What is self-esteem in psychology? Types and concept of self-esteem in psychology

Inna Trofimova

writer, psychologist, gestalt therapist

The way a person treats himself “programs” him for further achievements. Self-perception plays a big role in everyone's life, so it should not be overlooked. Basic knowledge about this will not harm anyone, and, most likely, will even be beneficial. They will help highlight problematic issues and, if possible, correct them. The article talks about the concept of self-esteem, its formation, the possibility of change, the types and levels distinguished.

Why is self-esteem needed?

Self-esteem is how high or low a person evaluates his personal qualities and capabilities, how he sees himself and how he interacts with the world around him. If a person's internal self-esteem does not correspond to what others think of him, it is considered inadequate and can be overestimated or underestimated. A person with low self-esteem does not believe in himself, underestimates his knowledge and capabilities, shows indecisiveness, or feels some kind of inferiority complex. With inflated self-esteem, a person tends to overestimate his knowledge and abilities: he self-confidently takes on tasks that exceed his real capabilities, and explains all his failures by external circumstances.

Adequate self-esteem is a person’s objective assessment of his abilities, qualities and capabilities, which corresponds to real results and facts and coincides with what others think about him. People with inadequate self-esteem create a certain discomfort for others: a person with high self-esteem cannot be relied upon, and people with low self-esteem are often boring and pessimistic, have a negative attitude towards everything that happens, notice only the negative sides in everything and see everything around them in gray. Psychologists advise staying away from such people, because they negatively influence others, disrupt their inner harmony, and interfere with their self-development.

Self-esteem is directly related to the level of a person’s aspirations: the higher it is, the higher the level of aspirations, and vice versa. If you want to improve your standard of living, start improving your self-esteem and tell yourself that you can do it and you are worth it.

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What influences the formation of self-esteem

Self-esteem is developed in a person from early childhood.

• It matters how parents show their love for their child
  . If love is unconditional and does not depend on good behavior, such a child will grow up with normal or high self-esteem. When he understands that he will be loved only for something (put away toys, got an excellent mark, took out the trash), then in adulthood the person will believe that he cannot be loved just like that, and a good attitude must be earned.
• The attitude of parents towards the successes and failures of the child plays a big role
  . Parents’ value judgments such as “You can handle this”, “Such a smart kid will definitely do it” have a positive role in the formation of self-esteem.

Accordingly, statements in the spirit of: “They don’t ask you”, “You understand a lot”, “Well, as always, you are armless” for many years lay in a person the attitude that he is “bad”, good for nothing, stupid, incompetent, etc.

Self-esteem can decline already in adulthood. For example, a person tries to build a career, works a lot, improves his qualifications, but career growth does not occur. The individual begins to doubt his abilities. If self-esteem was initially normal, the reason for the failure will be found. Low self-esteem can drop even lower.

Women are often deliberately devalued by men with whom they are in intimate relationships. A complex partner deliberately humiliates his wife or girlfriend in order to be able to impose his will on her. The woman begins to be perplexed and analyze what is wrong with her. If her parents instill self-respect and love, then the girl will break up with her toxic partner; if not, she will suffer and prove her need to an unsuitable man.

Heightened self-esteem

People with high self-esteem are confident that they are better, smarter and more capable than everyone else, and that their actions are the most correct, which can involve them in difficult life situations. This is explained simply. While maintaining high self-esteem, such people ignore personal failures, do not see that their cause lies in themselves, explaining everything by external factors or the machinations of ill-wishers. People with high self-esteem take on impossible tasks and set unattainable goals for themselves, and when they fail to achieve what they want, they blame others for this - those who, in their opinion, prevented them from doing this.

