What is this?
In everyday understanding, the term “complex” is almost equivalent to an inferiority complex.
That is, a person with complexes is more likely to be called someone who is timid, shy, and suspicious. On the contrary, the manifestation of an overcompensation complex is perceived as a manifestation of a certain lack of complexes. Therefore, let’s figure out what complexes really are. The concept of “complex” originally appeared in psychoanalysis. This is how a group of mental formations (motives, interests, attitudes) were designated, united by a single affect, operating, as a rule, on an unconscious level, but determining the direction and structure of a person’s conscious life.
How to get rid of the complex and dysmorphophobia.
First
Behind the obsession with appearance lies something deeper - fear.
A person is afraid not just for his appearance, but that those around him will not accept him as ugly, will not give him due attention (will not admire him), will not love him and may reject him, and this will lead to mental pain.
But here it is important to understand that, by and large, you are at least overdoing the fear of dislike and rejection. In fact, this fear is simply stuck in your psyche, it has become obsessive, and you are controlled not by common sense, but by a harmful belief and OCD mechanism.
After all, even if in reality you are not a “written beauty or macho,” this does not mean that no one will love you. Everyone has their own preferences, views and values, you just need to meet your person, but that’s a different point.
And “shortcomings” in appearance are often generally invented by people themselves; it only seems to them that something is wrong with them, because their real appearance in some way does not correspond to the ideal, internal image of a successful and happy person that has developed in the past (men, women ).
Second,
find people of the same sex with the same appearance as you, who are successful, cheerful and attractive. They will be an example for you that with such characteristics you can be happy and achieve a lot.
Look at what makes them attractive to others, even though they may not be perfect in appearance. Perhaps you will see that it is their naturalness, openness and self-confidence.
Also take a closer look at their behavior, what and how they do, how they communicate and behave.
And then sometimes remember this, gradually it will make a positive contribution to solving the problem.
Third
People with dysmorphophobia or a complex about appearance often underestimate themselves and consider themselves uninteresting.
They can belittle their other qualities, even positive ones, this all only reduces self-esteem. A person may think: “He’s so cool, I won’t come over, I won’t even be able to maintain a dialogue, what if I blurt out something, and they’ll look at me like I’m a fool.” His entire internal state screams: “I’m not worthy!”
People may avoid the opposite sex and try to be inconspicuous; women may not wear makeup and wear bright, fashionable clothes, not seeing the point in this, they say: “Nothing will change anyway, no one will love you.”
In other cases, it may be the other way around, a person tries very hard to please, tries to control himself in everything in order to seem better, and some, feeling unattractive, even show unconscious aggression, like: “If I can’t attract, then “I’ll destroy, I’ll destroy”, this easier".
It is very important here - someone doesn’t like to admit their right ! That is, allow yourself to be yourself, imperfect, and believe that you are worthy of your happiness as you are , you are good as you are with all your characteristics, strengths and weaknesses!
Stop being ashamed and afraid of your real self, admit your shortcomings, come to terms with them and don’t focus on them, because changing something for the better is only possible from a state of acceptance , and not anxiety or dissatisfaction.
And start noticing your strengths! To see and record them, there is a simple and effective practice (the main thing is not to be lazy and do it).
On a piece of paper (in a diary), slowly, thoughtfully and without lying, describe at least 20 (even the smallest) strengths of your appearance: not only your face, but your body as a whole.
Well, in life, remember a simple rule: “My body is my business”!
Fourth
, you don’t need to think that all hopes should lie in charming only with kindness and intelligence, not at all, this way you won’t seduce anyone, and counting on someone’s condescension means putting yourself in the position of a victim who can be devalued at any moment .
You need to count on YOURSELF and charm, both internally and externally, which will begin to reflect your self-confidence, cheerfulness and sincerity if you begin to truly develop your inner world, value yourself, take care of yourself and strengthen your broken, crushed EGO (strengthen, not inflate).
And first, if you really want to become more attractive, start with your body.
After all, our appearance is not only the face or one part of it. Appearance is you, whole, whole.
In addition to the face, this is your physique, tone, your gaze, burning or dull eyes, a smiling or suffering expression on your face, your posture and manner of behavior. Appearance is all of you!
Therefore, you need to take care not only of your face (to a reasonable extent), but also take care of yourself. Everything needs some part of your attention.
If you can’t do much with facial features and certain physical, natural data (at least without money), then you can do with complexion, tone and facial expression, here almost everything depends on you.
Engage in suitable exercise, healthy eating and gradually get your body in order (if it is not all right).
The benefits will not only be physical, but will also have a positive impact on everything. Fifth (the most key)
To get rid of a complex or dysmorphophobia, you must definitely replace it with something! It is impossible to simply get rid of something, because there will be an emptiness inside, which is worse than even an obsession.
Therefore, it is extremely important to change the course of life, the very way of life and internal values to new, useful ones, which will gradually become a priority for you instead of a painful obsession with this idea.
You need to gain the ability to rejoice and be inspired by yourself , just like that, just from your state of mind of peace, inspiration and some kind of creative realization in life (self-expression).
By and large, you need to make a firm CHOICE: What is more important to you: spiritual comfort, cheerfulness and achieving your new goals, or a vain, painful fixation on appearance?
Now you get it, appearance is more important than happiness.
And before you make a choice, you can remember and vividly (in images) imagine past situations and answer the following questions for yourself (I recommend doing it on paper):
- How do you feel, how do you behave, what do you think about (being alone and among people) when your attention is focused on appearance?
- How does this affect your relationships with others and loved ones?
- What does this deprive you of in life, what opportunities?
