The psychology of jealousy towards your husband and methods to cope with it

A woman is jealous: modern reasons.

At times, when the wife is very jealous, “ what should I do ?” is the most important and correct question, but it cannot be answered without knowing the origins of the problem. Let's look at the main reasons why a spouse may have jealous attacks:

• A woman’s rational jealousy (comes from natural reasons: her husband’s flirting, communication or paying increased attention to other ladies);
• Authority in character and high self-esteem (the desire to be a person to whom everyone owes something, control not only over one’s own life, but also over others);
• Low self-esteem (denial of the fact that someone can become attached or love her, along with accepting the thought of one’s own insignificance);
• Inferiority complex (the desire to be the best due to psychological and moral trauma received in childhood while being raised by parents);
• Treason (sometimes, having committed betrayal, women gain fear of losing their family, which triggers imaginary and paranoia on a subconscious level) (see article: Signs of a wife’s betrayal.)

You can continue studying the reasons in the article: Why do women get jealous? | The wife stopped being jealous. What to do?

If your spouse refuses to visit a psychologist who can easily determine the origins of the illness, you will have to identify them yourself in a mutual, unemotional dialogue. Reliance must be placed on childhood:

1. How did the parents interact with each other? (Is she copying their behavior?);
2. Did the father cheat on the mother, was he in the family? (If yes, then the woman fervently believes in “traitorous goats”);
3. What was your first love? (Did she bring enough grief to turn all male representatives into traitors?);
4. When did she meet her first guy? (If in the period from 12 to 18 years, then this is already an indicator of insufficient parental love);
5. Has she ever cheated? (Fear that everything comes back like a boomerang and her betrayal in the past to another guy will respond with your betrayal);
6. Was there a “bed” traitor among the exes or one who left for a rival? (If the love for him was strong and unbreakable, trust will have to be earned from the psychiatrist, and not from you).

We have presented the range of factors indicating a mental disorder; it remains to determine the levers of influence if the wife is jealous of her husband , what to do and how to record the result.

The wife is jealous for no reason. What to do?

So, my wife is very jealous , what to do next? Next, you need to convince your spouse that the problem is with her and point out the problem, providing arguments and evidence. It is easier for a psychologist to do this due to experience; the husband will have to independently find the factors influencing the chosen one in order to at least begin to listen and perceive information.

Depending on the type of temperament, character, views and moral principles, you can use harmless psychomanipulation through:

• Inducing pity or guilt;
• Seductions;
• Suppression or adjustment.

In all cases, the manipulating party must maintain an even timbre of the voice Article: Psychology of the human voice. Let's identify a feeling by voice!

Opens in a new tab., pace and rhythm of speech and fixed gaze into the eyes of the interlocutor, changing facial expressions and gestures (demonstrate changing emotions on the face).

Let us remind you that manipulation should be used when the wife does not listen at all and is not going to accept your words as truth. To make it clear that your wife is jealous for no reason , you can use the following methods:

• “They are tearing you apart” - insert into the dialogue the phrase “I work all day long, I don’t drink, I don’t go out with friends, I devote all my free time to you and the children” - this should evoke pity and guilt;
• “Kazan Orphan” - disown, avoid your wife, while she is trying to put psychological pressure, she must understand that with such aggressive emotional outbursts in your direction, there is no desire to maintain a dialogue;
• “Child in the family” - pretend that you are talking to your mother on the phone, reporting constant jealousy of air space, searching for shortcomings in you as a man, and immediately point out the numerous TRUE disadvantages and shortcomings in women's everyday life: tidying, washing, ironing, washing dishes, you can add “My wife is very jealous for no reason, she herself started communicating with men on dating sites” (even if this is not true). This should bring the woman completely out, but as a rule, strong feelings are followed by an apathetic state (you will be too lazy to sort things out), where you can tell that, like your wife, you came up with these correspondences with other men, and after the MAIN conversation you will discover the truth that communication with mother was an actor.

As soon as you manage to win her over and make her hear you, start a “therapeutic” conversation.

How to stop being possessive?

Often married people begin to look at their other half as property, forgetting that they have chosen an independent person as their spouse, who cannot and should not belong to anyone. Dealing with this belief can be difficult.

Do you feel that you don’t want to share your spouse with other people and because of this you create scenes of jealousy? Think about the fact that a person in a couple has the right to freedom. He can have hobbies, communicate with other people and spend some time as he wants. This does not mean that he will cheat: he is just an individual and is not obliged to fulfill all your demands. If you constantly deny your spouse freedom, events can develop according to two scenarios. He will either begin to do some things that you do not approve of (even completely innocent ones) secretly from you, or he will submit in order to avoid scandals, but tension will accumulate inside him, which will sooner or later come out.

