Perfectionism - what it is and how it affects your thinking

Always achieve better results, strive to do more and more perfectly, demand the impossible from yourself - this is how perfectionism manifests itself in human behavior. On the one hand, this seems like a positive feature. After all, if a person strives for the best, he can achieve serious heights in his career, business, and social life. But most often, too high demands on oneself lead to completely different results: dissatisfaction, disappointment in life, depression.

Why is this happening? Why is perfectionism dangerous? How to identify it in yourself or a loved one and how to get rid of it? Victoria Witte answered these questions to a FAN

Perfectionist - who is it?

In simple words, this is a person who strives to achieve the ideal result in everything. The meaning of the word perfectionism is based on the Latin term perfectum, which translates as “perfect.” Such a person has an excessively high level of motivation, which most often manifests itself from early childhood.

Study with straight A's and get a red diploma or maximum scores on the Unified State Exam at all costs. Go above and beyond to achieve the coveted position. Step on your own moral values, for the sake of a higher goal. Put on a mask every day and be a chameleon so that others will definitely approve, understand and appreciate the efforts made.

Such people who, from school, strive to obtain the external attributes of success, are endowed with the “excellent student syndrome.” However, studying with straight A's and graduating from school with honors at any cost does not mean gaining a strong knowledge base. But achieving a good position and devoting yourself entirely to work does not at all mean becoming happy. The very word “syndrome” hints at ill health, since the motivation that guides the person is in this case excessive.

“Everything needs moderation,” comments psychologist Victoria Witte. — There is a healthy level of motivation when we develop and move up the career ladder with pleasure and without violence. And there is an unhealthy one - when our internal light bulb heats up to such an extent that it almost bursts from overvoltage.”

Imposter syndrome

Successful and competent people suffer from impostor syndrome if they believe they don't know everything they should and are in constant fear of being seen as a liar. Most of us, from time to time, experience this deep conviction that we are not that good.

Since impostor syndrome was first identified and described by scientists, research has shown that more than 70% of the population is sometimes affected by it.

Imposter syndrome is also a hindrance to revolutionary thinking. If you think you don't really know what you're doing, and your mental energy is spent on fear that others will notice, then how can you believe that you will achieve something that no one has done before? Can you imagine Thomas Edison thinking to himself, “I'm not an inventor,” or Steve Jobs, tormented by thoughts like, “Who am I to build computers?”

However, as strange as it may sound, impostor syndrome is most common among successful people. When we start talking about him at Harvard, Yale, Stanford and MIT, the room becomes so quiet you can hear a pin drop. When students learn that this feeling has a scientific name and that they are not the only ones familiar with it, we see them sigh with relief. […]

Imposter syndrome can be an excellent motivating tool, making us work harder than others. But at what cost? Firstly, part of the brain will be constantly occupied with it - arguing with it, trying to get rid of it, hiding from it. Secondly, if the brain, guided by some arbitrary criteria of its own, decides that you have not had “enough” success in life, it activates the sympathetic nervous system and deactivates your creativity. And third, and worst of all, impostor syndrome will prevent you from taking the risks necessary to create breakthrough innovations.

Today, we finally have effective tools to help us overcome impostor syndrome. But even simply knowing that such sensations are widespread will help us neutralize their impact and weaken their power. […]

The basis of impostor syndrome is your impression that you are incompetent for this job, this activity, this position; in our case, that you are unable to achieve a breakthrough.

This image, this impression of oneself is formally called self-perception

. Simply put, self-perception is what we think about ourselves, our personality, abilities, and so on.

When a person develops an image of himself, there is a strong tendency to maintain this image under the influence of our impressions, memory and, in general, under the influence of what we are ready to accept as the truth about ourselves. In other words, self-perception becomes self-preservation.

The most effective way to combat impostor syndrome (and even get rid of it completely) is to change your self-perception.

Before we go any further, here are two simple techniques you can try to change the playing field so that impostor syndrome becomes irrelevant.

Method #1: Change the shortcut

Try a different name for the role you're applying for and see if there's a term that more closely matches your current self-perception. For example, Olivia does not consider herself a creative person. Smart - yes. Inventive - yes. She feels comfortable with these definitions. But she is not very pleased to call herself a creative person, because it does not correspond to her self-perception. For her, the word “creative” refers to people who have a keen sense of creative intent - artists, representatives of other arts (for example, music and theater). Creative abilities for her are something intangible, elusive, something that she cannot clearly define for herself. But against the backdrop of self-perception as a “smart and inventive” person, she retains the same creativity.

Method #2: Flip the Script

Ask yourself what elements of your experience (or lack thereof), personality, or past your impostor syndrome is using to make you feel like a fraud. Consider them one by one and turn them upside down.

