Inferiority complex, what is it and what does it mean in psychology: how to get rid of this feeling and overcome the syndrome

Inferiority complex is a set of negative feelings manifested in the form of anxiety, inferiority and shame, which are based on the perception of one's shortcomings in an unfavorable light as a result of comparing oneself with other people.

In most cases, the inferiority complex is associated with physical disabilities, i.e. a negative attitude towards one’s own appearance, but its origins may also lie in social status, intelligence, personal qualities and character traits.

Some people struggle with feelings of inferiority for many years, while others suffer from it their entire lives. And, of course, when suffering, a person considers himself unhappy.

As a result, the problem in question can lead to the destruction of relationships, poor lifestyle choices, or depression.

Having an inferiority complex means that you focus on your shortcomings and constantly compare yourself to other people.

And although everyone has flaws, if you have an inferiority complex, your obsessive flaw is the only thing you constantly notice about yourself.

The causes of an inferiority complex are varied, but many of them are most common at an early age.

For example, it is quite possible that your parents got it into your head as a child that you are not good enough at something, or an event associated with harsh criticism at school left a deep imprint on your mind.

The opposite of an inferiority complex is a superiority complex, which is caused by your belief that you are better than everyone else. Often a superiority complex is a veiled inferiority complex.

An intermediate life position between the two above-mentioned complexes is the natural golden mean, when you do not worry about your shortcomings and are not trying to prove anything to anyone.

The inferiority complex is reminiscent of the musical melody that was put on “Repeat”, as a result of which this annoying composition does not stop playing in your head, repeating over and over again “She is so beautiful. She will never date someone like me.”, “I’m fat.”, “I’m short.”, “I’m insecure.”, “I’ll never get this job.”, “I’m not smart enough.”… blah blah blah.

However, if you do not have the talent, qualities, skills, drive or audacity required to achieve the outcome you desire, then you will only continue to add fuel to the fire of your complex, whether you like it or not.

And how long will you continue to torture yourself? Maybe it's time for a change?!

What is an inferiority complex

What does inferiority complex mean? This is a set of negative emotions that manifest themselves as anxiety, a feeling of shame, and confidence in one’s inferiority. All of them are based on the results of comparing oneself with other people.

Most often, an inferiority complex develops in people with physical disabilities. They just hate their appearance. Development can also be affected by social status, intelligence, character, and personal qualities.

Some people have been struggling with the complex for several years. Others suffer from it for the rest of their lives. This leads to serious problems, ranging from depression to the destruction of relationships with family and friends.

The concept of “inferiority complex” was introduced by the Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler. He initially applied it to children. In his opinion, every child suffers from such a complex to one degree or another. But this happens due to psychophysiological characteristics.

Remember how, as a child, you also said what you would do when you grow up. In childhood, this attitude towards oneself encourages one to change for the better and grow. But sometimes, under the influence of a number of negative factors, the situation only gets worse.

Many adults are small, resentful children inside. They do not know what safety is, do not believe in themselves and their strengths, and acutely feel helpless. At the same time, they really want to feel love and happiness. And they receive them, but in some perverted way. They show aggression, constantly fight for power and prove personal superiority.

The most famous female complexes

Inferiority complex

This can include too large breasts and, conversely, very small ones, lack of a waist and legs that start immediately from the neck, and at the same time the curvature of these legs, large ears, irregular noses, “flattened” feet, etc. Barely appearing in front of the mirror in the morning, the woman is already looking for these shortcomings, worrying, jumping on the scales, pinning her husband against the wall with traditional questions - “Am I not too fat?”, “Don’t you think that my nose is like a potato?”, “Do I really, really have beautiful legs? " Low self-esteem becomes a reason for depression, forgoing pleasure, for expensive, meaningless operations and for the emergence of new complexes. As a rule, the blame for these complexes lies with the woman herself. It is she who comes up with difficulties for herself, so that she can then heroically overcome them. Although, it often happens that the culprits of complexes are overly “honest” or simply unceremonious partners.
"I am fat!"

