How to deal with betrayal. Five typical situations and advice from a psychologist

“Many of my clients come to therapy with this problem,” says family therapist Andrew J. Marshall. “Having experienced the betrayal of a loved one, they decide to maintain the relationship, but even if everything seems fine in the couple, many still periodically return to what happened in their thoughts and cannot fully forgive their partner.” In such cases, Andrew J. Marshall advises writing down and analyzing your thoughts and emotions, as this will help you manage them. And when working with such clients, he uses an approach based on five simple techniques.

Why a loved one cheats: justification arguments

There are many arguments and different ways to explain and clarify the motives for betrayal. And they are almost the same among people of different ages, but not everyone can understand them. A teenager who has been deceived by a girl will not worry about this as much as an accomplished adult man. He has already known the taste of betrayal, changed his attitude and his worldview, but still his heart is hurt by the ladies. Women, oddly enough, find it easier to survive betrayal due to maternal instinct. If the husband feels resentment for his damaged pride, then the wife will ask the question: “I love a person who cheats, but how can I forgive him?” One is looking for ways to make amends, the other will seek understanding and explanation of the situation. However, the outcome after solving all the answers and questions varies.

When is it worth trying to save your marriage and family?

When does a cheating spouse deserve a second chance? It's up to you to decide, of course. Each wife has her own measure of patience and her own ideas about what is acceptable. But there are situations that may, if not justify treason, then at least serve as mitigating circumstances.

1. You love your husband no matter what and are sure that his feelings for you have not cooled down.
2. The betrayal was one-time and virtually accidental. I drank too much at a corporate party. I couldn’t resist the temptation of a long business trip away from you. “The devil got me wrong.” None of us are perfect.
3. Your husband’s repentance is beyond doubt, and his attempts to earn your forgiveness can touch the stony heart.
4. If you have children, this is a strong argument in favor of saving the family. The only thing worse for a child’s psyche than a parent’s divorce is life in a house where mom and dad constantly quarrel and humiliate each other, so choose carefully. Do you believe that you will be able to establish a harmonious relationship with your erring spouse? It makes sense to try to do this. Does anger and resentment prevent you from respecting your husband as much as before? Get a divorce.
5. You are pregnant. Strange argument? Right. On the one hand, becoming a victim of betrayal by a loved one at the moment when you are carrying his child is monstrous. On the other hand, due to the play of hormones and increased sensitivity, you will hardly be able to assess the situation soberly. The best thing you can do in your situation is to take a long break in the relationship, completely focusing your thoughts on the child, and only after some time, without tears or fever, make a decision.

Still at a crossroads? Then put a sheet of paper in front of you, draw it in two and write on the right all the advantages that you will get by insisting on a divorce, and on the left - all the disadvantages. On which side of the sheet is the list longer?

Cheating on a man: what do psychologists say?

This is a typical question for many families that torments wives. If your husband cheats, it means that not everything is going smoothly in the family. Almost all spouses have this opinion, but there are exceptions among them. Men by nature are breadwinners. It is important for them to gain attention, as psychologists say. If everything was fine in the family, then betrayal is possible only when difficulties arise. Sexologists say that representatives of the stronger sex go to the left not because there is a craving for another woman, but because his own legal wife does not support him and puts moral pressure on his pride.

Therefore, you should look for the reasons within yourself, despite the fact that the stronger sex sometimes still gives in and “squeezes in” under the weight of the burden:

1. To understand how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, you will need the advice of a psychologist after a while. First you need to figure out whether there was a conflict between the spouses.
2. If someone has lost interest in their significant other, then why?
3. Have there been cases of betrayal in other relationships? Perhaps this fact is known. If mutual acquaintances have such information, and as happens, they often warn with the words “don’t marry him, he will be an unfaithful husband,” it’s worth thinking about. There is a type of man who cannot love a woman stronger than himself.
4. Jealousy based on guesswork. Men are great inventors, and as soon as you give the slightest clue, they will surely take revenge without any showdown.

All situations require conversation. This should happen in private, when there are no parents, girlfriends or friends. The pros and cons are decided with a sober head and a cold approach. The reasons may also lie in relationships between people - he married out of a sense of duty, for the sake of children, because of pregnancy, and then decided to leave, met another woman and more. When your husband cheats, you should look within yourself for options. This is the only way to open your eyes to the truth: if you loved your spouse, there would be no other options.

Situation three. Should I save my family?

“There are: me, my husband, my mistress. We've been living together for 5 years, baby. Young mistress, 8-9 weeks pregnant. The hero-lover is horrified by the current situation. The girl, apparently wearing rose-colored glasses, dreams of making him officially marry and be with her. He, of course, doesn’t want this and dreams of staying with us. Begs for forgiveness. Now it's up to me. The unfortunate father has not lived with us for three weeks, I don’t let him. All the property that we have is registered in my name. We can live without him, I have a great job. Now I have a cool head, but I can’t decide for myself what to do. I want to get out of this situation with minimal losses for myself. And I’m not sure that we can live together.”