“I’m too young for this job” becomes “My youth is a huge advantage because...”. Perhaps you have a better understanding of new technologies? Do you have a better understanding of your customer base? Are you more ready to take risks and try something new?

Statement “I have never worked in this field before. I’m not an expert here” is replaced by the statement: “The fact that I’m not an expert in this is a big advantage, because they already have a bunch of specialists and they don’t need more. But I can contribute - a new perspective and a different experience - and use everything that I have learned outside this field of activity to solve existing problems.” And so on…

“At Microsoft,” says Kevin Sauer, “imposter syndrome takes on a life of its own. One of our famous technologists blogs about what it's like to be a cheater in someone else's place, and everyone always means it. Being a deceiver has become almost cooler than not being one.”

Three limiting factors in your brain are helpful in changing your self-perception that is holding you back. Your brain doesn't process the following well:

Scale. Dealing with several small tasks can be just as difficult as dealing with one large one. Our brains are naturally bad at prioritizing, and this is where you can turn that to your advantage. This is the science of small victories. Harvard Business School Research Director Professor Teresa Amabile, to whom we owe many discoveries in the areas of individual and team creativity and productivity, organizational innovation and the psychology of everyday life at work, has discovered that even small victories can have a huge impact on a person’s internal state. “Many of the progressive developments that our study participants described were only small steps forward. However, they often provoked disproportionately positive reactions.”

Time. A significant event that happened 30 years ago can be experienced “as if it were yesterday.” What matters here is the vividness and ease of recollection, and not how long ago it happened.

The difference between the imaginary and the real, as we have already mentioned. […]

The science of small victories

Remember that science says small victories go a long way? As Charles Duhigg describes it, “an influence disproportionate to the achievement itself.” Small victories fuel big changes by convincing people that big things are possible. What this means for you is that you need to start with small steps, so small that they are not difficult at all. This will help you create momentum for success.

Duhigg adds, “As a Cornell professor wrote in 1984, “Small victories are the steady accumulation of small advantages. When you achieve one small victory, forces are launched that move you to another small victory.” Small victories create big changes, and small achievements form a pattern that convinces people that larger achievements are also possible.” […]

Apparently our brains aren't very good at distinguishing between big and small successes. So your achievements don't have to be as big as cleaning an entire house. Even if you just wipe down your bathroom sink, […] it will help you create momentum for success if—and this is the main thing! - you will feel like you have achieved something. […]

Here's how small victories can help create a new self-perception. If you've lost touch with your inner creative genius, start with any small creative act, such as coming up with nicknames for your indoor plants or objects around you: say, Philip the copier. Then start making up stories about them. Philip is from Minnesota, loves football (“Go Blues!”) and so on. Accumulating many small victories can, over time, lead to a big victory and a new sense of self. […]

What does perfectionism mean for a person?

A perfectionist is characterized by excessive demands on himself and others. In his understanding, there is no good work result. The result should only be excellent, and if it is not, then it is terrible. And most often in such black-and-white thinking, it is the black color that predominates.

A perfectionist sees only his own failures and pays utmost attention to them. Compares himself with others, focuses on the most successful, the most worthy, the very best. He is often gnawed by envy when he sees more successful people, or considers their achievements more significant than his own. In order not to experience this painful envy, he seriously limits his circle of contacts. And he perceives colleagues, friends and even close people as competitors.

The pursuit of excellence can allow you to achieve success in your professional field or business. But even this success does not bring moral satisfaction to the perfectionist. Due to his personality characteristics, he is inclined to devalue his own achievements, consider them an accident or a temporary “clarification” that will soon end. And if he realizes that he has achieved success, he believes that he is now obliged to confirm it all the time. Otherwise, he will disappoint the people around him.

History of the term

People began to talk about such a concept as perfectionism back in the 19th century. Kant, Leibniz and other famous thinkers wrote about him. They described perfectionists as people who strive to improve in terms of morality. And perfectionism was even considered one of the theories of the philosophy of superman. The term itself is borrowed from the English language: the words perfect, perfection mean “perfection”, “ideal”.

Gradually, perfectionism turned from giftedness into a special psychological state. And then people began to see this as a pathology. And, indeed, some perfectionists drive themselves to the point of paranoia, trying to achieve an ideal result in anything.

There is a theory that perfectionism develops in childhood. The “excellent student syndrome,” which is present in some children, does not allow them to relax. The child always strives to be the best in everything, but otherwise he not only gets upset, but gets hysterical. Moreover, he is not afraid of his parents’ anger, no. A perfectionist child feels responsible to himself, unable to give in. And this is the worst thing, because such a condition can develop not only into neurotic perfectionism, but also into other serious psychological disorders. Therefore, psychologists recommend that parents not focus on their children’s performance.