This phrase, through the sobs and crunch of the cake that is used to eat away grief, can be heard from a woman of any age. Today, even fifteen-year-old girls, horrified to discover a couple of extra centimeters on their hips, rush to the monitor in search of the best diet for quick weight loss. What can we say about older young ladies, for whom the covers of fashion magazines are the most powerful source of stress. Depression caused by excess weight, in turn, is relieved by the traditional method - sweets and other goodies. The result is a vicious circle. But before you go on a strict diet (for example, the Margarita Koroleva diet) and panic, it makes sense to consult a doctor (for example, an endocrinologist). It is quite possible that extra pounds are a consequence of some kind of disorder in the body.
Postpartum complex

This is a real “treasury” of complexes: a sagging belly, stretch marks on the chest, abdomen and hips, excess weight, fatigue on the face, and, among other things, loss of libido, which, although temporary, seems irreversible against the background of general stress. Every mother goes through this, and the only advice here is to wait out this period, be patient and not neglect your body. Finding at least fifteen minutes a day to keep your body in normal physical shape is not a problem. Read how to get rid of stretch marks at home. It all depends on desire. With the help of regular exercise, proper nutrition and self-confidence, you can restore the shape of your breasts and tighten your stomach. Libido won't go away - it will return. As for stretch marks, they will become less noticeable over time.
"I am old!" This complex “covers” women at different periods of life, depending on the circumstances. Some - after 20 years, others - after 30-40. What is he? To put it in three words – “My train has left!” Like, nothing shines in this life anymore, and all the best is behind us. Dancing at a party is not according to your status, dressing fashionably is not according to your age, laughing heartily, having fun and doing reckless nonsense is also too late and generally ridiculous. In fact, age is just a state of mind. Live not yesterday - today. Dream, laugh, throw out tricks, be yourself and don’t be afraid to seem ridiculous. There is only one life, no one will give it to another.
Cellulite

No matter how beautifully men sing to us that the intelligence and inner world of a woman are more important to them, we stubbornly convince ourselves that cellulite crosses out all our advantages. In fact, no scientist has yet given a clear explanation of the reason for the appearance of orange peel. Although there are a lot of versions - from excess estrogen to abuse of coffee with milk. Be that as it may, cellulite remains one of the main women's complexes and one of the bottomless sources of profit for every beauty salon.
Guilt complex

This complex can manifest itself in completely different forms: feelings of guilt before children, before relatives, before others, etc. In the consciousness of every woman there is an ideal to which she strives. Any deviations from the ideal create a guilt complex - “I’m a bad mother”, “I’m an inattentive wife”, etc. Sometimes it comes to the point that when an innocent woman is accused of any offense, she begins to hide her eyes and make excuses, feeling guilty for something she didn't do. What should I do? First, understand that you can't please everyone. Secondly, learn to love yourself. This does not mean becoming selfish. This means stop jumping over your head and taking more than you can carry.
Complex “I have a disgusting character! No one can get along with me!” This complex follows us from childhood. “Just like your father!”, “What a character!”, “How are you going to get married with such a character!” etc. As a result, we suffer unbearably from our emotionality, stubbornness, hot temper or excessive pliability. We try to change ourselves and from the futility of these attempts we become depressed. What to do with this complex? And is it necessary to do anything at all? If this complex significantly spoils your life, those around you suffer from you, and you suffer from your character, then it makes sense to work on real shortcomings, eliminate imaginary ones, and also take a course of psychological training. And if this complex is present only in your head, and your “bad character” irritates a couple of colleagues and a grumpy relative, then it is not the situation that needs to be changed, but your attitude towards it.
Complex “Nobody needs me.” From the same series - “Nobody will love me”, “Everyone is leaving me”, etc.

