If a person wants to be loved and find a devoted life partner, he needs to understand the psychology of relationships. Without this knowledge, it is difficult to save a family and avoid numerous conflicts. A happy life depends on whether a person knows how to build relationships with others.
Psychology of relationships between men and women
Representatives of the stronger and weaker sexes come from different planets. They absolutely do not understand each other's feelings. Most representatives of the stronger sex try to distance themselves emotionally from relationships, while most women passionately strive for them. Therefore, Thomas Fogerty introduced such concepts as “distancer” and “pursuer”. A distancer is a man, and a woman, accordingly, is a pursuer.
Men hide their feelings from everyone and try to keep a safe distance because they are afraid of being involved in a relationship. The strong half of humanity simply runs away from dependence, which it considers painful, and obligations out of fear and selfishness.
Many men initially play the role of a stalker at the beginning of a relationship to seduce a woman. However, if they begin to be frightened by the direction, intensity of the relationship, the speed of its development, or the predetermined result does not suit them, then they try to distance themselves. Their refusal pushes the woman to pursue, but since the woman takes this step under the influence of fear of breaking up the relationship, and not consciously, this leads to even greater detachment of the man.
Why is everything so complicated? This is due to the fact that the scenario for the development of future relationships was written down in childhood. Most men are afraid of losing their independence and masculinity. However, it is often quite difficult for a mother to allow her son to grow up on his own, and as a result, the boys move away from them, while experiencing a feeling of guilt. Such men will run away from relationships if the girl is too demanding and will begin to develop in him a feeling of guilt for the fact that he does not satisfy her needs and does not meet her ideals.
Any distancer runs away from obligations; for him, the highest values are freedom and independence. For the pursuer, such goals are close relationships and partnerships.
How does male psychology differ from female psychology? Men look for solutions to problems, and women want to be listened to. If a man has a problem, he tries to find an independent solution. In cases where it is impossible to decide on one’s own, a man consults with a person significant to him. He shares his problem in order to hear an opinion from another point of view. Therefore, when an upset woman tells a man about something, he thinks that she is looking for a solution. However, the woman just wants to be listened to. The man tries to provide help, thereby pushing the woman away from him.
The main complaints men have against women are that if a woman says “no,” she means “yes.” They cannot understand when “no” is no, and when it is yes. For the stronger half, women are overly emotional and demanding. Women try so hard to surround men with care that they simply do not leave them any free space. The fair half always gets offended, falls silent and believes that men should figure out the reason themselves. And when men lose in this game called “guess why I was offended,” they become even more offended and begin to think that they are not valued, loved, or understood. A woman constantly tries to talk about relationships, and this annoys a man. The fair half is inclined to give everything she has - warmth, care, attention and everything in unlimited quantities, thereby making the man feel guilty.
Women consider men to be cold and insensitive, not striving to establish a strong connection, and not interested in their feelings and thoughts. Men say “yes” to get rid of them, but in reality they mean “no”. They are afraid to talk about any topic unless it concerns football and beer. The stronger sex avoids conflicts by any means and does not want to discuss controversial situations. Men say one thing, but feel something completely different. The strong half lives by reason, while ignoring feelings. However, the main complaint women have against men is that they are selfish.
Typical mistakes men make towards women are their inability to show their weaknesses. They always try to be strong and confident.
Intimate relationships between a man and a woman are practically fundamental to maintaining harmony in the family, since thanks to intimacy, partners become closer to each other.
Many marriages break up only because spouses consider the problems that inevitably arise during the development of their relationship to be something abnormal, a loss of mutual understanding, love, although in reality the relationship simply follows the path of progress, thereby growing older. During the life of partners together, the relationship between a man and a woman undergoes many transformations, they lose their naivety, childishness and move into the next stage of true intimacy and mutual understanding.
What is the “bright future”?
Women have a bad habit. Thinking too much about the impossible. You lost your head at first sight and are already thinking about packing your bags and rushing to the ends of the world for him because you love him?
Slow down!
There is no need to confuse infatuation and love. These are completely different feelings in depth and meaning, and their manifestations are completely different.
Falling in love is wonderful! But we must remember that at the start of any relationship, partners are attracted by qualities that they themselves consider positive. Who also love in themselves.