Is perfectionism good or bad? It is difficult to talk about this because each case must be considered individually. For some, this trait does not interfere with life, and the person receives true pleasure from the fact that everything is going well. But at the same time, he is not very upset if everything does not go perfectly. But with a pathological form of perfectionism, a person attaches too much importance to absolutely everything. Based on this, we can conclude that such perfectionism is not needed by anyone: not the bearer of quality himself, nor his environment.

Examples of perfectionism

“Perfectionists are often characterized by rigidity of thinking,” says psychologist Victoria Witte. “Such people are not capable of creativity or searching for alternative solutions. They often get “stuck in the past” and live in their own world, while the world around them has already changed significantly.”

A 70-year-old owner of a small store can be considered a perfectionist, who does not allow his subordinates to ask for a salary increase, does not change anything in his own business for years, and works the old fashioned way. But he considers himself “head and shoulders above” those around him, since back in Soviet times he received a “good education” or worked in a “serious position.” At the same time, there is a constant turnover of staff in his store, the team is a mess, and customers and subordinates laugh at him behind his back.

Fact. Perfectionism is often associated with workaholism. Such people completely devote themselves to work, forgetting about the other side of life: family, friends, relaxation and even their own health. Perfectionist careerists were Leo Tolstoy, Friedrich Nietzsche , and in recent history , Steve Jobs .

Isn't this vanity?

But how do you feel when you cross the line? The desire to do your job to the highest quality is so commendable and (for many) natural. Christians are commanded to perform every task, even the smallest, as if you were doing it for the Lord. This implies a bar beyond which there is no higher limit. How can you, while adhering to these highest requirements, not be a perfectionist?

Let's move from the psychological, spiritual dimension to the spiritual. Perfectionism is a passion. The obsessive desire for perfection is associated with envy, lies, and most of all – with vanity. Vanity is empty glory. Isn’t this what a perfectionist is looking for, feeding on people’s praise and trying to do everything better than everyone else, to be the best? Vanity aspirations can lead a person into excitement and make him forget about his own intellectual, physical (and spiritual) capabilities. Unfulfilled vanity leads to despondency, and therefore laziness.

The holy fathers unanimously call the fight against the passion of vanity the most difficult - it is so many-sided and cunning. We will touch only on some of its aspects. At ascetic heights, any vain thoughts are cut off. There is a story about a monk confessing a sinful thought to an elder: “Abba, thoughts come to me that I was very carefully making my bed...”

Don't rush to smile skeptically. The level of spiritual success and perfectionism that the monk and I have is different, but the problem is essentially the same. Therefore, advice on combating vanity from St. John Cassian the Roman, intended for monks, are suitable - with small discounts - for all of us:

“Let us not allow ourselves to do anything with a vain intention, to gain vain glory.
“What we did well in the beginning, we must try to protect with due attention, so that the creeping passion of vanity does not abolish all the fruits of our efforts.”
“We must with all diligence avoid what is not done in the society of brothers or is not of common use.”
“We should also avoid things that can distinguish us from others and cause people to praise us as if we were the only ones doing it.”

Those who have conquered the “deadly infection of vanity” are unlikely to face such a trifle as pathological perfectionism.

The Perfectionist Paradox

“According to Tal Ben-Shahar , psychologist and author of the book The Perfectinist Paradox, the paradox is that such a person can be both successful and unhappy,” notes Victoria Witte. “We are all constantly under invisible pressure from society. We believe that we should look younger, earn more, and smile constantly. But what happens if you get rid of these attempts to always do everything right? Is success really that important if you don’t get satisfaction from your work?”

In an effort to always be the best and avoid mistakes, the seeds of procrastination can develop. This is what psychology calls attempts to constantly put off important things “for later” because there is a fear of doing them not in the best way. Or avoid situations in which the perfectionist sees the threat of his own shame, believes that if he does something wrong, he will definitely be judged and decided that he is not perfect.

Perfectionism and procrastination go hand in hand. And the more a person worries about his failures, the more often he tries to avoid important projects, public speaking and other “dangerous moments”. Ultimately, this negatively affects his career and increases self-doubt.

What is perfectionism?

This is a human attitude that puts the accuracy of the actions performed in the first place.

Perfectionism can manifest itself in more subtle ways:

like the need to constantly double-check something;
you are waiting because thoughts appear in your head that now is not the best time to start something;
you read the letter several times before sending to make sure there are no errors;
You are always the first to notice a mistake and point out the shortcomings to others.

