Oedipus complex and Electra complex: signs, causes

August 19, 2019
Psychology of Personality
Marusya the Cat

The Oedipus complex manifests itself in boys in the early stages of development. The child begins to position himself as a man and falls in love with his own mother, since she is the first closest woman in his life. A similar situation arises in girls when the baby feels attracted to the first man in her life - her father. This condition is called the Electra complex.

Meaning of the concept

The great scientist Sigmund Freud wrote many works on the causes of the development of mental and neurotic diseases in humans. In 1910, his small book “On a Special Type of Object Choice in Men” was published. From it, people learned what the Oedipus complex is; this term has become widespread among specialists in this industry. According to Freud, this is an unconscious or conscious erotic attraction of a child to a parent of the opposite sex and an ambivalent expression of feelings towards a parent of the same sex.

This discovery became key in the psychoanalytic theory of Sigmund Freud. According to his version, the complex is the main source of the development of all neurotic diseases. Solving this problem will be the key to a person’s mental health, while ignoring the concept will lead to the most dire consequences.

origin of name

The name "Oedipus complex" is taken from Sophocles' tragedy "Oedipus the King". According to the mythical story, the ancient Greek king Laius received a prediction that he would die at the hands of his son. Frightened, Lai ordered his servant to kill the baby. The servant took pity on the child and handed him over to the shepherd, who, in turn, handed him over to the ruler of his kingdom. The king made the boy his adopted son and gave him the name Oedipus. Having matured, the guy learned about the prophecy and hastened to leave the kingdom so as not to endanger his father. On his way he met an old man, an argument ensued between them, and Oedipus killed him.

Oedipus followed to Thebes, where the people appointed him king. The previous ruler was killed by an unknown person, so the guy married his wife, a lonely queen. After some time, it turned out that Oedipus was the terrible killer of the king (his own father), unknowingly becoming the husband of his own mother and the father of their common children.

When the terrible truth surfaced, Oedipus became blind from grief and anxiety. His mother hanged herself for a similar reason.

Freud's theory through the eyes of modern psychoanalysts

In psychology, the Oedipus complex is a controversial theory. Modern psychoanalysts have their own point of view on this matter. According to Carl Gustav Jung, girls do not experience homosexual attraction to their mother (Freud argued the opposite), but only have sexual attraction to their father. They perceive their mother more as a rival.

Alfred Adler insisted that such a complex was nothing more than simple spoiling. He regarded the child’s sexual experience as permissiveness (the child is allowed everything he wants).

Erich Fromm only partly agrees with Freud's statements. He believes that there is no sexual attraction on the part of the child. The baby does not feel jealous of his father, he simply tries to defend his freedom and independence.

Treatment

In adulthood, the complex is burdened with neuroses and stress, so treatment is complex. As a rule, psychotherapy sessions and medication are needed. The difficulty of treatment is that it is necessary not to completely break the connection with the mother, but to reduce it to an acceptable, normal level. At the same time, it is necessary to establish relations with the father and restore the image of the male self within the client himself. At the same time, we need to work on independence, determination, and the growing up of a boy locked in the body of an adult man. This developmental feature is associated with a shift in roles within the family.

Three states of the complex

The Oedipus complex can manifest itself in different directions: it is a hostile attitude towards representatives of one’s own, the opposite, or all sexes. As a result of this analysis, Freud identified three main conditions. It is proposed to consider them using the example of a male child:

Positive. This is a complex in which a child is attracted to the opposite sex, but shows a hostile attitude towards his own (the boy strives for his mother and does not love his father).
Negative. The child gravitates towards a representative of his own sex, but has a negative attitude towards the opposite (the boy is friendly with his father, but does not respect his mother).
Complete. The kid is aggressive towards representatives of both sexes (the boy is jealous and hates both of his parents).

Why is it dangerous?

Secretly, the boy begins to dream about the disappearance of his father, but at the same time he feels like a traitor to the latter.

At the same time, being able to evaluate the world purely through a personal prism, the child “reasonably” suspects that the father has the same thoughts, but in relation to the offspring.

So many contradictions cause discomfort in a fragile psyche, very exhaust the child , and instill in him fears that he will soon become an outcast in his own family.

In addition, he experiences difficulties with the next line of behavior - children need examples to understand the direction of the desired path of development.

