What is cruelty and how to get rid of it

Every person living in society has a list of traits that determine his character.
If some trait is more pronounced than usual, we can judge his character - good or bad. Today we will talk about a “bad” character trait by defining what cruelty is. Cruelty is the most inhuman character trait that can exist. It is precisely this that is an indicator of the moral and psychological side of a person. In this case, a person causes pain or suffering to someone and receives pleasure from it.

Cruelty - what is it?

Psychologists give slightly different interpretations of what cruelty is. Some say that this is a form of treatment of living beings using physical or moral violence. This is ruthlessness, humiliation, insults and other forms of destructive behavior. Others say that acts of vandalism to intangible objects, destruction “out of spite,” or inaction in crisis situations with the aim of making things “even worse” are also forms of cruelty.

How does cruelty manifest itself?

It is worth distinguishing true cruelty from aggression in a state of passion, clouded consciousness. In the first case, a person is always aware of his actions and expects a certain result. The individual consciously chooses between good and evil. Heartlessness and other forms of cruelty are a consequence of the psychological problems of the individual himself. They can manifest themselves in different ways:

Verbal humiliation and insults, rudeness, gossip, cruel jokes.
Physical brutality towards people and animals: beatings, violence, murder.
Outbursts of anger, irritability and intolerance towards other people.
Deliberate destruction and damage to material objects.
If a person in a crisis situation deliberately does not provide help, realizing that the individual will be even worse from his inaction.
Closely related to the concept of what cruelty is is sadism. In this case, the person experiences pleasure from causing physical harm and moral humiliation to other people.

Why are people cruel to each other?

Cruelty is nothing more than a manifestation of anger. Most cruelty occurs in response to cruelty that has already been committed. It is worth noting that in modern society people’s values have completely changed. Changes took place in favor of material rather than moral and spiritual values. Money has begun to completely rule the whole world, and people who do not have it become tougher and begin to take out their anger on those who are weaker, who cannot respond to their offender. A person who has been wronged tries to do the same to that person, thereby increasing the amount of evil. It also happens in the world that people develop cruelty because they were brought up in accordance with certain life attitudes.

There are many works in literature that highlight the theme of cruelty and anger. In V. Bykov’s story “Sotnikov,” the reader meets investigator Portnov. Even before the onset of the war, he walked around the villages in order to agitate local residents against the existence of God. In the eyes of people, he was a well-mannered and very polite person. Perhaps if it weren’t for the circumstances, cruelty would not have manifested itself so clearly and clearly in his character, and he would simply have committed petty meanness towards people. Wartime came, in which all his true nature was completely exposed. Investigator Portnov becomes a traitor, a murderer who subjected his fellow citizens to severe torture.

In V. Zheleznikov’s work “Scarecrow,” the reader is faced with the problem of cruelty among teenagers. The main character of this story is Lena Bessoltseva. The girl voluntarily took upon herself the guilt of a person dear to her. Lena withstands the persecution of her class, does not reveal the name of the “traitor”, because of whom the long-awaited trip to Moscow was disrupted. Analyzing how teenagers behave in the story, we can observe their thirst for self-affirmation through a mercilessly cruel attitude towards someone who, weakening you. It is unfortunate, but the parents of these children did not teach them kindness, responsiveness, mutual assistance, or instill moral values. They received a lesson in morality and humanism, which was taught to them by the girl Lena. Based on the work, we can conclude that violence and cruelty are the lot of people who seek to commit it. I believe that the reasons for the manifestation of cruelty in adolescents lie in the underdevelopment of the individual as such, as well as the lack of moral education.

Reasons for cruelty

A child is not born cruel. He acquires inhumanity in the course of his life. Moreover, there is a normal stage of child development in which the manifestation of cruelty is a form of testing the boundaries of other people. The child bites or pulls the cat’s tail because he doesn’t know that this is not allowed. Moreover, not all children do this. If parents explain that a living being is in pain and do not clearly show cruelty to others, the child understands the rules and stops doing so.

Cruelty among teenagers is no longer the norm, even despite all attempts to explain this by hormonal changes. If a person grows up in an environment where beatings and humiliation become the norm, then he carries this model into adulthood. Another explanation for the abuse of those who suffered abuse in childhood is that a small child cannot respond in kind to adults due to his physical characteristics. He endures everything, but internal bitterness forms inside, which will certainly spill out in a destructive form in adulthood.

The reasons for cruelty due to this may be:

Low self-esteem, which an individual seeks to raise by humiliating others.
Lack of education, instillation of moral and ethical values.
Fear of your weakness, which is disguised as a pre-emptive strike.

