- What is self-criticism?
- How to get rid of self-criticism?
- How to stop self-criticism?
- How to finally get rid of the habit of self-criticism?
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Self-criticism can be called the position of a person who believes that he is always to blame for everything. No matter what happens, no matter who takes part, a person thinks that all troubles are the result of his actions. Often this position is developed from childhood. If you understand the absurdity of this approach and the need to correct something, then the psychological help website psymedcare.ru will tell you how to get rid of and stop engaging in self-criticism.
How to stop self-criticism
My light, mirror, tell me...
A person (no matter a woman or a man) stands in front of a mirror and carefully examines himself. Evaluative gaze and thoughts:
“Oh, I look a little bad today, bags under my eyes, I look like a tsutsik. The belly has grown again and the backside has sagged. What should you wear with such a figure? If only my legs were longer/... And yesterday I watched a video from the last party and didn’t recognize myself. Horror! And my voice is so squeaky, am I really saying that??? Tough.
And Vasya Pupkin was with the new FIFA. Beautiful. Not like me (female version). No, I'm better. I’m smarter, but she can’t tell Pushkin from Tolstoy.
And Masha Ivanova came with a new boyfriend. Macho. Not like me (male version). But I’m smart, I can beat any of them at chess!”
This is roughly how many people think about themselves and consider it normal. It’s normal to criticize yourself, find fault with your body, figure, voice. Scold and call yourself unpleasant words.
Engage in self-criticism and even find some pleasure in it. Compare with others and find shortcomings. And then try to rise by finding faults in others.
And so in a circle...
Complexes of not accepting one’s own body begin in childhood.
Various forms of self-flagellation
Most often, people susceptible to this disorder do not stand out much from the general mass. They live an ordinary, unremarkable life and slowly torment themselves, remaining alone. However, this condition can develop and become more severe.
Mild degree of self-flagellation
In this case, people prefer to make sentiments about themselves while in public. This is done mainly with the aim of awakening pity in others and receiving a dose of sympathy. This tactic is often used by people with low levels of responsibility in order to avoid possible charges.
A severe form of self-flagellation
Such people, on the contrary, take the burden of responsibility too seriously and are ready to inflict psychological execution on themselves even because of the slightest mistake. No one demonstrates such manifestations publicly, but in their hearts susceptible people often go through stressful conditions.
Neurotic state
In other words, this is real paranoia. Being in this state, people constantly torment themselves, and if the current reason has lost its relevance, then there is a need to urgently discover a new one.
How to stop self-flagellation : effective methods.
Good intentions, or Parental Attitudes
Remember, as children we were told:
“Eat, otherwise you won’t grow/you won’t have strength/you’ll remain a wimp/you’ll be thin and ugly, and so on.”
To grow up tall like dad, do this and that. To become beautiful like your mother, do this. Look who you look like! What have you done? You're skinny as a skeleton! Skin and bones."
Of course, behind the parents’ phrases lies the desire for the child to become better, stronger, more beautiful. But the little man doesn’t understand this and takes the words literally. A doubt appears in the child’s thoughts that he is somehow different.
He begins to examine himself, his acquaintances, and actually finds confirmation that he is not like that. Not the same eyes as... Not the same nose as... The legs are different, the fingers are not the same.
Thus, a person falls into the trap of comparison. Comparing yourself with others is the first step towards complexes.
Of course, a small child does not understand this. This way of thinking and acting was passed on to him from those who raised him.
But for most of us, childhood is far behind us, and many complexes continue to exist, bloom and smell of toxic fumes.
Please note that this does not make the body feel any better. On the contrary, he is getting worse day by day. Weight problems appear, which only increase with age. The bouquet of illnesses is also somehow becoming more magnificent, and there are more and more shortcomings.
Someone goes to a plastic surgeon, but the result is still not satisfactory. The problem is not in appearance, but in one’s own thoughts and attitudes.
Comparison: C - connection Equal - the same Comparison - comparison - to become the same, to compare oneself with others, to become the same.
Now think about it, do you, those who like to compare, really want to become the same, clones with..?
Or maybe there are other benefits in comparison?
I offer 2 models for consideration:
1. You find a bunch of shortcomings in yourself and fall into a state of pity: “Oh, how poor and unhappy I am. Nobody loves Me. Whine. Nobody needs/needs me. Sob sob."