Questions for the psychologist:

What can help a woman choose the right option?

It all depends on the woman. If there is love, then you need to muffle your pride and ego. Now pride creeps in: “I decide here myself, I can live without him,” etc. And she will be left alone - what will she do? Sometimes a woman will do bad things out of revenge and resentment, and then come to her senses and regret it.

You need to get back to normal in time and answer the questions: Does he love me? Or does he want to be with me out of convenience?

If you have feelings, the chance is great. On top of feelings come resentment and revenge, but we need to start working. Sit down together and talk. If he says that he chooses family, there is a high probability that the relationship can be saved.

And if he returns and doesn’t know what he wants, then there’s a different course of events. Then a woman needs to soberly assess whether she needs such a man.

When a person asks for forgiveness, it is as if the other person is standing on a mountain, looking down and forgiving with a broad gesture. A broad gesture won’t help here. We need real forgiveness.

What is the probability that the saved family will be happy?

If people decide, out of mutual convenience, to stay together, it will essentially turn out that strangers are living under the same roof. Outwardly it will look like a family: mom, dad, child, everything is in order. But in fact there is no family. People deceive themselves, deprive themselves of their feelings. And most importantly, what do children see? Children will learn that in a family everyone lives their own life. Children feel everything so subtly, they develop life decisions and scenarios, and this can subsequently complicate their relationship with their significant other.

If people decide to stay together out of mutual feelings, the likelihood of a happy relationship is quite high.

Why do women leave their families?

With women everything is much more complicated. Wives rarely leave a family with children without taking the child with them. Otherwise, a lover may appear on the side, but she will never move in with him if he refuses to accept his only son or daughter. Therefore, let’s analyze a situation that often happens in marital relationships where there is no mutual understanding and attention:

1. Female infidelity happens if there is not enough attention to a beautiful person. She gets bored in the evenings, struggles with everyday life, getting the children ready for school, spending several hours every day at the stove, working. And in response: “I’m tired after a hard day at work, feed me and put me in the bedroom.” Any mother will live for the sake of her child, but will never again, out of a feeling of love, give her husband a smile and tenderness. She will find several hours a day to devote herself to the mystery of love relationships, but with another man.
2. Lack of love and passion. Over the years, if a woman realizes that she has fallen out of love, she is capable of betrayal, capable of even leaving the marital home. At the same time, it will be very difficult to stop her. She will refuse a share of property, money, benefits, but will do as her heart tells her.

It is worth understanding that it is important for girls to receive a little in order to give back. If a young man cares better and more, she will never look at another. Separately, psychologists identify a category of women who may “suffer” from this feeling. They guard the object of their desire at work, at home, in the yard, just to see him and draw attention to themselves. Unrequited feelings in such cases can give rise to a feeling of inadequacy in women, which they will use on other victims, cheating and betraying those who truly value them. This is called revenge on the male gender. Such young ladies believe that all men cheat and it is better to do this in revenge for the entire female race, citing offended feelings in past relationships.

Advice for wives

Suppose you are ready to close your eyes and save the relationship after your spouse cheats. What steps should I take?

What if he goes to the left?

The first thing you need to decide is whether to continue the relationship , working on it, restoring emotional and spiritual intimacy, or would it be better to end it and cut off contacts?

If the betrayal is casual, you can try to forgive, but if it is a regular relationship, then there is no doubt that you need to stop interacting.

In any case, the decision must be made calmly, not rashly, and not being led by resentment and emotions.

In a fit of resentment, a rational decision will never arise

If you want to save your family

Having learned about treason, do not behave hysterically and chaotically, but on the contrary, build your campaign and win this war.

1. Try to understand what problems are present in the couple, what exactly the partner lacks.
2. Make your opponent think you are happy . Spend more time together, show that your lover has not yet won this war, and you are not ready to give up.
3. If you see that your husband is going on a date, try under any pretext to leave your spouse at home , weaken the position of your passion.
4. Try to make your husband fall in love with you again. Update your wardrobe, freshen up your look. Let him see you with different eyes. It will be an especially good move if the changes are timed to coincide with some event; your husband will not stand aside when he hears everyone giving you exquisite compliments.
5. Try to make yourself a little jealous . But don’t overdo it, the stronger sex is much more critical of women in terms of infidelity than of themselves.

Change your attitude towards life

1. Remember the little things - they show care.
2. Look for compromises.
3. Give gifts. Small, unexpected, funny.
4. Say “I love you” more often.
5. Thank each other for everything.
6. Share plans and build joint ones.
7. Live here and now.

Make a man conquer you again so that he doesn’t have to exercise his hunter instinct on the side

How to recognize a cheating spouse?

