, Eskimos, Tibet, and so on.

For example, in India, the emergence of polyandry can be explained by gender considerations. Many families have a negative attitude towards the appearance of a girl in the family and resort to abortion - the reason for this is the reluctance or inability to collect the necessary dowry. As a result, there are now far fewer women in India than men. Of course, this phenomenon is not widespread everywhere, but only in remote outbacks.

Nowadays, there are places where female polygamy is not only common - it is officially legalized. This type of relationship is quite acceptable in Nigeria and Polynesia.

Why do some peoples do this? We can consider the situation using the example of Tibet, where many citizens value their land, which often feeds them. Naturally, when sons grow up, they need to start families. Not wanting to exchange land, parents prefer to marry only their eldest son. If there are other boys in the family, then subsequently they are also considered the husbands of the only daughter-in-law in the house.

Also, polyandry once became widespread in Venezuela. A woman could live with two husbands, and after giving birth to a baby, as a rule, she did not know who his father was. As a result, two spouses assumed paternal obligations at once, which subsequently turned out quite favorably for the fate of the heir.

Reasons for polygamy

What pushes a person to multiple connections or relationships. There are several reasons for polygamy:

1. Survival
   . Since ancient times, humanity has experienced many wars, outbreaks of various epidemics, and genocide. Men died in battles, children died, and in order to somehow compensate for the balance, the instinct of procreation awakens in men through connections with several partners at once.
2. Traditions
   . Religion and the way of society play a role here. Polygamy is supported in a number of Islamic states, the reasons are also rooted in the past, when high mortality rates prevailed. Some nations still have a custom: in the event of the death of her husband, the woman and her children go under the protection of another brother, becoming his wife, even if he is married at that time.
3. Love for several at once
   . This also happens when a man or woman, being married, falls in love with another, while trying to save the family. More often these are affairs on the side, which are kept secret so as not to hurt the spouses.
4. Prestige
   . In certain business circles, having multiple mistresses provides authority.
5. Psychological complexes
   . Psychologists talk about polygamy in the modern world as an inferiority complex. “Don Juans”, “Casanovas” are afraid to build serious relationships that mean responsibility and polygamy here is a way to prove to others “how good and successful I am!”

Polygamy of men: a question that interests many

Men are polygamous by nature, is this true?

Usually women whose chosen one was caught in an attempt to cheat are forced to ask such questions. Not wanting to tolerate this state of affairs, the woman declares her readiness to break off the relationship, but the man convinces her not to rush off the handle and not hope that the next romance will be more successful, because all men are by nature prone to polygamy. Is it really?

Unfortunately, there is still some truth in these statements. A man can really show interest in several women at once - this is how nature provides. Simply put, such behavior is inherent in the genes. In the past, even before humanity found faith, earthlings were adherents of polygamy. This was not caused by licentiousness or dishonesty - this is how peoples simply survived, because large-scale wars were not uncommon then, claiming many lives. The male population always suffered in these battles, so society had an urgent need for male children. Gradually, harems began to appear.

Much has changed since then, but you shouldn’t be surprised that at the instinctive level, men still gravitate towards several women at once. Cultural society began to emerge only three thousand years ago, but polygamous relationships existed much longer!

The real problem or excuse of men who are womanizers

However, it is worth noting another important fact: yes, men are polygamous by nature, but this does not mean at all that they are not able to control their instincts! Of course, a man with a weak will will easily succumb to affairs on the side; more self-confident male representatives prefer to lead a monogamous lifestyle. Also note that some men are still more polygamous than others.

Lack of attention in childhood.

Many psychologists agree that if an adult man periodically cheats, this means that, most likely, he had problems in his childhood. More specifically, he probably lacked maternal attention. As a boy, he remembered this feeling - the need for female participation and care. Subsequently, he carries this need throughout his life, and, as a rule, the attention of one partner is not enough for him. The more often new women appear in his life, the more harmonious he feels.