The roots of the complex are, again, from childhood. It is based on an inferiority complex, and is complemented by a guilt complex. This phenomenon is caused by dislike in childhood, lack of attention and participation from parents. In the process of growing up, the acute desire for attention to oneself is overgrown with a far-fetched conclusion - “there is something wrong with me,” “I’m probably not worthy of attention.” As a result, an attractive adult woman, accomplished in every sense, cannot arrange her personal life. Because she initially considers herself unworthy of love and subconsciously hides from it. Men, feeling uncertainty and “strangeness,” or, on the contrary, a clear desire to “find at least someone,” scatter in different directions. If this problem is so serious that it ruins your life, it makes sense to consult a psychologist. And focus your energy on gaining self-confidence. Even on the Internet today there is a lot of useful literature on this topic.

Signs of an inferiority complex

An inferiority complex has pronounced signs. The appearance of at least one of them should alarm. People suffering from this problem live with fear. They are afraid of making mistakes, they try to please others and meet their expectations. Sometimes they completely forget about their desires and needs.

Diffidence

A person has such low self-esteem that he does not allow himself to make plans, fulfill desires and dreams, or strive for meaningful results. And first of all, this affects the psycho-emotional sphere. The individual does not know how to make decisions, is afraid to act, and feels constant tension.

People with an inferiority complex do not know in which area they would like to realize themselves. They may be dreaming about something, but they constantly push the dream into the background. At the same time, they consider themselves not smart or capable enough.

Signs

I will describe in more detail the symptoms characteristic of the “inferior” state.

Feeling worthless

People's opinions are perceived by a complex individual not as erroneous, but as certainly true. Instead of rationally analyzing his strengths and weaknesses, he becomes fixated on other people's negative assessments, belittling his own merits.

Increased sensitivity to criticism

It assumes an exaggerated idea of the importance of what others might think or say about a person. When someone points out certain mistakes or shortcomings, a feeling of vulnerability arises, as well as a mixture of anger and shame.

The thought of being judged negatively by society

The complexist believes that other people a priori do not take him seriously, do not express sympathy for him, even if they voice the opposite. When he is in company, he cannot get rid of constantly comparing himself with others, and every time he finds proof of his own insignificance.

Envy and searching for other people's shortcomings

A person with an inferiority complex is prone to jealousy and moping when he sees someone happy. In order not to experience such feelings, he looks for flaws in people, thereby slightly rising above them in his eyes.

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Thirst for flattery

The complexist not only loves compliments, he is addicted to them. He wants to be good for everyone, to hear praise addressed to him, although he often does not know how to accept it and denies the truth of what was said.

Perfectionism and anxiety

A complex person does not like competition because he hates losing. Defeat is another reason to feel like a failure. Plus, any mistake is perceived as a failure (excellence student syndrome).

Submission

Lack of motivation stems from the belief that no matter how hard you try, you will not achieve success. As a result, the complexist prefers to do nothing to change his situation. Over time, this attitude leads to the death of personal hopes and aspirations. And when a person does not have his own goals, others will happily impose them on him.

Reasons for the complex

According to Adler, the inferiority complex is a consequence of the fear of loneliness, the fear of feeling superfluous, useless, rejected. Also, according to the scientist, most often the complex arises in childhood. It is then that the child experiences a number of restrictions, which, as stated above, are associated with his age characteristics.

Other causes of an inferiority complex are:

physical or cosmetic defects;
lack of independence skills and conditions for their formation;
overprotection, excessive control, suppression of personality on the part of parents;
lack of parental attention in childhood;
psychological trauma, for example, divorce, life in an orphanage, various types of violence;
discrimination;
failures that resulted in unnecessary criticism from others.

It is worth noting that both excessive and insufficient attention from parents can lead to the development of an inferiority complex in a child. In both cases, he does not have the opportunity to become independent, self-confident, and self-sufficient.

In simple terms, suppression of a child’s individuality in childhood leads to an inferiority complex.

