Adultery is a catastrophic thing. If a wife catches her husband cheating, she looks for the reason in her rival. But if a husband becomes a cuckold, he, first of all, blames his wife, and only then switches his anger to his rival. Although, to begin with, the deceived husband should calm down a little and think carefully about why his such a decent missus suddenly decided to take such a step.
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Signs of a wife cheating
Many men do not know how a wife who cheats behaves. So, the main signs of a cheating spouse are:
- regular communication via SMS , and after each sending the message is deleted.
- if someone calls, she goes into another room - you agree, there is a good reason to be wary.
- regular lateness from work . Of course, a situation may arise when she is overloaded with work, but what if this happens regularly? Here it is enough to call her at work and, under the pretext that it is impossible to get through on the phone, ask whether she is at work or not, and when she left. What if I cheated on you at work? All their colleagues will obviously know about this.
- There are often situations where she can be seen with the male sex . Of course, she may meet an acquaintance, a colleague, and so on. But if she is constantly seen with men in the park, in restaurants or cafes? There is reason to be wary.
- when leaving the apartment, he “gets confused in his testimony” , maybe he will say one thing, and upon returning he will mention something else.
- constant change of mood . Often offended, both with and without cause. Often, when there are lovers, women have a double feeling towards their official husbands - they do not know what to do, because of this she is nervous, which is manifested in her behavior. Very often, women who cheat begin to feel hatred towards their husbands, which manifests itself in endless nagging, accusations and requests in the style of “stay there, come here.”
- stopped talking about her feelings for her husband, inattentive, careless, indifferent.
- Sex life has changed radically . Often women who have lovers either try to avoid sexual intercourse, or offer to use new positions, behave very unusually for their early behavior, which cannot but be alarming.
- at every quarrel he calmly declares “if you don’t like something, file for divorce.”
- She began to devote more time to her appearance , but until recently this was not noticed about her.
This list is not exhaustive, but sufficient to answer the question of how wives behave when cheating. The most important sign is change. Something has changed. Each woman can have her own: she suddenly fell in love with new music, changed her hairstyle, leaves home at an unusual time for her, became secretive, or talkative, although this is unusual for her, etc.
On the other hand, any of these signs does not mean that the matter is necessarily cheating. Don't get paranoid. Before worrying or making a decision, you need to make sure of the fact of betrayal .
How to save a family without losing respect?
A man may also worry that if he forgives his wife, she will stop respecting him altogether. However, at the same time, I don’t want to get a divorce. Is it possible to save a family without losing respect? Can. Psychologists advise filing an application for divorce with the registry office.
What's the point if you don't want to get divorced? You will demonstrate your readiness to part with your wife, who is not worthy of forgiving her and saving the family. If a woman is adequate and does not want to destroy the marriage, then she may be afraid. She herself will want to return the husband she cheated on. She will feel that she is losing her husband.
In this way, it will be possible to save the family when the wife herself comes to you to make peace, persuade you to stay and not destroy the marriage. You will be able to save your face, while earning respect that your wife may not have felt for you for a long time.
If in such a situation the wife does not come herself to make peace, it means that the application to the registry office was submitted objectively. Your wife has not wanted to live with you for a long time, so in this situation it is better to let her go.
Why do you need to act this way? If you start talking to your wife, demanding forgiveness from her, or, even worse, crying because of her action, then she will definitely treat you like a doormat.
Why?…
The reasons for wives' infidelity are difficult to classify. In most cases, this is a banal lack of male attention, although the reason for such a husband’s attitude towards her may also be in her behavior.
Most women, after registering their relationship with their significant other, forget that they belong to the fair sex. Before marriage, they always tried to look attractive and charming, but after marriage they become ordinary housewives, completely immersed in home life.
Of course, there is nothing unnatural about this at all, because family relationships imply some responsibilities. But you must admit, without makeup, in ordinary home clothes, a woman becomes less desirable to her man, which leads to a decrease in attention from the male sex . For this reason, women often console themselves with their lovers, because the latter pay enough attention, which is sometimes often lacking.
My husband is often away from home
It is not uncommon to encounter situations when a woman tries to be neat and attractive, but there is no one to show her beauty to. This is due to my husband’s constant business trips.