In reality, perfectionism comes in many forms and can be a blessing or a curse.

Pedantry and perfectionism - what is the difference?

“A perfectionist and a pedant are similar in their rigid thinking, anxiety and low self-esteem,” the expert comments. “But little things and details are important to a pedant, and besides, he evaluates himself. For a perfectionist, the assessment of other people is much more important. His way of thinking is dominated by the need to avoid judgment from others, and the result turns out to be more important to him than the details.”

In ordinary life, a pedant demands perfect order in everything. It is important for him that the documents are filled out accurately and without corrections. At work, his desk is a model of cleanliness, with every item in its place. At home, his toothbrush stands at the right angle in a clean glass, and his spoon lies strictly parallel to his fork.

A perfectionist will not pay attention to such trifles. It is important for him that the book he is working on is written perfectly, and that the renovation he has started in his own home is perfect.

Inner critic

The inner critic is that nasty little voice in your head that tells you that you did this and that wrong, or that your life is a complete failure, or any of the other endless variations on this theme that it can come up with. It is especially dangerous because it is best suited to trigger the sympathetic nervous system and thus interfere with our attempts to do something.

A good way to find out if there is such a critic operating within you is to pay attention to how often the word “should” is heard in your head. “I should have left earlier” or perhaps “I should have studied every day.” The inner critic forces you, as they say, to “be in debt to yourself.”

Because internal attacks are perceived by our brains in much the same way as real, physical attacks, they can generate an automatic physical response—the fight-or-flight response to a threat.

Professional basketball and football players often taunt opponents to make them doubt their abilities. Michael Jordan was famous for this. Unfortunately, many of us make fun of ourselves. We criticize ourselves, question our abilities, and trigger a threat response. And this can negatively affect our ability to act.

As Dr. Philip Goldin says, “When people stay away from work due to illness, their lack of productivity is obvious. But a more insidious productivity hindrance occurs when people are consumed by negative thoughts throughout the workday. Internal self-criticism can seriously limit innovation and creativity.” People may be physically present in the workplace, but they are literally stuck in a duel with their inner critic, losing the ability to move forward. And since such a mental absence is not outwardly noticeable, no one does anything about it.

Self-criticism is one of the most common obstacles to success in any field. We consider self-criticism and self-doubt to be the silent killers of business. Many top managers suffer from this, but few dare to talk about it.

Over the years, we've heard from people ranging from junior associates to senior executives admit that they spend much of their workday battling negativity, an army of inner critics who insist on pointing out disappointments, predicting failures, and beating the drums of despair. In some cases, they (and we) are extremely surprised that we manage to achieve anything at all. One executive said that he spends 80% of his work time dealing with his inner critic. […]

“The fear of being in a stupid position or becoming the object of someone’s judgment is the flip side of our social consciousness”

People know that self-doubt and self-criticism do not help them, but they cannot do anything about it. The vicious cycle can be broken through awareness of the meaning of these reactions (“My body is reacting because it is trying to protect me”) or self-compassion (“Of course I am reacting this way, it’s scary”).

Thus, the inner critic prevents breakthroughs. Imagine thinking about how to run meetings in a new way.

Your brain, with its built-in negative biases, begins to imagine possible failures. You immediately imagine the reaction of others to your failure. Your feelings of shame and fear grow. You want to shut up, run away, hide, and definitely not conduct this experiment in real life.

But what's really going on? What you are experiencing is your inner discomfort, generated by the verdict of your inner critic about the opinions of others. But there is also a positive point - everything just described happens exclusively in your head. And we can change this inner experience.

To unlock your potential for breakthroughs, you need to know how to harness your inner critic. Unfortunately, our first reflex action when it is activated is to try to argue with it. This is where a method like cognitive behavioral therapy, which encourages us to step back from our thoughts to gain an objective perspective, can fail us.

Trying to suppress thoughts can only make things worse. But you can learn to dance with your shadow; learn to curb your inner critic. By practicing the techniques described here, you can move away from your inner negativity and, perhaps, reach heights where the voice of your inner critic will only make you smile. We promise.

What is your “all”?

Dr. Martha Beck says she has developed a very close relationship with her inner critic through three Harvard degrees (including a PhD in Sociology), and explains that “each of us has a “whole” of a small number of people who are important to him or her. . Our social nature makes us strive to fit in with some large group, but it is difficult to keep the tastes and opinions of more than five or six people in our heads. However, a resourceful individual creates a kind of shortcut: he selects the opinions of a few people, firmly fixes them in his mind, and extrapolates this image further until it covers the entire known universe. Psychologists call a not very precise sample of individuals whom we define as “everyone” the “generalized other.”

