Depression after divorce: how to return to normal life?

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Published: 10/23/2016

Reading time: 10 min

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Despite all the democracy of modern society, the word “divorce” still sounds scary. Behind it lies an exhausting divorce process, conflicts, and emotional irritation.

All these events negatively affect the general psychological state and lead to depression. Parting entails a reasonable question - how to live on ?

The face of depression
Why is depression the first “friend” of divorce?
Psychologists know how to return to personal harmony in the field of divorce. Men's therapy
Women's therapy

Reviews of lucky people who were able to overcome depression after divorce

Causes

There are plenty of reasons for depression after divorce. Two dear and loving people have been married for several years, and now they have to completely change the way of their lives. For women this becomes a whole problem:

firstly, she was left without a man who had been her support for a long time;
secondly, she feels unnecessary if the initiative to divorce came from her husband;
thirdly, if there were children in the marriage, then the mother worries how they will be raised in a dysfunctional family;
fourthly, she is forced to change her everyday habits, outlook on life, and behavior;
fifthly, divorce brings so many additional problems that can weaken her, fatigue accumulates, she loses self-confidence, as a result of which she can fall into a long-term disorder - depression.

If we take at least one of the listed reasons, then this is already enough for a person to go into a mental disorder, and if several points are observed at once, then negative emotions turn into depression. It is very important not to let this process take its course, to find motivating factors. After all, we all know that severe nervous shocks affect the condition of the entire body and can lead to serious health problems.

Men after divorce: causes of depression

To briefly summarize the reasons that cause post-divorce depression, you get:

Disruption of the usual way of life. Regardless of who initiated the divorce, after a certain time men begin to miss their usual family life and become depressed;
Feeling worthless. Not feeling needed, a man loses the meaning of life after a divorce;
Fear of losing children. If the divorce process is stormy and aggressive, the man is afraid that, having received full custody of the children, his wife will begin to turn them against the father;
If the wife is the initiator, she provokes a catastrophic decrease in self-esteem in the man, depression;
If the husband himself is the initiator, he begins to be haunted by a heavy feeling of guilt in front of his son or daughter.

Symptoms

Like any other stress, a woman’s post-divorce condition is severe. Most often, such depression is accompanied by the following symptoms:

apathy towards everything that happens;
reluctance to work;
indifference;
feeling of helplessness;
chronic fatigue;
inappropriate behavior;
strong feeling of resentment;
the impossibility of doing without psychotropic and sedative medications;
low self-esteem;
aggressive reaction to criticism;
sudden change of mood;
the appearance of hypochondria for no apparent reason;
inability to concentrate;
lack of interest in life;
the emergence of dependence on bad habits - alcohol, tobacco or drug addiction;
the occurrence of thoughts of suicide.

This is a typical manifestation of depression. The main thing here is that the above symptoms do not turn into prolonged depression, which is not only very difficult to get rid of, but other side effects may also appear - health problems, dismissal from work, lack of mutual understanding with the child, conflicts with relatives and friends, split personality, other.

Pathologies

Prolonged depression is a mental disorder that lasts more than a month continuously. If the symptoms listed above are present, nervous disorders directly affect your overall well-being and health. This can lead to serious consequences and severe pathologies. If temporary stress after a divorce lasts for a very long time, then you need to think about whether it has already turned into clinical depression. And it can provoke disturbances in the functioning of the nervous, cardiovascular and digestive systems. What can we say about those cases when a woman has real thoughts of suicide.

If you understand that you cannot get rid of negative thoughts on your own, then it is better to seek help from a specialist, otherwise the consequences may be irreversible. Think not only about yourself, but also about your loved ones.

Taking care of a man's health after divorce

After divorce, men often suffer from anxiety, nightmares and insomnia, which leads directly to depression. Physical training will help you get rid of excess energy and anger, and improve your sleep. Proper, healthy nutrition will improve metabolic processes in the body, which guarantees an increase in mood.

