I didn't let depression destroy our marriage: how I helped my wife cope with stress and avoid divorce

Marriage should make people happy, not cause them stress, depression and headaches. And, if you are faced with the question of how to get your wife out of depression, then you need to make serious changes in your married life and in your relationship with your wife. What can you do on your part now to help her cope with anxiety and depression? Let's look at some of the most effective ways.

Why does a person feel bad?

Depression is a mental disorder accompanied by emotional depression, inability to enjoy life, decreased motor activity and impaired thinking.

A person in a state of depression experiences fatigue and sadness, loses interest in everything that is happening. The disease negatively affects the socialization of the individual: the patient avoids communication, his performance decreases, the usual course of life is disrupted, the future seems unpromising and gloomy.

In addition to psychological symptoms, the condition can lead to physiological deterioration with signs of cardiovascular disorders, dizziness and headaches. The main danger that depression entails is suicidal tendencies.

According to statistics, about 15% of depressed patients commit suicide. Therefore, it is so important to treat depressed people with understanding, and not to consider the disorder as a manifestation of selfishness, laziness and pessimism.

Depression affects women and older people in 70% of cases.

The diagnosis of depression is made when a number of symptoms are present:

• anhedonia (loss of ability or inability to experience positive emotions);
• negative thinking (pessimism);
• motor retardation.

It is easy to understand that a loved one has become a victim of depression. It is enough to follow him for several weeks.

If after 14 days the symptoms have not disappeared, you need to sound the alarm. First of all, it is necessary to determine what exactly caused this condition.

Depression, like any mental disorder, has its “roots”. The reason may be dismissal, divorce, death of a loved one, financial collapse, chronic stress. However, the factors that provoke the development of the disease may not be so global.

Thus, psychologists identify several types of personalities in which the tendency to depression is “integrated” at the genetic level:

• Statothymic type - neat, conscientious, hardworking people.
• Melancholic – pedantic people, strict and demanding of themselves.
• Hyperthymic – people prone to constant worry, insecure, with low self-esteem.

A biological factor should not be ruled out. If there are no obvious causes of depression, it may be worth looking for the answer in the human body.

So the root of the disorder may lie:

• in hereditary predisposition;
• in previous somatic and neurological head injuries;
• long-term use of certain medications;
• in changes in the hormonal system;
• in chronobiological factors, such as seasonality, decreased REM sleep, etc.

A feeling that devours

In fairness, it must be admitted that she was in a stressful state most of her life. Someone could blame me, but my beloved was drowning in negativity long before she met me.

Her episodes are very variable. You can never predict when and why something new will happen. Depression comes and goes, brazenly interfering with our peace and harmony.

At CES 2021, General Motors presented the Cadillac eVTOL air car

Marina Devyatova suddenly disappeared from the stage. Where did the singer go and how does she live?

At dinner, Paul I told a dream that was prophetic. That night the emperor passed away

My wife has been living quietly for six months now - she is happy, smiling and cheerful. And suddenly it “covers” her. This condition can last from a couple of days to several weeks - and the scary thing is that it is impossible to determine the exact period.

Don't think that no one is helping her. My beloved takes medications, regularly undergoes examinations, and also receives moral support not only from me and relatives, but also from doctors.

Causes

How to help a person get out of depression? To do this, you should know the list of the main possible reasons leading to this condition:

• serious illness;
• loss of a loved one;
• dismissal and problems at work;
• chronic fatigue;
• misunderstanding on the part of others (especially close ones).

That is, the impetus for the development of depressive neurosis is given by a psychotraumatic situation.

A funnel of negative emotions sucks a person in like a swamp. But it is important to distinguish a depressive state from a short-term (albeit strong) experience. The following signs help make a correct diagnosis:

• Anhedonia is the loss of the ability to notice the good, the absence of any positive emotions.
• Pathological thinking is the perception of all life situations through a negative prism, a pessimistic attitude.
• Inhibited actions, prolonged gloomy mood.

On the other hand, depressive manifestations can be individual: for example, someone tends to withdraw into themselves, someone continues to maintain social contacts, but shows aggression, and so on. The lack of timely assistance only leads to further deterioration of the chronic condition.

Statistically, depressive disorder is most common in women. A certain depression can almost always be found in any lady.

However, this does not mean that men do not suffer from it, they just prefer to “lose” themselves in alcohol rather than just talk about it. Be that as it may, below we will talk specifically about female depression.

