How to get out of depression after your husband cheats: consequences, advice

Family life is like a boat that constantly rocks on the waves. In clear weather he swims proudly and straight, in a storm he drowns and seeks salvation. Everything is the same in the family: sometimes there is calm, sometimes there is a storm - there is rarely a middle ground, especially when life gets better after the husband’s betrayal.

By rushing to extremes, people themselves destroy that piece of happiness allotted to them in this world. Sometimes it is easier to accept and forgive than to declare war and bring down everything that has been created over the years. It’s even worse when a woman becomes depressed after her husband’s betrayal and her health and beauty begin to fade and fade more and more every day.

A devoted woman ceases to feel needed and complete, and this is not surprising, but all because every girl, when she gets married, is looking for a man who will take care of her and her children, protect her and remain faithful to her. So what to do, how to live after your husband’s betrayal: should you forgive your husband after cheating, how to love him, should you trust him?

Symptoms of depression

How to cope with depression after your husband cheats? To give an answer, you need to identify the disease. Main signs of the phenomenon:

constant apathy, loss of performance;
sleep disturbance, insomnia in the evening, in the morning it is impossible to open your eyes;
chronic fatigue;
obsessive thoughts;
loss of appetite or constant hunger;
nightmares at night;
mood swings from aggression to sadness, despair;
desire to avoid people;
anxiety, unreasonable fear.

If you discover characteristic symptoms, you should consult a psychotherapist or psychologist. The first one can prescribe antidepressants and prescribe a course of treatment. The second specialist will consult about emotions, listen and give advice. Don't be ashamed of the problem, it's not a sign of mental illness. Healthy people also need specialist help.

How to behave after reconciliation

To do this, you need to devote more time to your appearance. Lose excess weight, get a beautiful hairstyle and always greet your husband with a smile.
Try to scold your spouse less. Let him relax after work in your company with an interesting conversation or movie, and not listen to his wife’s grumbling or complaints.
In intimate relationships, it is better to relax and try everything your husband wants, otherwise he may go looking for what he wants on the side. This is how their nature works.
Try to share your husband’s interests, be cheerful, beautiful, satisfied with life, and you will succeed.
The main thing is that the desire to restore the marriage is mutual. If the husband does not have it, and he agreed to return to the family out of despair, then the situation will repeat itself again. And again pain, disappointment, tears...
Every woman who has gone through betrayal has her own recipe for how to survive her husband’s betrayal, but the basic rule remains the same - the ability to forgive mistakes. This is the only way to start a new happy life.

Should I forgive the traitor or not?

The main task in such a situation is to decide how to live after the betrayal. Think, can you continue to live in love and understanding? Forgive your spouse? It takes time to recover, move away from the blow and make a fair choice. It is recommended to weigh everything well and take the arguments into account. The future depends on the decision.

If you forgive an unfaithful person, let go of the grievances and try to quickly forget what happened. Can you trust your spouse? The absence of this feeling will make it impossible to restore the marriage. Find the strength to forgive, listen to the motives of the action, forget about pride. If it was done by mistake, frivolously, or has no basis in feelings, the man deserves a second chance. There are couples who note that their relationship after the test moved to a new level and became stronger.

If you feel that resentment is forever stuck in your soul, that love is gone, then the only way out is divorce. The following situations will help push you to a solution:

Husband's feelings for the homewrecker. It is impossible to love two. Having let someone else into your heart, there is no longer room for a spouse.
Lack of remorse, accusations towards the offended party. This behavior indicates a lack of awareness of the offense and the possibility of repetition of the offense. The lover will regret what he did. Lack of repentance is a sign that there are no true feelings.
The husband himself wants to leave. You won't be nice by force. The lady can only let go of the unfaithful man.
The wife's unwillingness to forgive and understand the behavior of her husband. It is impossible to live with constant reproaches and reminders. Darling will not stand constant quarrels and will soon leave. It is better not to delay separation, because making a decision later will cause more suffering.

Ways to calm down

When there is still love in your soul and the thought of separation is unbearable, you should try to save the relationship. After all, both partners are often to blame for betrayal.

Maybe you stopped paying enough attention to your spouse, you were too busy with work and friends, your husband felt lonely and stumbled. Therefore, when you are ready to talk, explain to your husband and find out what did not suit him.