From here arises the deepest sympathy, seasoned with an emotional outburst. When the passions subside, both begin to notice something different.
To be in a relationship to love and be loved, you don’t have to lose your head, give up your studies, hobbies, forget about friends and life plans.
Look at things more simply. A man should not be the center of your universe. Its center is you and only. And it's not about selfishness. It's about love and self-respect.
Meet, observe, choose, feel, love... With love like with sweets - you need to control the dose so as not to catch diabetes.
Stages of relationships between men and women
Relationships between the sexes begin with a sudden feeling that, as it seems to them, will never go away. But after some time, they begin to realize that they were mistaken in their forecasts and expectations, and their loved one, who seemed so ideal at first, now only causes irritation. Why is this happening? Why can't love last forever? And what to do to save the relationship?
There are certain stages in the development of any relationship, after which a harmonious relationship between a man and a woman is born.
The first stage is falling in love. This period is characterized by short duration and romance. However, it is the most attractive stage for many. Popularly it is also called the candy-bouquet period. At this stage, people meet a person who initially arouses only interest in them, which then quickly develops into attraction. After a while, without noticing how it happened, this person becomes the main thing in life. When you are near him, the world becomes brighter, and you become better. All thoughts revolve only around your loved one.
This condition is caused not only by an emotional upsurge, but is also supported by a serious surge of hormones that significantly affect the perception of reality and the activity of the brain as a whole.
The stage of falling in love usually lasts from a year to a year and a half, then gradually goes away, emotions calm down, and a sense of reality returns to first place. It's time for the next stage.
The second stage is satiety. This is a kind of intermediate stage, characterized by a loss of passions and a calm outlook on the situation in general. The partner is still of interest, but is no longer the only significant object in life. This stage is characterized by the fact that people begin to realize that they also have other interests. And only longing for past passions from time to time reminds us of the stage we experienced. From time to time, a desire and desire arises to revive them, to return them. However, even if this is successful, it will only be for a short time. People come to the understanding that they cannot completely return to their previous experiences. This stage is inevitable, otherwise a constant hormonal surge can lead to exhaustion of the body.
The third stage is rejection. It is characterized by understanding all the advantages and disadvantages of a partner. And here the first pitfalls lurk. After all, we seemed to fall in love with a person for his merits, but we did not notice his shortcomings, or at the first stage we simply did not care about them. And now we begin to look at our choice with a hint of bewilderment, doubting its correctness. At this stage, the individual faces a logical question: How could I not notice this before? Unfortunately, people are structured in such a way that they have only one answer: the partner used to pretend. Now mixed with the feeling of disappointment is the feeling that you have been unfairly deceived. At this stage, the likelihood of a breakup in the relationship is very high. People lack wisdom and patience, strength and desire to work on developing the union and strengthening it. It’s easier to think that you initially made a mistake with your choice, that next time we won’t allow such mistakes, but since we didn’t really understand what the mistake was, next time the relationship will develop in the same way.
This stage begins and develops more rapidly if the couple not only meets, but lives together. Everyday issues have never helped anyone establish mutual understanding. If you have the patience to survive this stage of development, then the couple moves on to the next stage.
The fourth stage is tolerance. Tolerance in this context means the ability to calmly perceive circumstances as they are, without trying to influence them by force. And this does not mean that you need to meekly resign yourself. You just have to learn to accept the situation, for example, the way we accept the fact that winter is necessarily replaced by spring, day gives way to night. The partner must be accepted entirely and completely, without dividing his qualities into positive and negative. You need to consider your loved one as a holistic person and individuality. The previous stages of development are characterized by the perception of the partner as some kind of ideal image, but at this stage one should learn to see in the partner a personality, a living person with his aspirations and feelings.
All harmonious relationships between a man and a woman are characterized by mutual respect. You should not try to change your partner. You need to start with yourself. Sometimes it is quite difficult for us to cope with our negative manifestations, but this does not stop us from aiming to remake a long-formed personality, a person who is satisfied with himself as he is. Only a caring attitude of partners towards each other will strengthen relationships and become the key to peace and family happiness.