The tool Beck recommends using to let go of those limiting “everyones” in your mind is the most effective we know. Here's how it works: Find all the statements about creativity, innovation, and breakthrough that you would like to apply to yourself that could objectively be true.

For example:

I have a very capable brain. We guarantee you that this is true. Your brain processes millions of bits of information every second without you even thinking about it.

I am a naturally creative person. Look around at the lists and pictures you have posted on your walls. Think about the adventures you created for the objects around you.

And so on. […]

Create new "everyone"

Because of our innate respect for authority, these encouraging, positive "everyones" are most meaningful when they consist of people you admire. You can choose people who, after a series of failures, became very successful, like Lincoln, or those who enjoy success despite being unlucky two times out of three, like Babe Ruth. You could, for example, hang a photograph of Babe Ruth on the wall with the caption:

Missed 6 times out of 10. Greatest player of all time.

Stupid? Maybe. Effective? Absolutely.

Famous athletes are generally a great source of examples of imperfection: Michael Jordan had 50% of his free throws miss, and Pelé and Maradona, two of the greatest footballers of all time, had only 5% of their shots on target in World Cup games. Yes, yes, 95% of the shots they made on goal did not end in goals.

If you prefer non-sports examples, Tom Hanks himself said of his hundred-plus films that “seven or eight were good, another dozen were more or less decent, and the rest were just a nightmare.” And this is one of the most famous Hollywood actors!

If you want people respected in business, here, for example, is what the legendary inventor James Dyson says about failures as the engine of success: “Before I got a vacuum cleaner, I created 5,127 prototypes. 5126 of them were unsuccessful. But with every failure I learned something. And finally I found a solution." Dyson spent 15 years of his life creating 5,126 unsuccessful models before he created the one that worked as it should. The result is a multibillion-dollar company and a personal fortune estimated at $1.6 billion. […]

Can perfectionism be considered a personality disorder?

“In psychiatry and clinical psychology, perfectionism is considered a manifestation of ambition, one of the ways of overcompensating for an inferiority complex,” says psychologist Victoria Witte. “But I’m not inclined to label people.” Today a person shows signs of perfectionism, and tomorrow he becomes a happy businessman who has worked through his problem, achieved success and feels satisfaction from it.”

It is much more important to understand why people develop an excessive desire for perfection. According to the expert, its foundations are laid in childhood. If a child is often criticized, tightly controlled, his freedom and self-expression are suppressed, his work is devalued and he is scolded for mistakes, there is a high probability that he will grow up to be a perfectionist. And throughout his life, until he realizes his problem and decides to fight it, he will experience difficulties in communicating and perceiving himself.

At the same time, it is a mistake to consider perfectionism only an “individual characteristic” or a simple shortcoming. The emotional stress that a person experiences for years seriously affects his health, lifestyle and can cause quite tangible negative consequences:

development of psychosomatic diseases . This risk is due to the constant tension of the body and psyche with which a person lives. He is forced to be active all the time, spending much more energy than he replenishes. But this cannot go on for long. At some point the body malfunctions and the person ends up in a hospital bed;
loneliness and suffering . Constantly tormenting thoughts about one’s own imperfection, dissatisfaction with oneself, and low self-esteem do not allow one to build normal relationships with other people. A perfectionist may be lonely simply because he experiences discomfort when communicating with others, as he considers them better than himself. Or it doesn’t allow people to go through a tough casting process to become friends. Finally, he simply does not allow himself to rest and have fun, and therefore often finds himself alone;
loss of interest in life and activities.

“What happens to a computer when it overheats? - Victoria Witte comments. — It turns off, cools down and reboots, and sometimes it may not turn on at all. So it is with a person: sooner or later he loses his activity and energy.”

Against the background of perfectionism, anxiety and depression often develop, which lead to even greater threats to health and life: constant fatigue, insomnia, anhedonia - a condition in which everything that made you happy before does not bring pleasure. One of the most dangerous consequences of psychological problems is an existential crisis - loss of meaning in life and the associated likelihood of suicide.

How to deal with perfectionism?