Cruelty and severity

J. Bergeret on cruelty
“Cruelty is universal, since it is characteristic of every individual, we are talking about an instinctive innate component, intended for progressive integration in childhood and adolescence into other human goals, so that an adult can freely and effectively realize his abilities for creativity and love. But it is obvious that not all subjects achieve the same level of integration of their natural primitive cruelty. ...Cruelty does not include the desire to harm: one should not confuse natural and universal cruelty, even necessary for the survival of the individual (and existing from birth), with hatred or aggressiveness, which appears in a human being later and, in accordance with a more complex status, leads through various stages to the formation of a specific personality. <..> With cruelty, the subject always derives some satisfaction, more or less eroticized, from his aggressive behavior directed at the object. <..> Natural cruelty is only a reaction of defense, it manifests itself without pleasure, as well as without a sense of guilt” - “Psychoanalytic pathopsychology”, edited by J. Bergeret.

Strictness

Material https://www.edinenie.ru/index.php?id=179&view=article Ways and methods of achieving Strictness are observations, analysis, record keeping (development plan, diary, etc.), as well as actions in compliance with the laws life of the Universe. The opposite of severity: condescension, compliance, servility. Strictness should be manifested when a person is led by various kinds of temptations, laziness, fears, and also the desire to be good. In some cases they say: “I gave way,” “Willpower is not enough.” Instead of severity, indulgence often appears, “okay, next time we will do as we should, but now this is how it is.” There may be regrets that you were not able to achieve what you were striving for. It is necessary to learn to master Strictness wisely, as necessary, focusing on your humanity and desire for order. Strictness is the establishment and maintenance of order, justice and harmony. People often confuse the line between severity and cruelty. Strictness is the execution of laws, orders, rules, measures. Strictness presupposes measures that do not allow for leniency. Strictness presupposes sensitivity, understanding and justice, while cruelty is incompatible with gentleness and humor. Rigor gives us order, organization, efficiency, and the ability to create greater understanding through simplicity and precision. With rigor, relationships with others become reliable, efficient and orderly. Strictness is based on prioritization, a sense of responsibility and justice, love and care.

Material https://www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/zhestokos... Cruelty is an advanced degree of cruelty: it will punish disproportionately even for the smallest mistake. Close people can hurt you in a way that no one else can. It's cruel. Cruelty is also common among children who are out of control. Rigidity is the ability to put forward clear, uncompromising demands and insist on their implementation. The hard one will definitely punish, even for a small mistake. Rigidity is the second component in the chain: rigor- rigidity

-cruelty.
Rigidity is appropriate if: · You need to protect your status from attacks. · Strictness did not work several times in a row, but discipline needs to be established · Something out of the ordinary happened that needs to be stopped immediately (sloppy work, dishonesty, drunkenness, and so on) · The person is a resource and is ready to accept responsibility for failure to comply with requirements. · There is good contact with the person who is facing strict demands, both understand that rigidity in this case works better for the future (of business, relationships, self-development, etc.) Rigidity is inappropriate if: · There is no status yet or the status is clear, installed and not run over · The person did not know about the requirements placed on him or before that these requirements did not need to be strictly fulfilled. ·The harshness was not discussed in advance, there were no warnings about possible consequences. ·The person to whom strict demands are made is now out of resource (he himself suffered because of his mistake) ·The requirements are inadequate, greatly exaggerated and objectively impossible to fulfill. How to use rigidity
The more emergency the situation, the more extreme the case, the more often it can happen Rigidity is appropriate, even bordering on cruelty. Rigidity is effective and needed only when combined with a high-quality mind and a well-educated soul. For more details, see the formula for effective influence.

Severity, harshness, cruelty

Material https://www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/strogostz
... Strictness
implies execution of the standard, without deviations, entertainment and suppression of attempts to violate the established discipline.
Strictness is softer than harshness. Strictness is an attitude in which a person does not forgive mistakes. It won’t necessarily punish you, but it will have to be changed. Strict does not allow distractions or entertainment. DOES NOT allow freedom of creativity: it requires you to do it without deviating from the given pattern. Rather cold. Unlike harshness, severity can be warm and cheerful; it rarely comes to real punishment
: the issue is resolved at the level
of threats
, even comic ones.
A strict person can forgive mistakes, turn a blind eye to some shortcomings, praise and support. Punishments and any negative impacts are most likely not planned, but their possibility is regularly mentioned. Rigidity is not compatible with fun and humor, but is combined with calmness
.
Threats are never funny, but always serious. Threats may be followed by negative influences for educational purposes. The motivation
mostly
negative
, the general background is serious and calm.
Punishments and any negative impacts are warned in advance, perhaps repeatedly, but the penalties exist and are applied. Cruelty
is an advanced level of harshness.
The main background is coldness, detachment
. There are no threats - immediate actions, and immediately serious ones, often fraught with severe mental or physical discomfort, often inadequate to reality. Strictness, exactingness and rigidity may be acceptable, but cruelty is never. A gentle and understanding attitude towards people results in the most harsh and uncaring attitude, since you allow them laziness and weakness. If you want to take care of people, be tougher with them. If you love yourself, you will be soft. If you love people, you will be tough.