Most often, this condition begins with hormonal disorders. Any change in hormones during a special cycle such as menstruation, menopause or pregnancy can cause this problem as the entire nervous system breaks down a bit during this time.

By the way, pregnancy and childbirth lead to depression much more often than abortions, although it would seem that the opposite should be the case. But postpartum depression, more and more often, from a fairly mild state can lead to a fairly severe illness in a few weeks.

Childbirth is stressful, especially unsuccessful ones. If all this is aggravated by problems in the family or even a fairly large financial setback, then you should expect depression, because the baby is already causing quite a lot of problems on top of everything.

Depression is most common in young women under 30, so they are at risk. Anorexic or overweight girls are prime candidates, as disordered eating is an important symptom of depression.

Among the factors influencing the appearance of depressive disorder, there are two conditional groups: psychological, which influence the spiritual component, and physiological, caused by a disorder in the process of producing neurotransmitters. Thus, deep depression can be the result of various phenomena in nature.

Psychological

• Stress disorder is a disturbance in the stability of the nervous system, often caused by family difficulties (because of this, depression more often develops in women), troubles in professional activities and studies.
• Mental trauma is a physical or mental, one-time or ongoing impact on a person (any form of violence, death of a loved one, accident, etc.).
• The state of frustration is the inability to satisfy one’s own needs, desires, or the discrepancy between what is desired and reality.
• An existential crisis is a phenomenon in which there is a sharp change in values, priorities, or the meaning of life is lost.

Physiological

Worsening situation

I didn't know what depression was. I didn’t even imagine that this was a disease that could wreak havoc and control someone’s mind. I was sure: if a person just wants to be happy, he will be. The main thing is desire!

But my beloved, having later become my wife, continued to be sad. There were many episodes in the marriage filled with tears. She spent the entire second year of our marriage at home. This was her desire - her husband was not fired, and she could easily find a job.

Regularity or mysticism? Why is there frost every year before January 19th?

People on the Internet were asked to draw dogs with their non-working hand: many have the talent

Office supplies and 19 other things you need to throw away to make your home look tidy

She just couldn't even leave the house. Some actions were too difficult for her mentally. All my strength went into tears.

What is depression, its types

Before choosing a “medicine”, that is, an approach to a person in need of help, we determine the area of ​​the person’s psyche damaged by the “tumor” of depression.

Russian psychiatry distinguishes two large groups of depressive states: simple (minor) depression and complex (major) depression.

The group of simple conditions includes the following types of depression:

• adynamic with physical and emotional inhibition;
• agitated – accompanied by anxiety, increased arousal, feelings of guilt and fear;
• dysphoric – chronic dissatisfaction with outbreaks of irritability;
• ironic - deliberate demonstration of a good mood and concealment of a true depressed state;
• stuporous – motor inhibition, which can reach complete immobility;
• anxious - a persistent feeling of danger, anxiety, anxiety, depression;
• melancholic – increased tearfulness, deep depression, severe “mental pain”, accompanied by pain in the heart area.

The group of complex depression includes syndromes with a variety of symptoms and disturbances in the functioning of the nervous system:

• asthenic – disturbance of emotionality, inability to express feelings;
• hysterical - violent manifestation of emotions, exaggerated attitude towards all events;
• hypochondriacal – development of overvalued ideas combined with delusions;
• psychasthenic - manifests itself in complete inhibition, indecision, timidity.

There is a protracted form of depression, the signs of which can be observed for 2-2.5 years.

One of the varieties is alcoholic depression, which develops against the background of alcohol withdrawal or coding.

Due to the modern pace of life, depression has long become a completely common occurrence. Statistically, it appears as often as the same cold, and this already says a lot.

However, this mental illness is quite difficult to understand from the outside, because there is no cough or runny nose. Absolutely anyone, even the most successful person, can suddenly surprise you by saying that he is depressed.

Of course, this disease is much more complex and simple depression from failure in some endeavors does not at all indicate its presence.

Indeed, a person experiencing depression feels constant helplessness and depression, but in itself he should not feel a sense of wrongness from this. Such patients do not recognize themselves as such, so their sense of reality is always slightly disturbed, which interferes with them both in everyday life and at work with colleagues.

With the constant unstable economic situation in the world, the problem of depression began to deepen more and more. Due to the constant lack of confidence in the future and anxiety about the future, the level of stress increases, which leads to the symptoms of depression beginning to appear.