While you understand yourself, you should not cry and suffer around the clock, such behavior will not lead to good.
When you are in a lot of pain and you don’t know how to survive your husband’s betrayal, take care of yourself. This will distract you from unpleasant thoughts and give you confidence.
Go to a beauty salon, change your hairstyle, dye your hair.
Update your wardrobe, change your clothing style. These experiments will distract you from constant thoughts about betrayal and will not allow you to turn into a tearful martyr.
It's good to go on vacation. If possible, go to the seaside for a few days or visit another city. A change of environment will calm the soul and give strength.
Try to forget for a while about your husband and his betrayal, this will restore your inner harmony.

Fears and mistakes

Depression is accompanied by a fear of loneliness. Does the phobia arise after thinking about how to live further after betrayal? It seems to a woman that she will never get married and will be without a family. An empty apartment and a cold bed escalate the situation and aggravate the agony.

The wife is trying to overcome her phobia by making peace with her husband. She submits to requests and humiliation in order to get out of this situation. This decision is a mistake. If you cannot forgive or forget the act, but simply leave the traitor out of fear, you risk being unhappy all your life. Love is not built on the goal of “not being lonely”; it needs real feelings.

Asking the question “What to do next? How to calm down after your husband’s betrayal?”, a representative of the fairer sex makes spontaneous wrong decisions.

Reasons for my husband's cheating

Male infidelity is a banal and familiar concept for modern society. When a man cheats, no one is surprised; unfortunately, this stereotype is closely related to the male image. And it is not customary to look for a reason. It is generally accepted that a good wife has a man who doesn't play around. But in fact, there are several reasons for male infidelity:

Simple lust, animal instinct. Men just want to cheat without delving into the reasons for this. Having cheated on his wife, he can have sex with her on the same day, and forget about the casual relationship. A man does not have to have any feelings for a woman in order to sleep with her. It is enough that it is just a pretty woman.
The influence of alcohol. It is quite possible that under the influence of alcoholic intoxication your husband committed adultery. If after what happened he really sincerely repents and regrets, then he can be forgiven. The main thing is to remember that under the influence of alcohol, your spouse is capable of committing an unseemly act, which means you need to raise the issue of addiction to alcohol.
The wife is not happy with it. Perhaps your husband is not happy with something about you: your appearance, your behavior in bed, the way you cook. But in any case, this does not justify him, and for you this should not become a reason for self-flagellation. When problems arise in the family, you need to sit down at the negotiating table and solve them; this is exactly what a man should do if he has complaints against his wife.

What to do No need

Popular mistakes when overcoming depression:

Self-flagellation, fencing off from the outside world. Closedness will lead to concentration on the negative, inability to be distracted.
Excessive aggression towards the traitor. Such a reaction will alienate the person and make reconciliation impossible.
Casual sexual relationships. Depraved behavior will not be able to prove attractiveness and demand from the opposite sex. Rash actions will lead to the stigma of “an easily accessible young lady” and unpleasant rumors.
Sects. The actions of such organizations are not aimed at consoling a person, but at emptying a person’s wallet.
Alcohol. They say that alcohol helps you forget and relaxes you. Shutting down won't solve problems. Having sobered up, the person again remembers the trouble and plunges into sad thoughts. The headache will be a bonus.
Binge eating. It is impossible to eat away grief. You only risk getting extra pounds and health problems.
Financial waste. Shopping will not replace relationships and will not heal mental wounds.

What to do if you find out your spouse is cheating

First of all, it’s worth figuring out where this information came from. If these are just disturbing speculations, then a frank conversation with your spouse on this topic will help. It's not a given that she'll tell the truth, but at least you'll be able to see her reaction.

If the information is one hundred percent, that is, the wife herself told about the betrayal or was “caught red-handed,” then it takes time to understand the situation and not do anything stupid. Men tend to make hasty decisions, and in an emotional outburst of anger they can even cause serious harm or kill.

The first thing a man should do when he finds out about his wife’s infidelity is to be left alone with himself. Even if there is a scandal and heated discussion, know how to insist that you be left alone for a while. Don't go out with friends. Don't resort to alcohol. Don't drown out information with work or games. Go to a quiet, safe place where you can think things through.

The first thing you should decide for yourself is whether you love your wife. All further decisions will depend on an honest answer to this question. Try to discard thoughts of possessiveness and damaged pride. It is clear that betrayal is perceived primarily as a personal insult. However, answer yourself frankly: do you love your spouse? If not, when did your feelings for her fade away? Probably, from the answer to this question you will be able to draw important conclusions for yourself.