What is self-deprecation

Self-deprecation manifests itself as a defense against the attacks of the surrounding world, because no one will condemn someone who already judges himself beyond measure, but a person who is joyful and boasts of his skills may well be besieged. People who choose this type of defense will never rejoice in the denial and refutation of their words, and if you want to prove with examples that there are worse manifestations, you risk entering into eternal competitions of worthlessness, where the main prize will go to the most unworthy. But the presence of constant criticism addressed to oneself does not indicate a person’s tolerance for such statements of others; the situation is diametrical, since the whole of one’s own humiliating monologue was pronounced mainly in order not to face the devaluation of others, which is very traumatic. This can be compared to how a mother scolds her child, but is ready to literally gnaw the throat of anyone who tries to say something similar towards her child.

This is a closed system of suffering that works for itself. At first, self-humiliation does not allow a person to take a worthy place and allows more stupid and base individuals to lead and influence their own lives, so that later, suffering from the consequences, they blame themselves for the lack of perseverance and character, cowardice and cowardice.

Self-deprecation as a defense is not an adequate way to protect against attacks, even if at first a person receives pity and condescension from others, then later such behavior begins to irritate and people are increasingly inclined to attack or ignore the eternal critic. But being one of the earliest defenses in its formation, it continues to operate.

Reduced self-esteem and the traumatic experience of inadequacy motivate a person to lead an inconspicuous lifestyle, shift attention and go into the shadows. And this is not modesty, but fear of attention

A person is constantly afraid that with close attention people will be able to discern how unattractive he is, and excludes himself from active social life. In order to lower expectations and get ahead of the disappointment of others, a person driven by self-deprecation will apologize in advance and emphasize his carelessness so that others will not think of entrusting him with something. Any business is scary, because it means responsibility, evaluation, independence and possible failure - all this is unbearable.

The state of self-abasement constantly takes away from the experience of the present (and this is where the feeling of life, joy, and resource is possible), since it occupies all emotional activity with worries about the past, the constant repetition of mistakes and moral punishment of oneself for mistakes. When a person is not busy reviewing his past failures, he is busy constructing speculative pictures of the future, which are painted in rather gloomy tones, because nothing positive can happen in the life of a worthless person. When the present is already “knocking on the door” of the self-deprecating person, he simply does not have the strength to overcome pressing problems, because all his mental strength is wasted on what happened and what has not yet happened. The number of troubles is growing, the mountains of things requiring attention are increasing, which provides unnecessary proof of correctness in the low assessment of one’s personality and pushes one even further towards the depressive abyss.

In cases where fate nevertheless turns on the bright side and success happens in a person’s life, it is self-humiliation that prevents one from accepting this success; it makes one feel uncomfortable and unclear what to do. It is not clear to such a person how to rejoice and increase, the level of anxiety from the coming happiness jumps to a critical level, which is why a person can go on a binge and become addicted to drugs, which destroys what has been achieved, but returns to the usual negative swamp, but everything there is predictable and calm.

Submission and obsequiousness are guided in this case not by the desire to benefit or not to ruin relationships, but by the desire to shift responsibility for one’s own life, then in case of failure there is always someone to blame, and in case of success, it can be redirected to the hands of the dominant person. Refusal of the authorship of one’s life is strongly associated with a lack of contact with reality and an adult position - objectivity in assessing one’s own qualities and the surrounding reality is in this case greatly impaired.

Low self-esteem

Low self-esteem is more common than high self-esteem. In this case, the person is constantly in an anxious state and experiences lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. Such people can be shy, suspicious and very self-critical. They set themselves low, uncomplicated and easily achievable goals, although they could achieve more; they are ready to admit their mistakes and criticize themselves for them, but cannot praise themselves for their achievements.

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How to instill positive self-esteem in a child?

All parents want to see their child succeed and be happy. How much results a person can achieve in life directly depends on self-esteem. To instill in a child a positive self-esteem, it is necessary to adhere to the recommendations given by psychology. A person's self-esteem begins to form in early childhood. Approval and encouragement from adults and their peers is important for a child. If there is none, the child develops low self-esteem.