If you suddenly want to drink, don’t limit yourself. A glass of wine with lunch or a bottle of beer before bed will help you relax, the main thing is not to give in to temptation and not fall into a drinking binge.

Go swimming. Water calms and treats many disorders, harmonizes the psycho-emotional background, and relieves depression.

Is it possible to avoid depression?

In this matter, the main thing is not to deceive yourself, recognize the situation in which you find yourself, and want to change your life for the better. You must understand that if you fall into depression, it will affect not only you personally and your health, but also the people around you, your work, your child. In addition, depression will not solve your problems, only you yourself can change your life with sound thoughts, and perhaps it will become much better than with a spouse who, for various reasons, no longer wants to be in a relationship with you. If you have a hard time at heart, then do not remain silent about the problem, communicate with a person who understands and supports you, do not immerse yourself in a series of negative thoughts from morning to evening and think that this is not the worst thing that could happen to you. Only the right attitude will help avoid long-term depression.

How does it affect life and health?

All of the above symptoms cannot but affect the life of a divorced woman. If you do not take control of the situation, the consequences may be as follows.

Job

No employer will tolerate for long if an employee performs his or her job poorly or incompletely due to internal worries. As a result of decreased productivity and deterioration in professional qualities, a woman may simply be fired, and this will not add joyful colors to an already dull situation. Therefore, it is very important to get together, especially since for many people work is the only way out of a stressful situation, in order to think as little as possible about what happened.

Children

If a couple had children in a marriage, then after a divorce they most often remain with their mother. Her unbalanced mental state can directly affect the children, but they are not to blame for anything. And think for yourself, do they want to see their mother crying all the time? Let your children become an incentive for you to achieve new achievements.

Friends

The support of friends is often the main consolation in severe mental disorders. Therefore, you should not blame them for anything, be offended, or sharply express your opinion about their thoughts, since you can be left without communication with them and support, which will only worsen your state of mind. Friends can come up with a variety of entertainment - games, going to the cinema, meeting new people, going to a restaurant. Pleasant communication brings joy to the soul and puts thoughts in the right direction.

Health

Health always suffers with severe nervous shock. And if they are prolonged, then the consequences cannot be avoided. During depression, women may complain of severe headaches, weakened immunity, compression in the chest, abnormal blood pressure, panic attacks, decreased ability to work, dizziness, colds that are difficult to fight, gastrointestinal disorders, unusual skin rashes, and that’s far from it. not the whole list. This is how the body tries to protect itself from stress, having a negative impact on other organs. You have to take various kinds of medications, which affect not only your financial situation, but also the functioning of your kidneys and liver. Therefore, such sad consequences cannot be neglected, because health problems will not allow you to start a full, happy life after a divorce.

Husband initiates divorce

There are two reasons for this situation - if another woman appears and if it is impossible to continue living with your wife.

In the first case, the man does not immediately leave the family. He, too, is going through a breakup with his wife and children, it’s hard for him to decide to change his usual environment, and he doesn’t know where to go. After all, everyone understands that a serious relationship with another woman is, in fact, the creation of a new family. If there's an expected baby involved, it's clear. The baby needs a father. But if the husband leaves “for someone else,” the uncertainty about the “cloudlessness” of the new relationship weighs on him no less than the feeling of guilt.

Option two. After the divorce, it turns out that the husband lives alone and not with his rival. In this case, you should think about how the wife poisoned the man’s existence so much that he abandoned comfort and a warm home for the sake of freedom from his wife. After all, according to statistics, there are 47% of men demanding a divorce, and 70% of women. Divorce occurs due to constant scandals, when at home it’s like at war. The second option can quickly develop into the first.

If a husband leaves for someone else, many try to return him to the family. You need to realize that the man with whom you have lived for many years is not property that was suddenly taken away. Jealousy, anger and despair are not the best advisors.