Let's say you realized that your loved one or acquaintance turned out to be a perfectionist. Stop being angry with him and try to understand him. A good result of such understanding will be a warm and kind attitude towards this person. Moreover, he really misses it so much. If you suspect that you yourself are a perfectionist, try to honestly answer the question: how vital and important is it for you to be perfect and ideal, to achieve the best result no matter what, always and everywhere? If you are quite capable of surviving the disappointment of a failed project or unachieved goal and finding the strength to move on, then you have nothing to worry about. If the image of a perfectionist is close to you and you are obsessed with perfection, try turning to a psychologist for help. After all, solving such a serious psychological problem requires a real specialist. And let it be imperfect. Expert: Galina Filippova, general practitioner, candidate of medical sciences Author: Pavel Sobolevsky, psychologist
The material uses photographs belonging to shutterstock.com

How to identify a perfectionist and help him

According to Victoria Witte, there is a multidimensional perfectionism scale created to diagnose this condition and determine its level. However, this test was created a long time ago - even during the formation of psychology as a science. Therefore, it is incorrect to consider it the main diagnostic method.

“For me, it serves as an additional diagnostic tool,” the expert notes. “And it cannot replace a personal conversation, a biographical method and anamnesis.”

And in order to get rid of perfectionism and fill your life with positive emotions, the specialist advises following a few simple rules:

set priorities . Try not to put everything on yourself, cut off or delegate less important tasks to other people, and do the important ones yourself. Distribute energy wisely;
learn to relax . Alternate work and rest. Choose the relaxation method that you like. Try breathing practices, auto-training for muscle relaxation;
don't compare yourself to others . Appreciate your uniqueness and the uniqueness of others. Rejoice in your successes, and perceive mistakes and mistakes as experience;
praise yourself . This is also important. Keep a “thought diary” and write down in it what emotions negative situations caused you, and what result this led to;
please your “inner child” . Learn to enjoy life. Find a hobby, something for the soul, which you will do only for pleasure, and not for the sake of results;
Spend time with pleasant people , like-minded people. Try to be in nature more often.

And don't take life too seriously. Many problems will go away on their own, and everyday life will sparkle with new colors if you perceive life not as a race for perfection, but as an interesting game or an exciting adventure.

How to change your ideal thinking?

If you feel like perfectionism is holding you back, it may be time to change your habits and mindset. There are several strategies you can implement to change your ideal mindset and increase your chances of success in life.

Give up the all-or-nothing attitude

Perfectionism is usually thought of as wanting to do something perfectly or not at all. However, the problem is to deny the importance of this process.

Achieving excellence comes from the experiences and insights gained through the process, so you can tune in and apply the lessons learned to achieve future success. This, by the way, reduces the overall likelihood of failure, even though the perfectionist may struggle to deny it.

Eliminate the word "ideal" from your vocabulary . This can help you avoid the all-or-nothing mentality that encourages you to set incredibly high standards.

Remember the 70% rule and Pareto 80/20

Sometimes when it comes to perfectionism, it's easy to ignore the essence of something, but as long as the essence is obvious in what you're doing, you don't need 100% perfection.

Often only 70% is all that is needed to get things going well, and then you can tweak and tweak if necessary. Thus, having done 70% of the work, you can see almost the entire final result.

This will help you see potential problems and areas for possible improvement if there is a need to do more.

The 80/20 rule is good and worth remembering - only 20% of your efforts can produce 80% of your results. Anything above the key 20% may not make much difference, and it also gives you more freedom to add details at a later time.

Actively ask for positive feedback

Feedback is the worst nightmare for perfectionists. It is advisable to receive both positive and negative feedback.

However, negative comments are something that a perfectionist already struggles with in their head while still being aware of their shortcomings and imperfections. So, regularly asking for positive feedback can help counteract this negative thinking and train your mind to balance opinions.

"Must have" vs. "Nice to have"

Many ideas can be great unless perfectionism is your ball and chain. Prioritization is key here, but it can be difficult for a perfectionist to skip and discard ideas that they think should be included. However, this is detrimental to the quality of your work or project and may delay or create additional workload.

Before you start any project, create “Must Have” and “Nice to Have” lists. Make the “Must Have” an absolute priority if you have enough time to sort through the “Nice to Have” items.

Celebrate small victories every day

A perfectionist's mind tends to be negative, so writing down three daily accomplishments can help you shift that mindset into a positive direction.

Any little thing from “I got up before my alarm went off” to “I met a new and interesting person” can force the mind to reflect on the positive aspects and minimize the negative ones.

One study explains that it depends on certain chemicals that interact with our brain's reward system to make us feel satisfied. This feeling motivates us to repeat the process to achieve the goal. Thinking about the positive aspects of everyday life, no matter how small, can literally train your brain to be more positive.

Set realistic goals

Setting unrealistic goals is a definite trait of a perfectionist and you end up feeling inadequate as it can be difficult and sometimes impossible to achieve.

Let's say you are an actor who is aiming for the goal of becoming a Hollywood star within a year, or you want to publish a best-selling book in the next 6 months, and you have no experience and the last thing you wrote was an essay in school.