In fact, if you have exactly this type, then without treatment you will ruin life for everyone, both yourself and your loved ones, who will be painful to watch your suffering. The most important symptoms are insomnia and lack of interest in the outside world.

Depression in men

Depression is a disorder of the psycho-emotional background, which is accompanied by despondency, apathy, lack of interest in anything, a pessimistic attitude, and low self-esteem. Before you get rid of depression, you need to prepare yourself. All the psychologist’s advice boils down to the fact that you need to take a fresh look at familiar things.

The article describes the causes and symptoms of male depression, as well as practical advice on how to get a man out of this state.

Most women are sincerely surprised when it comes to male depression. "How? Do men get depressed? After all, suffering, worrying, not finding a place for yourself, being sad for any reason, losing the meaning of life, as well as sobbing into a pillow and beating in hysterics - is exclusively the female part.

Let us, however, turn our faces to our men and find out whether they are at peace in their souls.

Signs of Depression

Regardless of the form, the disease covers several vital areas. It is the combination of several symptoms that allows doctors to make a depressive diagnosis and prescribe treatment.

Depression is characterized by an individual course - the signs of the disorder in different patients may be of the opposite nature (from insomnia to drowsiness, from overeating to complete refusal to eat). The causes of the disease and the psychological characteristics of the patient will determine how to get out of depression.

Emotional symptoms

Emotional disturbances are the most striking and typical manifestation of a mental disorder. Emotional signs include:

• melancholy, despair, depression;
• mood swings;
• anxiety and a persistent feeling of fear;
• irritability for no apparent reason;
• decreased interest in life;
• low self-esteem, dissatisfaction with oneself and one’s life;
• loss of interest in favorite activities;
• difficulties in expressing feelings and emotions.

Physiological symptoms

6. Get enough sleep and spend 8 hours sleeping to get a lot of energy in your body

Pros of a good 8 hours of sleep:

• When you sleep, you replenish your vital energy.
• Your internal dialogue is turned off.
• In a dream, you no longer have the worries that bother you in reality.
• In a dream there is no past and no memory of a bad past, just as there is no future.

To fully replenish your vital energy from sleep, wear a night blindfold. When you are in complete darkness and there is absolutely nothing shining into your eyes, the energy after sleep appears many times more.

Make sure you close the window with curtains and there are no streetlights shining from the streets.

Why is it important to get enough sleep:

1. When you don't sleep enough, your psyche is more fragile.
2. A person who does not get enough sleep in society will be more influenced by negativity; he will easily lose control over the situation and, above all, over himself.
3. Thus, a bad experience is consolidated in the mind, which creates a desire in a person to close down and avoid this negative experience.
4. Later this can result in internal pain. Therefore, it is very important to get enough sleep in order to worry less about thoughts about how to help yourself get out of depression.

Causes and symptoms of female depression

Different forms of depression are quite similar in symptoms, because they all belong to the same group of affective disorders. At the same time, the signs of severe depression can be distinguished into a special clinical picture, divided into psychological and physiological symptoms.

Psychological

In a behavioral sense, the following signs are observed:

• lack of initiative;
• a constant desire to be alone with one’s own thoughts;
• spending most of the time within four walls, unwillingness to go anywhere;
• decreased work activity;
• consumption of large quantities of alcohol, psychotropic or even narcotic substances, etc.

Drug treatment

If depression is associated with severe trauma, serious dysfunction of the central nervous system, you need to contact a highly specialized specialist - a psychotherapist. A good therapeutic effect is achieved by an integrated approach: a combination of medications, psychotherapy, physiotherapy and therapeutic exercises.

Drug therapy

The main pharmacological drugs to combat depression are antidepressants. They stimulate the body to produce nerve impulses responsible for mood, behavior and activity.

Treatment of depression is carried out with drugs of four generations.

1. Tricyclic drugs - Amitriptyline, Imipramine. They are used only for severe forms in a hospital setting.
2. Second generation drugs - Befol, Pyrazidol. They have a calming effect, but will not help cope with severe depressive disorders.
3. Third generation drugs – Citalopram, Fluoxetine. They activate the production of the happiness hormone serotonin, successfully stopping panic attacks and phobias.
4. Fourth generation antidepressants – Duloxetine, Milnacipran. They have a selective effect on serotonin and norepinephrine, without blocking the functions of other neurotransmitters.

