For some reason, it is generally accepted that representatives of the fair sex experience the most severe psychological crises in adolescence and during menopause. Recently, the topic of PMS has been often exploited. But in reality, everything is a little more complicated.
Even the same premenstrual syndrome should be considered not so much a fault as a misfortune for a woman. And besides these hormonal imbalances, the fair half has many more reasons to experience not the best psychological states. A critical look at one’s own life is inherent not only to middle-aged men, and not only representatives of the stronger sex are trying to somehow realize themselves. Women do this too: some more successfully, some less successfully. And for some, their whole life seems to be going downhill. And the time comes to realize this...
What is a midlife crisis in women?
Usually this concept includes depression, a feeling of despair and other negative emotional states associated with a reassessment of life values and a critical look at the past years. A woman may feel a loss of meaning in life.
At what age can it appear?
Many crises of this kind are often associated with changes in the psyche, which is why adolescence is often mentioned. In fact, a person goes through several such crises from birth. The first of them is just three years of age, when the child begins to feel like an individual. Experts gave the second one six or seven years, by the way, at the same time the girls go to school. 14–15 years is another crisis point when the child begins to become an adult. In girls, this development of personality is usually more acute than in boys.
But when it comes to the midlife crisis, no one can give clear age estimates, because everything is individual. Graduated from university and went to work - a crisis could happen. I got married and gave birth to my first child - and here you can encounter a depressive state. But even these periods cannot be attributed specifically to middle age, because it comes later. For example, completion of studies in higher educational institutions is usually 22–25 years. They are now trying to delay the birth of children until they are 30 years old, but still, it is far from the conventional “equator” of life here. A person is psychologically programmed to live 90–100 years, no matter what fate is in store for him. Therefore, it is most correct to call the period after 40 years a woman’s midlife crisis.
If we start from statistics, according to which the average life expectancy of women is about 75 years, then we can add to this the crises that occur at the age of 30–35 years. At the same time, we cannot ignore that category of girls and women who had to deal with postpartum depression, unemployment after receiving education, the creation of a not very successful family union and other reasons that can upset the psyche for a long time, lead to complete apathy or despair.
How long can it last
It is difficult to compare a crisis state with a cold: I was sick for two weeks at most, and again I was like a cucumber! Psychological crises are a long process, from which you can get out of it in a few years. That is why there is always the fear of staying in this state forever. On average, a woman can experience disappointment in her own life for 2.5 years. And often there are few understanding people who can get you out of this situation. They will rather judge you, say that you are an adult, but you are behaving like an offended child.
And during this considerable period of time, you can not only lose friends, but also lose a loved one. You may simply stop understanding each other. And if your partner does not understand at this time that you need moral support more than ever, then he has a good chance of being kicked out of your life forever. And this is not always a divorce; often a husband and wife continue to coexist in the same living space, but their relationship becomes colorless, and they themselves become strangers to each other. And this is one of the characteristic signs of a midlife crisis.
Interesting Facts
Numerous studies conducted by psychologists have revealed several interesting points regarding the midlife crisis in women. Here are some of them:
- If a woman has problems in her family, it will be much more difficult for her to survive the crisis.
- Symptoms of this condition are more pronounced in those who work in large teams. It is not so noticeable among managers.
- The transition period is almost always characterized by dissatisfaction with the chosen profession.
- During a crisis, a woman realizes the value of family. But only married women think about self-development, communication, and entertainment. And unmarried people want family gatherings and comfort.
And one more fact - women in divorce during a crisis period, first of all, put their prestige, the opinions of others, and status first.
The main signs of a midlife crisis in women
How do you know if an age crisis has sneaked up on you? There are several characteristic signs of this condition:
- it began to seem to you that the reality in life does not correspond too much to your expectations;
- the mood becomes clearly changeable;
- tension arises in relationships with other people;
- I want to suddenly leave for the village (another city, country) and quit my job;
- it seems that everything that is happening around has simply lost its meaning.
In other words, the woman seems to be losing her footing; she would be glad to change her life, but she can no longer say exactly what she wants, and she desperately no longer believes in anything good. Only one feeling remains with her: life has reached a dead end. But if you can get out of an ordinary dead end - a spatial one - by going back, then rewinding time back and returning to your previous years will no longer be possible. It seems unrealistic to get out, because you understand that starting all over again is already too late. But what to do then? Soberly assess the situation and correlate it with your capabilities and age. Often a woman has to “pull herself out of the swamp by her own hair,” because it is impossible to hope for outside help: it is difficult to find a person who would bother with you day after day until your condition improves.