Too many stars must align for you to achieve this goal because it is quite unrealistic.

On topic: Why a person needs to have a goal in life...

Setting specific goals is great, but setting the bar too high can cause you to lose motivation and become frustrated. Therefore, set ambitious goals for yourself, set tasks for yourself, but those that will motivate you to action, and not discourage you.

Focus on the bigger picture

You can't always get rid of the perfectionist inside you, but you can become a "healthy perfectionist."

Signs of a perfectionist

A perfectionist is a person who strives to always bring everything to perfection - so that everything is in its place, actions are always perfectly correct and correct.
Perfectionism has its pros and cons.

Is it bad when you want to have a dress that fits you perfectly so you can look chic? But is it normal that the search for a dress in stores and on the Internet has already taken two months and is still ongoing, but there is still no dress in the closet? During this time, your sister has already bought and wears several dresses, but you are always not satisfied with something.

Either the color doesn’t match, or the belt is wrong, or the fabric is wrinkled, or the size is small, etc. You even missed your friend's birthday because you didn't have a dress. And that's just the dress. What can we say about work? Each task takes up a lot of your time. The time for delivery is already running out, and you are redoing everything and redoing it.

Signs of a perfectionist-idealist

A person can be a perfectionist and not even know it

Just because your closet isn't sorted by color or sleeve length doesn't mean you don't have perfectionist tendencies. They can live inside you, influence your life and contribute to the development of inhibitions.

Check to see if you have any of these habits:

You reason according to the “all or nothing” principle. Whatever you evaluate is either right or wrong for you; either good or bad. You tend to think in extremes, rather than simply noticing the characteristics of people in a particular situation. For example, you conclude: "She is evil" rather than "Sometimes she is evil."
Not only do you think in extremes, but you also act like, “Well, I ate a cookie and ruined my diet… I might as well eat the whole packet.”
You rarely give instructions to others because you are sure that they will not do everything as well as you. People around you consider you to be overcautious, but you regard your actions as a desire to do the job correctly.
You have high demands on yourself and others. You always do your best and expect others to do the same. And you're scared to death of looking like a failure.
You can't complete a project because you think it could be done even better. You want to share the results of your work (a book, a project, a website, an article, a speech) with others, just to make sure that they deserve credit.
The word “should” not only constantly appears in your head, but also sounds from your mouth: “I must do this” or “They must do this.” You have certain “rules” that everyone must follow. If they are ignored, you are unhappy.
Your self-confidence depends on what you have achieved and how others talk about you. You strive for excellence and need the recognition of others. Only in this case you feel good. Once you achieve one goal, you quickly move on to the next.
You suffer from failure. It may not have been all that bad, but you still find yourself fixated on a single mistake.
You put off or avoid doing something when you think you won't perform at your best. It may seem counterintuitive, but people who do this are actually perfectionists. Their rationale is: “I’m unlikely to be able to do this perfectly, so why bother?”
You are always dissatisfied with the result of your work, so you are constantly finishing and redoing something.
You have high demands on yourself and others.
Due to the desire to do everything perfectly, you are constantly late at work. There is often not enough time for personal life and hobbies.
You are intolerant of criticism, even constructive criticism. If criticism is made, an aggressive reaction may follow, and the desire to act disappears.
You are dependent on other people's opinions.
You are very afraid of making mistakes, so you dream more than you do.

Do you recognize yourself? This means you are a real Perfectionist
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Perfectionist = good boss?

As a practicing psychologist, people often come to see me with complaints about their perfectionist bosses. And this is not surprising, because perfectionists strive either to occupy a leadership position or become owners of their own enterprises, and they are much better at turning the lives of their subordinates into a hell striving for perfection than they are their own.

Perfectionist bosses are used to constantly comparing themselves with someone more successful, whom they would dream of surpassing and overtaking. They also like to create unhealthy competition between their subordinates, set someone as an example for them, and try to incite envy.

Perfectionists also categorically do not know how to rest and relax, and their boundaries between work and personal time are often blurred. A vacation for a perfectionist is a laptop on your stomach in a sun lounger by the pool, when the working day is not canceled, but only shortened from the usual sixteen to twenty to a resort six to eight hours. They demand the same from their subordinates: to focus on achievements, understood as quantitative results, to often sacrifice their personal time for the benefit of the enterprise, to be always in touch and available, including during non-working hours.

Mature people usually don’t get along with perfectionist bosses and leave at the first opportunity, so where “excellent people” are in charge, there is staff turnover. But there remain those who in childhood were accustomed to constantly earning approval from their parents, but never grew out of it. The subordinates of a perfectionist boss are those who can easily be put in the position of a guilty schoolchild and reprimanded. An overbearing parental figure is very well projected onto a perfectionist, and this is exactly what they take advantage of.