There are several ways to suspect symptoms of betrayal. You need to take a closer look at your behavior to see if it has changed recently, or if your feelings have cooled down. This is easiest for women to check - through their inner self, which, as everyone knows, feels in its gut when something has gone wrong. Here are some practical methods on how to find out if your loved one is cheating:

1. Jealousy is the first indicator of male betrayal. Psychologists say: if a man has crossed the threshold of fidelity, he will behave as if he had been cheated on. The logic is simple: “If I am able to betray, then it is just as easy for her to do it.”
2. Lack of women's phone numbers. Too many men's names in the notebook indicate that among them there are also representatives of the fair sex, or somewhere there is a notebook with a track record of trouble-free ladies.
3. Two mobile phones or numbers. While the personal number is treacherously silent, somewhere in the closet, on silent mode, a second phone is bursting with messages.
4. Frequent meetings and business trips are a hackneyed option. No one does or says this anymore, but if they don’t exist at all, one can suspect that the next planning meeting or conference call is just an excuse. By the way, they only take place in the mornings, and men are not strangers to asking to take time off from work for an hour or two.
5. It's worse if cheating happens at work. Colleagues cannot help but know about this. The only way to check this is to show up there during the middle of the working day. However, understand that obvious suspicion can offend an innocent husband.

Women behave differently, and a second phone number is not required to hide the facts of infidelity.

1. The woman will put a password on the phone and register her lover as the director. What's weird about her boss being a man? Natural situation.
2. Too many different types of underwear. Why does she need so much? There are two options - for yourself, your beloved, for your beloved.
3. Gifts and meetings with friends. It’s especially strange if gifts are given by friends themselves and at every meeting in a cafe.
4. A new look at the bed, the design of the apartment - these moments can be associated with obtaining a position in the field of interior design. But if the wife does accounting, updating the apartment may seem strange. Did she see beautiful curtains while visiting? And why do you suddenly need to buy a mattress for an old bed?

As a rule, a lady’s betrayal can be correlated not with feelings, but with the desire to take revenge on the husband who once betrayed her. Therefore, if we compare the betrayals of both sexes, then the male one is considered sincere, but the female one is more offensive to the male ego.

How to survive the pain of betrayal?

If you had to face betrayal, you can’t sit and wait for the pain to tear everything apart from the inside. How to survive the betrayal of a boyfriend/girlfriend or the betrayal of loved ones, advice from a psychologist:

1. Don't pretend that nothing happened. Allow yourself to be a weak person for a little while. No one will see this, but it will make you feel better.
2. Change your appearance. Get a new haircut, dye your hair any color, get a manicure. For guys, the issue of a new haircut is also relevant. And for girls, the best way is shopping. Even buying one new dress will lift your spirits.
3. Remove, distribute, throw away anything that reminds you of the person who hurt you. Even some small insignificant things. They can provoke a new outburst of emotions and new pain when you have already cooled down.
4. Don't be alone. It just seems to you that you want to be alone. If you have already cried all your tears, call your friends and go for a walk, to the cinema, to a cafe. At first, the fun will seem unbearable to you; you will laugh only for show. But then artificial positive emotions will develop into real ones.
5. Help someone. There are so many people in the world who are much worse off than you right now. Buy a few things for the orphanage, feed homeless animals, help a grandparent you know, if you have one. You will immediately feel your importance, and your soul will become lighter.

You can include all of the above actions in your daily routine for the near future. The richer life is, the less room there will be for pain.

How to survive betrayal at 40?

It is easier to survive betrayal when you are young. But at 40, 50 years old, people think that everything is over for them. This is especially true for love and relationships. The question of how to survive the betrayal of a beloved man or woman comes from a different angle. This is the main misconception. The first thing people need to understand at the age of 40 is that their life is just in full swing. There are often situations where people find love even after 40. There is no need to give up on yourself. If you change your thinking, you will very soon notice how the world around you changes.

After 40, betrayal can also occur. But look at your age from the other side. You already have the wisdom and knowledge to emerge victorious from the situation. You have enough experience not to mess things up in the heat of the moment. You are unlikely to take actions that you will later regret because you already know how it will end.

If we go further, we can say for sure that in many areas your age is a plus. People after 40 and 50 depend much less on other people's opinions. You can do whatever you want: fulfill an old dream, go traveling, remember old hobbies. If you've been wanting to do something for a long time, this is the perfect opportunity.

There is also a special product for women. If you have lost yourself in everyday life, have forgotten what it means to take care of yourself, wear beautiful clothes, do your hair, nothing prevents you from remembering this. Throw away your old gray sweaters and hoodies. Buy a bright dress, new cosmetics. After this, life will definitely sparkle with new colors.

How to regain your confidence?

Betrayal often hits self-esteem. Advice from psychologists on how to regain a sense of confidence:

1. Take care of yourself. Don't let emotions rule for long. Take care, look after yourself. Review your diet and exercise.
2. The person who betrayed you can cause even more harm. Try to take safety precautions.
3. One of the best means of healing is communication and meeting with friends.

Don't blame yourself for what happened. No words or actions are a reason for betrayal. It’s better to listen to the audio trance of the famous specialist in working with fears and phobias, Nikita Valerievich Baturin:

Guide to action

How to cope with the betrayal of a loved one? When the secret becomes clear, it can be very difficult to overcome your emotions. But how to survive the betrayal of a loved one? The advice of a psychologist will come in handy if someone has decided to forgive themselves and accept this fact. In any case, building new and continuing old relationships takes time.