It is noteworthy that a number of others develop simultaneously with this condition. Most often it is a superiority complex. It is easy to define: a person behaves extremely arrogantly, constantly brags, and tries to increase low self-esteem by humiliating others.

Inferiority complex in men

In men, an inferiority complex is a consequence of an excess or lack of maternal love. It manifests itself in unmotivated aggression, arrogance, and attachment to things that emphasize masculinity.

In psychology, there are several forms of inferiority complex in men:

King David syndrome. A man tries to “slow down” aging by choosing a young girl as a companion.
The boss syndrome is a constant emphasis on one’s virtues and masculinity.
Napoleon syndrome is ambition, vanity, a painful desire to always succeed in everything.
Fear of sexual problems.
Lost Energy Syndrome. It most often develops in men over 50 years of age.
Lot's syndrome - fear of giving one's daughter away in marriage.
Hercules syndrome - dependence on a woman in terms of finances, etc.
Kotovsky syndrome - shaving hair so that no one notices baldness.
Don Juan syndrome is a quick break in relationships with absolutely all girls.

Inferiority complex in women

In women, one of the main reasons for the development of the complex is appearance. It has its own signs:

non-acceptance of external data, physique;
denial of being female;
non-acceptance of male representatives;
constant feeling of guilt;
fear of being alone;
worries that inner potential has never been revealed;
the certainty that no one loves a woman and cannot love her.

A woman who suffers from an inferiority complex is not confident in herself. She becomes withdrawn, too self-critical. She devalues everything she has achieved.

I'm a bad mother

Women also experience a lot of anxiety due to the fact that they do not cope well with their role as a mother when they already have a child.

When we are talking about a baby, such experiences most often arise in those same owners of the cutaneous-visual ligament of vectors. In the psyche of such a woman, who is evolutionarily “not giving birth,” there is no natural maternal instinct, like the rest. Therefore, such a mother is often afraid of harming the baby, doing something wrong, crushing her in her sleep, and the like. At first, she does not feel love for the child; he may even seem to her like an ugly, wrinkled red lump.

In fact, such a mother may well develop a connection with her child over time, but of a different kind.

The connection is emotional. It is formed gradually, along with the child growing up, and gives both great sensual fulfillment. For such a relationship to develop successfully, only one thing is required - the mother’s good condition.

There are other women who reproach themselves for being bad mothers. Oddly enough, these are women who are destined by nature to be the best, ideal mothers - owners of an anal-visual combination of vectors.

Their complexes partly arise precisely because they fail to become the ideal mother (we talked above about the desire of such people for perfection). And it happens that in bad conditions (resentment, sexual frustration, personal and everyday unsettledness), such a woman lashes out at what is most dear to her - her children. He may shout, even hit. And then he worries painfully and reproaches himself. There is only one solution here - serious conditions need to be gotten rid of before they cause irreparable damage to both mother and child. After the training “System-vector psychology” by Yuri Burlan, the situation changes so much that mother and children begin to live in perfect harmony. Listen to what Anastasia says about this:

Social failure

When a woman complains that she cannot find a good job or take a worthy place in society, often behind this there is a whole tangle of psychological problems that need to be solved. Problems in a couple or loneliness, and problems with children can also affect this. It is always difficult for an exhausted woman, tired of life, to find a “place in the sun”; any employer will choose an energetic, joyful employee who is “on fire” with his work.

But there are also special cases. About 5% of women naturally have the properties of a sound vector. Their desires lie beyond the material world: they want to understand why they live, what is the meaning of everything that is around. When the answers to these internal questions are not found, then everything else fades and does not matter.

It happens that such a woman occupies a high position, has any material wealth and a wonderful family, but is still deeply depressed. In such a state, any achievements among people seem to her like “dust”, all the “regalia” and titles received from this world are useless props. There is a feeling that you were born for something global, you can change the world, but in fact, all that you manage to do is vanity of vanities.

Why is an inferiority complex dangerous?