And eating a chocolate bar to sweeten your life is the female option.
Drinking beer (any alcohol) so as not to think about it, I still can’t change anything - the male option.
2. You find a bunch of flaws in yourself and immediately look for even more terrible flaws in others. And then the illusion appears that you have become better, smarter, more beautiful, etc. That is, you elevate yourself by humiliating others.
A beautiful game called Victim - Tyrant. Please note that the roles are always changing - this is a game of shape-shifters. With one condition that many people forget - there are no winners here. In any case, both the victim and the executioner lose.
Remember, we talked about this in the previous article.
Comparison is always a trap, a step away from oneself. Whatever wrapper and explanation you wrap it in, the essence is switching attention from yourself to the outside world.
There is only one way out of the state of dissatisfaction with one’s own body - to see and realize that despite the similarity, each person has his own - unique body. The body that the spirit and soul chose and created exactly as it is, the most suitable for carrying out the tasks of this life.
The body is a perfect instrument given to a person to translate his desires and dreams into matter. And for this tool to work properly, it is important to love, care for, and keep it healthy and full of strength.
The science behind self-flagellation
Self-flagellation is the name given to psychological programs embedded in the mind; they are directly aimed at destroying the personality of the sufferer, and in complex gradations they even end in causing bodily harm. In other words, this is an open form of psychological violence against oneself.
Such an addiction has the ability to trigger a hidden mechanism of self-destruction in the human body. Which can lead to serious diseases, such as a heart attack or malignant tumors, for which there were no obvious prerequisites.
What are the psychological causes of diseases and is it possible to prevent the disease.
What is good and what is bad?
Then the child grows, and the parents turn on the heavy artillery:
“Be a good girl/good boy and let mom and dad watch a movie. Listen to your dad, but you will grow up to be a hooligan (and hooligans are very bad, because they are always scolded).
Do the right thing, well, as I told you. You did it wrong, badly, or neatly. Listen to your mom and you will be a good girl.
Do your homework, otherwise you will remain a dunce. Study, come on, otherwise you will work as a cleaner all your life. Why did you get a 4 in mathematics, are you dumber than Petya/Masha from the next door?”
The mental processing scheme is the same as described above, only now it is not the body that is being discussed, but the mental and spiritual abilities of the child. The concepts are laid down: good - bad, right - wrong. This is how complexes arise related to assessing one’s intelligence and character traits. A person falls into the second trap - judgment.
The school, of course, succeeds in this regard, because it is there that the first real grades are given and they are even recorded in the diary. And now parents already scold or praise precisely for grades. Then the child subconsciously connects the abstract concepts of good - bad, right - wrong with the grades he received and everything becomes clear to him.
In order for parents to praise and love, you need to do your homework, listen to teachers, fulfill their requirements and bring good grades. Then I will be a good boy/good girl. And dad will be proud of such a son / spoil his daughter. And mom loves and hugs.
Hello complexes of a good girl/nasty girl, mama's boy/hot macho and perfectionist. Why did I combine opposites together? Because the Victim-Executioner game in these complexes is also played out to the fullest in both roles. But the essence is always the same.
Such people know exactly how to please a parent, what needs to be done to meet the boss’s requirements and meet expectations. They know how to please their friends...
Or vice versa, what to do to shock everyone, how to show off and stand out from the crowd, how to do the opposite, out of spite, in revenge, how to harshly criticize and press on a sore spot.
Perfectionists, in turn, always want to be the first and the best in everything. Women try their best to be the best mom and the best wife. Men prove to everyone and everything that they are the coolest and smartest. There are many ways: a gold medal, a red diploma, a senior manager, a director, a boss, a cool latest model phone, a cool car, etc.
They all have one thing in common - they absolutely do not know what they really want. Their desires and vector of movement are aimed at showing and proving something to other people.
For those who want to get rid of complexes, we recommend the master class “Accept. Believe me. Love."
The result is always the same - constant and ever-increasing self-criticism and dissatisfaction with oneself. In fact, this is the result of any complexes. It doesn’t matter whether you criticize something in your appearance, whether you are dissatisfied with your work or character traits, whether you consider yourself not smart enough or, on the contrary, smarter than everyone else.