Even the most exemplary wives can find themselves in such a situation. The man just wanted fresh emotions, a different relationship. Sometimes a cared for and well-groomed husband gets tired of continuous attention. He himself wants to show his strength and care for a weak woman.

If your husband has left for someone else, you need to gather your willpower and maintain composure and dignity. There is no need to remind your rival about yourself via text messages, there is no need to send his things in a suitcase to your husband’s new apartment. There is no need to humiliate yourself by begging for a return. First you need to calm down. This pattern of behavior will make your ex wonder why they are not crying for him.

Patterns of the post-divorce period

Prolonged depression can be divided into several stages, each of which is characterized by a certain emotional and mental state.

Negation

This stage involves the activation of the body’s protective function against stress, in which we cannot come to terms with what happened, so it is easier for us not to believe that connections with a certain person have ceased.

Anger

Despite the fact that it is easier for us to deny the consequences and the very fact of divorce, subconsciously we understand what really happened, as a result of which we become embittered and this reaction can manifest itself even towards close people who are not involved in it.

A chance to restore relationships

When depression begins to make us so angry that we cannot put up with it, thoughts creep into our minds: “Maybe it will be possible to establish relationships again?” And then the woman either begins to take some action towards reconciliation, or simply desperately lives with these thoughts.

Depression

A period of depression sets in again when the previous stage was not successful. The woman again returns to her original state, she is not satisfied with everything and she does not want to put up with it, so she again becomes angry, irritable, and exhausted.

Adaptation

After being depressed for a long time, a woman comes to the understanding that nothing can be taken back, so she needs to be aware of the fact of divorce, accept it and start living again. This is the only way to overcome depression: on your own or with the help of a psychologist, rearrange your thoughts in the right way. By finding the strength to accept the consequences of divorce, you can also find the strength to face a new future.

How to deal with depression

Divorce can occur for two reasons. Depending on who initiated the breakup, depression has one or another character.

If the initiator is one of the spouses

When the decision to divorce is not made mutually, but at the request of only one spouse, then the whole flurry of negative emotions falls on the shoulders of the second spouse, especially if he was categorically against it. This is where the stage of “denial” comes and the decision to return everything back. However, if the fact of divorce has already been recorded and the second spouse still cannot start an independent life, stuck in thoughts about a past life and unwillingness to put up with what is happening, then it would be best to seek the help of a specialist who will offer several options for dealing with depression.

If you evaluate the reviews of divorced women, most advise going completely to work, and when the fervor subsides a little, then loving yourself again.

If the divorce is by mutual consent

If the divorce occurred by the decision of both spouses, then the situation here is a little different, since both the husband and wife understand that there is no point in continuing to fight for this “format” of the family or they no longer have feelings for each other. This can happen immediately after painting, if a woman and a man made the wrong choice, or after several years of marriage, when past values and feelings have been lost. This situation is experienced much easier and faster, since even before the official breakup, we have already come to terms with the idea that divorce cannot be avoided. However, even in such cases, the gap may be accompanied by depression.

Divorce statistics and depression rates

It is generally accepted in society that the initiators of family destruction are most often men. This is the first and most common misconception.

Get to know the numbers:

In 65% of cases, divorces are initiated by wives;
Most divorce proceedings in the world begin after the celebration of the 20th wedding anniversary; in Russia, the “divorce” age for marriage is 5-8 years;
The highest rate of separation is among married couples aged 40 to 45 years;
Almost half of marriages break up due to addiction to alcohol and drugs by one of the spouses;
It is believed that if there are several children in a family, the chance of saving the marriage is reduced. According to statistics, large families are in the same risk zone as others (after all, many other problems arise in large families, for example, financial, housing, etc.).

How can a man live after a divorce? Worries won't help matters here. You need to take into account all your past mistakes, pull yourself together, overcome depression and start life again. You can consult a psychologist if you have strong emotional experiences.