If your love for your wife is still strong, think about what might have led to her behavior

Was there any conflict between you? Maybe you allowed yourself to insult her, humiliate her or raise your hand? Maybe you stopped paying attention to her or ignored her irritation or requests? How many times has she tried to get your attention or start a frank conversation? How long have you been intimate? Walking together? Understand that every person has their own physiological and spiritual needs. And if you have long lost the emotional and physical connection with your spouse, taking her presence for granted, then it’s hard to blame her for finding a man who gave her the necessary emotions and warmth

Once you have calmed down, talk to your spouse. Find out from her the real motives for her actions. Be cool and insist on speaking truthfully. This way you can understand what caused your distance and what you should work on if you decide to get your wife back.

Remember that divorce is a fairly simple solution, but not always the right one. If you still love your wife and feel that the connection between you has not yet been completely broken, then you should try to save your relationship. To do this, you will have to forgive your wife’s betrayal, although not immediately.

How to overcome stress?

Depression is a dangerous condition that needs to be overcome as soon as possible. How to get out of depression after your husband cheats? Men suffer from betrayal no less than the opposite sex. Are they worried about how to get out of depression after their wife cheated? After the betrayal, nothing is interesting, the surroundings have acquired gray tones, but try to find your joy. The best distractions, according to psychologists, are:

Communication with relatives and friends. Speak out, ask your loved ones for advice. Loyal people will console you and help you find a way out. Everyone has a friend who will defuse the situation and cheer you up.
Contact a psychologist. The specialist will give precise recommendations suitable in a particular case.
A change of scenery. It's the right time to travel. New impressions and acquaintances are a good distraction. If there is no opportunity for travel, repairs, rearranging things, and general cleaning of the house will do.
Absorbed into work. Things will take up all your thoughts. There will be no time left for sadness. Don’t forget that business should bring pleasure, be a calling.
Change of image. New hairstyle, makeup, and clothing style will help you transform yourself externally and internally. In addition, the attention of the opposite sex is guaranteed. The traitor, seeing the prettier missus, will do everything for forgiveness.
Fresh air. Stay outside more. This will improve your sleep and well-being.
Sport is an excellent medicine. Physical activity and maintaining a healthy lifestyle heals not only the body, but also the soul. The most popular options are swimming, yoga, meditation, which relax and calm.
Music, singing, dancing will give positive emotions and help you recover. Choose funny songs and don't be sad.
Entertainment. Visiting cafes, clubs, theaters, concerts, bowling alleys and other events is a great idea.
Hobbies: cooking, books, handicrafts, foreign languages, photography.
Don't remember what you experienced. Get rid of things that resemble a bad marriage, avoid places that are associated with a traitor.

How long does it take for calm to come? There is no specific universal answer to the question. The recovery period is different for each person. In some situations, life returns to normal within a month. Others have been depressed for years. Make every effort to quickly forget the betrayal, use all available methods to get out of the situation, and soon get rid of melancholy.

Advice from psychologists

Naturally, almost every woman whose husband has left her faces such a condition as depression. If this happens, there is no need to waste your own strength and nerves in order to return your husband to an already destroyed family by any means. On the contrary, you need to pull yourself together and pull yourself together, otherwise you won’t be able to escape from prolonged depression at all. Experienced psychologists who have studied in detail a woman’s condition after her husband leaves can give some practical advice that will help you quickly overcome the feeling of depression or prevent it from arising at all. The main thing in this case is not to neglect the proposed recommendations.

In order to avoid a state of depression, first of all you need to come to terms with the situation in which you are left without a husband. This method is more suitable for those women who have been married for more than 20 years. This situation often suits them, no matter how painful it actually is. Due to the fact that the wife devotes all her attention to raising children and grandchildren, the man tries to find new experiences on the side. A woman, having learned about betrayal, at this age most often tries to remain calm. After all, in this case nothing can be done. The children grew up, the sex life began to decline. Therefore, it would be quite rational to simply come to terms with the loss of your husband and not waste your own health on sorting out a relationship that can no longer be returned.