Children very clearly perceive attention to them from adults. If a child notices that he is being ignored, he gets the impression that he is uninteresting to others. In turn, this negatively affects his self-esteem. Thus, in order for a child to form a positive opinion about himself, he must constantly feel protected, significant and important.

“I need” and “I want”

Most people have very little knowledge of their shortcomings, strengths, feelings and what they really want. A paradox arises: a person knows what he SHOULD do (go to work, be polite, respect his parents, etc.), but does not know what he WANTS to do. We must strive to bring our “need” and our “want” into line.

To achieve this, you need to learn to adequately assess each situation. If you have to go to work, but you don’t want to, try to understand all the reasons that cause this conflict. For example, you are tired, today is Friday, and you have had a hard week. Or maybe you don't like this job and don't have any interest in it. By understanding all the specific reasons, you can avoid internal conflict and reach agreement with yourself.

How to learn to adequately evaluate yourself?

If you notice that your child has high self-esteem, it is urgent to take measures to ensure that he learns to form an adequate opinion about himself, otherwise it will be very difficult for him to build relationships with others. First of all, it is worth limiting the child’s praise, trying to explain in which situations success is his merit, and in which successful circumstances led to it.

Correcting high self-esteem in an adult is much more difficult. Such people most often do not see or do not want to see the problem, and, accordingly, fight it. It is almost impossible to explain to a person that he has inadequate self-esteem.

If you realize that your self-image is inflated, you need to make considerable efforts to learn to evaluate yourself adequately. The most important thing is to understand that every person has the right to their own opinion, and if it differs from yours, this does not mean at all that it is wrong. Learn to hear others, make concessions, and selflessly help people.

How to achieve harmony

For most people, self-esteem comes from comparing themselves to others. Very often this happens under the influence of external factors: a friend went to the gym and lost weight - I also need to lose weight, a colleague is studying a second foreign language - I need to learn at least English, everyone goes for cosmetic procedures - I also need... A person strives to be “like everyone else” “And at the same time he doesn’t think about whether he wants it himself. When comparing oneself with other people, a person often sets himself impossible goals. As a result, internal discomfort arises: a person cannot achieve the goals that he has come up with for himself and justify his own high expectations. This makes him angry, but he doesn’t understand who he should be angry with: himself or external circumstances.

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How to get rid of self-flagellation

The first and most important step in getting rid of self-flagellation is admitting that there is a problem. Moving away from negativism will not happen quickly and by itself. To do this you need to work hard on yourself. Change your way of thinking radically. You can overcome increased self-criticism by following certain rules.

1. Don't compare yourself to others. All people are different. It is worth accepting your individuality, finding talents, and developing them.
2. Love yourself. There are no ideal people. Everyone has weaknesses that need to be accepted first, and ultimately corrected.
3. Stop being a hypocrite and pleasing others. You don't need to restrain yourself just to please someone.
4. No - whining and complaints. Everything that doesn’t suit you in life needs to be changed. Money is tight? You need to find a part-time job or change your job altogether. Are people around you disrespectful? We need to put them down correctly and not allow them to humiliate their dignity.
5. Suppressing unconstructive criticism from colleagues or loved ones. You don't have to endure bullying in silence. And then also finish yourself off with self-criticism.
6. Forgive yourself for the mistakes and mistakes you have already made. But don’t go to the extreme and get away with everything.
7. Focus on positive thinking. Life is easier for optimists. Don't constantly focus on finding flaws. We also need to find advantages. Praise yourself for your successes and laugh at your mistakes.
8. Self-flagellation is an ineffective self-defense mechanism. It does not help, but only aggravates the problem, driving it into a corner.
9. Control negative emotions. Especially those that trigger the self-flagellation mechanism.
10. Live for today. Constantly scrolling and analyzing past actions does not allow you to enjoy the present moment.
11. Act, correct the situation instead of blaming.

Janice Vilhauer, Ph.D., psychotherapist, has developed her own technique for getting rid of self-flagellation. To deal with the “spiritual judge” you need to go through 4 steps.

