No one is completely rational when it comes to money. We rarely keep track of the budget and do not save money from each salary, although we believe that this would be in our interests. We know we need a financial plan, but we put it off until a later date that never comes. We spend too much on recklessness or exuberance. Our money behavior is often a source of shame.
It's worth thinking about money as something you have a difficult relationship with. Your money (and by extension, your personal finances) is not a fixed entity, but a collection of data, issues, and opportunities that you communicate, interact with, and experience. You make decisions about money that affect your financial situation, and these influences mutually influence your feelings and behavior in the future.
Here are three key points you need to know about the psychology of personal relationships with money :
- Emotions play a huge role.
- Anxiety and avoidance create a vicious cycle.
- Psychologically, you cannot completely escape your family and your past.
Emotions and money
The most important emotions in relation to money are fear, guilt, shame and envy. It's worth taking some effort to become aware of those emotions that are especially associated with money for you, because without awareness, they will interfere with rational thinking and control your actions.
What is there to be afraid of? The possibilities are as varied as the individual stories. But common fears include the fear of not having enough money, the fear of looking stupid, the fear of causing envy, and the fear of being exposed or humiliated.
Guilt and shame are not the same thing. Guilt relates to the negative impact you have had on others, while shame is the feeling that is triggered when you let yourself down or don't live up to your sense of what is right.
You may feel guilty because you have more money than your friends, or you weren't generous enough, or money came too easily to you.
Shame is one of the most common and powerful emotions associated with money and personal finance. This is the main reason why people avoid doing what they think they should. Naturally, there is a desire to avoid contact with what you are ashamed of.
Here are just some of the possible versions of shameful feelings associated with money:
- I do not have enough money
- I avoid thinking about finances
- I avoid doing the things I should do with my finances (building a safety net, planning for retirement, managing wisely)
- I don't really know much about money
- I spend too much
- I buy things when I'm unhappy
Shame interacts with avoidance to create a vicious cycle. When you're filled with shame, the natural tendency is to avoid things that make you feel awkward. In itself, this avoidance leads to additional shame and more avoidance. For example, you know your taxes are overdue and it's been six years since you finally decided to schedule an appointment with a financial planner and it still hasn't happened.
People who avoid financial worries often call themselves procrastinators and believe that they are simply lazy or undisciplined. The psychological dynamics of avoidance underlie what we commonly call procrastination. We are hardwired to deploy various avoidance maneuvers when confronted with something that causes anxiety or discomfort. The trick is that in the very short term, avoidance works and reduces anxiety.
Here's how it unfolds. You're thinking about sitting down and taking a hard look at your financial situation and creating a realistic financial plan. But thinking about it only increases your level of anxiety because you are afraid that you will not be able to face the reality in which, for example, you do not have enough funds to educate your children. This anxiety leads to avoidance. You put off a task and distract yourself. At this point, your anxiety levels immediately drop, giving you positive reinforcement for avoidance. You repeat this cycle over and over again. But, each immediate decrease in anxiety does not return you to your previous baseline level of stress. And over time, your overall anxiety level increases and increases.
Compare this model to confronting a daunting task. When you are confronted with facts, your anxiety temporarily increases. However, if you stay with it, your overall anxiety level will gradually decrease. You must endure this short-term increase in distress to benefit from the long-term reduction in anxiety . After all, a lesson in reality is always your friend.
Other emotions that come into play with money include envy, greed, overstimulation, and a social psychological phenomenon known as “bandwagon jumping.” Some of them are more relevant in the field of professional investing rather than personal finance.
Recommendations
- Remember your first experience with money. How did you feel? What did you spend it on? For example, shame, guilt, joy, pleasure, or even embarrassment or confusion? Sometimes adults unknowingly program their children for poverty, shaming them for thoughtless spending and claiming that they need to deny themselves everything, because hard times are coming and the like.
- How to attract money if you can’t spend it wisely by reducing unforeseen purchases? Here you will need willpower and a list that includes at least 10 regular expenses that you can completely refuse. Let’s say that the quality of life will not deteriorate much if you stop spending money on glossy magazines and coffee in restaurants, but this will save about 10% of your budget.
- Be sure to keep home accounting so you can track your expenses and income.
