How to live as a widower after the death of his wife. How to help a depressed man

Stage: Experiences - Depression

It most often affects those people who prefer to keep everything to themselves and not open up to people.
Such experiences drain their psyche, and soon they run out of strength to move on. A person stops believing that someday he will be able to survive this grief. As a result, this can lead to alienation. When a person keeps everything to himself and suppresses all feelings, reducing communication with family and friends to a minimum, this threatens with serious problems. At first, a woman does not think about how to get out of depression after the death of her husband, because she has not yet realized what happened. All this seems to her like an absurd dream that will soon end. It is during this period that the widow experiences a severe psychological blow and is in a state of shock. Gradually, she begins to experience the first bouts of hysteria and uncontrollable sobbing.

Young wives may begin to hate everyone around them. The widow feels that other people are unfairly happy with their significant other. How to get out of depression after the death of your husband, if everyone around you is enjoying life, is not an easy question.

An acute and overly violent reaction is gradually replaced by apathy. Mental pain turns into dull and aching. At this stage, the widow denies what happened, not wanting to come to terms with it. She surrounds herself with gifts, personal belongings and photographs of her husband, listens to audio recordings of his voice and watches home videos. At the same time, the woman becomes fixated on grief. She does not pay attention to what has nothing to do with her husband.

If the symptoms of depression in women do not go away for too long, then this already leads to harm to the body. Today, statistics show many cases of widows dying one or two years after saying goodbye to their spouse.

The vicissitudes of fate

It is always a great sorrow. There is no single rule in the world on how to deal with this misfortune. Everyone lives this moment individually.

It is impossible to come to terms with death. She does not accept bribes, does not look at title or status. It is the same for everyone. For rich and poor, for young and old, for famous and ordinary people. Death has no rules of the game. She comes and takes him to her place.

Different cultures and religions have their own special attitudes towards death. For some, this is liberation from worldly life, leaving for a better world. Others see it as a necessity for rebirth.

It is quite difficult to talk about this topic. But it’s even more difficult when you come face to face with death. The loss of loved ones, in my opinion, is one of the most powerful experiences in life.

The stages of depression after the death of a loved one

The first stage after the death of a loved one is denial of what happened. After this, the person realizes that he will never again be able to talk to the deceased, hug him, see him, or tell him about his feelings. Such thoughts prevent an adequate perception of reality and incoming information.

According to psychological research, depression caused by the death of a loved one is accompanied by various stages that alternately replace each other. Features include a lack of consistency and varying degrees of manifestation.

At first, the person refuses to believe what happened - even if everyone knew that this would happen (due to illness, old age). However, everyone, deep down in their souls, hopes that everything will work out, and after death they are not able to fully believe and understand that this happened. A person is so shocked by misfortune that he cannot accept this loss. The main reason for denial is fear of the future, of how to live on and cope with difficulties without a loved one.

Often, after an incident, a person loses the ability to adequately perceive the world around him and react to it. He ceases to realize who he is, where he lives, what happened. This short-term mental disorder is natural. A person in this condition needs help. You can't leave him alone.

This stage is very important, because thanks to it the psyche is protected, and the risk that a person will go crazy is reduced. After some time, this period gives way to awareness, and the second stage begins.

Even from such a difficult state there is a way out.

1. You should go through all the stages that were discussed earlier. You cannot isolate yourself and refuse the help of your family and loved ones. Accepting the death of a loved one requires significant effort and time, but no one is able to predict how long each of us will stay in this world. There is no need to close yourself off and isolate yourself from your loved ones - let your family help you. It is their support that will allow us to cope with this mental illness. There is no need to silently experience your grief - you should definitely cry and talk it out, after which relief will come.
2. When you can’t cope with depression on your own, you need to visit a doctor. He will show you how to deal with grief.
3. There is no need to be afraid that by starting life from scratch, you will betray the memory of the deceased. On the contrary, you will retain good memories of him, and he will remain in your soul forever. Continue to love and care for the loved ones around you.

