How to get rid of love addiction and find moral peace

What do alcohol and love have in common? Both are intoxicating, can make you do stupid things, but most importantly, they are addictive. Both in alcohol and in love, you need to know when to stop, otherwise everything may not end well. Unfortunately, not everyone can tell themselves “enough is enough” in time: some women develop so-called love addiction. In this article we will talk about this condition and tell you how to get rid of it.

How love addiction manifests itself

Sometimes, after getting rid of love addiction, many people note that they were in a fog. And this is partly true. A dependent person idealizes a partner without noticing his shortcomings. Love addiction is very similar to the effects of alcohol, drugs, the evil eye or damage. A person is so drawn to a partner that he cannot do anything.

To cope with a disease, you need to know about its causes and symptoms. Putting everything into a single picture, it is easy to stop and stop the further spread of the “disease”.

Answer to the question: How to get rid of love addiction? – requires a careful approach and analysis of information. Each story is a separate destiny. It is impossible to develop a single plan. You will have to use the suggested tips and edit your version of treatment based on them. But first, let’s discuss how addiction manifests itself in order to be sure of its presence in your life.

The passion to be close to a person, to live with his problems resembles bondage. The personality ceases to concern itself with its concerns and devotes all its time to the object of adoration. In exchange for devotion he receives reproaches, suffering and pain. But this does not repulse him, but, on the contrary, binds him even more. He is not able to soberly assess the current situation and what is happening implies another test of the strength of feelings.

Signs of love addiction

• Control . A person addicted to love will never let his soul mate go to another city, because he craves to be with him every minute. He necessarily monitors every step and demands a report on missed time.
• Jealousy present in a relationship is an indicator of dependence. This is followed by checking phones and sorting out conversations with strangers. The slightest attention towards the opposite sex is taken as betrayal.
• The desire to change a partner . The partner cannot accept the fact that the personality with whom he likes to be is already formed and does not require alteration. But addiction is a bad role. Constant reproaches and comments continue and will always take place in the discussion.
• Stormy emotions , tears, frequent quarrels and reconciliations are a way to manipulate another person and keep him in tension around you. He easily succeeds in this at first, but after a while this principle of behavior begins to repel and irritate him.
• Parent-Child position . The partner deliberately agrees to the role of nanny, ignoring his own needs. He looks after, cherishes, does the work of the other half, maintains order and the invented regime.
• Dissolution . A person addicted to love seems to dissolve in his partner. He begins to think with his thoughts, views the world through his eyes. Never disputes the announced opinion, accepts habits and entertainment. He has to part with friends and relatives so that there are no unnecessary comments on their part.
• Lost interest in career growth . Years of study at the institute are considered lost and empty, work becomes an unnecessary trade. By turning himself into a gray personality, a dependent person becomes unclaimed by society.
• The meaning of life comes down to one person . A person cannot imagine his existence without a partner. He is afraid of loneliness and there is an annoying thought in his head - never to part.
• “Washing away” and “seizing” love problems.

By being aware of the signs of love addiction, you can easily get out of the situation you have created, help yourself change your life and be happy.

Attention! Selfless love and self-sacrifice should not be confused with recklessness. A person who gives warmth carefully invites you into his world, filled with kindness and understanding. He does not impose his presence on others, but slightly offers help, without being offended by refusal.

Recommendations from a psychologist for working on self-esteem

The main reason for love addiction is low self-esteem. It is useful to listen to the advice of psychologists:

1. Realize and believe in your attractiveness to the opposite sex.
2. Start to respect and adequately evaluate your personality, and not allow yourself to be humiliated.
3. Learn to see what is happening without illusions.
4. Accept the possibility of separation and understand that this is not the end.

Love addiction makes life miserable, but recognizing and getting rid of it is not easy. Features of addictive behavior in women and men are different. Classic and non-standard psychological methods, prayer or magic will help eliminate it. To prevent recurrence, it is necessary to increase self-esteem.

Means and methods of getting rid of love addiction

It is possible to get rid of love addiction, and in some especially difficult cases it is even necessary and extremely necessary.

1. “I deserve the best!”

Psychologists advise doing auto-training every day. Repeat the following phrases to yourself every day:

All this will help you feel confident and help you decide to take the first step.

2. “Out of sight, out of mind”

In a brief conversation, tell your spouse that you intend to end the relationship and move on. There is no need to engage in long discussions or go into explanations. At the same time, you must be decisive and confident in your words. If you are afraid to succumb to persuasion to save the relationship, then it is better to break off the relationship over the phone.