Focus on the inner critic. The first step is to acknowledge its existence.

And learn to slow down your mental activity in order to keep up with your internal dialogue. Doubt, shame, worthlessness - these feelings always accompany the appearance of self-flagellation. At this moment you need to pull yourself together.

A good help in this will be the habit of writing down in a notebook every initial manifestation of internal criticism. Whether it's being late for a meeting or work, or a quarrel with parents. It is also worth noting the nature of the criticism: I am irresponsible, I am lazy, I am a bad daughter/son.

It is possible to resist the inner judge only by realizing the moments of its manifestation.

Distance from the critic. The inner critic has become fused with the person's personality and does not want to be discovered. And as long as it is allowed to remain unnoticed, it grows. But initially it wasn’t there. It is imposed by standards and stereotypes and needs to be gotten rid of.

To do this, you can use the naming technique. It is permissible to call the internal critic whatever you like, even Creepy Creepy, even Gavrila Ivanovich. The main thing is to completely separate it from your personality.

Fight back against criticism. The inner torturer needs to be answered. To begin with, it will be enough to say “I don’t want to listen to you.” Instead of judging yourself, you need to show kindness to yourself.

Replace the critic. Let your inner voice become a companion, not a judge. To do this, you need to notice positive qualities and give yourself only good characteristics. Criticisms about minor errors need to be filtered out. If you constantly tell yourself “I’m bad,” how can you see good deeds? It’s not for nothing that the proverb says: “Call a man a pig 100 times, on 101 he will grunt.”

Instead of negative judgments about yourself, you need to look for positive aspects and talk about them to your inner critic, thereby turning him into a friend and ally.

Self-criticism and self-flagellation

Self-criticism in moderation is a good habit. But self-flagellation has nothing to do with it. To eradicate self-criticism, it is worth identifying the primary source of negativism. Look at yourself from the outside. Find positive qualities and develop them. Do not blame for failures and mistakes, but perceive them as valuable experience that allows you to move on. And live not in the past, but in the present.

Article updated: 05/17/2020

How does self-criticism manifest itself?

Self-criticism begins after realizing a mistake (or its repetition). The man decided that he needed to be

perfect. Right now. And if not, then he is a mistake of nature. He missed and stumbled. He started gnawing at himself. He says: “That’s it, I’ll never do this again.” And then he makes mistakes again (and often steps on the same rake) and gnaws at himself even more. It should become even more ideal! On the first try. And this is such a shame. The poor fellow forgot that the first pancake almost always comes out lumpy.

Self-criticism ends in neuroses and psychoses. In extreme cases, a person injures himself or commits suicide. But much more often, life simply goes downhill steadily, which makes us gnaw at ourselves even more. Self-flagellation often ends in alcoholism and drug addiction, which destroy a person’s health and social status. Psychosomatic diseases also appear (that is, diseases whose trigger is constant negative emotions). At one point, a neurotic person comes to the doctor, and he tells him: “you have cancer and I don’t know why.” And the reason is simple - he was engaged in self-criticism for 20 years.

But all this is in extreme cases! For the most part, a person simply lives a dull life, goes to the office, gets paid pennies and chews himself from time to time. There is no degradation, but there is no development either. Just stable unhappiness. And this is what the majority do in our country, alas.

Muscle clamps and blocks - what are they?

What is muscle tension: this is prolonged static muscle tension. Caused by stress, intellectual and physical fatigue, suppressed emotions. Protecting itself from internal and external conflicts, the psyche creates a kind of shell of muscles (the term was introduced by Wilhelm Reich, one of the first psychosomatists).

Muscle blocks are a cost of the modern world. If in ancient times it was possible to express aggression directly: hit, run away, scream, then in modern society you have to be selective. Some people prefer to completely hush up grievances and suppress aggression. However, with this approach, tension does not disappear, but remains inside and from the depths of the subconscious continues to influence a person.