Advice from psychologists on how to survive a divorce

We have repeatedly emphasized that if you cannot cope with long-term depression on your own, then it is best to seek help from a psychotherapist. So, let's look at what it has to offer:

Make the most of your free time. If you have a job, then great. Try to delve deeper into the work process, translate your thoughts, and surrender to professionalism. This will not only allow you to step back a little from the divorce, but it will also be possible to achieve significant results in your career growth. If there is no work, then take care of the interior of the apartment, make repairs, rearrange furniture, throw away unnecessary things.
Talk to people more. Give time to your friends, relatives and colleagues, don’t close yourself off in your “world”, let your thoughts out, talk about it if you want. It's good if you make new acquaintances. Some women advise finding someone with the same problem and sharing their experiences with each other. However, experts sometimes find another version, on the contrary, to meet a stranger and present yourself as you would like to see yourself - strong, independent, confident, without tears or regret that you were abandoned.
Sport clears the mind. After physical activity we feel lighter. This is why psychologists often advise finding time and energy to play sports during depression. Plus, if you sign up for group classes, you can make new friends and also improve your physical fitness. Pilates, callanetics, and yoga are especially suitable for women. In the process of playing sports, the body produces happiness hormones.
Hobby. Do things that you didn’t have time for before or that your spouse forbade you to do, for example, learning English, skiing, going to the cinema or museum.
Take time for your beauty. To regain self-confidence and believe that other men can like you too, you need to take care of your appearance. This will not only make you feel attractive and increase self-esteem, but also relax. If possible, try to visit a beauty salon, spa, swimming pool, solarium, etc. You will relax not only your body, but also your soul.
Diet. Many women try to overcome depression with food, eating 24 hours a day, which only worsens their appearance and, together with stress, puts a strong strain on the body. Try on the contrary, switch to proper nutrition. It will cleanse the body, give lightness and energy, and correct unwanted centimeters in the figure.

Remember that no one will do this for you and the success of any endeavor depends only on how much you want it.

The most important thing when a person is faced with any unwanted situation is to understand that you are not the only one, and many women found themselves in the same situation, coped with it and continue to live. And perhaps their situation is even worse than yours. Try to come out with dignity from circumstances that are not comfortable for you. Remember that the longer you stay depressed, the more difficult it will be to return to normal life.

The main causes of depressive disorder

Marriage is not only a social experience, but also a deep emotional connection for two. Post-divorce desire between spouses is a consequence of physical and psychological intimacy that has been established over a long period of time.

The psychotherapeutic side of marriage is one of the most important functions of this union. It has been established that people who are in a “positive marriage” are physically and emotionally more resistant to an unfavorable external environment and have better psychosomatic health.

Post-breakup depression in men is often due to the need for support to get through a difficult period and the limited ability to receive it. Close emotional contact has not yet been established with the new woman, and the “ex-wife” formally no longer belongs to the man, although mutual attraction is present in both partners. The situation is aggravated by other experiences, which may include:

rapid disappointment in the ideal of a “free life”: freedom does not live up to expectations, the new woman is by no means better than the old one;
“sexual hunting” is an energy-consuming process, which only at first can excite with the piquancy of the moment, and subsequently leads to psychophysical burnout;
assessing the new reality, the man is convinced of the absence of advantages and the presence of significant disadvantages (taking care of everyday life, caring for himself), regret about the lost comfort begins to visit the “ex-spouse” more and more often;
a feeling of guilt may haunt the husband who initiated the divorce, especially if there are children together.

The development of a depressive disorder is indicated by a number of symptoms and behavioral characteristics of a man. The main key point is the inability to have fun and, as a result, distance from life. Unlike women in post-split depression, who openly demonstrate emotions, the stronger sex “prefers” other technologies for getting out of dramatic situations.

"Men do not cry". This common stereotype is rooted in the minds of most representatives of the stronger sex in the modern world. Unfortunately, such an attitude does not at all contribute to the preservation of men’s psycho-emotional health: depression in men is becoming an increasingly global problem every year, which is aggravated by social stereotypes.