Where do legs grow from?
There may be several reasons for the development of excellent student syndrome.
- Parents who experienced failure in their childhood try to achieve through their child everything that they themselves were once unable to achieve. Thanks to their children’s victories, they raise their self-esteem and confirm their own status.
- The child tries to earn the love of his parents through A's. Only through his successes can he attract their attention and hear praise.
- The child has low self-esteem, which was formed even before school, when parents reacted negatively to their child’s mistakes, forgetting that he is just learning to live and making mistakes is natural. At school, the situation is aggravated by the stress that the child experiences in a new environment. And then his parents constantly compare him with other children: they say, Masha wrote a good paper, but why are you disgracing us?
Causes of the syndrome
Excellent student syndrome develops in preschool childhood, and its first manifestations are noticeable already at school age.
There are 2 groups of reasons that provoke the development of this syndrome:
Parent errors:
Unfulfilled Expectations
“Since childhood, I dreamed of becoming a ballerina. But parents could not afford to pay for classes. Therefore, the dream remained a dream. But now I can send my daughter to ballet school. Let him study, reach heights and make my dream come true.”
Vanity
“My son should be better than other children. He must get straight A's and be the pride of the school. After all, in our family we are all academics and professors. The son should not be different from us.”
Ambition
“I want to be proud of my child in front of my friends and relatives. That’s why it’s so important for me that he pleases me with excellent grades and sporting achievements. Let everyone know what a wonderful mother I am.”
Excellent student syndrome in mom or dad
“I’m used to doing everything perfectly: from drawing up quarterly reports to cleaning the room. I want my child to be the same. I learned how to complete any task without a hitch. I will strive for this, even if I have to go into conflict with him.”
Stop overly controlling and limiting your child, while continuing to ensure his complete safety and harmonious development. Always know where he is at the moment and where he has been during the day, instantly contact if necessary and listen to what is happening around him using the “Where are my children” application.
Personality Features
“As a child, I was a timid, insecure boy. He remained that way throughout his adult life. I always think that I’m doing something wrong, I constantly double-check the work I’ve done, bringing it to perfection. I find it very unpleasant when comments are made, even if they are fair. I immediately want to cry and run away somewhere.”
Forecast for the future
An excellent student at school gradually develops into an excellent student. In the new team he meets people who also study well, but for them the highest grade is not an end in itself. Our excellent student senses serious danger. He will work incredibly hard to achieve success, defend his Ph.D. thesis, and will continue to be held up as an example to everyone. Then from an excellent student he will turn into a perfectionist: his every step and word must be verified to the smallest detail. And so the perfectionist goes to work. Woe to his colleagues who did something at the wrong time or not in full. However, it is the failures of others that will give him pleasure.
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If such a person is able to climb the career ladder and finds himself in the status of a manager, the staff of his subordinates will change regularly, because it is difficult to match the level of a perfectionist boss. He stays at work late, he doesn’t have days off, and he continues to work on vacation. He will demand the same from his subordinates. Employees who are not ready to work in such conditions will look for a new job, because even the highest salary and prestigious position will not force an ordinary person to work to their detriment.
How the status of an excellent student develops into a syndrome
Assessment at school has an important stimulating value - every student should strive for high grades. Getting an A is pride for an average student and the norm for an excellent student. Getting an A for an excellent student means nothing, but getting a lower grade means shame and reproach. Paradox: an excellent student is not rewarded for his high academic performance, but is scolded for his lack of it.
This means that you need to not only constantly do your homework, but constantly surprise them with something. The lack of originality is instantly noticed by everyone. And it is absolutely unforgivable to make a mistake:
— teachers express their opinion about insufficient preparation;
- parents look for reasons for lack of effort;
- peers rejoice at the mistakes of those who study better.
It turns out that an excellent student is a child whose mistakes are “expensive.” School performance is reflected in personal relationships in the family and at school. Just getting straight A's is no longer enough; you need to win competitions and Olympiads. But soon those around them get used to such victories. Something new is expected from an excellent student.
Remember the chess queen rule from the book “Alice Through the Looking Glass”? “You have to run as fast as you can just to stay in the same place! If you want to get to another place, then you need to run at least twice as fast!”
In life, it is not always possible to run faster than yourself. There may be a dead end ahead.
Deadlock 1. Human capabilities have limitations. Efforts often do not lead to results. Dissatisfaction with oneself appears.
Deadlock 2 . One mistake can change a relationship. Instead of support and help, the child receives ridicule, remarks and reproach. Correcting an error does not change the relationship. For the child, the priority becomes not the activity itself, but the attitude of others towards it.
Deadlock 3. Activities performed well go unnoticed. And, on the contrary, poor quality work is noticed by others.
Deadlock situations cause nervous tension in the child, which is fraught with various types of disorders. The excellent student complex is firmly established and becomes the basis of an adult’s personality.
Neuropsychiatrist's patient
It is difficult for a child with excellent student syndrome to be friends with other children - there is no free time and there are often no common topics for conversation. Such children are lonely, in the group they are called nerds. They are remembered only when homework needs to be copied.
Excellent student syndrome is not just a psychological problem that prevents a child, and then an adult, from being happy. Very often, such children begin to develop tics - frequent blinking, coughing, flexion and extension of fingers and arms, for example. Parents are faced with the fact that every grade that is not the highest provokes hysterics, poor sleep and a host of other problems in their child. In such situations, it is no longer possible to do without consulting a neuropsychiatrist, who can prescribe drug treatment.