An inferiority complex provokes the development of a number of mental disorders:

thoughts of suicide;
dependence on other people, living conditions, certain habits;
neuroses;
chronic depression;
degradation;
persistent feelings of guilt, self-pity, self-flagellation;
destruction of relationships, family breakdown;
loneliness, isolation, an attempt to completely exclude contact with the outside world.

As you can see, an inferiority complex entails very disastrous consequences. And the saddest thing is that many of them are irreversible.

How to get rid of an inferiority complex

You can treat an inferiority complex either independently or with the help of a specialist, for example, a psychoanalyst. The main thing is to understand and eradicate the reason why it appeared.

Self-treatment

The first and most important rule is to find out what led to the development of the problem. It's easy to do. First, you need to think again about situations where hurtful words were spoken to you. You don't necessarily really deserve them. The second step is to relive and let go of the grievances. Understand that all people can make mistakes.

There are other recommendations:

Learn to look at yourself through a positive lens. Find positive qualities and advantages in yourself. Remember all your successes and achievements. Write them down on a piece of paper and review them from time to time.
Work on your weaknesses. Remember, you can get rid of them. Find your motivation. This could be reading self-development books, attending seminars and trainings, listening to audio books, or meeting successful people. Take every opportunity to change for the better.
Take criticism less sensitively. Most often, it is not directed at you personally, but at your actions or the situation as a whole. Remember that in psychology, an inferiority complex is, first of all, not the remarks themselves, but how you react to them.
Learn to accept compliments adequately. Do not look for a catch in the words of the person speaking them. Thank you for your kind words. If you are sure of insincerity, simply move the conversation to another topic.
Keep a diary. Just don’t need to write down everything that happens to you. Let this be a diary of your successes and achievements. This is a good way to combat an inferiority complex, another proof that you have something to be proud of.
Love yourself. No, of course, you shouldn't become a narcissist. It's about healthy self-esteem. A simple exercise will help you raise it. Standing in front of the mirror, say something good about yourself, give compliments.
Don't compare yourself to other people. This is the biggest mistake. Remember, you are an individual. Under any circumstances, remain yourself.
Play sports, change your image. All this will give you self-confidence. Don't be afraid to change, even if the changes are drastic.

How to deal with inferiority complexes in relationships

Being ashamed of your body is a complex thing.
Being embarrassed to have sex in the light is a complex squared.
Being shy about oral sex is an exponentially complex problem. Inferiority complexes, seasoned with a dose of puritanism, are perhaps our national peculiarity. How to treat them - fight or make peace?..

One day, a respectable friend of mine (who has seen everything in his 45-year bachelorhood) said the following phrase: “Glory to complexes! They help filter out cubic zirconias that no one needs from life, which at first glance may seem like quite satisfactory diamonds.” To my timid protests: “How can it be... do you men really measure us all by the same standard...” - he answered briefly and clearly: “No matter how terrible it may sound, a woman’s complex is imprinted on her forehead, like yesterday’s bruise. She will try to disguise it, but by the evening the foundation will no longer serve faithfully. It’s the same in life.” How is it in life, what “tone” will hide all the flaws, is it worth fighting the problem from the inside and is it necessary to hide it in principle?

My God, what a shame!

In life, each of us probably had such a friend/acquaintance/acquaintance (let's call her Ira) who caused both disgust and admiration. She was not like everyone else: her gait was different, and she laughed so much that everyone around her smiled back at her; even the shapeless tracksuit looked sexy on her luxurious figure. Of course, she had no shortage of admirers. That is, it would be more correct to say this: all the men who appeared within a kilometer radius fell at her beautiful feet. She juggled them as she wanted: one was a “pass” to an elite party, the second was an unlimited credit card, the third was a masterful “tour guide” into the world of sex, the fourth magically quoted Akhmatova and was ready to talk about love all day long, and the fifth could It was even possible to present it to my parents - my dad would probably be pleased.