If you have already broken up with a guy and switched to the role of Ex-, in order not to return to the old one, remove the external signs of his presence in your life. Destroy items associated with your former loved one. These are photographs, toys, clothes, shoes. Remove everything that reminds you of him from sight. Give to those in need. You will have a reason to update your wardrobe, change your clothing style, and renovate your apartment. Add his email and phone number to the blacklist so as not to be tempted to accept a call, read a letter, or call yourself.

3. “Time heals!”

If your ex is looking for a meeting with you, then try to avoid meetings and contacts with him and mutual friends. The main thing here is to understand that in a month or two both he and you will already remember this as something from the past, as if it never happened. Therefore, it is important to have patience and fortitude. Don’t answer phone calls (you can change the number), don’t go to your usual vacation spots, ignore conversations about mutual friends and activities. Leave the negative in the past and string new, positive emotions.

4. “Life is too short to waste it on things that don’t bring you pleasure.”

Write a profile of your ex-partner consisting of negative qualities. Offensive words, deeds committed, and character traits can be listed here. Attach the sheet in a visible place and re-read it whenever you want to meet or call.

Write a farewell letter, express in words everything you feel. Share your plans for the future, make it clear about the need to separate. By letting go of a person with whom you feel uncomfortable or cold, you give the opportunity to new encounters and unknown feelings.

5. “Step one is to want change. Step two is to achieve them."

Feelings, memories and experiences are still fresh and painful, like wounds, so in order to cope and not do anything stupid by returning to the old ways, work through your thoughts on a piece of paper. After all, nothing organizes thoughts better than formulating them on paper. Literally, start with a clean slate. Buy a beautiful notebook and on the first pages write down the traits and qualities that the ideal man for you should have. Take this seriously, you don’t need to write: “A figure like Brad Pitt,” give him real qualities, for example: responsive, attentive, successful, etc.

Practical and psychological advice

Treatment for love addiction is beneficial when a person recognizes the existing problem of attraction and is determined to achieve a positive outcome. But he must also be prepared for the fact that this is a long process that requires effort, time and patience.

You don’t need to think that life is over, that it’s your turn or that you’re unlucky in life. We create our own destiny. What we think about and dream a lot becomes our life. Therefore, stop thinking that you are poor and unhappy, you deserve more and better! No horoscopes or messengers of fate are to blame for this! You need to pull yourself together, you can even shout at yourself and start building a new life. A life where you will be valued, listened to, and respected for your opinion. A life where you yourself will build your day, your year, your destiny.

1. If you are unable to cope on your own and need an external push, go to a psychologist or church . In the first case, they will listen to you and help you look at yourself from the outside, give you advice, and tell you where to start. In the second case, you will unlearn outside support, because “Everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened.”
2. Find something you like . Redirect your raging passion into something new. Get busy with your career and studies. Make the most of all your free time, sign up for courses, go out of town, take a helicopter ride, and finally start knitting, drawing, writing. Remember what you were interested in in your youth, or perhaps you have long wanted to try something new. Keep yourself busy, this will allow you not to think about your ex and you won’t notice how time flies by, and time heals. An active life will allow you to look at the world in a new way, perhaps you will meet new people or build your career. Just think about how much time you spent whining and crying, but this time could have been spent much more productively, for example, improving your professional skills or looking for a new job, interview, etc.
3. Stop blaming yourself for the past , accept mistakes as experience, as passed axioms without the need for approval.
4. Review your personal qualities . Take care of yourself. Build a new you. Don't pay attention to others, listen to yourself. Sometimes, to get what you want, you need to learn to say “NO” firmly. If you are condemned for breaking up a relationship, then these lovers do not know you well and they are unlikely to wish you well. Only you yourself know what is best for you.
5. Try to get closer to reality , analyze actions and the consequences arising from them. Figure out what actions you took that led to you becoming addicted to love. Perhaps you are too trusting and easily succumb to male advances or female charm, or it’s something else. Start changing your way of thinking and living differently.

To get reliable help and understand how to cope with love addiction, you need to thoroughly analyze the causes of its occurrence and eradicate the disease by destroying the root.

Don't play the role of "savior"

Many girls, starting a controversial relationship, sincerely believe that a person can be changed. This is indeed possible, but only little by little and over a long period of time. It's not at all as simple as training a dog. Do you have that much time, patience and desire, and most importantly, is it worth it? In addition, it will still not be possible to radically change a person, so no matter how good intentions you are guided by, the plan to “save the soul” and change a person for the better will still fail.

Causes of love addiction

The reasons are psychological and social.