· The principle of tough love

Material https://www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/princip_z... If family members and loved ones encounter resistance from a drug addict or alcoholic, they should be guided in their actions by the Principle of Tough Love.
The relative should tell the patient: “If you abuse alcohol or drugs, then this is your choice, and I don’t want to have anything to do with your drug or alcoholic life. I understand that you may die, but I also understand that I am unable to do anything to stop you, therefore: no cash, no purchases of new things, as this could be used by you to purchase drugs or alcohol. I won’t solve your problems related to substance use: pay off debts, get you out of the police. If you live in the same apartment with me, then the only thing I can provide you with is a place to sleep and food. If you in any way harm us, me, steal, use moral or physical violence, then I use my right, as an individual, to protect myself and other members of my family. And therefore, in the event of theft, aggression shown by you towards me, I will turn to law enforcement agencies for help and reserve the right to use other methods of protection and generally cease to provide you with anything. I separate my life from your life in use. But if you express a sincere desire to be treated, I am ready to help you morally and financially.” Comments: Everything is reasonable, but why is it called love, and not just an adequate attitude, confrontation
?
A vivid version of the implementation of the principle of tough love is described by Evgeny Roizman
: ...One day Sanya, so excited, comes home, and in the living room a large iron cage is welded from thick rods.
“Why is this still necessary?!” - “And then, you bastard!” “They pushed Sanya in there, and the bars slammed shut. At first he thought it was a joke. Then he hoped that they had decided to scare him. Then he hit the bars, growled, threatened, but no one cared. Then he began to ask for forgiveness and swear the most terrible oaths... A few days later they pushed a cot and a small basin into his cage, which was like a bucket for him. Water and food were placed on the floor. And to his horror, he realized that this was not a joke... He spent eight months in a cage, and since then, for many years, he has not even been able to think about heroin without a spasm in his throat. The peers with whom he injected drugs, those who are not in jail, have all died. Sanya is now a successful person, helps others, loves her parents, and treats them with great respect. And his parents really deserved this respect. Narrow corridor, iron gloves: tough education
Material https://www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/uzkiy_kor... The “narrow corridor” model of education sets the task of regulating the life and behavior of a child (pupil) as strictly as possible, unambiguously moving his point A to point B. Smart, strong and loving parents (educators) can someday arrange for their children (pupils) a situation of strict instructions and close control: if this is necessary and in the interests of the child.
As a temporary educational measure, this can be appropriate, and organizing a month of “nothing but studying” before the children enter university is more likely to help the children. The “Narrow Corridor” model, in its positive version, sounds like the army style of education, and with the help of such a model, fair parents can raise a warrior from a strong child - strict with himself and disciplined. Special forces are traditionally trained in this style, where military personnel are prepared for extreme loads and readiness, if necessary, to give their lives without hesitation. For many centuries, life was built in this style in monasteries, where strict discipline was not only the everyday basis of survival, but also part of physical and spiritual asceticism. Due to the many shades and diversity of situations, the results of the “Narrow Corridor” educational model are very ambiguous. It happens that it is in such conditions that future warriors grow up: “They beat us, but we grow stronger. And everything that doesn’t break us makes us stronger.” Unfortunately, it happens that this same system breaks people, and then a person grows up who is afraid of everything, an inactive creature. What does this or that result depend on? First of all, it depends on the competence of the teacher. In the hands of ordinary parents, this model often instills fear and inactivity in children; in the hands of a master, this method forges a strong character in a person. Sometimes the “Narrow Corridor” model is a forced measure: at some ages, with some difficult children, another method simply will not work. In particular, children love to test adults' strength, and if an adult cannot show that he is the elder in this situation, children begin to command. In these cases, adults need to be firm and restore order. Unfortunately, the “Narrow Corridor” model is familiar to many in its most negative form. When a narrow corridor begins to be built between punishments, especially when there are more and more punishments, and the corridor is narrower, the “Narrow Corridor” turns into a barracks
, or even a concentration camp. A concentration camp is not a spiritual place: a child is surrounded by many prohibitions, he is not allowed to do everything. Don’t walk, don’t shout, don’t run, sit, don’t touch, take your hands away, don’t make noise, be quiet, don’t come up, “What did I say, put it down immediately!” At first, the child was taught to walk and talk, then they were taught to sit and be silent, and in general “so that I don’t see or hear you!”, like “disappear.” Any violation is immediately and inevitably followed by punishment: sometimes deprivation of your favorite games, sometimes name-calling, screaming, a slap on the head and being thrown into a corner. Only a narrow corridor is left for the child, where distractions and mistakes are not allowed: a step to the left or a step to the right - execution... The educational task of barracks and concentration camps is not just discipline, but unquestioning obedience. It should be taken into account that prohibitions may not be explicit, but hidden, and punishment may be through the formation of a feeling of guilt, as in the version “Please don’t make mom angry.” Not all parents set up a concentration camp consciously; many themselves do not notice how this is happening to them, and they get upset when they realize: “Yes, my main role is an overseer.” For another part of the parents, this is a conscious ideology; they are convinced that raising children this way is correct and normal: “Children should be spanked while they are lying across the bench.” In modern secular society, the use of such a model can be justified (not in terms of slaps on the head, but in terms of extremely strict discipline) when working with offenders who understand only the language of force, and drug addicts. Sometimes drug addicts have to be chained to an iron bed and deprived of food for several days; this is the only way they can withstand withdrawal. One way or another, the “Narrow Corridor” parenting model is controversial. In local, difficult situations, it may be the only correct solution, while for ordinary parents with normal children, arranging a “Narrow Corridor” for their children as a way of life is not recommended.