1. Try to remain calm, a heart-to-heart conversation should take place in a calm atmosphere, no matter how painful it may be for you.
2. Don't change in response - it won't make it any easier and may make the problem worse. Revenge will not erase the memories and the fact of a partner’s betrayal.
3. Don’t complain to your mothers - you will make peace and forgive your spouse, but your mother will not.

And under no circumstances should you drink problems down with alcohol. Excessive chatter about your actions or pain in your heart can play a cruel joke on you. Some will benefit, while others will gloat.

Divorce, only divorce!

While the spouses still have a chance to save the marriage, they need to fight for it. If only because building the next one will not be any easier, and you are already connected with this man by common memories, pleasant moments of the past, knowledge of each other’s habits and inclinations. It costs a lot! However, there are situations when it makes no sense to fight to save something that has already ceased to exist.

1. The husband does not want to talk about cheating. Of course, there remains a possibility that he is simply unbearably ashamed, but it’s more like an attempt to hush up the situation without delving into it - maybe you’ll calm down and everything will go on as before.
2. Your spouse blames you for what happened. No matter what arguments he makes, the decisive factor here is the attempt to shift the blame from a sore head to a healthy one. It is very likely that you really made minor mistakes in your behavior, but to resolve family troubles they have long invented such a wonderful remedy as a heart-to-heart conversation. It’s not at all necessary to dive under the covers of another woman for this.
3. Your significant other does not see anything special in adultery. It happened and happened, why did you get wound up, pray tell?! Here you can either accept your spouse’s free views on marriage and mentally prepare for the next betrayal, or pack your bags.
4. Something broke inside you, and the person who was previously family became alien and repulsive. You understand that you will no longer be able to cope with resentment, anger, disgust for your spouse, and his touch and even his appearance cause you to be rejected.
5. The husband admitted that he no longer feels anything for you and is not going to break off his relationship with another woman. Or women, as it turns out.

Please understand this firmly: you don’t have to save a family alone. It is possible to take active steps in this direction only if the man himself strives with all his might for reunification. If there is coldness and indifference on his part, all your efforts will be doomed to failure. In this case, divorce will be the most reasonable and painless solution.

You are about to make one of the most difficult decisions of your life.

Rehabilitation period and self-discovery

If you don’t know how to survive the betrayal of a loved one, a psychologist’s advice will help you at first - during the rehabilitation period after a traumatic event:

1. You can't keep things that connect both people.
2. Some believe that you need to “end love” so that it doesn’t hurt to separate. Psychologists say: the more abruptly “out of mind and out of sight,” the easier it will be for both you and your loved ones.
3. Children should not be pawns for further manipulation. A woman must allow her to see her children if her ex-husband wants to. There is no need to impose - for this there is a schedule of visits drawn up with the guardianship authorities.
4. Divorce - when it happens, wear your best dress. In court you need to say only good things, and then be sure to spend time with your children. This is the best thing you will have from your spouse.
5. Men are forbidden to drink (women too if they are prone to such addiction). Alcohol won't save a relationship. If you have been betrayed, do not look for temptation on the side. Another will not share your suffering, and even for another woman.

Training and psychological factors will help you believe in yourself. You have been cheated on before, maybe loved, which means everything will happen again, but you can no longer make mistakes. Even betrayal in one’s direction should be taken as a stone in one’s garden. When you meet someone again, emphasize that it was you who did not save the relationship, allowing yourself to be betrayed. This will give your future partner confidence that you are a responsible and quiet person who knows what it’s like to be in pain.

Symptoms of depression after betrayal9

The experience of infidelity can be accepted at an extremely low emotional level. The lack of faith that after betrayal a man or woman can be trusted again, the destruction of deeply rooted beliefs about oneself, one's partner and relationships often turns the world of a damaged person “inside out.”

Prolonged apathy, attacks of anxiety, if a decrease in mood lasts too long, may indicate reactive depression. This type of depression often occurs as a reaction to excessive stress or traumatic experiences, such as the death of a loved one, participation in extreme events where the person was a victim, but can also appear as a result of betrayal or abandonment by a partner.

Symptoms that may bother a sick person:

• Lack of participation in social contacts,
• Difficulty in carrying out daily activities (including professional),
• Problems with concentration and memory (cognitive impairment),
• Episodes of anxiety or continuous feelings of fear,
• Losing the meaning of life
• Thoughts about suicide.

How to start a new relationship: fears of deceived people

Is there a fear that the new partner will betray you in the same way as the previous one? You don't know how to cope with the betrayal of a loved one and regain trust in the opposite sex? There are two ways to start living life to the fullest again:

1. Find a few hobbies that occupy all your free time. And this is in addition to work. Sign up for English courses, go to a driving school, go to study to become a makeup artist.
2. Dedicate several weeks (months) to a rehabilitation course. Psychology is an interesting thing: you talk to a person you don’t know and won’t meet again, but you talk out your problems out loud. He, like your inner voice, will guide you.

