What is emotional intelligence, why is it needed and how to develop it

According to Talentsmart, 90% of successful managers have a high level of Emotional Quotient. Workers with high emotional intelligence earn on average $29,000 more per year than those with low levels of emotional intelligence. And while some psychologists and business coaches consider EQ to be the solution to all problems, others criticize the idea for being unscientific. We figured out the topic together with the author of the book “Emotional Intelligence. Russian practice" and EQ development coach Alena Aleshina.

Concept and history of the term

Emotional Quotient or EQ is the ability to express and manage your emotions, as well as understand the emotions, feelings, intentions and desires of other people.

At the turn of the XIX-XX centuries. The attention of researchers was focused on human mental abilities. Tests have been developed that measure the level of intelligence and express it in the form of a quantitative indicator. This is how the concept of IQ appeared. At that time it was believed that it was this that determined success in life.

In practice, it turned out that people with a high IQ did not always become successful, and those whose intelligence scores were average often built a dizzying career, had many friends and created a successful personal life. Later, researchers came to the conclusion that success is largely determined by another type of intelligence - emotional.

Charles Darwin spoke about the importance of emotions. In 1872, he published “The Expression of the Emotions in Men and Animals,” in which he described the role of emotional expression in adaptation and survival. The definition of Emotional Quotient was first used by Michael Beldock. In 1964 it appeared in his paper “Sensitivity to Emotional Expression in Three Forms of Communication.”

The heyday of EQ theory in America and Europe occurred in the late 1980s and early 1990s. Many studies have been devoted to this, and the first tests have been developed to assess the level of emotional intelligence.

For reference! You can read about what intelligence is in another article on our blog.

Development of abilities

If, using tests that help determine emotional intelligence and your own observations, it turns out that its level is lower than you would like, it’s time to resort to a technique that allows you to increase your EQ.

There are a lot of such concepts; they are intended for different circles of people, taking into account their individuality. The choice of methodology is the topic of an entire book, but a few useful tips will be suitable for any person, no matter who he is or what he does.

Listen to your body, especially in moments of intense passion.
Engage in emotional self-analysis, which will allow you to improve and better control your emotions.
Have a positive attitude towards any changes - everything is done for the better.
Take a creative approach to any task.
Observe the reactions of others towards you.
Listen first, and then speak, after thinking and weighing everything.

What is it for?

A more correct question would be: “Why is emotional intelligence so important?” It allows you to build long-term relationships with colleagues, friends, loved ones and family. After all, it is the communication skill that essentially determines how successful a person will be in life.

Daniel Kahneman, winner of the Nobel Prize in economics, found that people are willing to make less profitable deals for themselves if they like their partner. A charming salesman is able to sell more goods, even if they are useless or of insufficient quality. People with developed EQ have more opportunities by influencing other people.

A high level of EQ means that a person is able to recognize the mood of the interlocutor, notice his feelings and cope with his own emotional background. Such qualities allow you to establish connections, attract attention, promote trust and, as a result, occupy high positions that involve managing a team.

Interesting! The role of emotional intelligence is perfectly demonstrated in the TV series “The Big Bang Theory”. In it, the main characters are brilliant scientists, but they do not know how to behave in ordinary society, which is why they constantly find themselves in comical situations.

In addition to understanding and managing emotions, EQ contributes to the development of thinking. Scientists have proven that mood has a direct impact on thought processes. For example, positive emotions help you believe in yourself and even feel better on a physical level. And sadness and melancholy make you feel even those problems that don’t exist.

Books on emotional intelligence will help you dive deeper into the topic.

Self-control

Once you understand how your emotions work, begin to control them. A person who is able to manage emotions can control attacks of rage, anger, recognize external triggers, internal motives that lead to exaggerated reactions. He can do what best suits his needs.

One of the key ways to manage emotions is to change your attitude towards them. You've probably heard the advice that when you express anger, you should breathe deeply and count to 10. Of course, for a person experiencing severe depression and crushing anger, this advice is useless. However, a slight shock can help the psyche. If you feel sluggish, do some exercise. If you find yourself in an emotional trap, slap yourself to get out of it. Anything that slightly shocks the nervous system, disrupts the current state, can help.

Life hacker Adam Dachis recommends turning emotional energy into something productive. Hold crushing emotions inside only if there is no way to release them, but only for a moment. To alleviate the condition, playing sports is optimal: tennis, boxing, running...

Components of EQ

There are different methods for dividing emotional intelligence into its components. The Mayer-Salovey-Caruso model is considered the most accurate to date. It is also called the ability model. It has 4 components:

Perception is the ability to recognize the emotions of others, as well as your own.
Understanding is the ability to determine the cause of the appearance of certain emotions, their connection with a person’s thoughts, as well as predict certain states depending on external events.
Utilization is the unconscious ability to use your emotions to activate thinking, creativity, and motivation.
Management is the ability to pacify your emotions and direct them to achieve certain goals. It is also the ability to use emotions to guide one's behavior and decision making.