How to help someone cope with the death of their mother

If you feel the need to help someone else cope with the death of their mother, but do not know how to act correctly, listen to the recommendations.

To kid

Has there been grief in the family? Don't try to push your child away, let him express his grief with you. Don't pretend that nothing happened and life can go on as usual - everyone needs time to process the loss. The emotional distress will not decrease, but the danger of deep fears that can lead to complex psychological difficulties will disappear. Surround your child with love, support and care.

Help your child:

• Share the grief among all family members
  . Accept mourning for everyone, including children. An exception may be preschoolers. Each family member will understand each other's experiences.
• The most difficult thing for an adult is to tell a child about the death of his mother
  . The mission should be entrusted to one of the relatives. If this is not possible, an adult who inspires confidence in the child should tell about the tragedy. Touch the baby at this moment: sit him on your lap, hug him.
• Give your child a feeling of love and support
  - he is not abandoned or rejected, he is loved and appreciated.
• The child should not feel guilty for the death of his mother
  .
• Don't try to persuade him to restrain himself, to keep it in his hands
  . Grief not experienced in time can return years later.
• Older children need solitude
  . Don't argue, don't impose company. This is a natural desire and behavior that helps them cope with the loss.
• Provide your child with physical care
  - help him with his homework, prepare lunch, make sure his things are clean. There is no need to sharply accustom him to new adult responsibilities.
• It is unnatural and dangerous for a baby to hold back tears; let him cry
  . If he doesn't want to do it, don't force him.
• In a moment of misfortune, distribute household responsibilities
  ; no one should be isolated from everyday affairs.
• Let your child share his fears
  . Talk softly about the loss, find out what is bothering him.

To a close relative

Coping with the death of your mother is not easy. Did a close relative experience this? Show him that he is not alone in his grief, he has support. He needs presence and participation - give it. Let me talk, discuss with him the feelings and experiences that have arisen. Let him know that you are there. Does he need physical care, is he unable to cope with household chores? Help him! Don't leave him alone with difficult thoughts. Spend time talking and walking.

To a friend or colleague

Have you learned that a friend or colleague is dealing with the death of their mother? You can help and ease the pain of loss. If we are talking about a colleague, discuss what happened with the team, adhere to the general strategy, and become a supporter for the employee. Do you see a need in a person to speak out? Do not deny him it, alternately enter into conversations with him, do not refuse attention. Do you see that the employee is not inclined to share what happened? Don’t put pressure on him, let him survive his mother’s death on his own. Pay attention to how it is easier for him to cope with the loss: by reducing the amount of work or loading himself with it. During the period of mourning, provide him with a comfortable pace.

Symptoms and signs

After the death of a loved one, the following symptoms of depression in women are observed:

1. Insomnia. A person cannot independently find a way out of a situation and make the right decision. The widow's thoughts are fragmentary, without a clear structure. This happens partly due to sleep disturbances.
2. Restricting access to your world to other people. Women often cut off contact with all relatives and acquaintances in order to protect themselves from annoying questions.
3. Guilt. The understanding that nothing can be returned creates a feeling of helplessness. At the same time, the widow hates herself and gradually begins to think about suicide.
4. Loss of appetite. As a rule, a person completely refuses food or takes it through force. Although sometimes there are opposite situations when women eat away their grief with sweets, which results in excess weight and new disorders.
5. Negative thoughts. Due to a depressed mood, there is no way to believe in a bright future and wait for everything to finally be fine. In this situation, people lose their optimistic attitude and expect only more troubles from fate. Often widows wonder how to live after the death of their husband, and, not knowing the answer, decide to follow their lover.

Treatment

A person may have difficulty overcoming depression due to the following circumstances:

• thanatophobia occurs
• pain from interruption of emotional connection,
• lack of feeling of security,
• strong confidence in one's guilt,
• resentment towards the person who left and left the grieving person,
• misunderstanding why this happened and the loved one is now gone.