Residual traits in adulthood

Manifestations in adult men:

Difficulties in relationships with the opposite sex . Each new partner will be studied through the prism of matching or mismatching the physical and psychological traits of the mother. And even if the features of the first are perceived as satisfactory, the partners’ life together will be full of special problems. For example, a man will be highly influenced by his mother and will agree to her active participation in his own family life.
Homosexuality . Such an outcome is possible either due to the father’s lack of an adequate acceptable example of behavior or due to excessive love for the mother. In the first case, the boy may begin to identify with his mother and choose a feminine line of behavior. In the second case, preference for same-sex partners develops due to a subconscious strong reluctance to offend the mother by having a relationship with another woman.
Hidden neurosis that manifested itself with the birth of a joint child . A wife, hiddenly associated with her own mother, paying a large share of attention to the newborn, can provoke in a man hatred of his own offspring.
Masochistic tendencies , impairing the ability to build normal relationships in friendship and marriage.
As if punishing himself for his secret love for his mother, the man subconsciously looks for partners who turn his life into a branch of a madhouse.
Difficulties in intimate life. The Oedipus complex is “to blame” for the existence of many sexual inversions.
Rude behavior when communicating with the opposite sex , the desire to suppress a partner in everything is a frequent manifestation of being stuck in a crisis, revenge on the mother for inaccessibility and on the father for the lack of male influence on behavior.

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Child Development Stages

The great scientist Sigmund Freud considered sexuality to be the basis for the development of the human psyche. According to this theory, a child develops through pregenital stages until puberty. This is how his psyche is formed. All psychotraumatic situations affect the future character of the child and provoke the emergence of the Oedipus complex. A very important point is the age stage at which the baby is.

Up to 1.5 years – oral stage. This is a situation where the baby perceives everything through the mouth. He sucks milk from his mother's breast, considers her his only source of nutrition and directs all his erotic energy to himself. During this period of life, it is very important that the child receives a lot of love and affection, since it is at this age that the makings of self-esteem are formed. If there is a lack of positive emotions, this adult will be withdrawn.
Up to 3 years – anal stage. The baby enjoys control over his physiological needs. He goes potty with pleasure and performs his duties properly. The Oedipus complex in adults will arise if parents scold or ridicule the child for not being able to do something. A child growing up in such conditions will become overly restrained and stingy with emotions.
From 3 to 5 years – phallic stage. The child begins to realize his gender identity. He actively studies his body and is interested in his birth. The baby begins to feel attracted to the person closest to him, he develops jealousy and hostility towards those who can lay claim to the object of his affections.
From 6 to 12 years – latent stage. At this age, the child stops focusing his attention only on himself and begins to learn to adapt in society. He forms the concept of his own “I”, adheres to certain rules, and sets priorities.
From the onset of puberty to the end of life, the genital stage begins. A person experiences sexual attraction to members of the opposite sex and realizes his sexual needs.

Signs of the presence of a complex in both sexes

What the Oedipus complex is can be determined by the behavior of some children and adults. Its appearance may be due to the individual characteristics of the child, the character and behavior of the parents, the level of upbringing and the degree of liberality of his environment. The main manifestations are as follows:

Irritability. The child is constantly in a state of nervous tension. He is filled with negative feelings: anger, hatred, jealousy, resentment. These feelings mix and provoke inappropriate reactions.
Excessive demands, capriciousness. The baby tries with all his might to attract the attention of one or two parents (depending on the type of condition of the complex). He demonstrates his indignation at any reason, throws hysterics, and refuses to perform his usual functions.
Difficulties with separation. The child experiences farewell to the object of his affection very painfully. He cannot accept the fact that his beloved parent will not be with him for some time. The baby is nervous, crying, throwing tantrums.
Refusal to communicate. A child with manifestations of the Oedipus complex often refuses to communicate with his peers. He wants to be with mom or dad all the time, since only their immediate presence allows the baby to feel calm and confident.

Causes of occurrence in men and boys

Hyperattention, spoiling, inadequate expression of tenderness, too active caresses in the genital area, causing a sexual response.
Significant lack of attention, merciless punishment, despotic attitude towards the boy on the part of his parents in the first years of his life.
Painful stress, a depressing atmosphere, purposeful actions of parents that help suppress the own impulses of a boy or a growing man.
The birth of another child, the emergence of a new object of increased attention from parents and people around the child.
Quarrels, conflicts between parents, developing into an appeal to the child for approval or protection.
Divorce, death of one of the parents, and as a result, the boy is raised only by his mother. An incomplete family can become too negative an experience in personal development due to its initial inferiority. An adult man, not receiving a positive example of family life, further relies only on his own skills based on living in a single-parent family.