There is another model, which is called mixed. Its structure has 5 components:

Self-knowledge , i.e. identification of one’s emotions.
Self-regulation – self-control and impulse control.
Motivation is the desire to achieve goals.
Empathy is the ability to empathize and take into account the feelings of others when choosing behavior and making decisions.
Social skills are the ability to competently build relationships with people and encourage them to take certain actions.

Level of emotional intelligence

In everyday terms, only two levels of EQ can be distinguished. Let's consider what signs can be used to determine whether a person belongs to one of them.

High

The following can be said about a person with a high level of emotional intelligence:

He recognizes the emotions and feelings of others, reading them from facial expressions, gestures, voice, behavior, and also reading between the lines.
He is sincerely interested in the state of his interlocutor, knows how to empathize and makes attempts to provide help and support.
A person with a high level of EQ understands the nature of his own emotions, their cause, and character. She also knows how to find ways to pull herself together and cope with problematic conditions.
He knows how to refuse requests if they infringe on his interests and contradict his desires.
A person is aware of his positive and negative sides, and also tries to improve the former and minimize the harm from the latter.
A high level of EQ does not go along with perfectionism. Such a person does not depend on the opinions of others and does not seek to prove anything to anyone.

Short

How to recognize those whose emotional intelligence is poorly developed? They can be distinguished by the following characteristics:

People with an insufficient level of emotional intelligence get excited, are always ready to enter into a heated argument and demand from their interlocutor clear arguments for their words, actions, and decisions.
They lose hard and blame others for being too sensitive. They can provoke a conflict with their caustic words, and later shift the blame for the conflict to their opponent.
Low EQ makes it difficult to recognize the feelings of loved ones. The person does not see that the interlocutor is upset, confused, embarrassed and does not want to continue communication.
The role of the victim is familiar. It is customary to blame circumstances or people around you for all failures.
Humans are characterized by outbursts of uncontrollable aggression. He does not consider it necessary to restrain his emotions, even if they are inappropriate and cause discomfort to those close to him.
High susceptibility to depression.
The circle of contacts is usually not wide.

Social skills

It is almost impossible to summarize all social skills in one point. However, the previous 4 areas will help solve many social problems that a person may face. According to Goleman, social skills affect everything from work to personal life.

Social skills come in many forms and features. There's more to it than friendliness and wit. These skills include a wide range of abilities: from the ability to empathize and understand the thoughts of others, to the ability to be a good manager, a team member (in the office, in the game), who can perform at a high level.

A person masters these skills throughout his life - a child uses them in a children's group, an adult uses them in a working and social environment. You can improve any of them, but it takes time, effort, will, and patience. It's good to have a model who has the desired skills. You can train whenever you have the opportunity.

One form of social problem that should be highlighted is the resolution of differences. Here you can test all your skills in practice.

Identify your emotions, work with them

During a quarrel, feelings become more intense. Irritation is the first thing that needs to be addressed. Manage your own anxiety, then return to the problem. For example, in a work environment, it may be advisable to complain to a friend first before emailing your boss back. In personal relationships, remind your partner that he is important to you before you start an argument.

Find out what the problem is in a calm environment

Having calmed down, determine what is the subject of the conflict. Before making a decision, make sure that your opponent understands the essence of the problem. Offer a solution that benefits both sides, accept concessions that the other side is willing or unwilling to make (but stand your ground).

End the conflict in a friendly tone

Whether business or personal relationships, they work better when everyone involved understands the issue in the same way. If you can't end the conversation on a positive note, at least try to make your last attempt cooperative. Your boss, colleague, partner should know that you want to achieve the same goal, despite a different opinion.

EQ test

There are many different methods for assessing the level of emotional intelligence. I offer the most popular test.

You need to answer 30 questions and give yourself a grade for each answer.

Answer	Grade
Absolutely not	– 3
Most likely no	– 2
Partially no	– 1
Partially yes	+ 1
Probably yes	+ 2
Completely agree	+ 3

So, let's begin:

My actions are dictated by my emotions. In other words, thanks to any of my emotions (good and bad), I understand what to do at the moment.
Negative emotions give me the impetus to make changes in my life.
When I am under moral pressure, my condition remains unchanged.
I can track changes in my feelings.
I can remain confident and calm when necessary.
If necessary, I can be cheerful and look at things optimistically.
I always pay attention to my emotional state.
If I get upset, I can soon get back to normal without difficulty.
I can listen to the other person's complaints.
I take timely measures to get rid of destructive emotions.
I am able to empathize and empathize with the people around me.
Close people feel calm next to me.
I have the perseverance to overcome life's difficulties.
I love solving problems and tasks in an innovative and interesting way.
I am adequate to the moods and needs of other people.
If necessary, it is easy for me to enter a state of harmony.
I am able to analyze my negative emotions and reflect on them.
If I worry, it won't be for long.
I believe that awareness of emotions is important for good physical well-being.
I am able to recognize the feelings of others, even if they try to hide them.
I can guess emotions from facial expressions.
If it is important at the moment, then I can keep my emotions under control.
I recognize people's true desires even without words.
People around me think that I can empathize.
I am convinced that a person who understands the reasons for his emotions is able to manage his life and achieve success.
I know how to amuse and inspire people.
Close people come to me for advice regarding their personal lives.
It’s easy for me to put myself in another person’s shoes.
I am able to help close people understand themselves.
I don’t dwell on my experiences and deal with them quickly.