Moreover, husbands, when around, idolize their wives and try to give them the best. But why do wives cheat even in such families?
In such a situation, everything is simple - a woman simply feels lonely, since their husbands spend most of their lives on business trips or simply stay at their jobs because of their position.
Banal revenge
Let's be honest, often in families husbands cheat on their wives. In turn, the spouses, when they find out about this, in a fit of anger try to hurt their loved one as painfully as possible. And here the saying “an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth” comes into play.
It is worth noting that this revenge is today considered one of the most pressing causes of betrayal in family relationships.
I wanted a thrill
Unfortunately, in married couples there are situations when the wife gets tired of her standard lifestyle.
It must be said here that the guys themselves are also prone to seeking new thrills. It is everyday life, the forcedness to constantly be with each other, that pushes spouses to cheat.
Lack of sexual satisfaction
It is not uncommon to encounter situations where girls at work or a wife on the street discuss their personal lives. You could say they share their successes, including sexually.
For this reason, a spouse may suddenly realize that her sex life is not as vibrant and passionate as she would like.
It may also happen that she was missing something sexually without any talk. For this reason, a woman may cheat to satisfy her needs.
A very common reason is that a woman “did not wake up.” A woman does not experience an orgasm, and, as a result, she does not form an attachment to her partner, but it is triggered by the hormone oxytocin, which is released precisely during a vaginal orgasm. Such a woman is in an eternal search, even if she has a husband.
She realized that she deserves better
This reason is considered the most incomprehensible today. A situation may arise here when the wife was given a new position, for example, director, and her husband works as an ordinary mechanic at a factory. Oddly enough, but then love fades into the background, and in order to maintain their standards, wives commit adultery, and then even file for divorce.
Or a situation may occur when a charming guy meets his wife, who has his own business, a beautiful expensive car, and the husband cannot give her what his lover gives.
What to do if your wife cheated: advice from a family psychologist
As paradoxical as it may sound, after your wife cheats on you, the first thing you should do is try to return your old feelings. She once loved you with all her heart, and this could not disappear somewhere without a trace. We must try to rekindle the former fire of love in her heart. And who, if not you, should know how best to do this. After all, once you have already managed to win the heart of your beloved and lead her down the aisle, it means that you should act in approximately the same direction.
If the old feelings no longer exist, there is no point in gluing the broken cup back together - nothing good will come of it anyway. But if they have simply become dull and have been crowded out by everyday routine, you should act decisively, bringing in “heavy artillery” to help - a joint household, a house, a common business. It is useful to remind about public opinion and, finally, you can lay out the “trump card” - guilt in front of the children.
If the wife understands that she has something to lose, and has nothing in common with her lover except physical intimacy, then, as a prudent lady, she will definitely come to the right conclusions.
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The husband’s task at this stage is to look a little better than her lover.
First of all, cool down!
What to do if you find out that your spouse has cheated on you? The best thing to do in a situation where your spouse cheated while intoxicated is to leave. This will help to avoid the serious consequences of those actions that can be done in a state of anger. At the very least, calm care will help avoid unnecessary physical violence and thereby avoid ending up in jail.
First of all, you should contact your closest friend:
- to whom it will be possible to speak out;
- who will repose;
- will advise what to do in a specific situation.
Should take a break
If the position you hold allows you to immerse yourself completely in work, this will help you take your mind off the problem of cheating for a while.
In addition to this you can:
- go hiking, fishing, or barbecue with your friends;
- sign up for a gym - sport will help completely kill inner anger.
Of course, sooner or later you will need to meet with your spouse and dot the i’s, but by this point a break in the relationship will help you weigh the pros and cons,
Under no circumstances should you seek comfort in alcohol - this will only make the situation worse!
It is also necessary to take into account the fact that if the family has common children, it is necessary to make every effort so that they do not take part in the showdown. The best option would be to send them to their grandmothers, aunts, uncles, to a camp (if it is summer), and so on.
Divorce proceedings as a method of reconciliation
Sometimes you need to lose to realize how dear a relationship was to you. Divorce proceedings do not always mean the end of the story. Often, spouses realize what they have lost, so they begin to pursue their ex-husbands in order to make peace with them again.