Psychology of men. How can women understand men?

Material https://www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/psihologi…

Women do not always understand men: men’s reactions and demands seem strange to them, sometimes harsh. However, if a woman better understands the characteristics of male psychology, mutual understanding comes faster.
A man wants a woman's love to be expressed the way he wants, and men's love languages are usually different than women's. For a girl, the language of love is kissing, for a man it is sex.
A reader writes: “Once I asked my husband how he understands that I love him, at what moments and what should I do for this so that he understands that I love him? His answer was: “When we have sex, and when you feed me” (in the sense of preparing food for him). For my part, I assumed that he thought that I loved him when I prepared food for him, worked with the children and family in general, and communicated with his parents and friends.”
For a woman, the language of love is to worry about a man and take care of him; for a man, the language of love is different. A man understands that he is loved when a woman feeds him and walks around happy, smiling like the sun.
He comes home - go out to him beautiful and smiling, hug him, kiss him and say: “Go eat! Perhaps you're hungry?
For a woman, an expression of love is to treat her loved one like a child, especially if the situation is a little tense and you want to defuse it. She wants to express her best attitude towards him and says: “My little cat, try it!”, bringing a teaspoon with a piece of tiramisu to his mouth so that he eats it from the spoon. If at this time he is even a little irritated, he wants to gnaw on this spoon along with the hand that feeds him, like a little one. He's not small! A man does not like to be treated like a little person, even with tenderness, even with the best intentions.
It is important for a woman when a man listens to her, and it is important for a man when a woman listens to him. This is different. If he said it, it is important for him that it be done, and immediately. Men don’t understand that sometimes it’s very difficult for women to do “immediately”; she needs to take a break from one thing and tune in to another. They don’t understand this, because they “immediately” know how to do it, and when a woman does what he asks - not immediately, the man perceives it as disrespect for him.
If you can’t do it right away, don’t be silent, but say it and say it when you can. Men need certainty in everything.
A man loves business and does not like women's feelings. Men don't need a woman's emotions and feelings when he wants to talk about business. He wants to talk about business, and the woman begins to include emotions and talk about her relationship, thoughts, what she thinks and how she experiences. This irritates men: “I’m with you on business, and you tell me about your emotions. Can’t we talk to you seriously, like you’re smart?”
To make such misunderstandings less likely, ask him to speak clearly: “I’m talking to you about business right now.” It will be like a password between you, and men understand this. It will be convenient for you: if he didn’t say it, you won’t be guilty.
A man doesn’t understand just “sharing.” He still listens to abstract conversations in relation to himself: “What do they want from me?” A woman loves to dream, imagining a big beautiful house, big money, an expensive cruise, long journeys, a luxurious vacation. She’s just dreaming, but a man in such a situation often feels uncomfortable because he interprets this as expectations for him, to which he often has nothing to answer.
So that a man does not create a feeling of guilt out of nowhere and does not get angry, it is better to accompany such dreams with a preface: “You are my best. Can I just dream? Without tasks and goals, but just to fantasize for joy? Can?". He will allow it, and you will rejoice together.
Certainty is important to a man. In everything, and the more the better. A man wants certainty about what a woman needs from him. Prolonged and emotional talking irritates a man: “Can you finally explain, what is the actual meaning of your words?” Translation: "Give me clear instructions." It’s common for a woman to talk about her condition, but a man is worried about behavior - “Do what?” Men are simple in this regard. They understand Yes and No, they need specific instructions, they do not understand hints, feelings and unclear conversations.