Remember that you don’t need to burden yourself with questions about whether a person loves you, if he cheats, whether he loved you at all, and who you really were to him. This is all in the past, and the future still needs to be built.

Why does a husband cheat on his wife: physiology and love

In Russia, several generations grew up unable to express their feelings and emotions in the family. They don't hug, don't praise each other, don't kiss.

It is not customary to talk about love, your desires and needs. Over time, the emotional side was closed, the children adopted restraint from their parents .

This is how women formed a position: you don’t have to tell your husband what she wants , let him guess, and if he fails, he can be offended.

The opposite sex, in turn, does not know how to express their needs in words, and concludes: if the wife is unemotional and does not show feelings, you need to go to someone else.

A man urgently needs recognition of his merits and approval from a woman

If we consider the issue from a physiological point of view, men can be polygamous. They are fertilizers, they need to continue the race, make numerous offspring. That's why men are very attracted to sex.

A man during a midlife crisis may develop a new hobby that he wants to share with a new woman.

He strives to realize dreams that he could not previously realize due to public opinion or prohibitions. He will go looking for a lady who can appreciate his hobby, and at the same time share a bed.

Time cures? What do psychologists say?

Again, in such complex relationships you need to turn to professionals. Alas, there are no doctors who could prescribe a cure for the pain of betrayal, but there are psychologists who are generalists for all occasions. And among them there are specialists who deal with family problems, situations of betrayal, deception, and mutual understanding. If your loved one cheats, try not only to forgive him, but also to forgive yourself. Some of the blame lies with you if you allowed wrong things to happen.

Every recovery takes time. But no one sits at home expecting to feel good. Is there some kind of therapy being carried out? Yes, this is both stabilization and normalization of the functioning of organs that secrete the hormone of happiness. Happiness can also be bought if you get joy from eating sweets, watching a movie and collecting flowers. Treason and betrayal of a loved one are forgiven, but everything takes time. For some, a few weeks are enough, others cannot start a family for decades, continuing to remain faithful to the one and only.

Betrayal and betrayal by a loved one or immediately after that by an ex-husband is, perhaps, truly the hardest blow for any woman at all times. Instantly, the entire familiar world collapses and everything rushes into the abyss, which is why so many poems and books have been written about the betrayal and betrayal of a husband, so many films have been made, so many stories have been created. Life is turned upside down and filled with poisonous and black colors. After her husband’s betrayal and betrayal, a woman is literally overwhelmed by a new unknown storm of emotions, including pain, depression , rage, resentment and deep disappointment .
Some women think about how to forgive and survive the betrayal and betrayal of their beloved husband? Others, on the contrary, begin to hatch a plan on how to punish their husband for vile infidelity and low and dirty betrayal? In such a state, you can easily mess things up and make various, sometimes terrible and irreparable, or better yet, classic mistakes for any woman. At this moment, the best thing for you would be to tell yourself stop, just sit down and write on a piece of paper all the emotions and desires that arise in you at this moment. It is possible that this will simply be the most popular women's question of all time: should I forgive my husband's betrayal and infidelity? It could also happen that something inside you will push you to action, and you will only think about how to take revenge on your ex-husband for treason and betrayal? Write down everything that is pouring out of you now on paper. This will be the beginning of your recovery. Everyone knows that a woman finds out about the betrayal of a man or her beloved husband in her own way. There are women who have been suspecting their husband of all mortal sins for quite some time and finally find convincing evidence of his betrayal and betrayal. Others find out about everything thanks to that very random SMS from their mistress. Still others are overtaken by the crushing news of the terrible betrayal of their beloved husband and his infidelity with this bitch so suddenly that the very fact of his presence in a woman’s picture of the world becomes completely unexpected. In all cases, betrayal and infidelity by a husband is simply a really enormous stress for a woman from her former lover, which is not always possible to cope with alone.

Betrayal and betrayal of an ex-husband: post-traumatic mental disorder Psychologist believe that betrayal and betrayal of a husband is unconsciously equated in terms of the level of stress in the body to the death of one of the spouses. Unfortunately, these are exactly the emotions that, as a rule, overwhelm any deceived woman. At this moment, the woman really simply physically cannot think adequately. Before an ordinary woman regains the ability to think soberly and more or less adequately make even slightly informed decisions, she must go through several states.

How to forgive and survive the betrayal and betrayal of your beloved husband: advice from a psychologist You learned about the betrayal and betrayal of your husband. The following mental mechanism is launched. Shock overtakes you. At the first stage, a woman simply thinks that everything that happened to her is someone’s ridiculous, stupid, unreal, cruel fantasy. In a state of shock, even unconditional and direct evidence of betrayal cannot force a woman to simply face the facts and believe in the obvious betrayal of her husband, in the fact that betrayal is taking place at all. After your husband's betrayal, shock is normal. Then, at the second stage, the transaction begins and the denial of the very fact of what happened. At this moment, women make the most serious and even irreparable mistakes. Most often, without the support of a psychologist, women actually begin to take many mutually exclusive steps in the blind hope of returning everything to the way it was before, when the betrayal of their husband was not yet realized.