The fifth stage is service. At this stage, partners not only learn to appreciate each other for who they are, but also become at the service of their interests. Gradually they learn to give their love free of charge. This stage is characterized by a feeling of joy from the opportunity to share everything that you have with your partner. This is the stage of an adult position in a marital relationship and some kind of mutual exchange. After all, by giving our loved one our love, care, affection, we inevitably evoke a similar response from him.
The sixth stage is mutual respect. This stage is characterized by the fact that partners respect each other not for any specific act or a certain quality, but for the individual as a whole, in the totality of his traits and as a result of the ups and downs they have experienced together. At this stage of relationship development, following the acceptance of a person as an individual comes an understanding of the value of the individual as such. Gradually, along with respect and understanding, trust in your spouse grows, as a person who will never let you down, will support you in difficult times, and will share your joy.
The seventh stage is true love. This is no longer the all-consuming feeling that arose at the very beginning, but a deep, measured one. A partner becomes the greatest value, a source of endless joy, happiness and discoveries. This is not passion, but a kinship of souls. The relationship between a man and a woman at this stage has reached a new level of development. Partners at this stage become more than just spouses and friends; they become truly family.
Don't forget about friends
Friends were with you before and will be with you after.
There is no need to draw parallels between friendship and love and ask the question “What is important?” This question is incorrect in itself, simply because these are two completely unrelated lines of life.
If there is a desire, there will always be time and opportunity. After all, imagine how you would feel if your friend forgot about you for a month simply because she met HIM.
Or maybe you yourself have observed a similar situation. Your friends fell out of life into the arms of a new hobby, and then ran to you when the relationship ended. And you, naturally, supported. But there’s still a residue, right?
So don't do that. You can also learn from other people's mistakes.
The beginning of a relationship between a man and a woman
It is in the ability to build healthy, harmonious relationships that lies the secret of people’s happiness and success.
Relationships between a man and a woman, a guy and a girl can begin for several reasons. The first such reason will be love or sympathy. The next reason is a logical choice, when people, being at a certain stage of development, consciously decide to start a family. Very often, intimate relationships between a man and a woman become the engine of further relationships between the sexes. However, regardless of the reasons for starting a relationship, they already exist and they should be somehow further built.
At any stage of development of relationships between a man and a woman, it is important to remember that they, first of all, should give joy, bring satisfaction, a feeling of happiness and inner peace. Relationships should be easy at the very beginning! Therefore, it is very important to observe your feelings in the process of developing relationships. If initially you are not comfortable with your partner, communication and meetings bring more frustration and disappointment than joy, you should think about whether you need to continue this relationship? Any relationship should bring something constructive to the world, not something destructive.
So, you met a person who likes you, and he likes you. How can we further develop relationships without spoiling them?! First of all, you need to remember that you are two separate individuals, two individuals, with your own habits, inclinations, interests, preferences, way of life. It is necessary to understand that if you are two integral individuals, then you have the right to a part of your life that is separate from your partner. You should not completely dissolve in your partner. To build relationships, you should not take as a basis the popular opinion that love is when people are two halves of a whole. Each person is a whole person.
Don't start a relationship with demands and reproaches. Such behavior will only push your partner away. You should also not be overly intrusive.
Experiences within the normal range
Any new experience in life is stressful. Let it be small and let it be positive. But, whatever one may say, novelty is always scary.
Stable and harmonious relationships imply interaction, an exchange of time, feelings, energy that cannot be compared with anything. Therefore, each of your experiences is unique.
If all the questions that come to your mind are “Does he really like me?”, “How does this dress fit on me?”, “Am I too intrusive?” - this is also normal.
The main thing is that doubts disappear on a date. So that they do not become the background of your communication. And you don’t need to tear your hair out if he doesn’t call for an hour or reschedules the meeting (and in advance).
Save yourself and do something. He doesn't have to call every half hour. And, if he really likes you, he will still do it when the opportunity arises.
Development of relationships between men and women
The development of relationships that give happiness and endless joy is the foundation of a strong family. There are several types of relationships between representatives of the strong and weak halves of humanity: partner, domestic, matriarchal and patriarchal, inspiring relationships.
