How to apologize to your friend: looking for the right approach

Friends are an important category of close people, which, in their own way, are no less important than relatives. Those who are close to us in spirit, and not by blood, sometimes understand us better than the rest of the world. Conversations with them, time spent in their company, their help and support make our lives more interesting, richer, brighter and happier. Therefore, a serious quarrel with such a person is always difficult and acute.

Is it worth putting up with your girlfriend in principle?

So, let's assume that there is a conflict between you and your friend, and now you are thinking about how to make peace with her. And perhaps the thought creeps into your head: “Should I put up with her in principle? Maybe it’s easier to leave everything as it is?”

Oddly enough, both options can be reasonable in different cases. In general, to make a final decision, you can use the following tips:

• Leaving everything as it is after a strong quarrel makes sense if the conflict has revealed serious contradictions in your life positions. It’s sad, but people change with age, and sometimes those who a few years ago understood each other perfectly now speak different languages. Such a relationship will give both sides nothing but misunderstandings and constant quarrels based on fundamental differences in views. In a case like this, no matter how painful it may be, it may make sense to use the argument to end the friendship. But of course, you must analyze the situation very carefully to make such a serious decision.
• If there is at least some chance that you will continue to be able to communicate interestingly and productively, then, of course, it is very necessary to make peace with your friend. Friends are wonderful gifts of fate, which definitely should not be abandoned because of an absurd quarrel that does not indicate the meaninglessness of your relationship as a whole. Even if it’s difficult, painful, or you have to step on the throat of your own song, strong friendship is worth such efforts.

What should you definitely not do?

This method is used in films, usually comedies and intended for teenagers. Two girls (or guys, according to the plot, such options are possible) who are offended by each other are pushed together, when emotions are still boiling, and forced to talk. Possible options for implementing this method: lock quarreling friends in the same room, provide them with alcohol, or push them together in public, for example, at a party.

Why shouldn't you do this? In films, the goal is achieved. That's the thing: movies, with their carefully crafted plots, are different from real life. And if emotions have not yet cooled down, resentment and anger are still bubbling inside, will there be a fruitful conversation between two people? The answer will most likely be negative.

It’s worth making a reservation: sometimes in reality the cinematic method works. But both sides need to be prepared for reconciliation.

How to make peace with a friend if the cause of the quarrel is a man?

Probably every second woman who had a fight with her friend did it because of a member of the opposite sex, directly or indirectly. Of course, a lot depends on the situation, but you still need to understand that the relationship between you and your friend and the relationship between you and other people are different things and not very interconnected. Accordingly, try to both realize and discuss the following points with your friend:

1. The personal life of each of you is something separate from your friendship. Even if your interests in this area intersect.
2. Every man and every woman strives to find a couple that suits them best. And it’s normal if two women liked one man, and he chose the one with whom he feels better. This only means that they have a greater chance of building a happy relationship, and in no way humiliates the “losing” party. She should also wait for someone with whom they will be perfect for each other.

In other words, it is very important here to talk specifically about you, about your connection, and not slide into the division of the stronger sex. Don't let jealousy cloud your judgment; respect both yourself and your friend.

Mediation is the best way to reconcile two friends

Mediation, or mediation, is a tactic used by practicing psychologists to resolve conflict situations. It is used by both company executives who are interested in the result when a conflict arises at work, and parents who are savvy in raising children when their kids quarrel over a toy. It is also suitable for the case we are considering.

Your role as a mediator is to help the two conflicting parties reach mutual understanding and guide them towards finding a constructive solution that will satisfy both. Perhaps one of the girls, or even both, will have to make concessions. Your task is to make them understand that this is not a loss, but specific actions that need to be taken for a high goal, to maintain friendship. After all, the girls have a lot in common, and if they quarrel, one will no longer remind the other how they rocked it at prom, and the second will not say in response that the last New Year’s corporate party was also fun.

There is also an algorithm for the behavior of a mediator in resolving conflicts. So, two friends are sitting opposite each other and are ready to enter into a dialogue. What should the third one do?