Now let's calculate the total score and look at the result:

more than 70 – high level;
from 40 to 69 – average;
less than 39 – low.

Don't despair if you're missing a few points. EQ can be developed. Next we will find out how to do this.

We have collected for you the best tests to determine your level of emotional intelligence. I invite you to come through. It will be interesting!

Self-awareness

Improving self-awareness is the first step to identifying any problems that beset a person. There are several ways to improve self-esteem.

Keep a diary

Experts recommend writing down emotions in a diary. Every evening, write down what happened to you, how you felt, what you did and how you did it. Review your diary regularly, write down any trends or overreactions you notice.

Ask others for their opinions

When it comes to self-perception, other people's opinions are invaluable. Ask people who know you well what they think your strengths and weaknesses are. Write down what they said, look for connections between information received from different sources.

Slow down (or meditate)

Without time to process emotions, they often spiral out of control. Next time you're about to react emotionally, try pausing (this will be much easier when communicating online). To slow down your brain and give it room to breathe, try meditation. Today there are many audiobooks online offering advice on meditation and auto-training.

How to Increase Emotional Intelligence

Step 1. Awareness

The very first thing you need to do to develop EQ is to learn to notice and recognize your emotions. To do this, experts suggest performing this exercise. Set a timer for 1 or 2 hour intervals. Once the signal is triggered, you should ask yourself two questions:

What am I doing?
What I feel?

For example, at 6 am you can answer: “I am having breakfast and feel sleepy.” By lunchtime you will say: “I listen to the boss and get angry.” After work, answer: “I’m watching a comedy - it’s very funny to me.”

This is a simple attention training. You don’t have to write anything down, but just understand your feelings and grasp the connection between external factors and emotions.

On a note! To prevent the timer from ringing at the wrong time, set it to vibrate.

Step 2. Self-control

Under the influence of strong emotions, people often take actions that they later regret. Scientists say that even the strongest emotional reaction tends to end within 12 minutes. On average, even 5–10 minutes is enough to calm down and not make a mess.

The development of emotional intelligence involves maintaining a pause between the appearance of an emotion and the subsequent reaction. For example, you become a participant in a heated argument and begin to feel that you are boiling. This is the moment when a negative emotion arises in you. Instead of immediately telling your opponent everything you think about him, pause:

breathe;
drink a glass of water;
wash your face;
walk down the street;
listen to your favorite song;
play a game on your smartphone;
watch the video, etc.

In other words, do something safe. Something that will distract your attention and help you calm down.

Step 3. Observation

Observe how events affect your emotions and how emerging emotions affect future events. Here's an example.

You woke up in a good mood and went to work. A disgruntled colleague met you at the office and made an annoying remark. You are upset. The whole day was spent in a bad mood: they were rude to a loved one over the phone, missed the regular bus in the evening, and returned home completely exhausted and unhappy.

If criticism or another unpleasant event unsettles you for a long time, prepare for yourself an “ambulance” that you can use in such situations. You can choose any item that suits you from the previous section or come up with something of your own.

Step 4. Develop empathy

Empathy refers to the ability to understand other people's feelings and emotions, which is an important component of emotional intelligence. To develop this quality in yourself, try practicing several exercises:

While on public transport, watch the passengers. What emotions do people around you experience? Take a look at one of them, try to guess what mood he is in now. You can even dream up and come up with what events contributed to this.
Watch some unfamiliar movie with the sound off. Watch the characters' facial expressions, their gestures, and body position in space to understand what they feel.
Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes. If someone doesn't behave the way we want, we get angry and irritated. But every action has its own reasons. Analyze what could prompt the interlocutor to be rude to you. Maybe he has problems in his family or difficulties at work? How would you behave in his place?

Another interesting way to develop empathy is to watch the series Lie to me. It was released in Russian box office under the title “Lie to Me.” The main character is a psychologist who analyzes the feelings of criminals based on their emotions. All the techniques that the hero of the film uses are real developments of the real scientist Paul Ekman, who acted as a consultant during filming.

If you want to seriously improve your EQ, I recommend watching trainings, programs and courses on developing emotional intelligence.

Issues

Disturbances in the development of emotional intelligence can occur for various reasons - psychological illnesses, childhood fears, physical health problems, nervous breakdowns, lack of knowledge. If the source of problems is not identified, they can develop into serious problems.

The main aspects of human life depend on the level of development of emotional intelligence. Individuals who have learned to control their feelings achieve great heights in self-development, careers, and relationships. To reach this level, you need to analyze your condition, learn to control desires, and live without temptations.