At the third stage, a woman’s emotions begin to grow and aggression begins. The betrayal and betrayal of her husband begins to greatly anger the woman. She experiences uncontrollable aggression, which is caused by an already realized fact. Such strong aggression must inevitably have its way out. If this does not happen, then various psychosomatic consequences are possible. In any case, in order not to harm, first of all, yourself, it is better to turn to a professional psychologist who specializes in such problems and has extensive experience in correcting these conditions. At the moment of strong aggression, a woman begins noisy scandals with breaking dishes and blaming her partner for all the negative aspects of life. Betrayal and betrayal of a husband seem to cancel out all the good things that happened before. Now only pitch darkness obscures my eyes. It is during this active and turbulent psychological period that a deceived woman communicates with all her actions: I have been betrayed, I am in great pain! At this moment, thoughts are seething about how to punish your husband to the fullest, how to take revenge on your ex-husband for treason and betrayal? It’s better not to fall into the hands of such a woman!

Then sadness gradually comes. A woman plunges into mourning. This period is characterized by the longest and most painfully burning reflections and memories of the happy past before the appearance of this damned rival. A person in such thoughts and state becomes inert. It may be that a woman begins to look through family photographs for a long time and reacts painfully to her friends’ stories about her family happiness. Betrayal and betrayal of a husband make a woman an inanimate object. In the next stage of experience, reconciliation occurs. Any woman who has experienced such strong emotions and sadness eventually comes to terms with this tragic situation. New thoughts arise in the woman’s head. It is at this stage that she begins to be visited more consciously by thoughts about whether she should forgive the betrayal and betrayal of her beloved husband. A woman begins to more thoughtfully and rationally weigh the pros and cons with all seriousness. At this stage, a woman is trying to somehow plan her future family or divorced life. It can be noted with all seriousness that it is at this stage that it is more common for a woman to begin so-called negotiations with her husband. Life puts everything in its place and the need arises to try to establish a joint family life again. How long does post-traumatic mental disorder last: PTSD If you have experienced betrayal and infidelity from your husband in your life, then experts advise not to make any radical decisions until you have gone through all five stages described above.
The best thing that can be done for any woman at this moment is to immediately contact an experienced psychologist who specializes in this particular issue. You need to be aware that no female friends, much less female relatives or male friends, can simply physically help you. Do not condemn yourself to even greater losses, which can be calculated in years, because many women, without realizing this fact, actually spend years, that is, their youth, being in serious condition after such catastrophic events. This is a crime against yourself, remember this and run to a psychologist! Sad poems, quotes and statuses about her husband’s infidelity and betrayal It is known that every woman has such depressing painful thoughts for a different period of time. Some people start writing sad poems about their husband’s betrayal and betrayal, others search for various quotes on the Internet, study statuses on social networks - they do everything to find an outlet, since being in such a state is simply unbearable. There are many factors at play here that influence the duration of such a moment. Much depends on the age, upbringing and social status of the woman. It is known that on average the path from a state of shock to conditional reconciliation takes about three months for women. This time is best spent away from your unfaithful husband. Betrayal and infidelity, as well as other unpleasant feelings from your husband, will interfere with communication. If you rush in this situation, then unnecessary quarrels and scandals will only aggravate the already difficult state of things in your family and the relationship between spouses. During this period, you definitely should not approach serious changes in your family life, guided by previous grievances and emotions. Cheating and betrayal of her husband: a woman's view Psychologists and sexologists draw attention to the fact that it is internally very difficult for a woman to understand the reason for her husband’s betrayal. That is why she plunges into a real abyss of soul-searching in search of the culprit in the situation that happened. In this ambiguous and destructive process, a woman in practice can make an unrealistically large number of mistakes that will significantly affect her personal self-esteem and, in general, her entire future life. Let's take a closer look at what happens to an ordinary woman who finds out that there is betrayal and betrayal of her beloved husband in her life. At first, such a woman, with an irresistible, incomprehensible and unstoppable force, strives to get at least a glimpse of her rival. Psychologists beg all women at this moment not to do this under any pretext. Usually, such a painful visualization of a rival will only aggravate the state of deep depression and cloudy melancholy in which the deceived woman is immersed. After your husband’s infidelity and betrayal, think for yourself: what if your rival turns out to be much younger, more beautiful and more successful than you? Just imagine what kind of blow to your already wounded pride you will inflict on yourself in this way? Betrayal and betrayal by your husband is, of course, difficult and painful, but you shouldn’t try to finish off yourself in every possible way to continue what happened. Psychologists, pointing to the practice of infidelity and betrayal of a husband, in turn note that at this moment the image of a rival is practically imprinted, fixed in the woman’s painful consciousness, and she begins to cultivate shortcomings in herself, both obvious and imaginary, causing self-pity from spouse, acquaintances, friends and relatives. After betrayal and betrayal of her husband, this happens quite often. It will take many