- Measure the cost of some item or service in minutes. Let's say twenty-fifth sneakers cost not $200, but about 9 days of active work. In this case, you will wonder whether it is worth taking them or not. This method works even if you are not squandering, but, on the contrary, excessively scrupulous. You don’t allow yourself a bouquet of flowers, although in fact it costs only 10 minutes of your working time.
- Pay your bills on time, and never take out a loan. Wealth is difficult to achieve if you fall into a debt trap. Therefore, resist the temptation to purchase something at someone else’s expense. Set a goal and save for it.
- If your income has increased, try to transfer the “excess” profit to a bank account instead of simultaneously increasing your expenses. This way, you will gradually accumulate a significant amount, which can be used profitably.
Mental health and mental illness
One in three people will experience one of the following mental health problems in their lifetime: alcohol use disorder, depression, bipolar disorder or ADHD. Each of these diseases can have a significant impact on personal finances .
- Excessive use of alcohol or other substances leads to poor thinking, inattention to finances, and secrecy.
- Depression can lead to career disruption or even disability. People suffering from depression are often unable to meet financial obligations due to a lack of energy or sense of purpose.
- Bipolar disorder is especially difficult. Current prevalence estimates say that 2.4% of the population suffers from this genetically determined condition. It is possible that there are many more who have a threshold or very mild version of the disorder that is never diagnosed. People with mild expression of bipolar disorder genes may experience subtle “hypomanic” states during which they have increased energy, decreased inhibition, become easily overextended, and increase their spending. Many creative and successful people often find themselves in these states of mind. It's a good idea to avoid trips to the mall, lest you come home with a new TV and treadmill, along with five pineapples and a lifetime supply of ibuprofen.
- Adults with attention deficit disorder (ADHD) are commonly misunderstood. Moreover, instead of having an attention deficit, they often have the ability to hyperfocus or pay increased attention. But only for tasks that really interest them. They have the ability to filter out what is boring or ordinary. Details and repetitive tasks are easily overlooked (bills piling up, envelopes left unopened). For these people, delegating day-to-day financial management is often the best solution. But they can be good at planning at scale.
From resentment to wealth. How to change your attitude towards money?
To begin with, you can use a simple substitution system. Any time we find ourselves grumbling to ourselves about someone else's success or wealth, we need to immediately replace that thought with a positive thought that wishes that person well.
It will seem strange at first, but each time we do this, we will notice that we will feel a little better inside.
After mastering this simple technique, you can move on to another that will trigger even more dramatic changes.
Instead of focusing on what we don't want (ie, "to be like those rich scumbags"), we need to focus on what we do want - making money and living in a rich, ethical and enjoyable way.
Be sure to read all points before you start...
1. Think about someone whose success or wealth annoys you. Create a mental image of what they look like. What color is their hair? What clothes do they wear? What expression do they have on their face?
2. Now think about who you want to become - to live life on your own terms so you can do what you really want. How do you stand, smile and talk? How happy and confident are you?
3. Squeeze this mental picture of your rich self so that it fits into one small corner of the mental picture of the person who annoys you.
4. Now switch pictures as fast as you can! As the image of the person who annoys you shrinks into a corner, expand the image of your rich self until it fills the screen.
5. Make sure the enhanced picture of your rich self is big, bright and bold!
6. Take a moment to clear your mind, then repeat the process at least five times. Make the shift faster and faster each time.
By doing this exercise for 5-10 minutes daily, after a few days you will be amazed at the results.
The influence of family and childhood never ends
Each family has its own special psychology of money . What can we talk about, who should control, what monetary responsibilities are assigned to which gender, how important money is or not.
In addition, there are always stories about money that are part of the family's identity. Perhaps the entrepreneur grandfather lost the family fortune, creating excessive conservatism in subsequent generations. Or a successful parent was deceived by a scammer.
You may feel internal pressure to resist the family mentality regarding money. If you are the first in your family to succeed, you may want to support the rest of the family and neglect your own financial needs.
