How to cope with the death of your mother? Losing a loved one is the most stressful factor of all. The death of a mother takes anyone by surprise and is experienced quite hard at any age, whether the child is five years old or fifty. It can take several years to get over such a shock, and if you don't pay enough attention to moving through the stages of grief, the consequences can remain an unhealed wound throughout your life.
It is quite normal that you will want to talk about your mother with everyone around you and quite often. Perhaps memories of your mother will emerge at inappropriate, strange moments that were not previously associated with her. When you feel such a desire to express your thoughts, do not lock it inside yourself. Admit that you are bored and need support. It may seem that people around you are indifferent to your tragedy because they do not want to discuss this topic. In fact, a person may be afraid of hurting you with inappropriate remarks or making you cry with some questions. It is precisely guided by concern for you and the low ability to tolerate the crying and suffering of others that people try to limit conversations on the topic of your loss or shake you out of your worries.
Expecting outside help can have the opposite effect, causing people to sincerely wish you well. Help them in this desire to choose the necessary form. When you want to tell something, ask to be nearby and listen, please note that this does not oblige the person to solve problems or lift your spirits, but simply to listen. When someone is too intrusive or rude in their desire to help, communicate your discomfort, ask not to interfere, or say that you will start a conversation when the need arises. With such people it is better not to discuss the loss of the person closest to you, so as not to get hurt even more; it is also good to arrange moments of silence for yourself.
To survive the death of your mother, do not be alone with your experiences and do not devalue them, even if there are no people around you who can adequately stay with you or give practical advice, you can turn to a psychotherapist, a priest or a person you like. How you live your feelings depends on your decisions and choices - help yourself survive the death of your mother by guiding those around you in their aspirations and looking for ways of coping that suit you.
What to do when your mother dies?
It’s clear that you don’t want anything during such a period. Although right now you need to do everything to make her feel how much you love her. If your mother dies, then while she is alive, shower her with tenderness. Try to spend more time together during this period. When your mother dies, you should think only about her, and not about yourself. She needs support during this difficult period. What to do when mom dies? It is necessary to fill her last months, weeks and days with joyful moments so that she understands how much you care about her. It is possible that this will help her spend more time in this world.
When a mother dies, it is useful to pray for her and light candles for her health. So it is possible that you will be able to extend her days with you. You can also invite a priest to advise your mother.
Allow yourself to be sad sometimes
So, let's imagine that a year and a half has passed since your mother died. You miss her a lot, especially when you go to visit your father. You're holding up pretty well. You can laugh and smile when you tell your children what your mother told you as a child. You can also play her favorite songs and sing as loud as she sang. You can even say that you are doing well.
But some days are harder than others. One day you may wake up and want to hear your mother's voice. You'll want to call her right away and hear her laugh. You want to laugh together. Your mother probably had the best sense of humor of anyone you've ever known, and you really need it.
How to live if a loved one has died? Advice from psychologists
What to do if your mother died? Death always takes you by surprise. The fact that a mother has died is difficult for a child to accept, regardless of whether he is ten years old or 50. It may even take a couple of years to realize what happened. After death, you will often remember your deceased mother. Moreover, memories will emerge at the most inopportune moment. During such a period, you will really need support. It is possible that you will miss her from people. But the point here is not indifference, but the fact that they are simply afraid of hurting your soul with their words.
Sometimes you can get the opposite effect by waiting for help. At the same time, in reality, people wanted the best for you. If your soul is heavy, then ask a close friend to just listen so that your soul will feel at least a little easier.
If your mother died, how to live on? We need to prepare ourselves for a future life without her. You should not be alone for a long time with your experiences and thoughts. There is no need to rush to quickly return to the life that was before the tragedy. First of all, you won't succeed. Since life has already changed after the death of the mother, and this fact cannot be ignored. Secondly, you need enough time to mourn. People need different amounts of time. After all, each person had his own relationship with his mother, and death can be different.
Therefore, in any case, give time to adapt. Then gradually return to activities and activities that bring you joy. Believe me, a mother would never want her death to end her child's normal life.
Denial and Anger
Stage 1 is based on fear, a person is afraid of what happened, does not know what and how will happen next, sometimes people can fall into numbness and become inadequate. They deny death, do not believe what happened. Distract them at this moment, force them to take care of the funeral and wake procedures, do not give them the opportunity to withdraw into themselves, do not leave them alone, talk to them. There is no need to calm and console, they still don’t perceive you, it won’t help them. A person at home comes across the things of the deceased, can hear her voice, see her in a dream, in a crowd - this is a normal reaction to grief, you should not be afraid of this.
This stage ends with the awareness of the death of a loved one, after which comes the next, stage 2 - anger and resentment: everything that happened is unfair, the feeling of hatred is projected onto the whole world. Why did this happen, for what? Why with her, with mom? Envy: why are others alive and walking to work, down the street, as if nothing had happened? It is not right! Emotions can be like a storm depending on how often and with what force a person splashes them out.