Often women speak to men in hints, but with men this is a very unfruitful way of communicating. Firstly, the man simply does not understand what you want to get from him.
When a girl says to her boyfriend: “Marinka is getting married in a month,” her boyfriend simply perceives this as information. For the girl it was a hint - and when are we at the registry office?
Secondly, if a man does not understand the hint (and most often this happens), then the woman is offended by him. In response to her hint about her friend’s marriage, she expects a proposal from her boyfriend. If it is not followed, then she is offended.
A man gets annoyed when he doesn’t understand the essence of a woman’s request, what she wants from him, and doesn’t hear instructions. He may not agree with what the woman wants from him, but it is important for him to understand what the woman is asking him for.
How to be here? Usually a simple formulation helps: “You sit down, I’ll just tell you. You don't need to do anything, just listen and nod. I want to share with you." That's it, after that he is ready to listen to you.
A man needs certainty when a woman answers his questions. If a man begins to talk about difficulties and problems, he does not need a woman’s emotional “yes, I understand you very much.” He needs options to think about how this situation can be solved. But so that he does not have the feeling that he cannot solve the issue himself, he should ask: “Are you interested in my opinion?” — and then look at nonverbalism. When a man asks for advice, advice can and should be given to him, only without emotional pressure: you think, he makes a decision.
Female formulation: “Listen, first of all, you can come up with all this yourself, better than me, well, it seems to me that maybe it’s worth doing this, but think for yourself, you understand better.” In fact, she gave him clear instructions, and in form said that you, of course, are the smartest, who can argue against that.
If a man asked him to help, it means he needs it, and it’s better to do it: then and in the way he asked. If a man does not ask for help, the man does not need help. No need, women! A man has difficulty accepting help in general, and from a woman in particular. For a man, unsolicited help from a woman is an indicator of his failure: “You couldn’t handle it on your own!”, but in everything it’s important to him: “I myself!”
If your man is carrying a suitcase on wheels, you don’t need to tell him where it’s more convenient and easier for him to bypass the steps: men perceive this not as help, but as petty care and distrust of him. It's easier for him to deal with everything on his own.
A husband and wife are on their way to visit, the husband is driving, and it seems they are lost. The husband is nervous, trying to figure it out on the map, time is passing... The wife is getting tired of this situation and she says: “Let me go out and ask passers-by?” Here the man may explode, and the wife will be offended in the best of feelings. With her care, she wanted to tell him: “You are close to me, you are dear to me, and I don’t want you to be upset!” I can’t be with you at all, you can’t take me to the guests!”
How to behave correctly? Women, relax and trust your husband. Shut up, don’t give advice that isn’t asked for. It’s normal to touch his hand and say softly: “Don’t worry, we’ll make it in time, there’s nothing wrong.” And after a few minutes, when he hears this and digests it, you can ask: “Can I help you somehow? Maybe I’ll ask passers-by?” Emphasize that the man can handle everything on his own, and without your help. Then he will allow and accept your help.
A young man sends his resume and asks his girlfriend: “Please tell me, are such accompanying comments normal?” The friend looked at it and formulated: “Yes, of course, everything is wonderful there, but it seems to me that perhaps something should be added.” This advice was received with gratitude.
·Women, leave the right to make decisions to the man: both big and small!
A related feature: men do not like it when the woman next to him speaks out categorically. And doesn't ask him about his opinion. A wise woman will stop herself ten times a day during a conversation and turn to her husband: “What do you think?” - That’s it, the man will speak out and be happy. Naturally, there is no need to argue with a man. If you don’t agree with him, you can ask him why he thinks and why he made such a decision, but these should really be questions of understanding, and not rhetorical questions with the subtext “How could this come into your head?”