The “options” of men and their number could change, but the essence remained the same: Ira was insatiable for emotions, new impressions, for life, and most of all, insatiable for sex. And, what’s most interesting, she never hid her “hunger” and was always, absolutely always confident in herself - even in stalemate situations. How did those around her look at her? Most likely, your boyfriend was very wary of such a friend - suddenly, by airborne droplets, she would infect you, such a modest person, with her frivolous moods. Your parents just shrugged their shoulders and said that they didn’t expect anything else from Ira, because her mother did this kind of thing in her youth, and it’s better not to remember her father. But your younger brother behaved differently: when Irka came to visit and, in her own way, climbed onto the sofa with her legs, exposing her magnificent calves, he simply ran into his room and, putting a glass against the wall, listened to your frank conversations about it. Of course, it wasn’t you who spoke, she said. About myself, about my feelings, about my novels, about my sexual experiments. And at that moment you were torn between “I want”, “I can” and “I have the right”. Does she have the right to lead such a lifestyle? Do I want to be the same? Can I be the same? How can I become the same? And in general, do I need all this? Because I'm not like that!

“If you think that the world of women is divided into two camps - “that way” and “not that kind” - then you will be forced to bitterly admit defeat. There are not 50:50, not even 20:80, but much less. Nevertheless, the women about whom people say: “She has no complexes” are not a utopia. They really are. They live to the fullest and are not afraid of anything new, either in life or in bed. But there are much more of all the others who have fears and complexes in their heads,” says Yulia Tolmacheva.

Where are the complexes buried?

“I bet I can find in each of your friends at least two sexual complexes that prevent them from living?” — my 45-year-old friend suggested smartly. Women's curiosity, of course, answered with consent, and now we are already scrolling through our friends' profiles on Instagram, to the accompaniment of my stories about the most charming, attractive, successful and sexy girls in the capital. “How naive you are,” he laughs. “Well, they’re all notorious people.” And in the manner of the philosopher Roland Barthes, he began to list various fairy-tale heroines, assuring that it was there that the dog (or rather, the complexes) was buried.

“Several decades ago, Western scientists decided to classify sexual complexes. For clarity, they drew parallels with book heroines, and when they compared their stories and quite real ones (from professional practice), they came to the conclusion that they have a lot in common,” our expert confirms my boyfriend’s conclusions.

Well, let's find out who is who and try on these images for ourselves. Maybe we'll find something in common with them.

Diana

My school friend Olesya has been in love with Vitalik from a parallel class all her life, and now she leads a measured family life (with him, of course), maneuvering between the kitchen and the nursery. She assures that sex is not the main thing in life. One day, having quarreled with her husband, they decided to go all out, but things didn’t go beyond a platonic romance with Alexander from the fitness club. “She just loves her husband and at some point realized that she could never cheat on him,” I defended my friend. However, my friend could not be convinced - he called Olesya Diana. The same Diana, who in Roman mythology is the goddess of femininity.

“Usually such women are raised by church-going parents, or old-school grandparents, or mothers who themselves have become victims of sexual abuse. Most likely, they live with one man for a long time, and if they are looking, they prefer a platonic relationship and postpone sex until later. And when this moment does come, the Diana women do not get much joy and pleasure from carnal pleasures,” says Yulia Tolmacheva.

Alice

Neighbor Marina reminds me of Charlotte from the movie Sex and the City. She loves men, flirting, sex, but has one interesting feature. She immediately begins to consider each of her suitors (even the one who simply gave her his business card in the morning in a coffee shop) as her admirer. And as soon as you give him a bouquet of roses or a bottle of selective perfume, he already elevates him to the rank of groom and mentally chooses the cut of the diamond on the engagement ring. My friend immediately called her Alice in Wonderland. Yulia Tolmacheva gave her verdict:

“Of course, a woman’s imagination can draw other sketches. But there is a danger in this - the fictional at one point risks crowding out the real from life. Alice women always mentally “refinement” their partners or create for themselves the image of the ideal person they dream of finding. And when they find it, they start dreaming again. The success of such a relationship will depend on the man. Or rather, from his ability and desire to play this game and constantly “catch up” with his beloved’s fantasies, including in sex.”