And then, ask yourself: “What do I really want (what does my soul want)? How do I want it and why? How will I feel and how will I live without this complex?
Remember these questions and answers periodically, especially in difficult moments.
And then try every day to direct at least a little attention and energy to the realization of your new (useful) desires and goals. Without switching the focus of attention, nothing will happen; what we focus on is how we live!
Sometimes remember and tell yourself:
“I am interesting as a person, but not only my appearance determines my personality.”
And learn to enjoy life, you only have one. In any case, learn to be happier and you will look better.
Oedipus and Electra
The Oedipus and Electra complexes are key to classical psychoanalysis.
The Oedipus complex refers to the ancient myth of Oedipus, who killed his own father and married his mother. In psychoanalysis, the essence of this complex is that the boy experiences sexual attraction to his own mother and aggression towards his father, who occupies the desired place next to his mother. This sets in motion the mechanism of identification with the father: the boy is transformed into him symbolically. This allows the boy to adopt the traits of adult male behavior and, most importantly, the system of moral instructions and prohibitions present in an adult. The Electra complex is a female version of the Oedipus complex, where a girl is attracted to her father.
Why can teenagers have complexes?
There may be several reasons why teenagers may come up with complexes:
- They consider their appearance not beautiful enough.
- They have a disproportionate figure. They are too large or, conversely, too thin. This problem is being escalated to enormous proportions.
- They may have acne on their face. Moreover, not ordinary ones, but acne.
All these problems can lead to the development of serious complexes in a child. If you stop them at the first stages of development, then the child will not worry about his shortcomings.
Inferiority complex
Later, the concept of complexes began to be developed by Alfred Adler, who introduced the concept of an inferiority complex into our everyday life. According to Adler, every person in early childhood experiences a feeling of his own insufficiency, limited capabilities, dependence - especially in comparison with adults who seem powerful to him. Being unpleasant, the feeling of inferiority is repressed into the unconscious and at the same time compensated by the desire to achieve various kinds of success - both real and imaginary. And since the inferiority complex, despite all the achievements, continues to exist, it requires constant and increasing compensation (which is called the overcompensation complex). Often the inferiority complex is seen as the source of the will to power.
Improving your appearance: working on yourself
Appearance needs to be assessed rationally, to hide flaws and show strengths.
- It's easy to disguise a long nose with makeup. A full face can also be corrected using bronzer. A light make-up allows you to look well-groomed, so don’t neglect it.
- You should also pay attention to clothing. Heels, vertical stripes will help to visually lengthen your legs and height in general; white shoes create the effect of “hovering” above the ground. The lack of a waist is compensated by using peplums, A-line dresses, trousers and high-waisted jeans.
- Protruding ears can be easily hidden under a voluminous hairstyle. The same goes for round/square faces. Properly selected haircuts are the best option for correcting defects without cost.
Complexes. I don't love myself.
Don't rush to see a plastic surgeon right away. Self-acceptance is the final step in getting rid of the self-doubt complex.
What other complexes are there?
Many psychologists continued to use the concept of “complex” after Freud and Adler. Thanks to them, the list of complexes has expanded significantly.
Jonah complex . Named after a biblical character who considered himself unworthy to be a prophet. It means doubts about the possibility of achieving one’s self-actualization and realizing one’s abilities. At the same time, a person develops a fear of success, and he reduces the level of aspirations.
The Polycrates complex is a feeling of anxiety that increases in a person as he reaches greater heights in life. It is explained by the reluctance to be noticed by “jealous fate.” Named by analogy with the fate of the ruler of the Greek island of Samos.
The Phaedra complex is the overprotectiveness and unnatural love of a mother for her own son. The male version is the Griselda complex , named after the heroine of the Decameron.
Dysmorphophobia, complex about appearance and Happiness.
You need to realize that appearance is appearance, but for happiness this is far from the most important point and is not even a necessity.
We can see that many people around, even if they are ugly, live quite happily, communicate easily and successfully build relationships and careers.
Famous film actors Vin Diesel, Adriano Celentano, Ron Perman, Vincent Cassel, Willem Dafoe, film actresses Barbra Streisand, Anne Hathaway, Umma Turman, Helena Bonham and Julia Roberts are also far from being standards of beauty or even dwarf actors.
Many of these stars were at one time recognized as sex symbols, although they were not considered beautiful, but had their own charisma and charm. There are many who were initially considered unattractive or even ugly, and later they even became standards of beauty, for example, Julia Roberts, Sarah Jessica Parker, Liv Tyler or the charming, in the opinion of many, Kirsten Dunst, who at the beginning of her career was considered expressionless and faded .
But most importantly, remember, didn’t you experience moments of happiness earlier, in childhood and youth? Did you really need beauty to be happy then?
Remember the episodes when, even as an adult, you had moments where you forgot yourself and felt comfort, self-confidence and did not worry about your appearance. At such moments, you simply enjoyed life, existence itself and some fascinating processes taking place here and now.
It is precisely the state of spiritual harmony that can make us more cheerful, happy and attractive! Just as, on the contrary, a state of constant anxiety, dissatisfaction with oneself and an obsession with appearance with an obsessive desire to fix something leads to suffering and even ugliness, as happened with the famous Jocelyn Wildenstein.
It's just important to remember that any of us can be happy regardless of appearance !
And if we talk about beauty in general, then we are most likely talking not about happiness, but about receiving certain dividends, which more attractive people have more of, but this is not at all a guarantee of success and happiness.
Life itself, through many examples, has already proven how many beautiful people there are who do not have good relationships, while unattractive people build strong relationships and enjoy life.