Clinical manifestations of blocks

Depending on the clinical manifestation of the block (body part), psychosomatic causes change:

• muscle tension on the face – fear of showing the real you;
• eye zone – non-acceptance of reality;
• jaw – aggression;
• throat - reluctance to go against oneself, to admit something to oneself;
• neck – fear of expressing feelings, conflict of consciousness and subconscious;
• shoulders - fatigue;
• hands – social phobia;
• brushes - difficulties in the field of communications;
• back – fear of disappointing someone;
• breasts – fear of loneliness, complexes, need for love;
• diaphragm – fear of material difficulties, prohibition on expressing any emotions;
• solar plexus – need for recognition;
• stomach - fear of death;
• pelvis – fear of intimacy, love and intimacy;
• legs – self-doubt, lack of support.

The muscular shell takes away energy, chronic muscle tension blocks its circulation. As a result, a person feels constant fatigue (this is the main symptom of the problem). Muscles compress blood vessels, which leads to their spasm and disruption of oxygen metabolism. Immunity declines, organ function is disrupted. The person gets sick.

Seven main segments

Energy spreads throughout the body from one organ to another. Seven energy blocks and clamps can be identified. Reich's technique will help eliminate them. Let's look at each segment in more detail.

Eyes

A straightened forehead without any facial signs and an empty gaze “to nowhere.” To get rid of muscle tension, you need to do gymnastics for your eyes, open them wide, raise your eyebrows and eyelids.

Mouth

The muscles of the chin, throat and back of the head are involved. The block is presented in the form of a clamped or too relaxed jaw. What emotions are suppressed: crying, anger, screaming. How to solve the problem: imitate these emotions, grimace, bite your lips, massage your forehead and face.

Neck

The deep muscles of the neck and tongue are involved. Suppressed emotions: anger, screaming, crying. Singing (vocals), screaming, sticking out your tongue, turning your head, bending helps. You can contact a professional chiropractor for a deep muscle massage.

Breast

The muscles of the shoulders and chest are involved. Suppressed emotions: laughter, sadness, passion

Solution: master breathing exercises, pay special attention to long and deep exhalations

Diaphragm

All internal organs, muscles of the vertebrae, and solar plexus are involved. The block appears as a bulging chest. Suppressed emotion: anger

Solution: breathing exercises, pay special attention to exhalations

Stomach

The abs and lumbar muscles are involved. Reason: fear of attack. Suppressed emotions: anger, hostility. Solution: breathing exercises. If the previous stages of relaxation were successful, then this block will almost be removed.

Psychology of self-flagellation

In psychology, self-criticism or self-flagellation is a negative analysis of one’s own actions and thoughts. Negative attitude towards oneself as a person in general. A person who engages in soul-searching experiences a storm of emotions. Among them are anger, fear, hatred, pain, anxiety. Over time, they do not go away, but only intensify. In the most severe cases, a person blames himself for dissatisfaction with himself. It turns out to be a vicious circle.

Self-criticism and moral self-flagellation have serious consequences. Most often these are depression, neuroses, psychoses. There are times when people seek to harm themselves in some way or decide to commit suicide. Fortunately, this is rare. But life still gets worse. New reasons for self-accusation are being found. In this state, a person can go to the other extreme: try to drown out negative emotions and feelings with the help of alcohol and drugs. In addition, due to his long-term tendency to self-criticism, he develops serious illnesses. Sometimes even doctors cannot determine the cause of their appearance. And everything is banally simple: the “sick” person is corroded from the inside by negative emotions. Self-criticism has nothing to do with healthy criticism. There are two differences between these concepts:

1. Adequate self-analysis helps to find the connection between actions and consequences, draw conclusions, and correct mistakes.
2. Unlike self-flagellation, criticism does not have a negative impact on mental and physical health.

Self-blame often becomes a habit. It becomes so rooted that a person can no longer correctly perceive reality, himself, or what is happening around him. He spends all his resources on remorse, on trying to find another flaw in himself. It turns out that he is eating himself from the inside.