What is the attitude of rich people towards money? Money thoughts
Distinctive characteristics of rich people:
- Rich people always take action;
- Rich people prefer concrete knowledge to formal education;
- Rich people dream about the future;
- Rich people think about money logically;
- Rich people follow their passion;
- Rich people strive for the very top;
- Rich people use other people's money;
- Rich people don't let money stress them out;
- Rich people are always learning;
- Rich people surround themselves with like-minded people.
How to use financial emotions
Emotions are not always bad. They tell you that you are passionate about what really matters to you. It makes you feel alive. Anxiety is not always harmful either. Mild to moderate anxiety is motivating. Use them to decide what you need to face and know that you will feel better when you do.
Much of our emotional existence exists without consciousness. But it can be managed if you know what to look for and have a plan and family stories that can influence your personal relationship with money.
11 main reasons for constant money problems!
Everything in this world obeys one simple principle. Everything has its own reason.
In this article, I tried to briefly show why there are problems with money.
Especially chronic, recurring problems.
In this case, more often than not, several reasons overlap. They complement very well, and, unfortunately, reinforce each other. As a result, a person seems to find himself in a vicious circle.
Almost always, it is necessary to eliminate not just one, but a whole complex of internal, monetary restrictions. Systematic work brings results...
So, the main reasons.
Acknowledgments
I am very grateful to my mentors who shared their knowledge and invaluable experience with me. Bodo Schaefer, who introduced me to the basics of financial knowledge, Mirzakarim Norbekov, who helped me comprehend and understand the spiritual side of very important things in life. I thank the journalist Mirlan Alymbekov, who assisted in writing this book, and the artist Dzhumadilkhan Kerimbek, who became the author of the illustrations.
I express my deep gratitude to all the participants in my trainings who contributed to the creation of this book.
This book is the result of my seven years of teaching practice. Many training participants used the acquired knowledge well and achieved success. They are my main mentors, because learning is a two-way process. Every person I have met on my life's journey is my mentor because they shared a piece of their experience with me. For this I am very grateful.
Preface from the author
Dear reader!
The book you are holding in your hands is an understanding of my personal path to success. In it, I tried to share with readers the knowledge that, in turn, my mentors shared with me. They taught me to understand many important truths, helped me believe in myself, and overcome difficulties, of which there were many on the thorny path to success. I started from scratch, went through trials, failures, gradually learning from my own experience. I hope this book will help many people avoid the mistakes I made and achieve your goals faster.
This book is a kind of guide for a person starting his path to success and prosperity. It will help you realize yourself and believe in your dreams. You shouldn’t give up in difficult situations; it’s human nature to exaggerate your own problems and downplay others’. All successful people have gone through trials.
But they managed to believe in themselves, were able to comprehend their mistakes, used the experience of others and acquired knowledge. They were always confident of success, and confidence in the future is already half the success.
Knowledge is not a guarantee of prosperity. It is important to be able to apply them in practice. An educated person is not a diploma in his pocket, but the ability to solve problems, find a way out in situations in which people usually get lost, he is someone who believes in himself and his future. An educated person not only works in the system, but also creates this system.
It doesn’t matter where – in business, family, life. Learn to plan your life. Those who do not plan their future are forced to accept the fact that others will do it for them.
It is impossible to achieve success without planning for it. And if you sow the seeds of poverty, you should not expect the shoots of wealth.
I will be very glad if this book helps you improve your life and take it to a new level. I wish you to achieve your goals and realize your dreams.
Good luck, dear reader! Let this book help you achieve wealth, success, family happiness and prosperity.
With deep respect,
Saidmurod Davlatov
thoughts, feelings, sensations, plans, actions, lifestyle...
A person may be secretly afraid of:
- lack of money,
- big money
- serious success (yes, yes, it's true),
- make a mistake
- judgment by others
- dream (so as not to be disappointed),
- systemic conflict (this is when your new actions can cause powerful resistance from your current environment),
- to be rejected
- loneliness...
Eliminating your deep fear yourself is often as difficult as getting a filling...
It's hard to get something if you have nothing to give.
There are tons of options here. From body diseases to emotional burnout. The source of energy may be cut off at the physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual level.
In this case, it is important to play sports, visit a fitness center, or go to the pool.
Look at wealthy people. Each of them is involved in some kind of sport.
Sport gives you not only energy, but also new ideas for business!