· Women, during a conversation, stop yourself more often and ask the man what he thinks about this.
Men are very vulnerable when it comes to the decisions they make incorrectly, and the most difficult situation for them is when in the situation where he was wrong, the woman was right. She told him, but he did it his way... It should be noted that if a woman made a mistake, then her attitude towards it is quite calm. She can allow herself to throw up her hands and say: “Well, anything can happen, but I can’t foresee everything.” A woman will not be angry with herself for a long time. Men are different, and in such a situation any reproach from a woman is tantamount to a blade striking him in the heart.
A reader writes: We decided to buy an apartment. We found a very good suitable option. And for the price it suited us. I insisted on buying, my husband said: “We’ll wait.” This apartment has been sold. Then for a very long time we could not find an option that suited us. As a result, we lived in cramped conditions for almost a year, and besides, when we finally found an option, we paid more money than for the first apartment we liked.
Yes, the man made a mistake, and this mistake cost the family dearly. Question: will you reproach your husband for this? Should I remind him of this?
Dear women, if you plan not to destroy a man ahead of time, forget the phrases: “But I warned you, I told you!” A woman must recognize a man’s right to make mistakes and not nag him. He's already angry enough at himself that everything went wrong. Do not punish him, do not add fuel to the fire, it is better to direct him to more energetic actions in the right direction. You should always believe in your man and be sure to tell him about it, especially in difficult situations when he has had a puncture.
If you were fired from your job, it’s no big deal, it means you’ll find something better, if you lost your salary, well, that’s an interesting creative problem, we’ll definitely solve it. A woman must maintain confidence in a man that he will cope with any problem; it is this behavior of a woman that is an expression of her love for him.
Also: in tense, stressful situations, a man wants to be alone. In similar cases, a woman wants to speak out, she needs an interlocutor (interlocutor), and she thinks that the man needs something. She sees his tension, tries to get the man to talk, and, wanting to help him, begins to ask questions. And a man often does not respond to this, gets angry and remains silent - “closes down.” She's offended!
In fact, the man here does not “close up.” The word “close” is not from the male vocabulary, it is a description from women. The man does not close himself off - he thinks, he is just busy and wants not to be distracted from this.
At the same time, a man sometimes still “closes down.” Most often this happens when he feels lousy at heart. Don’t be confused: the situation here is not objectively complex or tense, but simply bad for the soul. If a man feels bad at heart, if he is dissatisfied with himself or is angry, he wants to swear, he just “closes down”, withdraws and does not discuss anything until he gets out of his crisis.
Why? - women don’t understand. They really don’t understand: if a woman suddenly feels bad at heart, she has difficulties and problems, if she has a tingling sensation, is sick and has a personality crisis, she does not put a wall between herself and those around her, she wants to speak out and share, she it gets easier.
But men are different. A man, due to his upbringing, believes that emotional dusting is completely pointless. For men this is true. If a woman speaks out, she feels better. If a man utters his bad thoughts, he is charged with them even more... What is an attentive and loving woman to do here? Just be there, be calm and attentive as always. And when he wants to talk, just listen to him. And it’s even better without comments, just sit next to him and stroke his hand. “You will succeed! You always succeed!” - maybe this is the only thing worth telling him.
And lastly: be careful if a man is offended by you. How to react to those who are offended by you is a separate conversation; here you need to take into account something else - it is very likely that the man was not offended, but angry with you. Attention: if you are not absolutely sure that this is exactly his RESULT, and you admit that he is ANGRY with you, proceed from the second. Telling a man that he is offended when he is angry with you is making him doubly angry. According to men, only women and children are offended, so you should be careful here.