Why is perfectionism dangerous?

Constantly missing deadlines

In his quest for perfection, a perfectionist achieves nothing . Such a seemingly close result constantly slips somewhere beyond the horizon. Now now, a little more, let's correct it here, check it again, make some changes and it will be top. Then new roughnesses appear, which the perfectionist cannot allow. Come on, the details would be important, but they’re not. It's all or nothing.

A perfectionist enjoys the revision process itself and can stretch it out indefinitely. He gets bogged down in details and drowns in them. Accordingly, nothing is accomplished. What hinders the matter is that he believes that the pursuit of perfection fully justifies missing deadlines. It is useless to prove anything. The opponent will answer in good faith that the matter is actually serious. It's better to do the work a little later than to blush later. And then a little later. The law “on time is better than twice right” is not recognized by perfectionists.

Unhealthy atmosphere in the team

Most perfectionists are born pedants and bores. They will spend hours explaining truisms to their subordinates, exposing them to revelations and valuable information. Then such characters will endlessly check how the work is going . And at the very end, when the employee has almost finished everything, they force him to redo everything. Sometimes more than once. The employee, of course, is furious. The icing on the cake can be a situation when a perfectionist, dissatisfied with the result of the work, begins to redo everything himself. “You can’t rely on anyone here,” he curses to himself. By the way, for this reason, nothing happens either.

Distrust on the part of a perfectionist is another trait for which the team does not like such leaders. I assigned a task - so go away and don’t interfere. Employees don't like it when they stand above their souls. A perfectionist can't do that. Having separated from the employee, he begins to think that he will certainly start working carelessly and will not show due responsibility. Or he remembers an “important” clarification that definitely needs to be conveyed to the employee.

Based on the above reasons, perfectionists do not know how to delegate authority . They focus on a lot of issues, including secondary ones. As a result, employees become slack and lose motivation. Why try if the boss will come running anyway and force you to redo everything? Or, in general, he will redo everything himself. Because he doesn't trust.

He doesn’t trust people, but he blames his employees for bad results. They didn’t hear it, they didn’t understand it right, and they didn’t try at all. It turns out to be a vicious circle.

A perfectionist is afraid of everything new and hinders the development of the company

He is confident that his knowledge and skills are perfect. External factors just get in the way. Not enough time, not enough resources or bad employees. There is no need to introduce new things, you just need to devote even more time and effort to the details, and then everything will work out. Another vicious circle. Albert Einstein said that if you do the same thing, it is stupid to expect different results . Perfectionists don't think so.

They apply the knowledge they received at university. By the way, there were perfectionists there too. While the rest of the students were happy with the C grades, the perfectionist, receiving 4 points, thought that he was not far from getting a two. And having received 5, I was still dissatisfied. There could have been a better answer.

For a business, failure to keep your nose to the wind can be fatal. Trends change constantly; those who follow them are on the horse. Even if a perfectionist risks introducing something new, it will take so much time that the new thing will become irrelevant.

A perfectionist exaggerates and demoralizes the team

Any problem is inflated to a global scale. Perfectionists are unable to tolerate failure and become irritated when things go wrong . Even if it's mere trifles. Often they urgently call a meeting and start with the fact that “we have a disaster!!!!” And then it turns out that we are talking about the fact that one of the couriers did not show up for work. And the employees were already preparing to quit or worse. A tax audit is on its way, at least. But it turned out - zilch. A common work question—happens to everyone.

But don’t even think about telling a perfectionist about this. For him, there are no unimportant problems - they are all critical . He may not see the forest for the trees and will simply accuse you of being irresponsible.

A perfectionist is constantly busy and does not act as a team leader.

Another consequence of chronic lack of time. No matter what issue his subordinates address, he always has no time. Absurd, but at the same time he can count sheets of paper in the printer. Suddenly the staff steals, there is no trust. And here you are meddling with your nonsense.

At the same time, a perfectionist will constantly complain that he does not have enough time . And it will be true. We have written enough about the reasons above.

This makes employees even more confused. They don't understand how to behave at all. You can’t take it and do it your own way without coordinating the work with your perfectionist boss. But you can’t get anything from him - he’s busy. It turns out that, instead of uniting the team, such a leader only disorients everyone.

An important point: perfectionists rarely have a good mood . This is because they are never satisfied. A good result does not satisfy such people, and perfection always eludes. This is fraught with health problems - both physical and spiritual. Perfectionists are more likely than others to experience professional burnout and more serious problems.