Psychological reasons

• Childhood . People who did not receive enough love in childhood need attention and tenderness. Here it is important to understand what role the father played in the girl’s life, and how the son’s relationship with his father was built. “Unloved” children most often end up in love addiction. Having met a partner and like-minded person, a person tries to enjoy the warmth, but ceases to feel the measure and either dissolves in the partner or turns into an annoying, intrusive creature.
• Upbringing . Parental self-sacrifice is a negative role model. The child, having matured, embodies the family model he saw in childhood into his life. “My mother suffered all her life, apparently mine is like that too,” they think.
• Self-esteem. The program of low self-esteem laid down in childhood and the loss of a sense of security are the basis of self-dislike and lack of respect for one’s own opinion. A person stops trusting his dreams and believes only in the actions of his partner.
• The victim position is a profitable option. Such people believe that they are unlucky in life. And they do nothing to fix it. They have no obligations, but only direct “order fulfillment”. At the same time, there is no need to think about the coming day, tasks appear on their own and a person does not get disappointed from thinking about the future. He lives here and now.

Social reasons

• Society . Society’s imposition of a partner’s behavior through films, television shows, books and videos from the Internet. People with a weak psyche, who doubt themselves, accept any experience of others and use it without revaluation. By imitating heroes, they do not take reality into account.

Maria, sociologist : Surprisingly, the central channels have mainly drama series in their program, which are filmed in batches and broadcast one after another. The result is not surprising, since the majority of the population projects the tragic fate of the heroes onto themselves, penetrating into their troubles and finding themselves in them.

• Financial dependence . Early love and immature marriage do not allow girls to get an education and build a career. Thus, they fall into financial dependence and tolerate their chosen one, not being able to leave him, so as not to be left with nothing. If a partner provides financial stability, then it is difficult to give up existing benefits and take on the burden of earning money. Starting life from scratch, without immediate prospects, is quite difficult and not everyone can do it.
• Fear of disappointment. “What will they say? I will disappoint my/his parents.” A person uses the opinions of others and lives according to the rules built by loved ones. He is afraid of change, it seems to him that any protest will be perceived as betrayal and he will forever lose their favor.

Maria, sociologist : Katya and Andrey started dating in Katya’s first year of law school. Katya did not have a strong connection with her parents, but Andrei’s mother supported the girl in every possible way during difficult periods. Andrey was not distinguished by purposefulness, he was a typical guy from the area, he was characterized by antisocial behavior. Time is running. And now Katya is already interning in law enforcement agencies. She is promoted, after graduating, she immediately receives a high position, her doubts about her future life with Andrei are gaining momentum, but she does not leave him, because... feels responsible to his mother. Andrey, meanwhile, joins Katya’s contingent of clients, whom she sends to places not so remote.

Become selfish

Perhaps we should put the word “selfish” in quotation marks here. We do not seriously suggest that you become inveterate egoists and think only about yourself. However, if you have a tendency towards love addiction, it means that your partner’s desires take precedence over your own. Do you need this? Concentrate better on your desires and needs. Write down and analyze what you want from your life, from your partner and your future. Focus on fulfilling your dreams and don't try to adapt to other people's paths in life.

How not to step on the same rake

Working through the true challenges of getting into a toxic relationship will help you avoid making the same mistake.

1. You must accurately determine the causes of the problem (see Causes above).
2. Work through them. Forgive your parents and take responsibility for your future.
3. Work on improving your self-esteem.
4. Deal with your fears and self-doubt.
5. Stop beating yourself up.
6. Get rid of anxious thoughts.
7. Set personal boundaries.
8. Make a list of goals.
9. Make a list of the qualities you want to look for in a new partner.

In addition, you need to learn to identify the symptoms of a toxic relationship in order to cut them off in the bud before they invade your life like a weed.

Find a way to relieve stress

Analyze your own life and make a list of everything that helps you relax. Stress during caregiving will be extremely high, so it will need to be minimized. If you have a lot of free time, then think about what you will do with it, otherwise, if you have “empty space”, you will fill it with unnecessary doubts and torment.

Maybe it’s time to look for a new hobby, educate yourself and finally go to the gym or take a course in weaving bamboo baskets, as you have been planning for a long time.

Symptoms of relationship addiction

Getting rid of love addiction begins from the moment the symptoms are identified. If you find the negative points listed below in your behavior, then you should seriously think about it and start analyzing your own life.

Stop feeling like a victim

If a relationship with another person does not bring the desired satisfaction, then this is not a reason to blame him for all sins. Even if he really is to blame for a lot of things. As soon as you put yourself in the place of the victim, you immediately fall into the abyss of endless self-pity, from which it is very difficult to get back. This is a sad and scary place where everything positive and reasonable perishes. Take it as an axiom that the situation has developed this way simply because misunderstandings happen, and not because someone is to blame.