In a partnership relationship, the relationship between a couple is built on equal rights and responsibilities. They are characterized by the ability to always reach an agreement in a calm atmosphere. In such relationships, a man and a woman are active, active and proactive, they both strive for development and self-development. Along with this, it is important for them to find themselves and successfully implement in a certain type of activity. In this regard, grandmothers, nannies and housekeepers usually take care of household chores. There is a strict agreement and distribution of responsibilities between the wife and husband. Often such couples are characterized by separate budgets. Possible difficulties lie in the threat of transforming relationships into purely material ones. After all, a woman, regardless of existing agreements, dreams of achieving emotional intimacy with a man, of having him take care of her, not according to a “schedule”, but at will. For the most part, men are satisfied with partnerships. That is why they are not in a hurry to take the initiative. In such circumstances, it is usually the woman who takes the leading role. It all starts with her thinking about how to have a romantic dinner together, and ends with planning more serious tasks. This situation may not always suit both spouses, which leads to conflicts and ultimately to divorce.
Therefore, people who decide to create a social unit must initially take the issue of family relationships seriously. Before getting married, it is necessary to discuss with your partner your views on family relationships, find out his position on this or that topical issue, and inquire about his expectations.
Domestic relationships are characterized by a fairly close bond in which love predominates, and everything else is in the background. In such a union, career, success, self-improvement, achievement of any social heights or goals, or self-realization are absolutely unimportant. Such couples draw energy from each other and from their relationship. Their lives are dominated by love, home comfort and coziness. People in such a union are usually quite sensual people. They do not seek outside contacts.
Possible difficulties lie in the threat of emptying oneself. Relationships can move completely into the everyday plane. The habit of spending evenings together is transformed into an everyday necessity. Such a connection will be saved by the presence of some common hobby or hobby. You can go into business together. Such relationships must be diversified by communication with other people.
Matriarchal relationships are characterized by female dominance. She is a strong personality, purposeful and active. The husband in such a couple has a softer character, he does not strive to make a career, and gravitates towards home comfort. In such a union, usually both partners work, but the husband earns, in most cases, less. All important life decisions are made by the wife. However, if a woman is smart enough and wants to maintain and strengthen the relationship, then she can create the feeling for a man that he is the leader in the family. Such a union can be harmonious if both partners are comfortable in it and there are no mutual reproaches. However, if a woman reproaches a man for not earning enough money, for his lack of initiative, then he will begin to look for any opportunities to increase his self-esteem and self-affirmation. For example, he will get himself a flexible and more feminine mistress who will see him as a real man.
Patriarchal relationships are characterized by male dominance. A woman is the backbone of the family. The husband is the head of the family, so it is and so it will be. He makes any decisions. The children and wife are subordinate to him, and the woman in such a relationship is the organizer of everyday life. If she works, then her work doesn't count. In such a connection, a woman does not face the problem of choosing family or work; for her, family will a priori be more important. Difficulties may arise if a man begins to treat his wife as a consumer. If he underestimates a woman’s work, then she will always be offended by this situation, which can lead to an increase in intrapersonal conflict.
An empowering relationship is characterized by the woman's empowering attitude. She can be a muse for an artist or an ideological inspiration for a politician. In such a union, the main man is the man, and his self-realization depends on the woman. He is not interested in winning, he does everything for it. In this regard, a woman is capricious and demanding. Her demands push a man to achieve, they spur him on to development. This couple has a certain theatricality. A possible outcome of such a union could be the husband leaving the family if the woman stops inspiring him. In an empowering relationship, it is common for the man to become emotionally dependent on the woman. In order for a woman to always be inspiring in such a family, she needs to follow the path of self-development and self-improvement.
Time balance
In the first relationship, there are two extremes related to time. The first is to spend all your free time together or 24/7.
Here we are talking more about emotional dependence and the lack of one’s own range of interests and needs.
It doesn’t matter whether a self-sufficient person, a man or a woman, always needs time for YOURSELF.
You get used to being with each other, you have fun, good and calm together.
It seems that life without him stops playing with bright colors, chocolate becomes tasteless, and the sky is not so blue... Your mood worsens not by minutes, but literally by seconds, when the date comes to an end.
Another option is a long distance relationship. Someone moves to another city, someone goes to live abroad, study, work... There are a lot of options.
This is how the illusion of relationships is formed. You seem to have started dating, but what will you do next? I will repeat until you remember...
One of the main indicators of a serious relationship is if you meet not only on Saturday night in a hotel room.