Then you can’t cope without the help of a doctor. Psychotherapy sessions have proven themselves the most. However, in very advanced or profound conditions, medications may be prescribed, namely:

• antidepressants,
• neuroleptics,
• tranquilizers.

The doctor may also prescribe:

• vitamin therapy course,
• physiotherapy,
• nootropic drugs.

The doctor also advises to follow the correct daily routine and not break it.

Creation

An excellent way to relax and distract from bad thoughts is creativity. When depression sets in, you don’t have the strength to do anything, you just want to lie down and look at the ceiling, you need to remember your childhood or youth hobbies. It's never too late to pick up a camera or a brush again and do what you once loved.

During periods of depression, the advice of a psychologist plays an important role, because many people completely trust a specialist. A true professional can advise you to find something you like and don’t give it up. Over time, you will be able to achieve new successes, thanks to which negative thoughts and a depressive mood will fade into the background.

Charity

Another good answer to the question of how to live after the death of your husband is charity. Psychologists say that grief is perfectly cured by the misfortune of others. A person who finds himself in a difficult situation must necessarily encounter other people who also have problems that are large-scale for them.

If a woman nevertheless decides to get rid of her problem in this way, then she is recommended to visit various hospitals where there are incurable patients. When she sees with her own eyes the courage with which those around her endure their troubles, the widow will be able to feel ashamed of her own weakness, and then set herself the motivation to overcome the problems.

Humility

Humility is considered one of the most important stages of rehabilitation. It is from the moment of his arrival that the healing process begins. It allows you to accept the inevitable and still understand that death will eventually come to all people on the planet.

For some widows, religion helps them come to terms. It is she who teaches that inconsolability, grief and tears are not what the deceased would like to see. Letting him go does not mean stopping loving him, because you can keep the memory in your heart forever.

Going to church, regular conversations with clergy, as well as religious rituals of commemorating the deceased will have a calming effect on any woman.

How does it affect health?

Any nervous disorders do not pass without leaving a trace on our body, thereby affecting its health negatively. Prolonged depression is always accompanied by the following disorders:

• severe headaches, as well as pain in the heart and behind the sternum;
• blood pressure disorders;
• weakness, decreased ability to work;
• dizziness;
• panic attacks;
• weakening of the immune system;
• digestive system disorders;
• skin rashes;
• sexual problems.

Many men deny that these health problems are the result of depression or simply try not to notice them. However, the more difficult and longer the depression proceeds, the greater its negative impact will be, as a result of which you will have to undergo special treatment, based not only on taking sedatives. In addition, such disruptions in the proper functioning of the body can directly affect your lifestyle.

The most terrible test in life is death and the pain of loss.

This stage proceeds differently for everyone. People want to change jobs, change place of residence, make new acquaintances, but for some, the desire to start life from scratch arises after a year, while for others, after a few months.

As practice shows, it is impossible to fully prepare for the death of a loved one, even if he was sick, and such an outcome has already been determined by doctors. Such a loss usually results in serious emotional distress and depression. After this, the grieving person himself may, as it were, “fall out of life” for a long period of time.

Unfortunately, there is no quick way to get out of the depressed state provoked by the death of a loved one, but it is necessary to take measures to ensure that this misfortune does not result in a severe form of depression for you. As a rule, after the death of a close relative or friend, people begin to feel guilty, feeling that they did not do all the good for the deceased that he deserved. Many thoughts related to the deceased person scroll through the head, which causes general depression.

Divorce statistics and depression rates

Now comes the fun part. In society, most people tend to believe that men are the initiators of divorce, and women then suffer a severe blow after the breakup. However, it is not. Here's what the statistics say about this:

• more than half of divorces, namely 63%, were planned by the spouse;
• the age at which divorce most often occurs is 40-45 years;
• according to the reasons for divorce, the highest percentage was infidelity, alcohol, drug addiction;
• the peak of divorces occurs not among young people, as everyone might think, but among older people;
• the presence and number of children in a family does not affect the statistics of divorce proceedings; they are subject to the same dynamics as families without children or with one child.