Self-sufficiency

Material https://www.psychologos.ru/articles/view/samodosta...

What is self-sufficiency and a self-sufficient person? Who needs it and why, self-sufficiency? Self-sufficiency is when you are enough of yourself and you are not afraid of loneliness. When you have everything important, when you can do without others. Self-sufficiency is a negative version of independence. The slogan of independence is “Thank you, I can handle it myself.” “I can manage without you!” - the slogan of self-sufficiency. It is necessary to distinguish between economic, psychological and social self-sufficiency. When a young man cannot do without his mother to feed himself in the morning, this is economic insecurity. If a girl cannot imagine herself without communicating with her mother and friends, this is psychological lack of self-sufficiency. Social self-sufficiency is when you are not just smart and strong, but also successful, wealthy, in your business. Not being self-sufficient is a problematic condition, but self-sufficiency is not always a good thing. Self-sufficiency can also be healthy and problematic. If a man loves to be with friends, but feels great without them, this is healthy self-sufficiency. If the same man arranges his life in such a way that he does not depend on anyone and does not date anyone, this self-sufficiency is problematic. Self-sufficiency is both a state of mind and the presence of certain life skills. Self-sufficiency has its various facets and is defined by several lines. This is the ability to live on your own, to do without outside help, to organize life around yourself, at your own expense. At a minimum, feed and clothe yourself with your own money, and if you’re serious, live in your own space. For example, rent an apartment. It is also the ability to make decisions independently, to live in your own head, guided only by your own judgment. Which does not mean “don’t listen to anyone.” Asking is good, listening to reasonable advice is useful, but I will decide for myself. It is the habit of living without the need for outside support or approval, when you have enough strength to make your decisions without the approval of friends and others around you. If you take full responsibility for your actions, then the approval or disapproval of others becomes nothing more than feedback for you, and nothing more. The same applies to the need for the attention of others. This is nice, but for a self-sufficient person it is no longer really necessary. And, a very important point is the absence of sick attachments. If you understand that someone’s existence is necessary for you like air, letters or calls from someone are a matter of life and death for you, it is difficult to talk about self-sufficiency. These are sick attachments, and this is not self-sufficiency. The condition for healthy self-sufficiency is the absence of fears or the ability to overcome them. An anxious person is not a self-sufficient person, or his self-sufficiency takes on traits of isolation, traits of running away from life. Self-sufficiency attracts many, but how many? Most often, those who are tormented by the fear of loneliness and dream of getting rid of it, which for him means: becoming a self-sufficient person. Is self-sufficiency a good thing?
Not everyone likes self-sufficiency.
The shadow side of self-sufficiency is separation, isolation from others. If a young person learns to be self-sufficient because he does not know how to live among people, then such a transition to self-sufficiency is hardly the best way out. Parents often do not like the self-sufficiency of children, because children can no longer easily listen to them. If parents are clueless, then children's self-sufficiency is a wonderful solution. If the parents are wise, and self-sufficient children stop listening to them prematurely, this situation is more controversial. The more confident a self-sufficient person is, the more open he is to smart hints from the outside, the higher the quality of his self-sufficiency. How to become a self-sufficient person?
The only way to become a self-sufficient person is to stop expecting, or even more so, demanding something from others, and start living and behaving like an adult and self-sufficient person.
First steps: learn to take care of yourself, learn to earn money and solve all your life problems on your own. The film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” Gosha lived as a completely self-sufficient person until he met his beloved woman. Development prospects: what's next, beyond self-sufficiency? Everything has its time. At a certain stage, self-sufficiency is a sign of growing up, a sign of qualitative personal development. “I can stand on my own two feet in life” is worthy. But self-sufficiency is not the height of personal development; the ability to take care of oneself is only the beginning. Don't get stuck on being self-sufficient. Start learning to think about others, care about others, learn to give care to the people around you. Gosha from the film “Moscow Doesn’t Believe in Tears” lived as a completely self-sufficient person until he met the woman he loved. After this, he may have lost some of his self-sufficiency, but he acquired love and a new meaning in life. We wish the same for you.

Types of cruelty

All abusive people may display their negative character traits in different ways:

The most extreme form of cruelty is physical violence against living beings.
Moral humiliation, manifested in bullying, evil jokes, gossip and curses that poison the lives of other people.
Constant irritability, in which a person can throw out his negative feelings at any, even the most insignificant, actions on the part of other people.
Committing destructive acts “for evil”, destroying existing canons and dogmas.

What is cruelty and what are its symptoms?

It is often said that cruelty is a psychological disease. Therefore, we can well call its features symptoms.

However, cruelty is not an innate quality. This is an acquired habit that is characteristic of people with psychological disorders. And these deviations are caused by psychological trauma. Among them it is worth noting the most popular:

long-term abuse of the person who has become abusive. This may happen in childhood or adolescence;
severe inhibition due to physical or psychological inferiority;
watching aggressive videos or playing computer games (especially affects teenagers);
experiences of a love nature;
critical moments in life (death of a loved one, loss of a job, etc.).

Cruelty can manifest itself in different degrees and in different ways in terms of the manifestation of force. With the help of this, a person supports his own ego; he believes that this way he will show his power over other individuals.

Cruelty can manifest itself like this:

Violence in the form of the use of physical force (often leading to severe bodily harm, torture or even murder);
Vandalism;
Committing an act “out of spite”;
Threats, curses towards acquaintances;
Constant irritability from the smallest thing - a gesture, a glance.

However, a person who is clearly cruel takes pleasure in his condition and behavior. Therefore, it is necessary to identify the advantages and disadvantages of this character trait.

What is the harm of cruelty?

The consequences of cruelty are destructive not only for the person or animal at whom it is directed, but also for the aggressor himself. With physical and psychological discomfort, the victim loses his personality traits. Low self-esteem, apathy, depressive moods and, possibly, a desire for revenge and retaliatory cruelty develop.