In severe cases, antidepressants are combined with tranquilizers, antipsychotics and nootropics. Tranquilizers are effective for anxiety, they calm and help fight fears.

Neuroleptics are used in suicidal patients and depression with severe delusional ideas. Nootropics have stimulating properties, restore the functioning of the nervous system, help in the fight against nervous exhaustion, apathy, lethargy and increased fatigue.

Any medication for treating depression is available only with a doctor's prescription!

Psychotherapeutic practices

Psychotherapy for depression involves the use of certain methods of psychocorrection depending on the pathogenesis and form of the disease. Therapy is aimed at teaching the patient to independently cope with depressive symptoms, solve important life issues, control emotions and conditions that inevitably lead to depression.

The following types of psychotherapy are recognized as the most effective:

• cognitive-behavioral – aimed at correcting behavioral errors that lead to depressive disorder;
• interpersonal – helps to form healthy relationships between the patient and people around him;
• psychodynamic – aimed at searching for the internal conflict underlying the pathology.

Aromatherapy, art therapy, bibliotherapy, methods of self-hypnosis and hypnosis are also used to combat depression.

How to help a depressed person? If we are talking about a pathological condition, it is quite possible that the doctor will prescribe medication.

The most commonly used antidepressants are:

• tricyclic antidepressants;
• monoamine oxidase inhibitors;
• inhibitors responsible for serotonin reuptake.

In the case of bipolar disorder, medications that have a stabilizing effect (improving mood) are needed. Speaking about such drugs, we can recall lithium.

Neuroleptics with antipsychotics help cope with delusional states (which are also accompanied by depressive mood).

Finally, in the case of manic states, anxiolytics are usually prescribed. Dysthymia is treated with tricyclic antidepressants or bupropion.

Antidepressants

Is it possible to help a person cope with depression without the participation of a psychotherapist or psychologist? Yes, you can.

Major depression requires a combined approach. To get rid of this disease, doctors, in addition to medications, use other methods. However, it must be borne in mind that non-drug therapy for withdrawal is only used as a supplement.

Drug treatment for severe depression occurs in several stages:

• Selection by the doctor of suitable medications (antidepressants), their dosage and duration of use.
• The very completion of the therapeutic course.
• Preventive measures aimed at maintaining a satisfactory condition of the patient.

It is impossible to get out of severe depression on your own, so turning to specialists plays a decisive role in the patient’s condition. In this case, the last of these stages is considered the most important, since the risk of returning to a depressive state in the first months is quite high. It is during this period that a person really needs support.

Non-drug treatment for severe depression includes various types of psychotherapy:

• cognitive – combating manifestations of depression in the behavioral aspect, unconscious signs, everyday and social difficulties;
• psychodynamic – focuses on a person’s internal conflicts, helps resolve them on a conscious level;
• interpersonal – providing assistance in establishing contacts with others;
• family – here attention is paid more to the patient’s loved ones, or more precisely to how they can build relationships so as not to aggravate his condition, to help him get out of a difficult life situation.

There is a lot of literature on how to get rid of severe depression. Treatment methods may additionally include hypnosis, light therapy, electroconvulsive therapy, etc.

Patients who need radical methods to get out of a depressive state are characterized by a manic state, suicidal tendencies, psychosis, the inability to take medications on their own, etc. You won’t be able to get out of such forms of depression on your own, and neglecting to contact specialists will certainly lead, after some time, to suicide attempts.

To summarize, the main points should be noted:

• Depression needs to be treated at the initial stages, before it reaches a terrible, severe stage characterized by signs that are dangerous to human health;
• what medications will be required for the therapeutic course is decided solely by the doctor;
• in addition to medications, it is most often necessary to use different types of psychotherapy;
• It is necessary to get out of the condition in question under the supervision of a doctor within several months.

How to get yourself out of depression without taking medications?

Antidepressants

Simple recommendations on how to get yourself out of depression that anyone can cope with.

And again we will talk to you about such a vile disease as depression.

If you look at the statistics of this mental illness, the numbers are truly amazing: in each developed country, at least 20% of people suffer from depression (their number increases in the autumn) and almost 90% of the adult population have experienced it at least once.

So tell me, with such terrifying data, how can you ignore the article, how can you get yourself out of depression?

We read, save in bookmarks, take notes so as not to miss a single useful material.

I think all my readers are familiar with the symptoms of depression.

We have stopped at them more than once.