months and even years for any woman to get out of this terrifying state, so working with a professional psychologist is best. After the betrayal and betrayal of her husband, the help of a professional psychoanalyst will be needed. Usually a woman blames only herself for everything that happened. This behavior is most typical of women with the so-called victim psychotype. In this situation, the deceived wife, as a rule, strives to correct the situation with all her might. She tries to become several times better than her opponent. Any forum where betrayal and betrayal of a husband are discussed will tell you that a typical woman at this moment usually suppresses the anger that is caused by betrayal. She is trying to show herself as the best functional mother, housewife and lover. A woman strives to be perfect in everything. Unfortunately, after the betrayal and betrayal of her husband, this path cannot give a woman an advantage or at least somehow help her survive this difficult depressing event. As a result, sooner or later she still comes to the stage of aggression. It is also necessary to mention those cases that are not related to the situation when a woman is looking for a way to take revenge on her ex-husband for betrayal and betrayal, but, trying to suppress her anger, ends up in a neurosis clinic. Additionally, it should be noted that quite often neuroses provoke the appearance of other diseases. Among them are ulcers and cancer. To avoid the development of such unacceptable and tragic consequences, if you have become a victim and you now know everything about your husband’s infidelity and betrayal, you need to prevent the possibility of further negative scenarios. Here, more than anything else, working with a psychologist will definitely help. There is another type of woman who can be called overly emotional. Such persons throw out all their inexhaustible pain immediately on a man. They see their man as the only guilty party in the situation of betrayal that has arisen. Such women constantly remind him of what happened. As noted above, a woman in such tragic moments is not able to think sensibly and rationally. Without meaning to, with her behavior she only pushes her husband away even more. Some time passes and when the emotions subside, but not before this moment, the woman can already understand that the family is lost irrevocably. In such a situation, when the picture was completely spoiled by the woman herself, the man makes the final decision, that is, he chooses his rival. It is also worth noting that any reaction of a woman who learns from her own experience what betrayal and betrayal of her beloved husband is, is a normal and natural attempt to somehow cope with the problem and simply survive this traumatic situation. In fact, a woman should allow herself to throw out negative emotions and approach the problem with a sober head. If a different situation arises and, for example, for six months a woman cannot cope with her raging emotions, and her husband’s betrayal and betrayal still causes her strong uncontrollable anger, then in such a situation it is definitely necessary to contact a specialist who will help approach to the stage of reconciliation with the betrayal that happened. About betrayal and betrayal of her husband A clear understanding of the essence of the mechanism of standard male infidelity plays a huge role in solving the problem of betrayal and betrayal.
Psychologists say that for a woman, love and betrayal cannot coexist at the same time, because these are incompatible things. Any loving wife will always try to remain faithful to her man and accept him in turn with all his shortcomings. Sexologists reveal the secrets of men, showing that the male psyche is structured differently than that of a woman. Here, in the male subculture, the cause of betrayal can be completely different factors. In the foreground is the so-called rejection or abandonment syndrome. Many men experienced the cold mother effect in their early childhood. The mother of such a man is constantly dissatisfied with her son, she does not accept him absolutely and with love, does not pay attention to him, and leaves him alone for a long time. This kind of female behavior is characterized by the so-called peculiar swings in relationships. It turns out that today the mother loves her son and allows him everything, but tomorrow she pushes him away and leaves him alone. Psychologists have concluded that such undeveloped maternal love has a huge negative impact on the psyche of the future man. A person who grew up in such conditions will almost certainly 100% cheat on the woman he loves. As a rule, a man quickly becomes disillusioned with the fair sex and after the so-called first easy love has passed, he immediately goes in search of a new girl. Cheating and betrayal of the husband in such conditions is only a matter of time. If at the moment of falling in love a man managed to marry the woman he liked, then, most likely, he will begin to cheat on her within a couple of months. Such figures may seem unrealistic to most, but since the tactics of such men in cheating have already been brought to perfection, the missus can remain in the dark about her husband’s adventures in principle for years. There is another story when a husband’s betrayal and betrayal kills even more. Here we are talking about a situation called a narcissist man. Sexologists also point to the fact that men of this psychological type are also more prone to cheating than others. The narcissist usually perceives only his personal feelings. He puts his wants and needs above others. Such a man is not capable, in principle, of sacrificing his interests for the sake of any partner. Psychologists characterize such men in an interesting way, because such men, like women, react very sensitively to compliments addressed to them and are almost always ready to prove their masculine worth for the sake of such encouragement. At the same time, the wife is not perceived by this type of man as an independent person who has certain personal rights in marriage.

Into the pool with your head, or How not to be deceived again

If you have no idea how to forget your loved one after cheating, but sincerely want this, completely change your social circle. You should surround yourself with honest people who are fun. Remember, like in an unknown but typical film: he gave her roses, and she fell in love, forgetting to cry at the same time in the morning.