Universal rules of reconciliation

Successful reconciliation with an offended friend, in general, is subject to several universal rules, regardless of the cause of the quarrel. Additional mental work is worth doing only when a conflict arises, as we wrote about above. And the main tips on how to properly make peace with your girlfriend after a strong fight can be summarized as follows:

1. Find out what is causing the quarrel. Moreover, it is the reason itself, and not its outer shell. For example, an unpleasant word accidentally dropped is a form of reason, and resentment because a friend considers you unattractive is its essence. Lateness is a form, lack of attention, care and respect (even if contrived) is the essence. And so on. Get to the root of the problem, no matter who is at fault.

1. Find a solution to the identified problem, and be prepared to make compromises and concessions in order to make peace. Of course, it will be very good if your friend is also ready to compromise, but you can only answer for yourself. If we are talking about an insult, you need to be ready to apologize. About insufficient care - promise to be more attentive in the future. About different positions in looking at something - agreeing to recognize someone else’s point of view as no less valid and worthy than your own (at the same time, your opinion may well remain unchanged - we are only talking about respect for other people’s views).
2. Don't be shy, don't be lazy and don't be afraid to talk about your feelings. Instead of putting yourself out there, try telling your friend that she is important to you, that you love her no matter what, and that you would really like to sort out the conflict so that you can continue to communicate with her. If your friend also values ​​you, then after such a recognition she will be more likely to engage in a constructive dialogue.

Why do people stop being friends?

It is clear that everyone has quarrels for different reasons. Sometimes they are stupid, and sometimes the reason is significant, and the offense is justified. But it is important to remember that a friend, even if the girls are in conflict, is a close person who deserves understanding and empathy.

READ How to make peace with a girl: advice from psychologists

Initially, it is recommended to analyze why the scandal occurred, and only then make attempts to make peace with your girlfriend:

1. Misunderstanding. People, even the closest ones, have different views on certain things. You need to accept this or find friends who would share the person’s opinion completely. But it is almost impossible to agree on everything, because disagreements will still appear somewhere.
2. Pressure. If a friend tries to provoke, manipulates, forces you to do something, or behaves hysterically, then it is better not to communicate with her. The girl is able to adopt this pattern of behavior or develop some internal problems that will prevent her from making friends with people in the future.
3. Violation of personal boundaries. Not every person understands that you should not interfere in your friend’s life, even if their communication is very close and trusting. Someone tries to give advice, finds out information, tries to insert their two cents when there is no need for it. It is better to warn such friends so that they do not cross conventional boundaries and do not begin to become familiar. If talking doesn't help, then communication should be stopped.

These reasons are the main ones that can ruin a friendship. It is important to understand whether it is necessary to establish interpersonal relationships with this person at all. If a friend does not value her loved ones, neglects their feelings, behaves meanly and ugly, then it is better not to contact her. Even if it’s hard at first, after a while it will pass, the emotions will fade away.

READ How to regain the trust of a loved one: methods and useful tips

When a girl admits that she is guilty, but in general is not too eager to continue the friendship, it is recommended to resolve the conflict and then reduce communication to nothing. This way, the friends will remain good acquaintances, and there will be no enmity or hostility between them.

Features of reconciliation if the friend is to blame

As we have already said, you can only be responsible for your behavior, your words and thoughts. We don’t know what the friend will do and say. Therefore, if you think that she is to blame for the quarrel, but she does not take the first steps towards reconciliation, start from your feelings, thoughts, and the significance of this friendship for you.

If you are suffering because of a quarrel, want to make peace and believe that your relationship has potential, approach the guilty friend first. Tell her about your feelings, arrange a meeting, demonstrate your willingness to compromise. And don’t expect her to fall on her knees in front of you and tearfully beg for forgiveness: in the end, everyone has their own truth. Not to mention the fact that some people basically don’t know how to apologize. If you know that your friend is one of them, and you still love her, perhaps you can feel her regret through some other, non-verbal signs, and still make peace.

Advice from psychologists

The main advice of psychologists is to think not only about yourself, suppress selfishness. All people experience emotions, so it is easy to hurt someone, to offend someone. It’s worth thinking about what to say, how to behave, what to pay attention to.

Only sincerity and the ability to admit one’s own mistakes can reconcile two best friends. Sometimes relationships fall apart - it is important to learn to accept this. But if there is still a chance to establish contact, then you need to use it.