For the aggressor himself, it is important that such a feeling as cruelty is a consequence of deep-seated psychological problems that the individual is trying to solve with the help of destructive forms of behavior. This is how the human psyche works, which is protected by any known methods. However, this behavior can progress. If at first the child only hurt kittens, then with age the beatings can be inflicted on people, even to the point of serious injury and even death.

Can cruelty be justified?

If bloodthirstiness is a clear deviation from normal behavior, and such people require the help of specialists, then there are justified forms of cruelty. It can be acceptable only in those moments when an individual or his close people are in danger, both physical and moral. When an individual defends his life when attacked by criminals or repels the attacks of psychological vampires, then he cannot be called a cruel person. In such situations, there is no desire to humiliate or maim another for obvious gain, only to protect one’s body and morale.

What is cruelty and why does it manifest itself?

Cruelty appears when a person chooses the wrong directions in life for him. They can be chosen consciously or unconsciously. In the second case, the person is accustomed to doing this since childhood. This is what his parents did, so he simply does not know that he can behave differently.

But how does a cruel person behave? In addition to the fact that he brings pain or suffering to others, he generally behaves aggressively and indifferently. He is angry and dissatisfied with everyone and everything.

People often think that aggression and cruelty are the same thing. Aggression can be a constant component of cruelty. But if a person behaved aggressively once, maybe there is some reason for this behavior. And this does not mean that the person is cruel. This behavior may be driven by hunger or fear, the need for self-defense or protection of property. And cruelty is driven by nothing other than pleasure. A cruel person never thinks about what needs or feelings his neighbor experiences; he will not understand why a person is offended or sad.

Important: cruelty is characteristic only of man. Animals can only be aggressive because of the need to protect their food, territory, and offspring.

How to overcome cruelty?

Knowing the main forms of cruelty and their causes, you can successfully protect yourself from it and teach your children the same:

To begin with, it is very important to realize that cruelty is destructive behavior. Once the problem is understood and accepted by the individual, work can begin to solve it.
Abuse should not be tolerated in your environment: family, circle of friends, team. It is important to distance yourself from all this as quickly and effectively as possible.
Love and accept yourself, adjust your self-esteem to adequate positions, get rid of internal fears and complexes.
Accept other people and their right to individuality, which does not infringe on the rights of other members of society.
In addition to protecting yourself from any form of violence, you also need to change your behavior for the better, treating people the same way you would like to treat yourself.

Essay: How to deal with cruelty?

(370 words) How to deal with cruelty? Surely each of us has asked ourselves this question at least once in our lives. Too often people have to face opposition, suffer from the rudeness of others, endure insults and endure bad treatment. In my opinion, the way to combat this is through generosity. When we treat people kindly and help them, they get used to it and, in the end, understand: this kind of behavior is the norm for a person. I will give several arguments in defense of my position.

The heroine of F. M. Dostoevsky’s work “Crime and Punishment” Sonya Marmeladova grew up in a poor family, all members of which suffered hardships. The father of the family spent all his money on alcohol. His daughter had to go on a yellow ticket to save her children and stepmother from starvation. Helping her family out of trouble and sacrificing her interests, she realized that evil fate can only be overcome by kindness and nobility. This is the only way to eradicate violence and aggression, which reign in society only as long as people themselves behave this way and consider this the norm. So, the heroine, despite her problems and misfortunes, found the strength to overcome Rodion’s vices. She helped Raskolnikov gain faith in God and abandon evil theories, and as a result, the killer repented of the crime and came to the police station himself, thereby preventing the conviction of an innocent person. This means that it is generosity that can overcome cruelty.

The heroine of Lydia Charskaya’s work “Notes of a Schoolgirl” lost her mother early. The orphan ended up with his uncle's family. Her brothers and sisters disliked her, but Lena felt sorry for them from the bottom of her heart and tried to help. She responded to bullying not with retaliatory aggression, but with a good and friendly attitude that helped her half-siblings become better people and develop positive character traits. In the end, the little Ikonins stopped committing cruel acts and mocking the orphan. They realized that the girl had a kind heart and fell in love with her. This means that the heroine’s kindness was not only able to overcome blind childhood cruelty, but also contributed to the moral purification of the characters, who now recognized the essence of generosity and learned the basics of good behavior in society, based on mutual assistance.

All this means that generosity really helps to overcome cruelty, overcome anger and hatred in human hearts. Only goodness can convince aggressive people to change for the better, because it gives them an incentive to rethink their attitude towards the world and their environment. Violence can only generate a retaliatory strike, but forgiveness and understanding perform a miracle, contributing to the moral purification of the individual.

Author: Victoria Harutyunyan