Thus, divorce is not a pleasant event and men suffer from a breakup no less than women. The main problem of men is that they close themselves off, so the problem sits in their head and causes a lot of negativity and irritation. As a result, it does not give the opportunity to realize oneself after a divorce and brings a bunch of other troubles - health problems, at work, in communicating with friends. Therefore, if you do not see a way out and depression has entered a protracted stage, do not hesitate to contact a specialist who will draw up a special program for you to get out of a difficult stressful situation.

Emotions

During depression, you should not hide your feelings and suppress them. The natural release of all bad emotions will significantly alleviate the widow’s condition. After attacks of despair, tears and strong reproaches, it becomes much easier.

If you try to push anger, resentment and irritation inside, they will only intensify. Internal dissatisfaction will gradually increase, simultaneously destroying the personality and condition of the woman’s body.

In any case, you need to pull yourself together and survive the stage of suffering. It is an important part of the path to full recovery. But a drama that has not been suffered through can easily become a big obstacle on the road to moral and physical healing.

It’s very good when there is a person to whom you can talk without hesitation. It’s not that difficult to pour out your pain to an understanding person who has already experienced a similar misfortune.

Psychological state after abortion

After the procedure of removing the fetus from the uterine cavity, most patients at abortion clinics experience various psychological problems.

Losing a child is a serious trauma for any woman. Long waiting, planning, desirability, number of attempts to get pregnant, atmosphere in the family, circumstances that preceded the onset of pregnancy (long-awaited and not).

All this is an additional burden that drives a woman into depression as deeply as it is great. The main button for turning on a depressive state is the fact that we don’t talk about it.

Because now it’s not fashionable for a woman to complain.

Standard answers from uninterested outsiders:

• “So what, you’ll give birth again.”
• “You already have children, it’s for the best.”
• “Where should you give birth - you don’t have a husband/money/car/apartment/brains” - underline what is necessary.

Millions more similar cynical, heartless phrases could be added. Every word in them is a knife in the heart of a wounded soul. A defensive reaction kicks in: it’s better to remain silent.

The instability of the condition is aggravated by the failure of the hormonal balance in the body; the woman is “stormy” day and night. It takes you to extremes: from tears to hysterical laughter, from the need to forget yourself, to be alone, to an irresistible desire to never be left alone with your grief. In fact, even loved ones who supposedly want to help can cause harm with their overprotection.

How to cure depression

Sometimes depression does not go away, and a person becomes more and more immersed in his grief and experiences, suffering from melancholy, pain and memories. In this condition, urgent assistance from a specialist is required.

There are a number of symptoms to define complicated depression. If they are present, qualified medical assistance is required.

1. Melancholy and a depressed state accompany the patient for many months.
2. A person suffers from obsessive thoughts, hallucinations, and images of the deceased.
3. Refusal to accept real life as it is.
4. Addiction to alcoholic beverages, excessive use of psychotropic drugs.
5. Diligent avoidance of everything connected and related to the deceased.
6. The meaning of life is lost, a person lives in a state of emptiness and uncertainty.
7. Constant feeling of guilt.
8. Suicidal tendencies and attempts to commit suicide.
9. The person becomes inhibited and is no longer able to do usual activities.
10. The patient is firmly convinced that the deceased is actually alive.

Stages of Grief

Psychologists identify seven stages that allow you to come to terms with and understand what happened.