How to let go of mom?
Fill the time you spend with your mother with new activities. While you are still in the process of grieving, work on preserving the memory of your mother. Place her memorable little things and jewelry in a separate box, and write down in a notebook all those incidents that you remember now. Also during this period you can visit friends and relatives. Drink tea with them, for example, with your mother’s favorite pie, and have a heart-to-heart talk.
Pay attention to your physical condition
If my mother died, what should I do? You need to pay attention to your physical condition. Since grief is exhausting, plus the hassle associated with funerals and inheritance, negatively affects health. Watch your sleep, regardless of the circumstances, go to bed on time. Also, you should not be critical of your appearance during this period. It is better at such a time to take care of a balanced diet and cleanliness of the body.
If you are still crying for your mother, then carry a bottle of water with you. This way you will replenish lost fluid. In addition, thanks to the reflex mechanism, you will calm down a little. If we talk about alcohol, then you shouldn’t drink it. Since the effect will be short-term, the consequences can be serious.
Track your emotional state
If your mother died, how to live on? The following recommendations from specialists, which we will give below, will help you. Learn to monitor your emotional state to determine when feelings of sadness increase. Of course, this skill will not eliminate worries, but it will help make these moments less painful. For example, if you started crying in a hypermarket when you remembered that you went there with your mother, then next time go to the shopping floor with someone close so that he can support you.
Note that against the backdrop of emotional outbursts, a person may feel that his career is unpromising and his marriage is terrible. Be sure to write down all hasty conclusions in a notebook, and then check them over time for consistency, without neglecting the support of loved ones.
Bitter loss
Nothing can prepare a person for this terrible loss. Over the years, you may have many friends who have also lost their mothers. You will be sad for them, and they will be sad for you, because you all have one thing in common: you do not know how to come to terms with the death of your mother.
It doesn't matter what exactly is written in this article. Unless you have lost your mother, you will not fully understand the depth of grief. Pain hurts deeply and it hits you at random moments. One minute you'll be fine, and the next you'll be curled up on your bedroom floor in incredible mental pain. If you've lost your mother, you're probably sitting there nodding your head in agreement. And you still haven’t figured out how to survive your mother’s death.
Help from friends
In such a difficult period, turn to friends for help. For example, you and your girlfriend (or boyfriend) can sit silently on the balcony, wrapped in a blanket. For such conversations, choose really close people who can support and sympathize.
If there are no relatives nearby, turn to strangers. You will be surprised, but you will get a lot of support from them.
Do what you love
If sad thoughts appear in your head, you miss your mom, then you need to switch to something. A good option would be to do what you love. On the contrary, you can try something new. If you like to draw, then start creating for your own pleasure. Another good option is to start writing poetry (if, of course, you have the desire for this). The topics for creating them can be different. You can write poems about your dead mother, about how you let her go, that you love her.
If you were previously an active person, then you should not forget about such activities. Sign up for some training, for example, dancing. Swimming is a great activity for relaxing, improving physical health and freeing yourself from sad thoughts. If you do this with a close friend, the effect will be double.
Quiet activities are important too!
It is important to do something calm after the death of your mother. For example, you can keep a diary. In it you will write down your thoughts as you worry, as a result of which it will be easier for you to accept the fact that your mother has died.
You can also do meditation and yoga. These activities help free your mind and body from bad thoughts. It is also useful to be in the sun during this period. Sunlight and fresh air will never be unnecessary.
Reading is a great activity to take your mind off things. You can re-read books that you like. They will help you to be comforted. You can start reading educational literature, thanks to it you can learn something or learn something new.
Music also has a positive effect on the human condition. Listen to calm songs, but it’s better to avoid loud ones for a while.
And, probably, the best way to distract yourself is to help your neighbors. For example, you can buy groceries for your grandmother neighbor or clean the apartment. It is possible that an animal needs help on the street. Don't pass by, save him! Any option to help your neighbor will help your soul survive grief.
Stages of Grief
Each stage of a conventionally designated period of grief (usually limited to an annual cycle) is characterized by the experience of certain emotions, varying in intensity and duration of experience. During the entire indicated time, the severity of mental unrest may regularly return to a person, and it is also not at all necessary that the stages will be observed in exactly the given order.
Sometimes it may seem that a person, having achieved mental balance, has completely passed one or another phase, but this assumption is always wrong. It’s just that all people show their grief differently, and the demonstration of some “symptoms” of the classic picture of grief is simply not typical for them. In other cases, a person, on the contrary, can get stuck for a long time at stages that best suit his state of mind, or even return after a long time to an already passed stage and start the whole journey from the middle.
It is very important, especially for those whose mother died “in their arms,” that is, who experienced all the horror of the tragedy with direct participation, not to try to overcome their grief and not to “stay strong.” For at least another week after the funeral, a person should be away from the everyday bustle, immersed in his pain so much that after a while it begins to repress and outlive itself. It’s good if there is someone nearby who can tirelessly support and listen to the grieving person.