Too much attention.

At the same time, there is another extreme - in childhood, a man gets used to the increased attention of a woman. We can talk about an overly caring mother, or a situation where the boy was raised by his mother and grandmother. The second case is more critical. A man, on a subconscious level, notes to himself that two women can take care of him at once, and he likes this state of affairs. As an adult, he will most likely also seek increased attention from women - this makes him more comfortable.

Benefits of Monogamy

What is the difference between a psychiatrist and a psychotherapist - who to turn to

For modern society, monogamy is considered a socially approved model of behavior. Marriage is supposed to be a union between two people of opposite sex. Any deviations from this form of marriage and family relations are considered immoral and condemned in society.

Discussions about what a monogamous and polygamous family is, and which one modern people need, have been going on for several years. From the point of view of psychologists and sociologists, monogamy is the most beneficial form of marriage and family relations. It has the following advantages:

• Monogamy provides better care for offspring.
• Polygamy requires a lot of expense, because you need to make sure that every woman is happy. It is easier to support and provide for one woman than several.
• Caring for one woman requires fewer emotional resources and allows you to save energy for doing what you love and communicating with friends.
• Polygyny sooner or later leads to quarrels between women, which negatively affect a man’s relationship with each of them.
• By bearing children from one man, in accordance with the principles of monogamy, a woman provides equal chances of success for her offspring in terms of genetic characteristics.
• Monogamy is a progressive form of marriage. This means that such a family has powerful development potential. The couple sets the goal not only to enjoy sexual contact and care for children, but also, accordingly, to ensure a successful future for their descendants, to give them a good education, and to raise them as worthy members of society.

Polygamy

• Polygamy is accompanied by serious psychological problems: constant emotional stress, rivalry, jealousy, dissatisfaction with the dual status. This means that for men, monogamy is a more advantageous relationship option, both materially and psychologically.
• The economic system of most countries determines the existence of monogamy. Determining the right of inheritance is only possible if there is documentary evidence of paternity. With multiple family relationships, establishing the right of inheritance is complicated. In addition, polygamy is economically unprofitable, as it upsets the balance of men and women in society.

Important! Scientists, discussing what monogamy and polygamy are, came to the conclusion that these are opposite characteristics inherent in female and male nature. Women are monogamous and men are polygamous. This is explained by a woman’s desire to create a family with a single chosen one and a woman’s desire to become a mother. Men are in no hurry to start a family; they strive for variety in sex and self-affirmation through the number of sexual partners. Society is more tolerant of polygamy in men than in women having multiple partners.

Why are women less likely to engage in polygamy?

Female monogamy can be fully explained - just like male polygamy, it was inherent in nature. This is the way it is now, and it was established many centuries ago - it is predominantly women who have the fate of raising children and being the custodians of home comfort and hearth.

It is worth noting that both spouses may be inclined towards polygamy, but the fair sex usually has more restraining factors - in the old days they simply had no time to look for new chosen ones.

Also, one cannot leave aside their hormonal background, which helps a woman take care of her children. Of course, this point, as a rule, prevents the establishment of numerous sexual partners.

Polygamy in Christianity

Polygamous relationships are suppressed by the Christian denomination and are considered unacceptable. The Bible is replete with examples of polygamy. The Holy Fathers explain this by the Fall of man, because even in the Garden of Eden God entered into a monogamous union between Adam and Eve. The Old Testament is “replete” with polygamous relationships and only in the New Testament, according to the teachings of the first Apostle Paul, marriage appears as a sacred sacrament of two people: “let the husband cleave to his wife, and the wife to her husband,” everything else is adultery and sin.

What history and religion say about polygamy

In world religion, issues about polygamy periodically appear on the agenda, but it cannot be said that this topic has gained some kind of transparency and unified opinion over time. From time to time it still becomes a cause of controversy.