The essence is the same - dissatisfaction and non-acceptance of oneself.
The fact is that there is always someone who will be better, faster, stronger, prettier, smarter, cooler, more responsible, know more, get more, and so on. It's impossible to win this race.
Good - bad, right - wrong - these are subjective concepts, and for most people there is something different behind them. Always. It is impossible to please everyone, to predict everyone’s wishes, to be good to everyone...
And the person again puts on the masks of victim and executioner. Either they offended me, or I will offend everyone. Either I am to blame, or everyone around me is to blame...
Behind this behavior is a desire for attention and love. Hidden inside these people are little resentful boys and girls who want to be noticed, noticed and loved. They just chose a strange way to achieve this, through dissatisfaction, self-criticism and non-acceptance.
Psychological reasons for the formation of an addiction
It is more correct to call this form of disorder an addiction, because it is almost impossible to get rid of such influence on your own, without a psychologist. Moreover, people susceptible to self-destruction do not consider such actions shameful, but think that they are engaged in fair self-criticism . However, there are several good reasons that can bring people to this state.
Lack of positive attitude towards yourself
Some people receive an upbringing that condemns the expression of love for oneself or one's own body. This leaves a heavy imprint on the subconscious, forming a psychological disorder from an early age.
When such a person reaches adulthood and his life position is finally formed, the running mechanism of self-flagellation can only be stopped as a result of long-term treatment. These people, as a rule, are not happy at all; they experience cascades of depressive states , each time cutting off their path to relief.
Inability to believe in one's own psychological deviation
The first step towards eradicating your shortcomings is recognizing their existence. However, some people do not show the desire to fight their vices, but use the acquired knowledge for endless self-condemnation and self-flagellation. However, there are no rules prohibiting making accusations against oneself. This means that people who engage in self-criticism are most often convinced that they are right.
Lack of self-forgiveness
One way or another, all people make mistakes that they later regret. But time heals, and memory lets go of the bad, preserving the good, while everyone tries to fix everything to the best of their ability. People prone to self-flagellation often live in the past, continuing to punish themselves in the present, for mistakes that everyone has long forgotten about. This behavior creates the basis for making new mistakes, which are then punished with double cruelty.
Acceptance and trust
Trust but check?
The most basic reason for self-rejection, in my opinion, is a lack of trust.
Faith is when a person believes in someone or someone, in something: I believe in God, in a person, in myself, parents, husband, author. I believe because I know, feel, understand, etc. You can always explain why I believe.
Trust is self-explanatory. It's on its own. I trust because I trust. If you start looking for reasons why you trust, then this is no longer trust, it is just faith.
I propose to consider in detail the signs of a lack of self-confidence:
Comparing yourself with others. Comparing what you have with what others have
This can manifest itself in different ways.
Example: This person knows more than me, he is more experienced than me. My friend's car is cooler than mine. This speaker speaks more convincingly than me. You cook better than me. I don't have the same taste in clothes as you. I can't do it like you. I want to be better than you and so on.
Each person is one of a kind, there has never been another like him, there is not and there never will be. This is how the Creator originally intended it.
Comparing yourself with someone else always takes a person away from himself.
Checking how and what other people are doing
Example: You have to constantly monitor how assignments and other things are done, because people make mistakes so often. You have to constantly be reminded of something, because people are forgetful.
You often double-check others and ask again, clarifying whether they understood you correctly and remembered everything. Your favorite phrases: “I knew that..., that’s why I did....”, “I knew that..., that’s why I did it on purpose...”
All this suggests that you do not trust other people, which means, first of all, you do not trust yourself.
Constant doubts, uncertainty
Example: I'm not sure I can do it. I can not. I don't know what would be the right thing to do. Which decision is the best?
Whose opinions and thoughts do you listen to? Who did you let into your head? Whose opinion are you relying on? Whose words are the most significant and play a role in decision making?
Bottom line
The most likely outcome for people prone to self-flagellation will be neuroses or even psychoses. At the same time, life continues to move steadily downhill, with no chance of a happy ending. For many people, self-criticism becomes only the starting point on a path that leads to more severe addictions, such as alcoholism or drug addiction. If a person cannot help himself, his loved ones should take care of him. After all, the sooner specialists get down to business, the greater the chances of a positive outcome.