In some cases, women choose a way out in which they let go of their dishonest spouse and forgive his betrayal. This behavior is most often characteristic of ladies who are confident in their abilities. As soon as the wife finds out about her husband’s betrayal, she immediately lets him go, but she doesn’t forgive him right away. This will take some time, during which the woman fully analyzes the situation and still forgives her ex-husband. Therefore, if you are confident in yourself, but your husband leaves you, do not try to humiliate yourself. It’s better to let him go immediately and forgive him if possible.

Sometimes a deceived wife tries to get her husband back. In this case, psychologists come to the rescue, giving the woman the opportunity to fully analyze the situation, understand what attracted her husband to another woman, and build relationships in such a way that the departed husband wants to return.

The proposed methods can help if you are still in control of the situation and have not fallen into a state of depression. If you do manage to encounter depression, then you need to do everything to ensure that it goes away quickly and painlessly.

Conflict prevention

It gets easier over time. The offense is gradually forgotten, and other experiences, joys and sorrows appear. Having gotten rid of depression, a woman begins a new life. Some start it without their ex, others build a future with their spouse. In all cases, adhere to certain rules that will save the family and prevent the pain from reoccurring.

The repentant man returned to his native walls. The woman has forgiven, but there is a crack in the relationship. Any misconduct or wrong tactics in restoring the former can destroy harmony. It is important for the fair sex to remember the rules for building strong relationships:

Avoid reminders of the incident, lover.
Express trust in your other half: without interrogations, unnecessary calls, SMS checks, emails.
Start with a clean slate. Make a man fall in love again, break up your routine with dates, romance, and spending time together.
Find moments that bring you together: hobbies, work.

When building a relationship with your husband or another person, try to avoid situations that provoke the appearance of a mistress. Follow these recommendations:

Be more reserved. Hysterics and quarrels are repulsive and contribute to the emergence of conflicts.
Take care of yourself. In your home environment, you look beautiful and well-groomed.
Spend time with your beloved, listen to his problems, advise.
Become a good housewife and lover. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach. It is equally important to satisfy your spouse in bed.

Stages of living through infidelity and how to overcome them

The news of betrayal is a big blow to a person’s psyche. And it doesn’t matter how you found out about it - through friends, your loved one made a sincere confession, or you caught him red-handed in bed with a rival. In any case, you will experience difficult feelings in your soul, and the trauma inflicted can radically change your future life.

Psychologists divide the stages of experiencing infidelity into 8 stages. But depending on the character and temperament of the person, his relationship with the cheating partner and the circumstances, any of the stages may appear for a longer time or not be expressed at all.

When you understand what makes you experience certain emotions, it will be easier for you to cope with them and recover from betrayal.

Stage 1 – shock and disbelief

This is what most people face when they find out about their loved one’s betrayal. It is difficult for you to believe what happened, you deny the fact of betrayal, ignore obvious evidence of infidelity and desperately justify your partner. All this is nothing more than a defensive reaction. It can occur literally in a couple of minutes out of surprise, or last for several days.

The point is one thing - convincing yourself that all this is not true, that this cannot happen to you.

If you have long suspected your spouse of cheating, then this stage is unlikely to manifest itself.

So that the shock does not take you by surprise, observe your husband in advance, identify typical signs of a traitor in his behavior:

closeness, secrecy, excessive caution;
your husband’s refusal to spend time with you in public places;
lack of money in the family budget, although the husband works and is even delayed due to “urgent matters”;
atypical interest in one’s appearance, buying new clothes, changing one’s image;
coldness towards you, reluctance to have intimacy with you;
unreasonable and frequent delays at work;
increased business trips;
spending a vacation or weekend without you;
irritability or vice versa – excessive affection;
availability of passwords on your computer and phone;
twitchiness and nervousness, especially when you ask your husband about his affairs, express suspicion;
the presence of traces of contact with women: hair on clothes, the smell of women’s perfume, traces of lipstick or foundation, etc.

You can read about more obvious and irrefutable evidence of treason here.

Stage 2 – self-flagellation

At this stage, you begin to blame yourself for your cheating husbands, hate yourself, and feel your own insignificance. A woman, wanting to return to her previous relationship, tries to improve, to attract the man back, to prove that she will henceforth be the best wife that can be.

This stage can last a couple of hours or a whole month. The main thing is not to delve into introspection, not to spend a lot of time delving into the soul.

Both spouses are to blame for treason, but the fatal decision is always made by the traitor.