Previously, there was an opinion that this phenomenon first appeared among the Muslim people. However, this theory is already considered erroneous. As it turned out, many centuries ago, different segments of the population were inclined towards polygamy, and one wife for several husbands was not uncommon. As already mentioned, this was due to the fact that many men died in battle, and the survivors considered it their duty to leave as many other healthy offspring as possible. Of course, in these situations, women gradually began to feel disadvantaged, because in essence they were used only for reproduction. At the same time, it was considered a great joy and blessing if a boy was born into the world, but the appearance of a girl made few people happy.

But Islam, in turn, has significant differences from the described tradition. Muslims have established certain restrictions on polygamy.

First of all, it is important to note that a Muslim cannot have an infinite number of women - he is allowed to marry no more than four chosen ones. It is also worth clarifying that polygamy in Islam is not at all a prerequisite - it is the choice of each individual family, and nothing more. Many Muslims prefer to live with one woman, and consider this as natural as possible for themselves.

There are reasons why polygamy is encouraged in Islam. The first of them is that polygamy has been applicable since ancient times where there are significantly fewer men than women. At the same time, no one wants to be left without a husband, and every woman needs male protection. Having failed to become the first wife of her chosen one, the Muslim woman agrees to become the second, third or fourth. In this case, it cannot be said that women's rights are violated. Rather, they feel protected, and such a marriage is preferable to them than living alone.

What is monogamy

Monogamy is a traditional marriage union between a man and a woman based on mutual love. The woman in a monogamous family is faithful to her husband, and the man is faithful to his wife. This form of family relationships has existed for many millennia. Historians claim that this form of relations between the opposite sex appeared long before man began to be considered reasonable.

The primitive man protected only the woman with whom he had regular sex. He did not take part in raising children, but he provided his woman with food and protected her from other men. At first, women preferred the strongest man, but over time they began to value qualities such as attentiveness and caring.

In modern society there is such a thing as external monogamy. What is this type of monogamy? This is a relationship between a married man or a married woman with someone on the side. In this case, monogamy and polygamy are observed simultaneously.

In addition, sociologists say that serial monogamy has appeared in modern society. What it is? This social phenomenon involves a person having several marriages throughout his life. At the same time, partners are faithful to each other in marriage, but one day the relationship ends in divorce. Each of the participants in this union enters into a new relationship, a new marriage.

Happy marriage after divorce

Attention! Studying the nature of gender relations, scientists came to the conclusion that monogamy is a law that is inherent in animals and is unquestioningly observed in communities of predators. In a wolf pack or pride of lions, males organize fights in which the winner receives a “prize” - a female. Another example of the animal kingdom being monogamous is swan fidelity. Regarding the human nature of relationships, experts are in no hurry to claim that it is characterized by monogamy, because there are many examples of polygamous behavior of people.

Who is a polygamous woman?

Every psychologist should know what a polygamous woman means. The meaning of the term polygamy comes from the Latin polygamy - many partners. This phenomenon occurs much more often than it might seem. It is characterized by the following features:

The presence of several permanent partners for one lady; A woman’s ability to give equal attention to all men; Long duration of such situation; The woman’s own perception of this state of affairs as a norm or standard to which other people should strive.

The tendency towards polygamy is largely determined by heredity; ethnic and socio-psychological factors are also important.

What is "Snow White Syndrome"

You can explain in simple words that this is polygamy of women using the example of a fairy-tale character. In psychology, a polygamous woman is often compared to Snow White, the heroine of a popular German folk tale and Walt Disney cartoon. When the beauty got lost in the forest, she found a house where seven dwarves lived and became the leader among them. The dwarves served her, fulfilling all her wishes, and everyone was happy with this situation until a handsome prince appeared on the horizon. Such “Snow Whites” are also found among modern ladies.