Athena

For many, my friend Katya is a clear example of what a modern woman should be. A week after giving birth, she arrived at her digital company with her newborn daughter, not wanting to manage the process remotely. One fine day, her husband, a successful jeweler, tired of this rhythm, asked Katya to make a choice: to become a normal wife or to continue building her own empire. Of course, without him. The marriage broke up, but Katya is not discouraged. Younger fans have appeared in her circle, who, as she assures, unlike her husband, understand her one, two, three times.

“They say about such girls: “I gave birth to a son, planted a tree, built a house.” They often occupy top positions in business and even at home are in no hurry to take off the mask of Athena,” comments Yulia Tolmacheva. “She always makes decisions about purchases, she also chooses a vacation spot, and, of course, she decides where to invest profits. A strong man is uncomfortable with a woman with an Athena complex who wants to take his place. Therefore, Athenian women often surround themselves with younger, inexperienced lovers who will look up to them.”

Cinderella

As long as we have known Yana, she has always been in a state of anticipation. Waiting for her prince. Moreover, she left her four exes - very respectable men - a few months after the wedding. Cinderella, my counterpart immediately characterizes Yana. And again he turns out to be right.

“This is a typical Cinderella complex,” confirms Yulia Tolmacheva. — It manifests itself in an expectant and passive position. She dreams and does not see real potential partners and, like a princess in a tower, is waiting for a handsome man on a white horse. In sex she is the same as in life, she prefers not to polish what she has, but to wait for another, which, as it seems to her, will definitely be better than the previous one.”

Madame Bovary

Toma considers any claim against her husband justified. She is pleased that he earns a lot, but demands that he be home at seven in the evening. She is delighted with his gallantry, but prefers that he hit the table with his fist to defend his opinion. She wants him to turn from a darling in pajamas into a wild lover who knows the entire range of the sex shop around the corner.

“The name of this complex was given by Jules de Gautier after the heroine of Flaubert’s novel,” our expert comments. — The “Bovarism complex” is a dangerous thing; it is always associated with the egoistic direction of the individual. Such ladies consider themselves better than others and believe that they deserve the best, and not what they have in the present. They often turn the lives of their loved ones into unbearable suffering, making them victims of their ambition and tyranny. And at the same time they themselves are never happy.”

Messalina

A friend calls my friend Alina Massalina. As long as I’ve known her, I’ve watched Alina persistently arouse the hostility of those around her with her relaxed (and sometimes overly relaxed) behavior and at the same time admire her freedom of views. For her, there are no barriers either to the man’s social status or to intimate requests, even the most extravagant ones.

“Despite her young age, the Roman Messalina, the wife of Emperor Claudius, was particularly sexually sophisticated,” recalls Yulia Tolmacheva. “For such modern women, a man is also an object of hunting, another trophy in the collection of lovers and new intimate sensations. The complex can develop in women who, for one reason or another, in childhood did not receive the necessary portion of love, warmth and care from loved ones. In adult life they try to fill this gap, but they do not always succeed.”

From fairy tale to reality

Having found out who is who, we were puzzled by the question: is it necessary to change something in this fabulous plot of life, constantly repeating: “I’m not like that.” Is it possible that timid Diana, who urgently demands to turn off the light as soon as her bra strap falls off her shoulders, suddenly turns into Messalina, alternating anal sex with oral sex? Should the domineering Athena, accustomed to setting the tone and pace in sex, transform into the ever-waiting Cinderella? Will Alice feel comfortable with the “knight and libertine” complex?

“You need to work on your complexes,” our expert advises. — If we are talking about a banal rejection of your body, it is worth working with self-esteem. If you are indifferent to sex, seek help from a sexologist. But at the same time, do not destroy your individuality, do not have a complex in front of your own unique personality.”