To prevent guilt from tormenting you, remember how you treated your man:

they didn’t scandalize or blame their husband out of nowhere;
took care of him, showed interest in his affairs;
tried to diversify your intimate life;
treated the husband as an individual with his own interests and opinions;
listened from the spouse about his problems and experiences, supported and reassured him.

If all of the above took place in your marriage, then you have nothing to blame yourself for. Her husband’s betrayal is only his cross, which he must bear for the rest of his life. The person most likely simply did not value you in the first place.

Stage 3 – blaming the husband

When the wife leaves behind the second stage, she understands that she only needs to be offended by her husband, because he is the traitor and deceiver who does not appreciate the good attitude towards himself.

Not only does the woman begin to blame her husband, she also directs her aggression towards her mistress. Sometimes it even extends to relatives, acquaintances and mutual friends who could know about the man’s affair and silently support him in this vile matter.

A woman can become uncontrollable - rush at people with showdowns and claims, commit rash acts, plot revenge, and even make attempts to meet her husband’s mistress for a serious conversation.

The third stage can last quite a long time - from one month to two years. A woman needs to avoid impulsive behavior, let go of the situation, not spoil her reputation in front of others and direct aggression in another direction, for example, sign up for a boxing class or play violent computer games.

Stage 4 – feeling of a bleak future

When aggression subsides and anger is replaced by self-pity, a woman may decide that her happiness is over. This is especially true for long-term marriages where partners are over 35 years old. A woman begins to convince herself that she is not worthy of being loved, that life is over for her.

Don't bury yourself ahead of time - you can still become happy!

Everyone understands perfectly well that age for a woman is one of the main and decisive factors, when every year a woman has less and less chance of having a family and children. Which, of course, cannot be said about men who can successfully start relationships both at 20 and at 60 years old.

This condition can last for about 1-2 months. Wives behave differently at this moment:

some are desperately trying to get their husband back and restore their marriage,
others avoid any meetings with a man and strive to divorce him as soon as possible.

At this moment, it is very important to realize that your happiness does not depend on men. Learn to enjoy being alone so you don't depend so much on other people's company.

Stage 5 – the desire to start all over again

Sooner or later, the wife will think that she can forgive all the insults and return to her beloved man and her usual life. Passion often arises again between former spouses, they begin a new “honeymoon”, and the relationship takes on a spice that was not there before. But, unfortunately, this is a period of only imaginary prosperity and happiness.

Very soon old grievances will resurface if the problems have not been resolved. Only working together on yourself can lead you to a happy relationship. If nothing changes, then the result will be the same - a new betrayal or divorce.

The duration of the period can be different - as much as 2 weeks, several months, or several years.

Stage 6 – disappointment

At this stage, a woman begins to understand that there is no return to the past. And even if both spouses pretend that everything is fine with them, tension, resentment, and understatement will still be felt in the marriage. Needless to say, the wife no longer trusts her man, suspects that he is about to turn left again, and any quarrels are accompanied by memories of betrayal in the past.

A woman is disappointed with a man, it is difficult for her to love him again.

Even if a woman is wise and does not remember cheating on a man at every opportunity, her soul will still hurt, and her thoughts will return to the past again and again.

As a rule, if a couple decides to finally separate at stage 6, then the woman begins to forget her partner, strives for a different life, and becomes interested in new acquaintances.

Within six months, while this stage lasts, the woman comes to her senses and returns to her usual way of life.

Stage 7 – exhaustion

This stage will overtake a woman in any case, whether she stayed with her partner or separated from him. If a couple decides to save the marriage, then constant nagging, suspicions, scandals and mockery tire both partners. Coldness and indifference come into the relationship, the spouses no longer care about each other.

After a divorce, a woman may feel empty and exhausted. Feelings become dull, apathy settles in the soul. During this stage, it is better not to make important decisions, and especially not to start new relationships.

Stage 7 is dangerous because if it lasts more than 2 months, you can drive yourself into depression, from which it will not be easy to get out of it on your own.

Stage 8 – stabilization and recovery

At this stage, the woman recovers mentally and psychologically, comes to her senses, and returns to normal life. If earlier a woman doubted whether to stay with her husband or leave him, then at the 8th stage she makes the final decision.

Divorce from her husband serves as a starting point for her; the woman enters a new life and is ready for a new relationship.

If the spouses decide to save the marriage, then they continue to live, perceiving betrayal as a temporary difficulty and obstacle that only tested the strength of their relationship.