The most common symptoms of age crisis in women
So, let's start fighting. First, let's get to know the enemy by sight. Who is he? This is not a husband who seems like a klutz and a blockhead or, conversely, a tyrant and despot. These are not stupid subordinates, and not a tyrant boss. This is not a university teacher - a pompous turkey with an academic degree, who has one thing on his mind - to look under the skirts of students. An enemy is an incorrect emotional state, because of which you begin to perceive everything with hostility. And myself – first of all. How does this happen at different ages?
Manifestations of the crisis at 20–25 years of age
Agree, if you are happy with everything, then you will not be annoyed by some womanizer teacher or scandalous boss, who, after stamping his feet and giving free rein to his voice, will still increase your salary. Both from study and from work you come home, and this is the place you have staked on in your life. Yes, you will finish studying sooner or later, and it’s easy to change jobs when you’re young. Family is a more serious level, and if you recently got married, then this is where dangers may lie in wait for you:
- dissatisfaction with your choice: the husband did not live up to expectations;
- conflicts with the older generation, rejection of your son-in-law by your mother-in-law, and you by your mother-in-law;
- inability to get pregnant if you want to have a child;
- pregnancy unwanted by the husband and, as a result, the demand for an abortion;
- difficult birth and subsequent depression.
All this leads to a psychological crisis, which is expressed in apathy and a tendency to self-examination. In religion, this state is called despondency and is considered a sin. You can ask a priest for ways out, but not every church minister will have something to advise. Psychiatrists call it depression and treat it with pills. But “loading” yourself with drugs and becoming addicted to them is also not an option. At this age, you need to overcome yourself and start acting on your own.
Symptoms of the crisis at 30–35 years old
At this age, those women who have not managed to complete the tasks they have set for themselves are often subject to crisis. For example, they were so carried away by their career that they did not have time to give birth to a baby. But it's not too late! However, this can cause you to lose positions at work. It is this duality that leads to emotional breakdowns.
Another option is that I managed to get married and have children. And if the child is not alone, then somehow the career didn’t work out. Not only more successful girlfriends can add fuel to the fire, but also your own spouse, who will say that he has nothing to talk to you about. He is a top manager in good standing, and he is not interested in diaper pots, bibs and diapers. And these treacherous speeches from the most dear man, who should be your support!
Midlife crisis at 40–45 years old
This period can be classified as middle age. And the crisis in these years is aggravated by the woman’s poor health, because menopause comes. Hormonal changes, alas, cannot but affect the emotional sphere of a person. In addition, many people show signs of old age. Some people can’t stop gaining excess weight, others spend a long time looking at the wrinkles on their face or gray hair in the mirror. And some already believe that no amount of cosmetics will help, and plastic surgery is beyond their means. So the crisis of this age can be characterized as a fear of loss of youth, fertility, and as an awareness of the impossibility of changing something in one’s life.
This may be mixed with the fear of loneliness, because many women grow up with children and go out into independent life. At this point, the husband may simply leave the family or start an affair on the side. It’s also very easy to lose your job today, and your colleagues will remember you less and less.
Causes of the crisis
All people are subject to crisis at some stage in their lives. There are those who managed to avoid it, but this is rather a rare exception. Even women who have achieved success in their personal lives and careers eventually fall into crisis. They begin to think that they could choose different guidelines in life and achieve more.
Advice! To combat the crisis, it is necessary to recognize that it exists. This makes it easier to overcome this depressed state. If you try to escape from the situation, suppress emotions, then all the problems will only get worse.
Professional stagnation
This reason for the crisis is typical for successful women who have spent their whole lives on a career and achieved a lot. But at one point they begin to understand that they no longer want to work, the profession no longer brings the same joy, creative ideas no longer arise. It’s not for nothing that American psychologists recommend changing jobs every 5 years to prevent professional stagnation. This refreshes relationships with colleagues, excites the psyche, and causes a surge of emotion.
Fear of loneliness
Women are afraid of being lonely after 40. At this time, many people experience hormonal changes in their bodies, as a result of which the former beauty fades, men pay less attention. If at this time a woman does not have children, then the fear of being lonely in old age increases. This leads to the abuse of antidepressants, alcohol, and drugs.
Family
The cause of the family crisis most often becomes among career women who spent their youth moving up the career ladder, but did not have time to start a family. This often happens at 35-40 years old. It seems that the time to start a family has not yet been missed, but I don’t want to give up a promising job. As a result, the woman rushes between two fires, not knowing what to choose.
Fear of death
A person instinctively fears death as soon as he experiences its proximity. If friends close in age, father or mother die, the woman automatically thinks that she will be next. This leads to depression, apathy, and some women turn to God.
Is it possible to overcome a midlife crisis without outside help?