There are couples who get divorced and then register their relationship again. You can take your time with re-registration, but simply live with your ex-wife so that she feels that you are not so easy to win. Here she will definitely be imbued with respect.
A decision needs to be made
Once the husband has cooled down, sooner or later he will have to make an informed decision on whether to continue to live together with his wife or not.
First of all, you need to meet with your missus and listen to her explanations:
- What did she not like about married life?
- why did she decide to do this?
- Were there regular infidelities or not?
- What does she think about continuing married life?
- continues to love or not? If he doesn’t love you, are there any reasons why the love passed away?
Or maybe the reason is quite banal and widespread? Maybe alcohol is to blame for everything, and she really regrets it?
There are often situations when the spouse, without knowing it, commits adultery; banal flirting at a corporate party can, under the influence of alcohol, turn into a moment of weakness and, as a result, fleeting sex.
If the reason for betrayal is really a fleeting weakness, then you need to decide - does the man love her or will he never forgive the betrayal?
If love has not passed, psychologists advise you to work on yourself and the relationship (but we say right away - work is work, it will not necessarily be easy), and continue to live. After all, you must agree that a one-time fleeting weakness should not erase the entire life of spouses who love each other.
Just don’t change the answer...
Having become 100% convinced of adultery, a man wonders whether this sin can be forgiven or whether family relationships should be terminated. But the first thought of many is the desire for revenge. Please note that the expression “knocks out a wedge with a wedge” does not apply to your case.
Cheating on your spouse out of revenge will not lead to the desired relief. Rather, it will become even heavier on the heart. It's like a car accident. If you are hit by a car, you decide to take revenge on it, run away and crash into the vehicle again. Will this make you feel better? Hardly!
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It’s better to try to analyze the reasons for female infidelity and, if possible, forgive. In case of reconciliation, try to devote more time and attention to your spouse in the future, pamper her more often, and then she will not have the desire to cheat on such an ideal spouse.
How to forget your wife's betrayal?
Husbands who have finally decided to forgive their wives and want to start over with a clean slate must understand that the period of adaptation to a new life is very difficult
In the first few weeks after the reunion, you should try to avoid quarrels and scandals. You need to try to behave as if nothing had happened.
Psychologists advise:
- change the place of work for the spouse;
- if possible , change your city of residence altogether (this will help you literally start all over again);
- go on a trip together - make a second honeymoon for yourself ;
- start engaging in some kind of joint hobby; if it doesn’t exist, you need to invent one . According to psychologists, this significantly brings spouses closer together.
According to psychologists, the period of adaptation to a new life together is up to 1 year, for some men up to 1.5 years.
All these recommendations are banal, but I need to implement them because I don’t want to. No money for a honeymoon - borrow from relatives, no joint hobbies? - search, search and search again, or compromise: take your spouse to hockey, even if she is not interested in it, in return - go to ballroom dancing with her, even if it is in your husband’s throat.
If the husband still chooses to divorce, this must be done in a calm atmosphere, avoiding scandals and hysterics, and this will take time.
After a divorce, it is advisable to completely delve into your work process for several months, avoid drinking alcohol and minimize contact (communicate less) with the opposite sex .
After six months, a man can already go through a period of adaptation to his new life, begin to trust the female sex, and perhaps begin to create a new family.
If you do not take into account all the advice of psychologists, you need to remember the main thing, if you find out about betrayal - remain a person, be taller!
Are you always right?
All the above reasons prove one thing: when some problem happens, both are to blame.
Sometimes a man’s behavior can be the impetus for making such a decision. If there is no mutual understanding, a trusting atmosphere in the house, sometimes you have to look for it outside.
Check yourself on the following points:
- do you change yourself?
- Do you avoid spending time together?
- did you insist on abortion?
- Do you have any bad habits or addictions?
- Have you publicly belittled her dignity in order to rise above her?
If any of the points is reality, then first try to understand yourself . If you answer “no” to these questions without hesitation, then the problem is with your spouse, who did not appreciate sincerity and love.
Women with an adventurous character, popular divas and girls who cannot refuse are more likely to cheat than others.
About female self-realization - a little more detail.