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Parents are not allowed to:
- Compare your son or daughter with other children. You can only compare a child with himself - his previous successes with his new achievements. Show what has been achieved this year compared to last year, for example.
- Scold for grades. If suddenly, instead of an A, your excellent student got a B or even a C, don’t scold him, find out what he couldn’t do, and help him deal with difficult material.
- Be afraid of mistakes. A mistake is an incentive to correct it, cope with a difficulty, and overcome oneself. The one who does nothing makes no mistakes.
- Assess a child's personality using assessments. Assessment is only a temporary indicator of some stage of learning. And you love your child simply because he exists, without any conditions. Show your love at every opportunity.
- Repel. When you come home from work tired, and your child rushes to you with his impressions of school or communication with peers, be sure to listen to him. Immediately, while the child is still overwhelmed with emotions. Then his joy from meeting you will subside, the price of a child’s revelation will fall.
- Overload. You want your child to be well-rounded, so you enroll him in all clubs and sections. But school takes a lot of energy, there is no left for other activities. Your child is not lazy; you probably just overestimated his capabilities. Let him choose a circle or section where he is interested, and not one that is prestigious or popular among your friends.
Why is excellent student syndrome dangerous? Methodological development on the topic
Memo for parents
Why is excellent student syndrome dangerous?
and how to help your child
get rid of it.
Dear parents!
It's good when your child is the best in everything, including academics. But in order to achieve this, you most often place very strict demands on your offspring, and as confirmation of the success of your children, you want to see only good grades in their diaries. But are high scores and excellent studies as important as it might seem at first glance?
Undoubtedly, if a child strives for knowledge, shows obedience, does not shirk his lessons and brings home excellent grades, this is very good. However, among such children quite often you can find those who are susceptible to the so-called “excellent student syndrome,” which is perceived by many parents as a real gift, and not as a problem.
The main signs of excellent student syndrome:
- Receives any criticism and comments painfully;
- Shows jealousy when others receive excellent grades or praise.
- Easily sacrifices entertainment, hobbies or communication with friends for the sake of academic success.
- In case of failure in studies, the child develops apathy. He may withdraw into himself and become depressed.
- Has unstable self-esteem. If you praise it, it is greatly overestimated; if you criticize it, it decreases significantly.
- If you forget to praise a child, he becomes very upset and may even cry.
- In order to get an excellent grade, he may well deceive or cheat.
- The main motive in studying for a child is to get an excellent grade at any cost, as well as to gain the approval and admiration of others.
Problems that excellent student syndrome can lead to:
For children with an excellent student complex, studying is the meaning of life, and grades are an indicator of “correctness.” At the same time, they do not strive for a specific result, but to do everything in accordance with a certain standard, since they are confident that they will be good only if they do everything flawlessly. This gives them the inability to concentrate on the main thing. For example, when performing any work, the main energy and time are not spent on completing a specific task, but are spent on the correct execution of minor details.
Due to the enormous fear of making mistakes, an excellent student will never decide to take on a task unless he is firmly convinced that he can cope with it perfectly. Consequently, in the future the range of its possibilities will narrow significantly. People who have experience of failure cope with life's difficulties much easier and faster than those who could not get it.
It often happens that excellent students have problems communicating with peers; it is difficult for them to make acquaintances and close friends. This happens because such children place too high demands not only on themselves, but also on others. Also, the lack of friends may be a consequence of being too busy or having too much self-esteem. All this will definitely affect adult life. Lack of communication in childhood can cause problems with communication skills and relationships with the opposite sex.
Excellent student syndrome in adults can manifest itself as constant dissatisfaction with one's achievements, life, work and others. Such people are very sensitive to criticism and their own failures, after which they usually give up and fall into deep depression.
Excellent student syndrome in a child may occur due to:
- Low self-esteem or inferiority complex. Children who think that they are defective in some way try to compensate for this with excellent studies.
- Natural need for recognition and approval. Usually, this is an innate character trait that needs to be noticed in time and try to somewhat smooth it out.
- Desires to earn the love of parents.
- Fear of being punished. Such children are characterized by timidity and increased discipline; they are afraid of disappointing their parents or teachers.
How to deal with
excellent student syndrome:
- Some parents themselves attach excessive importance to grades, perceiving them as something very valuable, and pass this attitude on to their children. As a result, the child lives with the feeling that almost everything depends on his grade. This leads to constant tension, fears of not being able to cope with the task, and fear of disappointing parents. The main task of the parents of such children is to understand for themselves and convey to the child the idea that a high grade is not the main goal in life.
- There is no need to demand from a child something that he simply cannot cope with. Children's capabilities may not always meet the requirements of adults. It is not at all necessary for a child to be successful in everything; it is better to pay attention to what he shows the greatest abilities for and help him develop in this direction.
- There is no need to constantly convince a child of his uniqueness; these words are not support for all children; for some, this can cause harm.
- Let your child know that you will always love him, and this will not be affected by any assessments, that he does not need to make extra efforts just to achieve your affection.
- If your child is completely immersed in school, teach him to rest and relax. To do this, let him go for a walk, invite the children to your house. Spend more time with him, walk in the forest, in the park, visit children's entertainment centers.
- Seeing that your child is trying, do not forget to encourage and praise him, even if he does not succeed. Let him know that, first of all, his desire to learn and effort are important to you, and not the final result. If he sets himself the goal of becoming an excellent student only in order to earn praise, it is unlikely that this will lead to something good.