1. The first stage is called denial. The individual does not believe what happened and does not understand how to continue to live. He may begin to behave inappropriately. It is important that there are people nearby who could bring the grieving person out of his state, distract him, and make him think about others who are also experiencing the death of a loved one. There is no need to try to console him, he is now unable to accept your help. At this stage, the person is able to hear the voice of the deceased person, see him in the crowd, but this is all a reaction to what happened, and not a deviation in the psyche.
2. The second stage is the manifestation of anger. The person believes that what happened was unfair, does not understand why it happened to him, to his family, begins to show his anger towards people who are alive and well, calmly walking down the street, sitting on a bench, communicating, does not understand, why are they alive when his relative is no longer there?
3. The third stage is a feeling of guilt. A person begins to blame himself for not being attentive enough, behaving incorrectly, or spending little time. For some, this feeling persists throughout their lives.
4. The fourth stage is a state of depression. The individual no longer has the strength to hide his condition, his emotions. One feels completely exhausted and the person becomes unhappy.
5. The fifth stage is acceptance. The person finally realizes what exactly happened, the pain becomes less, and the depression slowly goes away. The realization comes that you can now let go of the situation and move on with your life.
6. The sixth stage is the period of revival. After the death of a loved one, an understanding comes that one needs to live on, accept new conditions, but at the same time the individual withdraws into himself and communicates little with other people. One gets the impression that he is constantly analyzing something. This period can even last up to two years or more.
7. The seventh stage describes the beginning of a new life. This is a period when the stages of grief are experienced, life is at a new level. Some individuals at this stage are trying to find new friends, change the environment, someone changes their place of residence, work, does everything to ensure that nothing reminds them of the past. For example, the realization may come that the death of her mother was a deliverance for her if the woman had been ill and suffered for a long time before this.

The problem is that not all people are able to go through the seven stages; sometimes they get stuck at the fourth stage, locked in their tragedy. In this situation, you need to contact a psychotherapist. A specialist will help you cope with the current situation and teach you how to overcome depression. A psychotherapist will help you overcome all stages of grief, maintain a healthy psyche, and prevent complications from developing.

The death of a father or mother literally deprives you of support; this is especially difficult for those people for whom family is the most valuable thing in life. For a person, a connection with his mother is the basis for a feeling of inner comfort.

Letter to my husband

When her husband suddenly leaves, a woman develops a feeling of unsaidness. The widow is tormented by her conscience and the thought that something remains unclear between the lovers. A woman experiences the death of her husband especially hard if there was a quarrel the day before.

Psychologists advise writing a letter to your husband. It needs to state everything that remains unsaid. Thoughts that have accumulated after the funeral should appear on paper.

In this letter, you must thank your husband for everything he has done. You should also tell him about your own feelings. If you wish, you can ask for forgiveness for all the insults caused during your life together.

Family support

When you have managed to survive all the terrible moments, it is time to return to your family. At this stage, you need to plunge into the lives of your children, helping them in everything. Thanks to this, the widow will understand her purpose in life.

Children need support just like their mother, because they too have lost a loved one. Mutual assistance will allow the family to unite and survive the irreparable together. Over time, worries about younger family members to whom you want to devote your life will distract you from sorrowful thoughts.

Antidepressants

Many people who do not know a way out of the situation turn to artificial help from medications. Antidepressants are quite strong drugs that can only be used under the supervision of a specialist. Many of them, of course, can be purchased at a pharmacy without a prescription from a psychotherapist, but still you should not use them without consultation.

Below are the best drugs for depression that are guaranteed to get rid of the problem. But to achieve a good result, you should coordinate their use with your doctor.

"Amitriptyline"

An excellent antidepressant can be purchased for just 100 rubles at the nearest pharmacy without a prescription. These pills help relieve depression and neurotic symptoms.

The drug is an excellent answer to the question of how to survive depression after the death of your husband. He is respected by psychotherapists and most of their patients. After taking the pills, side effects may appear, but they will pass quickly enough. It could be:

• dry mouth;
• constipation;
• dizziness;
• convulsions;
• tachycardia.

The course of taking the pills must be prescribed by the attending physician. If you follow all the recommendations of a specialist, then the question of how to get out of depression after the death of your husband will automatically disappear. An antidepressant in just a few weeks can lift a person out of the deepest depression and return him to normal life.