In the Disney cartoon, Snow White is a dazzling beauty who is served by seven gentlemen - forest gnomes

Polygamy in Judaism

Among Jews, the phenomenon of polygamy - polygamy has been common since ancient times. Only wealthy people could afford several wives. The Torah, the sacred scripture of the Jews, prescribed having a second wife if the first one was barren or weak. In the 11th century, Rabbi Meor Gershom decreed a 1,000-year-old decree requiring no more than one wife and prohibiting divorce without her consent. Modern Jews are in favor of returning polygamy in order to correct the demographic situation in Israel; in their opinion, the 1000-year period has already ended.

Debauchery and polygamy9

It is worth considering in detail the situation when a person tries to justify his infidelity by polygamy. If a cheater claims that he is destined by nature to have several partners, then why is his mistress the wife of another person?

Another situation is when the husband declares that at the same time he fell in love with another girl, but does not want to break off the relationship. He is ready to provide for two families. But even in this case, the reason for such behavior cannot be called natural mechanisms; most likely, there is a desire to get new sensations with another person, because in the overwhelming majority of these cases, the “second wife” is the complete opposite of the legal spouse, in terms of age and outlook.

Also, polygamy and promiscuity should not be confused. The latter is a line of sexual behavior in which a person often changes sexual partners. People have many “flattering” synonyms for such behavior (many of them are obscene), the most harmless of which is frivolity. So when a “fickle” person declares his commitment to polygamy, he should be reminded of the difference between these concepts. By the way, psychologists call promiscuity a sexual disorder.

Few people would want to share their loved one with another person. Of course, if there is no question of the survival of the species. This is why monogamous marriage is the best form of strong relationship.

Polygamy in Islam

Polygamy among Muslims is a common and widespread phenomenon, based on the ancient way of life. Common in areas where there are more women. What is polygamy among Muslim peoples:

• any man has the right to take several wives;
• everyone decides for themselves whether to take advantage of this right or not;
• marital relations should be fair and equal for everyone;
• If a man cannot provide for more than one wife, polygamy is prohibited for him.

The Koran instructs:

• provide equal attention to spouses and children born from them;
• Material assets should not be given out of preference; equitable distribution is important.

Male polygamy

The issue of male polygamy has always been the subject of long-term debate and today also has both supporters and ardent opponents. Most people believe that men are polygamous by nature, which, by the way, is often cited as an excuse for their infidelity.

To some extent, they are right: polygamy is indeed inherent at the genetic level, but not in all men. A representative of the stronger sex, who has a predisposition to polygamous relationships, is able to experience strong feelings for two or more women at the same time.

Polygamous relationships are actively practiced among Muslims, but this does not mean that men are allowed to have countless wives. It has its own strict restrictions, namely: it is allowed to have no more than four legal chosen ones. But despite this, not all men strive to acquire a kind of harem; most often they prefer to start a family with one woman, they are more comfortable that way.

Muslim women are calm about the practice of polygamy, since from early childhood they are instilled with the conviction that if it does not work out to become the first wife, then it is better to be the second, third or fourth than to remain lonely and without the protection and support of a strong man.

Important

Don't forget that in many cultures that support the idea of ​​polygamy, such a tradition is due to certain conditions, such as low population sizes.

Among other things, it is worth considering a number of factors that may cause the formation of male polygamy:

Lack of parental attention. A child who in childhood was deprived of attention from his parents, in particular his mother, feels a certain inner emptiness and dissatisfaction. As an adult man, he drowns out these feelings through numerous affairs with women.

Increased attention from the fair sex helps him feel more confident and the more women appear on his life’s path, the better he feels.

Excessive attention to one's own person. If a man has been accustomed since childhood to overprotection and increased attention from his mother and other female relatives, then he begins to take care of himself by several women at once for granted.

As an adult, he takes polygamous relationships for granted; after all, he cannot easily get rid of the childhood habit of being the center of attention of several women.

Important

It is worth understanding that despite the inherent instincts, a man is quite capable of controlling his needs and romantic impulses. If a man really loves and respects his chosen one, he will never hurt her with betrayal and betrayal.