Features of reconciliation if you yourself are to blame

Making peace with your best friend in such a situation is somewhat easier, because here everything depends, first of all, on you. Unless, of course, you yourself are the type of person who would rather jump out of a window than say a simple “Sorry.”

If you are well aware of your guilt, sincerely apologize and offer a constructive way out of the conflict that will minimize the likelihood of the situation repeating in the future. If you find it difficult to ask for forgiveness, try using other phrases to make peace:

• "I'm sorry I made you worry."
• "I'm sorry that my actions ruined your evening."
• “I’ll try not to upset you over little things like that in the future.”
• And so on.

In a word, do without “sorry” and “excuse me,” but make it clear that you are aware of your guilt. Here you can use an excellent technique to replace an apology for actions with an apology for the fact that you caused negative emotions. If your action itself was neither black nor white, but your friend was upset, ask for forgiveness precisely because you ruined her mood, and not for the action itself. This way your inner sense of justice will not be infringed.

Causes and ways to prevent quarrels

1. Touchiness. Perhaps the friend is overly impressionable and withdraws into herself at the slightest disagreement. If this is your case, then you need to control yourself, avoid harsh statements, and do not criticize her, otherwise resentment cannot be avoided.
2. A quarrel may occur due to the second girl’s excessive pride. She may act too arrogantly, creating a wall of misunderstanding. You can prevent conflict only if the girl becomes more down-to-earth and begins to treat you with respect.
3. Different views on life. It is normal for two people to have different points of view. To avoid conflict situations, it is necessary not to talk about topics that are unpleasant to the interlocutor. At the first signs of a developing quarrel, you need to change the topic of conversation and do what both of you like.
4. Envy is not uncommon in female friendships. If one of the friends has achieved more, has a good job, a beloved man, better appearance, then poison begins to accumulate in the second, which sooner or later she spills out. In such a situation, the more successful young lady should not flaunt her merits and merits; she should not brag. And for a girl who knows that she has a negative character trait, it’s time to work on herself, including on her appearance, if something doesn’t suit her.
5. Jealousy is also not uncommon in relationships between two girls. Here we can talk about the appearance of a young man or a new acquaintance of one of the young ladies. In such a situation, it is important that the relationship is maintained between all three. Otherwise, the friendship will end very quickly.

Now you know how to make peace with your best friend. As you can see, no one is immune from conflicts in relationships. In addition, there are many reasons for a quarrel between two girls. Remember, if your friend is very dear to you and you value her company, do not be afraid to take the first step towards reconciliation, do not delay it.

What to do if your friend doesn’t even want to talk?

Reasoning about what to say to an offended friend in order to make peace will not help much if she does not want to talk to you at all. In such a situation, the most correct thing to do is:

1. Leave her alone for a while. Let him cool down, calm down and, perhaps, miss you and your time together.

1. Write her a message with an approximate text of what you would say to her in person. We have already talked about this above: this is an apology or recognition of the validity of someone else’s point of view, words about feelings for a friend and her importance, a mention of the willingness to make compromises and work on the development of your relationship. At the same time, the message should not be too long and annoying: after all, your friend does not want to talk to you. Therefore, express yourself accurately, but concisely. And limit yourself to one detailed message, and don’t overwhelm her with a bunch of letters, posts or SMSs.
2. Keep your mouth shut in the company of mutual friends. Under no circumstances should you badmouth your friend behind her back: if she finds out about this, then your friendship will definitely not be saved. Just wait.
3. Don’t forget to congratulate her on holidays and other significant dates. A quarrel is a quarrel, but celebrations are on schedule. A conflict should not become a reason for you to forget to congratulate her, for example, on her birthday.
4. After some time, offer to meet and calmly discuss everything. Perhaps your friend herself will not be happy that she was deprived of your company for so long, and you will be able to make peace and resume communication.

What should you do at the end of a quarrel?

Now that the guys have spoken to each other, you can begin reconciliation. Very often, the interlocutors themselves find a compromise and within a few seconds they hug each other with a smile.

But what to do if it didn’t work out to reconcile friends or find a compromise? Then you can ask them a leading question: “Do you feel better?”

Find a solution to the problem yourself. If the offense lies in the fact that you wanted to go to the park with friends, but one did not come, then make an agreement. If you are late somewhere or don’t want to go, then warn others via SMS or call.