Boys

Mom is the closest person, constantly nearby, the most dear and warm in the child’s perception. During the phallic stage, the realization comes that the mother is a woman. It is from this time that the Oedipus complex begins to form in boys. The baby constantly tries to control the object of his adoration; he considers his mother only his own and no one else’s. He cannot yet recognize the types of love and tries to retain his only sympathy at any cost. The boy perceives himself and his mother as one whole and tries in every possible way to protect the inseparable (in his mind) connection. The boy is jealous of his mother and father, demonstrating his indignation in the form of crying, hysterics, and irritation. He sees that dad can take away mom’s attention from him, separate this whole into two halves. The kid competes with his father, but understands his inadequacy in this fight.

Girls

The Oedipus complex in a girl is usually called the Electra complex. Many feminist organizations do not agree with this theory of Freud. But psychotherapists around the world unanimously declare that such a complex exists and has a real basis. At the age of 3 to 5 years, the girl also begins to identify her gender and perceive her similarity with her mother. Also, the baby begins to evaluate her mother’s companion and “try on this role” for herself. To some extent, the mother becomes her competitor, which the baby will strive to defeat in every possible way. Many girls with this complex behave aggressively towards their mother and are too intrusive towards their father.

How to get rid of the Oedipus complex

Most of the problems associated with the development of the Oedipus complex can and should be solved in childhood. Having noticed only the first signs of emotional outbursts, parents can gently and persistently influence the situation.

First of all, you need to become a friend to your child. If at least one parent can have a confidential conversation with their child, this can already become the basis on which all work with a growing person will be built.

A person feels lonely at any age. And at any age, it is important to have a person next to you who can listen without invading personal space, adequately responding to important and already difficult confessions and revelations.

Every person needs to receive enough attention and care so as not to feel unnecessary and abandoned. It is the parents who must establish such an emotional climate in the family in which each family member feels like a necessary and equal partner in the relationship.

An important part in a person’s life is communication, in the family, with peers, with older people. At school, at work, among friends and like-minded people, as well as among competitors and opponents, a person needs to have communication skills and experience in any situation.

The absence of such an important component as the experience of searching and making decisions causes a chain stress reaction in a fragile body, leading to isolation and self-doubt. An adult, like a child, will seek protection under his mother’s or father’s wing.

This seemingly innocent circumstance, accumulating, deprives a person of the chance to get out of the current situation on his own. According to Freud's theory, the Oedipus complex is a common but temporary change in a person's mental state. The danger of its persistent manifestation is minimal and is possible only under aggravating circumstances.

Men

The Oedipus complex is very common in men. Grown-up guys are still attached to their mother, share their deepest secrets with her, and create the most comfortable conditions for her. Such men often do not marry for a long time, because they cannot find an exact copy of their mother (this is the condition of choice that is embedded in their subconscious).

If the father is present in their life, they are somewhat wary of him. There are no frank male conversations between people, communication is reduced to a minimum. If dad left for another woman, the guy will never understand him and will take revenge along with his mother (although in his heart he may even rejoice at such an act). The Oedipus complex manifests itself in a peculiar way in adult men in the event of the death of the father. Such guys finally find peace, the pleasure of which can be compared to victory over an invisible enemy. The feeling that mom now belongs entirely to them brings long-awaited satisfaction.

Attachment difference

The psychology of the manifestation of the complex in men, women and children may differ. The formation of an individual's attachment occurs in different atmospheres.

In men

Men with an Oedipal complex, even in adulthood, cannot live without the care of their beloved lady, and are not able to overcome difficulties on their own. Iron shirts, give advice, cook dinner, write out a plan for the day - they will happily entrust all these actions to their mother.

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Such guys prefer to marry older women who will look after them. They cannot exist apart from the lady.

A man will always compare his companion to his mother. It is worth considering that such a husband will not want a child in the family, otherwise his wife’s jealousy of the baby will overwhelm his mind, and the adult will turn into a capricious child, requiring close attention to his person.

Among women

If a girl was unable to cope with the complex in childhood, in adult life it will interfere with building full-fledged relationships with men. A girl with Electra syndrome behaves like a little girl. In alliance with young people, she seeks protection and care. A woman considers men much older than herself as companions.

To achieve her own goals, the lady will easily cross any moral principles. That is why such persons often become participants in love triangles and do not try to take men away from the family, resorting to threats and blackmail.