Of course, it would be nice to enlist the help of an experienced psychoanalyst, but not every woman can afford it. But there is always the opportunity to surround yourself with literature of relevant content and conduct a whole study of advice on the Internet. And it doesn’t matter how your crisis unfolds - violently or quietly, the main thing is to find a foothold and begin to act. It is action that can bring you out of your stupor, and the smallest victories will inspire you to act further.
Psychology: how to quickly and easily survive a midlife crisis
It's time to act. To begin with, stop comparing yourself to others. You are an individual, and also bright. You can't have everything like other people. Let it not be! You tried to be like everyone else, which means you constantly drove yourself into a corner, shoved your “I” into a dungeon, the main things for you were children, husband or team. Now is the time to understand who you are in this world. A grain of sand or a grain ready to become a beautiful flower?
Do you have wrinkles around your eyes? Put on your sunglasses. If you wear glasses all the time, get tinted lenses. Dye your hair if it's gray. Get a cute haircut or French braids. Try, experiment until you like yourself, and don’t pay attention to what others say about your appearance. And if you don’t like yourself, you won’t be able to crawl out of the crisis.
Now you respect yourself and can love. Choose beautiful clothes for yourself, sew colored buttons on your coat - color your gray world and drag yourself “by the hair” further.
Get into the habit of eating vegetables and fruits: they give you energy. But you need to quit smoking or eating stress chips. If you don’t have money for fitness, then just do light exercises in the morning. Remember: difficult exercises are not for a crisis. You need to start with something that is guaranteed to work out so that you can praise yourself. Meet your friends, communicate with colleagues, even those who are younger than you. Sincere communication with such people will make you young too.
As soon as you feel that the energy has gone, try to do the same thing as during a crisis: delve into yourself - and you will see a real way out of the situation. What if you really need to change jobs, ask for a promotion from your boss, or just go on vacation and have a good time there? You can also just find yourself a friend who will be instead of a lover. You don’t have to let such a person get too close to you, but if he is a true gentleman, then next to him you will quickly feel that you are a lady. Self-esteem will rise on its own. However, there is a danger in such platonic relationships: they may be in danger of breaking, because men often want carnal pleasure from a woman, and without achieving it, they become disappointed and begin to look for another object of sympathy. Here you need to look at the circumstances.
The most critical age for women - statistics
Still, most psychologists believe that the most severe crisis in a woman coincides with the menopause. For different representatives of the fair sex, this process proceeds differently, and some experience early menopause, while others experience late menopause. This condition causes many health problems. Not only does the hormonal balance collapse, but all the sores that previously did not manifest themselves so actively “creep out” into the light. Like an old lady, your joints begin to ache, your blood pressure jumps, your skin becomes rough, headaches and migraines appear... In general, you would like to lie down on the sofa and have them fan you. And you have to work, do housework, raise children. If there is no health, then no activity will bring satisfaction. When, along with all this, a revision of life values also occurs, the crisis turns out to be severe.
It is at this age that one often has to think about old age, and sometimes notice signs of aging, moreover, more significant than some wrinkle on the forehead or gray hair in the hair. There comes an understanding that many processes cannot be reversed. Alas, old age is one of the longest periods of life, and you need to be able to accept it morally for it to really be long.
Tips for overcoming a crisis
So how to survive a midlife crisis? First you need to understand its nature. This is a psychological problem like many others. And in especially serious cases, it requires the help of a specialist. But there are some steps you can take on your own.
- Don't try to run away from the crisis. Acknowledge its existence. Don't suppress your feelings and emotions, this will only make the situation worse. It’s not for nothing that they say that awareness of a problem is the first and main step towards solving it.
- Switch your attention to something new and interesting to you. Remember what you wanted to do? Maybe drawing? Or conquering mountain peaks? Why not do it right now? By the way, sometimes a hobby brings good money.
- Change your lifestyle. We are talking about changing your diet, playing sports, giving up bad habits. In just 2-3 months you will see the fruits of these actions: clear skin, improved overall well-being, good mood.
- Consider an active holiday. Don’t think that after 30, evenings need to be spent with your family reading a book or watching TV. In any case, you need new emotions and impressions. Therefore, go to exhibitions, concerts, fairs. Try to get creative.
- Let your emotions out. One of the available ways is tears. Do not accumulate resentment and irritation within yourself. This will not lead to anything good. If you want to cry, cry. This is not weakness. Another opportunity to let your emotions out is to take up martial arts.
- Change your occupation. Just don't do it spontaneously. Make sure your job is truly a source of stress. If this is the case, create a so-called “safety cushion” and quit.
- Find someone to care for. Another way to cope with a midlife crisis. Perhaps it's time to think about children. If you have children, but have already grown up and moved away in all directions, get a pet. You definitely won't be bored. Taking care of an animal will leave no time for bad thoughts. But remember about responsibility for a living being. This is not a toy.