What can you do to get rid of possessive tendencies? Psychologists give the following advice:

1. Learn to trust your other half. You chose this person, and there were some reasons for that. There is no need to keep a person under control: he stays with you, which means he loves you;
2. Find activities that interest both of you. This could be travel, sports, watching movies. You will have common hobbies that will unite you even more and allow you to find topics for conversation; you will be more interesting to each other;
3. Talk openly with your husband about how you feel when he is not with you. A loving person will definitely hear you and understand your emotions, trying to make sure that you do not feel that you are on the sidelines of his life.

Psychological dialogue.

A step-by-step form of dialogue to identify the causes of obsessive thoughts about your adventures:

1. The aspect above provided six questions to ask a jealous wife;
2. Start analyzing and try not to be nervous when facts from her past are revealed (if she, for example, cheated on her ex), she will immediately feel it and close down;
3. Be understanding of her imperfections and psychological wounds;
4. Mark on paper the important fragments of her life (if she asks why you need this, tell her that you will answer based on the results);
5. Collect an algorithm that causes her jealousy (examples: father left for another family + ex cheated = distrust of men; mother brought many different stepfathers into the house who were cruel + at school classmates were drilled because of distinctive parameters (appearance or interests) + fell in love three times and two of the guys were tricked into bed and abandoned = fear of a plot where you tricked her into marrying you, take advantage of her, and after the divorce spread insidious slanderous information);
6. Ask the final questions: “What are you missing in your relationship?” “Do you understand the reason for your pathological jealousy?” “Under what conditions would you stop being jealous?”;
7. If a monologue begins in the format of claims and blackmailing conditions, then argue that without interaction with the outside world you will not be able to grow in your career, provide for your family, raise full-fledged children and simply enjoy family leisure time;
8. Create and voice a circumstance in which your wife says hello to a boss she accidentally meets along the way, and you attack him with your fists simply because you decided that they were sleeping together. Discuss the situation, what will your wife’s reaction be? (here she should start to think about who the real problem is);
9. State your analysis on a piece of paper, confirming that your wife is jealous for no reason and that completely third-party people are to blame for her problem, offer your help in the fight against the disease, focusing on love and family as a single organism.

From answering the questions from point No. 6, create the necessary conditions, because more often jealousy arises from a lack of love, attention, respect, understanding and healthy interaction. The hormonal background is responsible for a woman’s emotions (remember premenstrual syndrome, which prevents a woman from adequately perceiving the people around her), and so, if the spouse does not experience hunger (moral, physical, psychological), then jealousy will disappear. However, you should not elevate her to the level of a queen every day, this will provoke delusions of grandeur and love will turn into one-sided, do it partially and gradually.

To continue studying the topic, we recommend:

1. How to prove to a wife that her husband has not cheated?
2. The wife accuses him of cheating, which never happened. What to do?

Working with a psychologist

If you feel that jealousy has poisoned your life and is about to destroy your family, you should consider working with a psychologist. There are several types of work that can be helpful in combating the problem of jealousy:

Individual therapy

A specialist will help you find the reasons for your jealousy. Often such work is quite painful, because jealous people have often experienced psychological trauma associated with rejection by relatives or loneliness. However, if you deal with old wounds, life becomes much richer and brighter;

Family counseling

Unfortunately, men in our country rarely agree to go to a psychologist. However, if jealousy has become a problem, such therapy can become a real panacea and save the family. A psychologist helps to understand how spouses react to each other’s behavior and teaches them to interact in new ways, abandoning manipulation. Family counseling is a great way to learn how to openly express your emotions and get rid of the fear of rejection;

Group therapy

As the name implies, work with a psychologist will take place in a group. In many cities there are women's groups where problems such as misunderstanding in the family, loneliness, jealousy and many others are discussed. In the group, you have the opportunity not only to understand yourself and get support, but also to learn new ways of interacting with other people, including your spouse.

Which work format should I choose? It depends only on your individual characteristics. Some people work best with one-on-one counseling, while others benefit from group therapy. It's worth trying several options to find the one that's right for you.

Test. Determination of the jealousy coefficient.

We told you how to control a relationship if your wife is jealous for no reason. So that you can periodically assess her state of mind, we have prepared a test. Answer honestly - the result will be accurate.

1. Do calming actions on your part help?

2. Does she often try in every possible way to keep you by her side?

3. Do your eyes, cheeks, ears turn red when you start talking about another girl?

4. Have you given a reason to be jealous and even more so to believe that you have someone else?

5. Do you respond to her jealousy with jealousy towards other men?

6. Does it stipulate that if you don’t stop communicating “with her,” she will file for divorce?

7. Do you have children together?

8. Have you observed her paying attention to other men on the street?

9. Does your wife claim that you are cheating on her or is she just guessing?

10. Does your wife often interrogate women you know?

If you have any questions, you can write them in the comments. We wish you all the best!

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