Extremes are not comrades in relationships. You can go somewhere without it. This is not only normal, but also healthy.
And yes, if he invites you somewhere, it means he really wants to go there with you. I'm telling you exactly.
Self-esteem at the level
Self-confidence and self-sufficiency always attract attention. You want to communicate and interact with such people.
This quality is key for first relationships. Don't be afraid to talk about your feelings and be sincere, don't be afraid to open your heart. It may happen that you become really close to your boyfriend, and then a breakup occurs.
It happens. Life is like a roller coaster - up and down. And the latter is not at all the same as bad. No need to make a wish, JUST LIVE.
Pleasant surprises
First relationships and first dates are exciting. Especially if you're both trying to get creative and think outside the box.
But you also need to be careful with this. Not all people like surprises and surprises. Not everyone loves extreme recreation, zoos, quest rooms or even movies. Sometimes people just don’t want to leave their apartment.
Sometimes it happens. You don't have to come up with an exact plan for your meeting every time and organize romantic dinners for the two of you.
But it is imperative to focus on the desires and interests of your partner and listen to them. No options.
First, let the man decide. Let him be responsible for where, when and how you meet. Listen to what he says and, just like after a couple of dates, you can easily outline his range of interests.
Relationships are an exchange and you need to be able to not only take, but also give. Moreover, a small initiative on your part is only welcome. Choose what you both like.
You'll see, this will benefit the relationship, and the guy will appreciate this manifestation of care on your part, and will definitely take a step forward, for example, kiss you first.
Do not rush things
This doesn't mean playing hard to get.
Any relationship has several stages. After the “candy-bouquet” stage comes the rapprochement stage. Usually “they” spend a lot of time together, meet almost every day, call each other and write to each other, and post photos together.
During this period, a man may show unprecedented activity, especially if it has not yet come to sex. Flowers, sweets, gifts...
Perhaps in this way he wants to please you, but there is another option. Maybe he is a professional "courtist" or simply puts his personal interest first.
And under the influence of dopamine, you relax, forget about yourself and begin to discover your true self. All boundaries, rules and frameworks disappear, and you are ready to surrender to him right now.
This is where I strongly recommend turning on your head. People in love tend to idealize their partner with all possible consequences.
Service.
At this stage, we can talk about the emergence of true love, and not falling in love. Now that the hormones are in order, partners do nice things for each other unselfishly. They look after each other and show concern. But if at the candy-bouquet stage of a relationship actions have a self-centered connotation, and the person nearby is perceived as a source of pleasure, then now the loved one becomes an object of service.
What to do:
To prevent the emergence of a crisis, it is enough to find new points of contact and build another facet of partnerships. For example, open your own small family business or start arranging flower beds - whatever suits your tastes.
Dating
A very important stage. Within a couple of dates, you should create a real portrait of your chosen one. I describe in detail what to pay attention to in the article “How to choose the right man.”
What do you need to find out?
- Who is his family: parents, relatives.
- The state of his health: bad habits, lifestyle, nutrition.
- How hardworking he is.
- Can he keep his word?
- Are you confident and how self-sufficient are you?
- His attitude towards people. A small note: how he treats the world is how he will treat you.
- What are his goals in life? Are you ready to serve them?
Keep track of your rating
So, you understand that this is a worthy, successful person. It's time to ask yourself the question: “Do I live up to my prince?” After all, how will a relationship with a man develop if you yourself are not confident in yourself or have bad habits? Most likely, he will choose another girl.
So work more actively on your marriage rating. Let me remind you of its types: physical, intellectual, spiritual. I talk more about this in my article “What are your chances of getting married or staying in your current marriage.”
Leave on time
On a date, carefully monitor the gestures and gaze of your interlocutor. If you notice shifting eyes or a closed posture, he’s definitely messing with your ears. Confidently say “no” to such people. Of course, without rudeness or insults.
You should also be wary of his phrases: “Times are difficult now,” “There are no good jobs in our city,” “It’s all due to circumstances.” I think you understand how a relationship with a man will develop in this case? Instead of achieving something, he will while away his evenings watching TV and cursing the authorities. And then it will sit safely on your neck.
Have you painted this picture in your head? Did not like? Then politely say goodbye to your companion and leave. I give even more tips on this topic in the section “Secrets of dating and first dates”