The main thing is not to confuse the symptoms of ordinary bad mood or stress and depression, which is a serious psychological illness.

If you are surrounded by close people, then naturally they will see changes in your mood, disturbances in your sleep and nutrition, excessive irritability, your unexpected recluse, the fact that you constantly look bad and feel tired.

Train tolerance, the pinnacle of fragmentation

Some people believe that they are entitled to whatever they want, regardless of whether they can afford it or not. They buy houses they can't afford, pay for things they don't really need, spend money on a whim instead of saving it. In other words, too many people today follow their feelings.

There are no instructions about which feelings to express and which ones are best kept to yourself. We learn this through observation and modeling, acquiring the skills I talked about just above: compartmentalizing sensations, assessing what matters more or less, and developing discretion about what is worth saying and what is best left unsaid. .

These skills can protect your marriage by creating and maintaining respect and generosity in your relationship. If you feel valued, even in a conflict situation, neither you nor your partner will suffer because you are mistreated, humiliated, or have your point of view rejected. You can love and respect each other for the rest of your life, even if you quarreled today.

The “right” cure for depression

How to get a girlfriend out of depression, a friend, a spouse, a child or a parent - people who have “guessed” the disease based on a number of signs often turn to our center with such questions. Unfortunately, many, before coming to the realization of the indispensability of psychotherapy, try other means - tranquilizers, herbal teas, acupuncture, aromatherapy.

And even more often, people fight on their own. We will not talk about those situations when a person with depression is completely left alone with the disease - only a few “survive” in this battle.

It is everyone’s duty to extend a helping hand to a loved one, but in case of depression, the risk of being left without a hand or falling into the same abyss is extremely high. It is almost impossible to predict the development of the scenario.

Seeing a psychotherapist is a necessary and irreplaceable step on the path to recovery. Even with professional help, the process takes months. The game of psychotherapy, when one of the relatives turns into a “psychotherapist,” only in isolated cases gives a positive result (only with a mild degree of the disorder).

Modern conditions are very “favorable” for the spread of foci of the disease. The increase in the number of people suffering from loneliness affects the “atmosphere” of planet Earth – a vicious circle. That is why special attention is being paid to the problem today: it destroys not only families, but also society.

Of course, the macro aspect is the last thing that worries each individual “cell of society.” But concern for the lives of your loved ones should flow in line with the right steps of help.

Don't waste your time relying on sacrificial love or a friendly pat on the back that "everything will pass." Treatment of the disease can and should be delegated to specialists - psychologists, psychotherapists, and sometimes even doctors, and not hope for “it will go away on its own,” which in the case of depression can be disastrous.

Advice from psychologists

Psychologists advise getting out of this situation using simple but effective methods. The main thing is that you can get rid of the disease only with a strong desire:

• Analyze your feelings, emotions and sensations, since during depression the brain seems to stop controlling them. Learn to relax during meditation, massage, aromatherapy.
• If the joy of communicating with friends and loved ones has disappeared, or you have a desire to isolate yourself from everyone, it is useful to keep a diary where you can write down observations of your negative thoughts in order to quickly get rid of them. Remember pleasant meetings with a friend, renew them, tell your friend about your condition.
• Pay attention to loss of appetite and insomnia - the first signs of depression. They may be associated with somatic diseases, so it is important to visit your doctor, get medication, and change your diet.
• Make changes in your life, find an interesting hobby, join a club with similar interests, get interested in reading, for example, buy an audiobook. Exciting activities will distract you from gloomy thoughts and help you regain interest in life.
• Once you have confirmed your diagnosis, be sure to take antidepressants. Medications will help relieve tension, relieve anxiety, and calm you down.

The main thing is not to brush aside the problem of a loved one, but to support him in time

Good results in treatment can be obtained if loved ones do not brush aside the problem, but understand and support the sick person. Help must be effective and fast. There is no point in waiting and hoping that everything will go away on its own.

How to help a depressed person - basic instructions

To bring a person out of depression means to teach him how to live. This is difficult and requires insight, analytics, the ability to “be nearby, but at a distance,” and a willingness to be on the alert. Suicides due to depression are much more common than we read about in the newspapers.

A child who has lost his appetite, sleeps poorly and suffers from nightmares, with chronic “failures” in subjects and behavior is not a problem child, but a small person with major depression.

A husband who either falls into rage and hatred, or into apathy, abuses alcohol, and personally destroys his career and family is not a tyrant (most likely), but a depressed man.