The pain of being betrayed by a loved one will last a lifetime. Feelings may flare up again, but whether they will be positive depends on the case. Seeing him five years later in the arms of another, you will not experience joy, as if he appears before you with a bouquet of flowers and an apology. Even in her stories, Vera Polozkova said that men always return when everything is fine with you. Women, unfortunately, do not always step on pride, sometimes pride. They may love and miss you, but they will never say so if they are guilty of you. Whether to forgive the betrayal of a loved one or continue life, erasing the traitor from your memory forever, is up to you to decide.

When silence is not golden

As the writer Minna Antrim said, to keep a man in your hands, you must first of all control yourself. You can cry, drawing a line under the relationship with tears. Whatever your iron will, you need tears.

There is no need to worry about anything in silence. If you don’t scream outward, then you are screaming inward, and here you are not far from psychosomatic illnesses. Run away from your condition on the treadmill or swim away on the blue one. Do not transfer responsibility for your life to your relatives and loved ones. There is no need to remain silent, shout out by the railway tracks, tell the story of your life to the open tap in the bathroom or to a random fellow traveler on the train. Contact a specialist or go to confession in church. Get up from the sofa drenched in tears, realize your mistakes, forgive, let go and start living!

It would be good to devote all your energy to your career. Success is a powerful factor in sexual attractiveness. A successful woman is self-confident, internally independent and largely self-sufficient.

Useful experience: reviews from women who have experienced infidelity

Treason and treason are different. It seems to me that when there were no feelings for that woman, foolishness, drunkenness, on a business trip can be forgiven. It’s another thing to see a husband in love with another, with sparkling eyes, etc. This is no longer possible to forgive. But this must be decided immediately and on the spot. Pretending that you have forgiven, and then pestering the person for years, reminding them of the betrayal at every opportunity, is dishonest and cruel. Repentance cannot be beaten out with fists and hysterics. It either exists or it doesn’t.

Guest

https://www.woman.ru/relations/marriage/thread/4476029/

I forgave, forgave and forgot. I’ll say right away, the first two years were mind-blowing, my beloved almost ran away. She ate herself and him. And then it dawned on me that I was ruining my happiness, my family. The most interesting thing is, realizing that I had gone too far and could really lose him, I forgave him. I don't remember. Well, I stumbled, well, I’m ready to correct myself. Gives no more reasons. If you decide to forgive, then cross it out! But make sure that the person proves his devotion and awareness of the mistake through actions, not words.

Guest

https://www.detkityumen.ru/forum/thread/151578/?page=2

You need to deal with betrayal TOGETHER WITH YOUR HUSBAND, and not alone, otherwise it will 100% lead to divorce.

TinyMy

https://www.baby.ru/community/view/126321/forum/post/133057978/

Be sure to go on vacation together, far away. There will be a complete reboot, I promise!

Guest

https://www.detkityumen.ru/forum/thread/151578/?page=2

Forgive, but pay attention to yourself. To love yourself, to cherish yourself, in general you need to treat yourself well, and treat your other half even better. And there will be love.

Olga

https://forum.ykt.ru/viewmsg.jsp?id=29630278

Is it possible to rehabilitate a womanizer?

Every person has the right to make a mistake, but not everyone is able to learn the necessary lesson from it. So your husband stoically endured the unpleasant conversation, asked for forgiveness, vowed not to even look in the direction of other women, and after very little time he was again caught red-handed. And again you cry on your friend’s shoulder and try to figure out what to do. Give the traitor another, now third, chance or break off the relationship?

It's up to you, of course. But logic dictates that the intimate conversations and efforts to strengthen the family that you made did not make an impression on your spouse. He perceived your forgiveness as a sign of weakness: if he let go of one betrayal, he will let go of another. So it’s unlikely that next time an unfaithful husband will think for a long time before deciding on another adultery. If there has been a third, or even a fourth or fifth betrayal, you can rest assured: you are living with a real womanizer, whom no amount of persuasion or blackmail will be able to re-educate. It is not a fact that your spouse has stopped loving you. It’s just his nature, his view of the world, or his attitudes learned from childhood. In a word, do not rely on the conscientiousness of the reveler-husband. Either accept him for who he is - which is what some women do, carefully turning a blind eye to the tricks of their other half - or write an application for divorce.

It is useless to re-educate some men

Video: To forget or not?

Cheating is a serious test for a couple. Some are sure that they will never be able to treat their husband the same way again, while others successfully get rid of the resentment. Some spouses continue to live in mutual love and fidelity, for others life turns into a series of endless trips to the left, suspicions and checks. No one can tell in advance how things will end in your case; one way or another, you have to take a risk. But whatever decision you make, remember - it's just cheating. Not the end of the world. Not a serious injury. Not the death of a beloved spouse. You always have a chance to either improve your relationship or break it off and build a new one with a more worthy man. Your life goes on and you can be happy no matter what. But only on the condition that you do not give in to circumstances.