In children

The manifestation of the syndrome in boys is characterized by wild jealousy of the mother towards the father, as well as an increased need for tactile contact with the woman he loves. Hatred and anger towards the male parent makes the relationship strained. The boy dreams that his father will leave home and leave him and his mother alone.

If you do not control the child’s aggressive behavior in early childhood, in adolescence, excessive tenderness towards the mother can develop into sexual attraction.

In girls, the formation of an attraction to their father occurs as a counterbalance to resentment towards their mother. The young lady dreams of growing up quickly so that she can marry her beloved dad and give birth to children.

Women

The Electra complex is also very dangerous for a growing girl. She sees before her the first and most important model of family behavior for her. If mom and dad behave correctly, the girl will transfer this experience into her adult world of communication with the stronger sex. If a father spoils his daughter too much, she will compete with her mother for more of his attention. It is difficult for such girls to find a worthy groom, since love for their father is a priority, and his image is unique and inimitable. The absence of a father or his leaving for another woman will cause hatred towards him and all men. It is possible that instead of support, the mother in this case will also receive condemnation. A girl can only calm down when she creates her own family and gives birth to her own children.

How to treat it

To overcome the complex, you need to undergo treatment with a psychotherapist. First, a person must admit to himself that there is a problem and it needs to be solved. It is impossible to cope with the disease without the client’s desire. The process of getting rid of the complex includes the following series of main points:

It is necessary to get rid of negative thoughts towards one of the parents. It is necessary to openly talk about your grievances against your mother or father, to accept all the unpleasant moments that are associated with this person.
We need to say “Stop” to idealization. Each personality has both negative and positive sides. You should not be biased towards your mother, but at the same time elevate the role of your father. Men need to do the opposite. It is necessary to emphasize the positive qualities of the father.

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One must recognize one's own nature. A guy needs to believe in his own masculinity, and a girl needs to believe in her femininity. To strengthen the result, you need to make as many friends of the same gender as possible.

All psychological work with the complex is based on psychoanalytic techniques. During therapy, the psychologist constantly returns the client to childhood to find the cause of the disorder and “replay” the plot. To rid a child of the complex, parents should:

create a favorable atmosphere in the family;
provide your son or daughter with the attention of both mom and dad;
do not let your baby sleep with you in bed or take a bath;
the child needs to set clear boundaries of what is permitted;
You need to communicate a lot with the baby on various topics, including discussing experiences and feelings;
organize leisure time and communication for the child outside the family with other children.

If you cannot cope with the disease on your own, you need to consult a psychologist.

Tips for parents

To prevent any complexes from affecting the development of children, psychologists recommend listening to the following advice:

always tell your child the truth;
never tell more than the child asked;
the child must have a personal, inviolable space;
the father must explain to the boy why the child cannot marry his mother;
The child should under no circumstances see his parents having sexual intercourse;
the father is recommended to spend more time with his son, devoting him to male concerns (work, hobbies, etc.);
It is not recommended to scold a child for masturbation;
always accept the child as he is, do not force him to hide his true behavior;
do not focus attention, if the boy dresses up in his mother’s clothes, it is necessary to redirect his attention by offering the initiative;
Parents must set an example by their behavior and take the role of husband and wife responsibly.

The most important thing that parents can wish is to sincerely respect their children as independent, full-fledged individuals. The child needs to be helped to build his personal relationships and adapt to society, and his ambitions should be kept to himself. This is the power of parental love.

How not to linger in the Oedipal state

The Oedipus complex is a normal period of human development, but it is important to help your baby survive it. In order to help a child overcome the Oedipus complex, it is necessary to constantly follow certain rules in the family:

It is necessary to establish a clear hierarchy in the family: the first step is dad, the second is mom, the third is the child, and the last is the pets. Such a vertical will help the child get rid of the hope of becoming the head of the family. As a result, he will be able to direct his energy into sports or creativity.
Dad should be the head of the family not only in words. From early childhood, a child should see that all family members who are lower in the hierarchy than their father necessarily discuss all important decisions with him.
It is important to involve your child in mixed-sex children's groups, directing his energy into creative activities.
When he grows up, a child can be saved from the obsession of marrying his mother by demonstrating external changes associated with age. For example, to show that grandmother was also once young and beautiful. Perhaps the baby realizes that as he grows up, his mother will change a lot.
From the child’s first statements that he wants to live with his mother when he grows up, it is necessary to make him understand that this is excluded, since she is already married to her father, and he is their child.